by A. M. Arthur
It was three years ago, but the sound of shattering glass still sends me back to that shower.
The food was hot and ready when I picked it up, and it took me another ten minutes to get to the hospital. I texted Jeremy that I was there, and he told me which waiting room to find. I barely had time to put the food down before he wrapped me in his arms with a sigh.
“Man, this is exactly what I needed,” he said, breath tickling my ear. “I’ve never seen a woman go through labor before.”
“Join the club.”
Jeremy chuckled as he let me go. We settled in a pair of chairs with sodas from a vending machine and our cartons of food. As soon as Jeremy saw his massive burger, he said, “You really are the perfect partner. This is exactly what I was craving.”
My cheeks warmed from the praise—not only because I still have a hard time accepting compliments graciously (eight years of being Fuck-up Cole was hard conditioning to unlearn), but also because he’d said it loudly and we weren’t alone in the waiting room. I ignored the other people, though, and focused on my sandwich, which had layers of real, roasted turkey, not deli slices. Crunchy bacon and creamy mayo.
Before I met Jeremy, food was fuel to get me through the day. Now, cooking with him almost every day, I saw food as something interesting and fun. Something to explore and enjoy. So many things in my life had changed because we’d met one cold December morning on that frozen, hoarded piece of land.
“Cole?” Jeremy snapped his fingers. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, I got lost in my head. Did you ask me something?”
“I asked what you got into this afternoon. Did you make progress on your bench?”
“Not really.” I didn’t want to blame him or Bethann for losing my inspiration. “I ended up reading most of the day.”
“Same. Bethann’s room has a TV but the channels are limited, so I mostly read on my tablet. Glad I had it in my van when Suzy called.”
“I didn’t even ask. Were you able to make your delivery today?”
“Yeah, I was just finishing up with Mr. Euall, so the timing worked out just fine.”
“I’m glad.” Jeremy popped a fry into my mouth, so I offered him a piece of bacon. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about Mrs. Connor’s call and the offer on the property, but it wasn’t a done deal. The first sale had fallen through, and I was scared to jinx this one. I needed to unload that albatross so I could truly move forward with my life. I’d just surprise Jeremy with the signed documents later.
We finished our meals without much more chatter, and I dumped our containers in the nearest trash can. People came and went, both civilians and employees. Now that the food was no longer directly in front of me, the sterile hospital smells crept into my nose and skin. Reminding me of my last stay and why. With my dinner delivery done, I wanted to go home and escape the smells. But Jeremy still looked wound-up, so I kept my butt in my chair and tried not to fidget.
We sat together for a while, not really talking, letting the food settle. Jeremy got a text. “Meredith,” he said. “Everything went smooth, store is closed and locked.”
Wow, it’s past six already?
“She doesn’t usually text you when she closes, does she?” I asked.
“Nah, but I probably sounded like a basket case when I called and said I was heading to the hospital.” Another text. “Shit.”
“What?”
“I have no idea how late I’ll be here tonight, and I need someone to open the store. Meredith is singing with her church choir in the morning and can’t be there until one. I guess you can put a sign up saying we’re opening late.”
“I can open the store.” Even as I volunteered, my gut cramped with anxiety. I’d helped out in the store before, and I knew how to work the cash register, but always with Jeremy there. The only thing I didn’t know was the code to the safe where he kept the cash till. “I mean, if you trust me to, obviously.”
“Of course, I trust you. Are you sure, though? Sunday mornings aren’t typically super-busy, but you’ll likely have some customers.”
Nothing in Jeremy’s dark eyes suggested he doubted my ability to open and run the store for two hours. He was simply taking care with my anxiety and preference to stay in the background. Be as anonymous as possible. Trying to be loud and noticeable back in college had landed me in Martin’s crosshairs.
“I’m sure I can manage,” I replied, “but if you’d rather I hang a sign, that’s fine.”
“No, you can open the store. I’ll text you the safe’s code. And who knows? Maybe Bethann will pop the kid out earlier than expected, and I’ll be awake enough to open myself.”
The last comment was probably supposed to be humorous, but it felt a tiny bit like he still didn’t trust me to open the store right. All I had to do was put the till in the register drawer, boot up the credit card reader, and unlock the front door. “I’ll plan on opening the store.”
“Great, thank you. I’ll text Meredith to expect to see you when she comes in. Oh, and if someone wants to negotiate on a price, no more than ten percent down without calling me first. Same rule with Meredith.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t entirely comfortable negotiating any of Jeremy’s prices but having that bit of wiggle room helped. After all the things he’d done for me since we met, I needed to do this for Jeremy. Show him I could be an asset to his business in more ways than just consigning a few upcycled projects. Show myself, too.
Jeremy sent the proper texts then pocketed his cell. “I should check back in with Bethann. Suzy needs to go home to her kids soon, anyway.”
“Right.” I wasn’t sure if that was an invitation to go with him—probably not—or a polite way of suggesting I go home, too. “Do you need me to do anything else for you?”
“You bringing me dinner and sitting for a while is exactly what I needed. Thank you.”
“Of course. We take care of each other.”
“Yeah, we do.” He glanced around but the only person nearby was a gray-haired woman knitting something green. Jeremy pressed a quick, gentle kiss to my lips. “You’re the best.”
“You’re biased. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay a while longer?”
“Nah, go home. Once Suzy leaves, Bethann won’t want me out of her sight. You’d be out here alone. But thank you for offering. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Okay.” Relief over getting out of there clashed with disappointment over being sent away. I hated the hospital but wanted to be there for Jeremy.
I hugged him goodbye and watched him disappear down the corridor, my heart oddly torn. I knew why Bethann hadn’t invited me to be part of the birth. She was Jeremy’s best friend, but we mostly tolerated each other. Making nice because of our shared love for Jeremy. But part of me still resented her for claiming Jeremy was her baby’s father back when the pregnancy first came out, and for having romantic feelings for my boyfriend.
Still, Jeremy was experiencing something profound tonight, and I was outside it, instead of by his side. And on a deep-down gut level, that kind of hurt.
2
JEREMY
Despite going to several birthing classes with Bethann this summer, not a single thing prepared me for the actual event itself—especially not this early. We both thought we’d have more time but the baby had other ideas, and I’d just spent the last five hours doing everything I could to reassure Bethann they’d both be okay.
Cole coming by with dinner was exactly the respite from stress I needed. My beautiful Cole Alston, with his hazel eyes and blond hair with bits of gray at his temples. Gray so young, but he’d lived so hard for a damned decade. Every time Cole revealed a new snippet of his life with Martin Palone, I marveled at Cole’s inner strength. A kind of soul-deep strength that helped him escape, was helping him heal, and allowed him to love a plain old guy like me.
His discomfort over being in the hospital telegraphed in the tiny things he did without realizing it. Things I’d become attuned to. F
ingertip twitches. Eyes cutting at every person who walked nearby. A tightness in his shoulders that never relaxed, even when we hugged. My Cole was in a place he hated because he loved me, and I was so proud of him for staying for as long as he did.
I was even prouder of him for offering to open the store tomorrow if I wasn’t able. Stepping way outside of his comfort zone to help my business for the second time. The first time had been back in February, when he accompanied me on a pick at an old, rural farm that reminded him a lot of the clutter he’d grown up around. Cole had steeled his spine and assisted me for as long as he could stand before taking a break.
Then my dumb ass had crawled up into a decrepit old hayloft, fallen through the floor, and fractured my arm.
Fun times.
The landowner, Arthur Tisdale, had passed away from lung cancer complications back in May, and his family had invited me back to pick the property a second time. I’d gone without Cole and with a lot more sense about where to climb. The pick had netted me all kinds of rusty gold and antique items for the shop, as well as for my regular clients and potential online sales. Most of it was still stored in my garage, waiting its turn to be sorted through.
I never did find those railroad lanterns Arthur had insisted existed somewhere on his property.
As much as I would have preferred sitting in the waiting room all night with Cole, Cole was stressed and needed to leave—even if he’d never admit it out loud. So I found my balls and sent him home, and then I walked away first because I knew he wouldn’t. Turning my back on him made my heart ache, but I was determined to go home to him at some point tonight. Ever since we declared our mutual love back in February during a freak blizzard, we’d slept in the same bed every single night.
I’d had a bad chest cold back in April and was hacking up my lungs every ten minutes, and I had volunteered to sleep in the guest room. Cole insisted we stay together so he could rub Vicks on my chest and make sure I was always warm enough.
The door to Bethann’s room was three-quarters shut, so I slipped inside through the narrow opening. A commercial for some kind of life insurance policy was on the TV, which suggested Suzy had changed the channel to one that played lots of reruns of shows from the 1960’s, like Father Knows Best and The Andy Griffith Show. She loved those old shows. Bethann tolerated them but I didn’t much care for them. They were just so…sanitized. Nothing like real life and all its ugliness.
Bethann was dozing in the bed so I sat quietly in the chair next to Suzy. I’d left my tablet on the windowsill behind me but didn’t reach for it right away. Suzy was a shorter, curvier version of Bethann, with wild curly hair and a sweet personality. She was also a lifetime waitress and mother of four, and she didn’t take shit from anyone.
“You have a good dinner?” Suzy whispered.
“Yeah, Cole brought me a cheeseburger and fries. Lots of carbs to get me through the night.”
“Good luck with that. I gotta pick up my kinds from my mama’s house. When Beth wakes up, tell her I said I love her. Text me what’s what.”
“I will. Bye, Suzy.”
She collected the large tote bag that passed for her purse—with four kids, she always said, she had to be prepared for anything—and left. A small amount of tension left with her. Bethann liked to act thick-skinned and tough around everyone else, especially now that she was a single mom who refused to name the dad, but she let her guard down with me. Not only had she been my best friend for the last umpteen years, she’d also been my sister-in-law once.
I’d married her little sister Lulu many years ago, and when Lulu died I thought I’d follow her along from a broken heart. In a short period of time, I’d lost my parents, my own little sister, and then my wife. If I hadn’t had Bethann, I wouldn’t be alive today. Wouldn’t be here to love my Cole.
I changed the channel back to a cable channel showing a movie I’d seen before so I hadn’t missed much of the plot. Bethann stirred, then woke for a contraction, and I talked her through it.
“This is so fucking exhausting,” Bethann grumped once it had passed, and she’d relaxed against the pillow. “I will never understand why women do this more than once.”
“Me either, but you’re doing good.” I dabbed her sweaty forehead with a tissue. “Suzy sends her love but she had to go pick up her kids. You get dinner?”
“Yeah, while you were gone. Bet yours was better than mine. Jello-O and ice chips. Ugh, I want food.”
Instead of agreeing about my meal, I said, “Cole sends his best. He’s going to open the shop for me tomorrow if I’m not able.”
Her eyebrows arched. “Really? By himself?”
“Yup. He volunteered, too. I said we could just open late but he insisted.” Pride welled in my chest again. “He’s testing his comfort zones.”
“Good for him.” Her even tone wasn’t testy but it also wasn’t entirely supportive.
More than five months after Bethann falsely named me the baby’s daddy and pissed Cole off royally, and the pair was still…coexisting was the best word for it. I really wanted them to be friends one day, because I loved them both so much. But most days the pair was like oil and water and refused to gel.
I’d done my damnedest to split my time between the two. Cultivating my still-growing relationship with Cole, while making sure Bethann was taking care of herself and the baby. She’d planned to work right up until she gave birth, because she had no other source of income, and being on her feet for long shifts at the Sow’s Ear wasn’t easy on anyone, much less a pregnant woman.
“I don’t suppose Cole brought any juicy gossip with him, did he?” Bethann asked. “I’m so fucking bored.”
“Nah, you know he’s not a gossip.” Cole much preferred being on our property—whether it was in the store, the house, or the workshop—to wandering around town, unless he had errands to run. And even then, he didn’t dawdle. He walked into Food Mart with a list, got his things, and went home. He also mailed packages for me sometimes, and even though the post office was where a lot of the older ladies in town hung out to gab, he never came home with town gossip to share.
“Cole is seriously about as interesting as a loaf of white bread.”
I frowned, annoyed and uncertain if I should let the comment pass because she was in pain and scared, or if I should defend my boyfriend. In the end, Cole was my first priority. “I know you guys don’t like each other, but please respect the fact that I love him.”
She scrubbed one hand through her messy blond hair. “I’m sorry, Remy. I do respect it, I just don’t get it, I guess.”
“Because he’s a man?”
“No, I totally get that you’re bi and what it means, and I’ve accepted that. Maybe he’s only boring around me.”
“Cole is boring around almost everyone, because he’s had a hard life and had his trust broken more than once. He’s not as guarded around me, so I get to see the real Cole. The vulnerable, artistic, humorous Cole. One day, I hope the rest of the world gets to see that Cole, too.”
The brackets around Bethann’s eyes smoothed out, and she almost smiled. “He’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m lucky to have him, too.” I squeezed her hand. “And you, too, my very best friend.”
“Same.”
For a few weeks after Bethann finally told everyone I wasn’t her baby’s father and that we’d never slept together, I wasn’t entirely sure my friendship with her would ever be the same. She’d admitted to having romantic feelings for me for years, which had stunted her attempts at dating other men. But despite one drunken New Year’s Eve kiss, I simply wasn’t attracted to Bethann. Never had been. It had taken several long, intense conversations for me to believe she was going to put those feelings away and focus on finding a good guy who wanted her back.
After the baby was born, of course.
We both napped when could but as the hours passed, the contractions got closer together. Around eleven-thirty, just when I didn’t think I could hold Bethann’s
hand through another one without a finger dislocating, the doctor finally announced she was fully dilated and it was time to push. I kept my eyes on Bethann’s face out of respect for all her private bits that were on display, and I did my best to coach her. Offer encouraging words, tell her how proud I was of her, how strong she was.
Then it was over and a baby was screaming. Bethann herself burst into tears, and I comforted her while they cleaned up the newborn. “You’ve got a beautiful little girl,” the doctor said. “Time of birth 11:42 p.m..”
“A girl.” Bethann sobbed once.
My own heart squeezed with affection for the squirming bundle that the nurse brought over. “You can have a few minutes to bond with her, but we do need to get her to the Neonatal Unit for an evaluation.”
“No. I’m not sure if I’m keeping her, and she needs to be checked out. Please, take her.”
The nurse glanced at me, and I shrugged. This was Bethann’s call, and I wasn’t going to argue with her in front of other people. I did lean over the bed and get a proper look at the tiny baby’s face. Her eyes were bright blue, like her mother’s, and I hoped they stayed that way. As much as I wanted to hold Bethann’s baby, I also didn’t want to bond with her if her momma wasn’t going to keep her.
The nurse placed the baby in an incubator, and then Baby Quinn was gone. I gave Bethann and the doc privacy for the afterbirth stuff, and moved to the far side of the room to text Cole the news. After a few minutes and no response, I assumed Cole had fallen asleep, which was fine. He’d see the text in the morning.
I missed the conversation between Bethann and her doctor, but she filled me in after he left. “I’ll go home sometime tomorrow morning,” she said. “They’ll probably keep the baby for a week, maybe two. Depends on how developed her lungs are but he didn’t seem overly concerned.”
“That’s good. Not overly concerned is great news.”