by Laura Abbot
Whenever Seth came into the room, her breath caught. No silly goose of a schoolgirl had ever been so addled by the sight of her beloved. The gentleness and respect he had shown her from their wedding night on caused her both gratitude and frustration. How often she had bitten back the endearments she longed to utter or paused in the act of touching him. In many ways, Alf still served as the bridge between them and, perhaps, equally as a buffer. She didn’t know how much longer she could live in this tension or how she and Seth could move beyond the logjam of their relationship. Yet she couldn’t force the issue. Doing so might tear the fragile fabric of the accommodation they had made with one another.
Scooping out the last bits of stringy pumpkin, she wondered if this coming weekend would be any different. Seth planned to take Alf and her to the ranch to see the improvements being made to the house. Sophie had seemed delighted that there would be another woman in the home, and Seth had commented to her how pleased his father was that she would be living there when Sophie married. If only she didn’t feel so guilty about leaving her father. Before she moved, she would have to make arrangements for a housekeeper. It would be strange not to be living with Papa. Only during the War Between the States, when he was serving in field hospitals, had they ever lived apart.
When she stepped outside to dump the pumpkin shell in the garbage heap, Alf came running over to her. “Go for a walk, Mama? I wanna see ’Vinia. I’ll tell her ’bout Papa and fishing.”
“I’m not sure she’s at home, Alf.”
He gripped her hand, “We can go see. C’mon.”
She laughed at his insistence. “In a moment, son. Let me freshen up.”
To Alf’s delight, Aunt Lavinia was indeed at home. While he rushed forward and hugged their hostess, Rose hung back, embarrassed that they had stopped by without notice. “I’m sure in St. Louis spontaneous calls are most irregular.”
Lavinia patted Alf’s head and then shooed him into the parlor where she kept some toys for him. “Ah, St. Louis. Yes, your servant would have delivered a note requesting to call. But here? Rose, I’m enjoying the informality. Besides,” she smiled, “I don’t have to worry about how I am dressed to receive. There is relief in that.”
Lavinia summoned Hannah, who went to the kitchen and brought back some tea and wafer-thin cookies. “Anything else, ma’am?”
“No, thank you, Hannah. Perhaps you would like to take young Alf out to the carriage house?”
“Horses?” Alf said from across the room.
“Bright boy.” Lavinia winked at Rose. “Go along with Hannah now.” When they had left the room, the older woman turned to Rose. “Since you’re here, I have several matters to discuss with you, dear. But first, how is marriage agreeing with you?”
What was there to say? That she didn’t know...might never know? “Our temporary living arrangement seems to be working well. We are still getting accustomed to being together. Building our family will take time.”
“Yes, such things do. You’ve undergone important changes lately. My counsel is patience and gratitude.” She set down her teacup with a sigh. “I fear I was too impatient in my life. Too critical. Water under the bridge. No sense living with regret. This time here in the Flint Hills has been a breath of fresh air. I will be leaving soon. I have already missed the beginning of the St. Louis social season, something that would have been unthinkable to me in the past. I did so want to see you and Alf settled before I depart, though. I take the train a week from today, but before I go, I still require your advice concerning the kitchen of my new Flint Hills home. Do you recall our conversation?”
“I do, and although I am no expert, I shall happily offer my opinion.”
“Good. You will not believe the progress Mr. Devane and his crew have made in a few short weeks. The house should be quite habitable by late spring. Could I pick you up this coming Monday? We can drop Alf off at Lily’s and proceed to the site.”
“I shall look forward to it.” Rose never ceased to marvel at the change that had come over Aunt Lavinia. Kansas appeared to have given her a new lease on life.
“Now there is another matter I wish to raise.” Lavinia picked up a cookie and nibbled daintily before continuing. “Your father.”
“My father? What about him?”
“Years ago, I believe I quite hurt his feelings. In my youthful folly, I did not think he was good enough for my sister, your mother. Over time, we have made our peace, and I do hope that my being here and engaging with the family after so many years has ameliorated any awkwardness between us.”
Rose had no idea where her aunt was heading. “I’m sure he is quite at peace about the matter.”
“I hope so. I have grown very fond of him. When I leave Cottonwood Falls, I would like to know he is well situated.”
“What do you mean?”
“In a few short weeks, you will be gone, dear. He will need tending.”
“I had thought to engage a housekeeper.”
Lavinia cocked an eyebrow. “Do you think that will be necessary?”
“Well, yes—”
Lavinia laughed a merry laugh. “Nonsense, child. Haven’t you seen what I’ve seen?”
Rose smiled. “Bess Stanton?”
“Bess Stanton.” Lavinia leaned forward in her chair. “I know Mathilda would approve, and it is clear Bess is devoted to your father. I suspect he cares a great deal for her. However, he may be uncomfortable confessing his feelings to you and Lily. I think we must help him along.”
“I had no idea you were such a matchmaker, Aunt Lavinia.”
“Not I, you. As Ezra’s sister-in-law, it is not my place to insert my judgments into his life. But you? Ask him about Bess, Rose. That makes infinitely more sense than a...housekeeper.”
Rose could hardly keep from chuckling. Lavinia made housekeeper seem like the last role on earth any woman would want to play. “Lily and I have discussed their relationship,” she confessed. “We both see how happy and content they are with one another.”
“He’s waiting for you to approve.”
As she thought about it, Rose had to agree—that’s exactly what was going on. Her dear papa was putting his daughters’ welfare first as he had done all his life. It was his turn now. “I hadn’t thought of it quite that way, but you are right.”
“Talk to him. Soon.”
Rose was moved by the depth of her aunt’s concern. “I will. Maybe even tonight. Thank you for reminding me of what I should have seen all along. I will miss you when you leave, just as Alf and all the rest of us will.”
“Until the lilacs bloom, my dear niece. Until then.”
Lavinia’s words echoed in Rose’s heart all the way home. The shadows had lengthened and a golden autumn glow touched the leaves and splayed across the road. If she couldn’t smooth her own life in the way of love, surely she could pave her father’s.
It was not until after putting Alf to bed that she had occasion to sit with her father at the kitchen table. He was compiling a list of medications to order from the supply house in Kansas City. She darned socks, watching him scrawl the names of various remedies on the paper in front of him. She studied his wrinkled face and balding head, grateful for all the love and guidance he had provided. Losing her mother had devastated her. How much more must Papa have suffered? Yet through everything, he had been a wise and loving force in her life. It was a very good God who had sent him as admirable a woman as Bess. She set aside the darning egg and laid a hand on his, stilling his movement. “Papa, could I ask you something?”
“Of course, my dear, anything.”
“Are you in love with Bess?”
He stared at her, as if divining if she was serious. “What makes you ask such a thing?”
She screwed up her courage. “Bess is a wonderful woman and a genuine friend to me. Through some har
d times, she has been here with us, often working quietly behind the scenes. I am extraordinarily fond of her.” He opened his mouth to speak, but she went right on. “I have watched the two of you together, sharing moments of laughter and friendship. I have seen the way you look at one another. Papa, one must never turn one’s back on love.” A fleeting grimace crossed her face. She should take her own advice. “All I’m trying to say is that if you and Bess were to marry, Lily and I would rejoice with you.”
“You would?” The man seemed genuinely shocked. “But what about your mother—”
“Mother would be the first to shake her finger in your face and say, ‘Ezra, you fool. Would you turn your back on love? Life is for the living.’”
He shook his head in wonder. “My Mathilda would say that, wouldn’t she?” For a few moments he seemed lost in memory.
“Lily and I know how much you loved our mother. We also know that God has given you a rare second chance.”
He swept one hand across his eyes, then gazed into hers. “Thank you, Rose.”
Rose beamed. “You haven’t yet answered my question, Papa.”
The answer when it came was firm and sure. “Yes, dear daughter, I am in love with my generous and beautiful Bess.”
Rose could hardly wait to tell Seth. And Lily. How odd. Spontaneously she had wanted to tell Seth the news, even before considering her own sister. That’s the nature of marriage, she realized. Please, God, help Seth and me to make love, rather than convenience or even friendship, the anchor of our marriage.
Chapter Seventeen
After church the following Sunday, Andrew and Sophie went directly home while Seth gathered Alf and Rose and set out behind them in Ezra’s borrowed buggy. The day was chilly but clear. The leaves barely clinging to the trees foretold the onset of winter. “I want you two to see the progress we’ve made on the house addition. I’m hoping to enclose it before the blizzards blow.”
Alf jiggled with excitement. “I’ll live with you one day, Papa Sett? Me and Mama at your house, right?”
Seth put an arm around the boy. “One day soon, son.” He caught Rose’s eye. “Will you mind being so far from town?”
“I like the countryside. I had been worried about Papa, but no more.”
“Oh?
“I think very soon he will propose to Bess Stanton, and I do believe she will accept.”
“I shouldn’t be surprised. That match should ease your mind.”
“It does.”
Seth had wondered how Rose would deal with leaving Ezra and was relieved to hear such a practical, even romantic solution was at hand. If it was within his power, he wanted this upcoming move to go smoothly. Sophie and Pa were looking forward to the liveliness Alf would bring to the ranch, and Sophie had indicated she didn’t mind at all sharing household duties, especially the cooking. Already on the weekends, he was the beneficiary of Rose’s culinary talents. A lifetime of her food was a pleasant prospect.
“How are things on the ranch?” Rose asked.
“We’re busy making plans for next spring, which pastures to use, whether we’ll need to buy extra stock, ways to keep rustlers at bay.”
Rose’s eyes widened. “Rustlers? Is that a concern?”
“You never know. Open range like this, all kinds of folks drift through, some unfortunately up to no good. Once we’re living at the ranch, I want to teach you how to use a shotgun. Sophie can shoot better than some men. I don’t anticipate trouble, but it’s best to be prepared just in case.”
“I’d never thought...” She let her words die away.
He bit back an oath. More fool he. He’d frightened her just when he had hoped to impress her. He laid his gloved hand on hers. “I didn’t mean to alarm you, Rose. Nobody’s ever bothered the house, and I don’t think they will, but I’d be a sorry excuse for a husband if I didn’t do everything I can to secure your safety. And Alf’s.”
She clasped his hand. “I understand.”
Nothing more was said during the last mile before home. Seth had noticed in the last couple of weeks that Rose seemed more reserved with him. Not rude, no. Just...drawn into herself. Before, he’d always been able to talk freely with her. In fact, he’d looked forward to their conversations. She had a way of putting him at ease, even of making him feel good about himself. His mother had had that knack, too, always calling him her good big boy and even on her deathbed, trusting him to hold tiny Sophie.
Mama would’ve liked Rose. He wanted to be the kind of husband to her that his father had been to his mother. Yet Rose’s reticence concerned him. Had he presumed too much by asking her to marry him? Was she regretting her decision? Looking out for Alf was one thing, but a lifetime partnership must seem quite another.
“The house. I see it.” Alf pointed. “Maybe I’ll see horses, too, Papa Sett? Patches and those other ones?”
“We should have time for that after I show you and your mama the new room.”
When they walked from the barn to the house, Rose clutched his arm. “It’s lovely out here, Seth. The house, the gardens, the views. Really lovely.”
Alf had scampered on ahead, but now stopped in his tracks. “The new room...I spy it.”
Seth led them to the construction site. The walls and roof were framed and some of the stonework was visible. “It’s so big,” Rose exclaimed. “And, oh, the window will overlook the flower garden.” She whirled around. “You’ve thought of everything, even the luxury of a fireplace.”
He put an arm around her waist. “I can’t have my wife getting cold. Look there.” He pointed to a small alcove off the room. “Alf will sleep in my old room, but this may someday hold a cradle.”
How had that thought escaped his lips? He didn’t dare turn to observe her reaction. Goliath had put his foot in his mouth once again. Instead of taking the bull by the horns, he needed to step back and let God work in their lives. One day, he prayed Rose would know how important she’d become to him.
“You’re sure Sophie and your father will welcome our being here?”
“Welcome it? Come along with me and hear for yourself. They can’t wait to have you and Alf here. Sophie is almost regretting leaving soon to marry Charlie. She’s never had another woman in the house, you know, and she’s looking forward to it and happy it’s you.”
Blushing, Rose looked up at him. “I’m glad,” she said, before making one more inspection of the room.
Dinner went well, and surely Rose could tell from the lively conversation how much a part of all of them she was. Sophie had showed her where her name had already been inscribed in the family Bible. Now Pa settled with Alf to play checkers, so Seth approached Rose. “Would you favor a walk with me?”
She nodded and fetched her cloak. He shrugged into his coat and put on his hat as they went out the door. He searched the sky. The sun was low and wisps of clouds floated above the horizon. “I’ll need to take you home soon.”
“It will be good to stretch my legs before the buggy ride to town.”
Arm in arm they strolled away from the house and up a small rise overlooking the ranch buildings. He wanted to ask her if she’d made a mistake throwing her lot in with him, but the words stuck in his throat, somehow seeming inappropriate. After the fact. If she had regrets, would she admit to them and would he even want to know? Their old ease with one another had vanished in the awkwardness of finding themselves suddenly man and wife. He thought about kissing her, showing her in a gesture how he felt about her. But if she rebuffed him?
At the top of the rise, he circled her waist and drew her close. “Are you disappointed that we won’t have a home of our own?”
“Seth?” She seemed genuinely puzzled by the question. “It is not the building that makes a home, but the people within. I am so fond of your father and sister. And with Alf, you and I will make a home wherever
we are.”
“If you do want a new home one day, I will make it happen for you.”
“I can’t imagine a more pleasant house than the one Alf and I are moving into.”
“Good.” That one word was the last he felt capable of uttering. For the life of him, he couldn’t grasp where the conversation could go from here. If not totally content, Rose seemed able to abide the prospect of a future with him. At this point, what more could he ask?
“I went to see Parson Dooley before we were married.”
He drew in his breath, surprised and anxious.
“I confessed to him about my anger with God when Alf went missing. About how fulfilled I felt being someone’s mother, and then how dashed I was to have that gift withdrawn.” She turned to face him. “I was wrong to think God had tricked me or abandoned me. Our Alf has been restored to us, and you have generously taken us both on. I know marriage may not have been anything you’d even thought about, with me or anyone else, but I shall be eternally grateful that God moved you to offer yourself to Alf and me.” She laid her hands on his chest and sought his eyes. “There. I needed to tell you what a fine man you are. I shall try always to honor your sacrifice by being a worthy wife.”
“Sacrifice? That’s what you think?” He stifled a bitter chuckle. She’d made a bargain with God. That was all. She’d said not one word about the possibility of loving him. A rare melancholy clouded his heart. “God’s ways are more than mysterious, Rose. Sometimes they’re downright confounding, but here’s the thing—for better or worse, He’s brought us to this place in our lives. All we can do is set forth in faith doing the best we can.”
“In faith,” she echoed. “In faith.”