by Leddy Harper
I removed my hands from my face and took in a deep breath. There really was no way to pinpoint when things had gone wrong. No matter how much I thought about things, I still couldn’t decipher when the turning point was. All I knew was that I lost a piece of her after every bad thing that had happened, and there was no way of getting that back. I had lost pieces of myself as well and never thought I’d see them again, until Eden. It didn’t matter how much I wanted our high school relationship back, it was never going to happen. And that’s when I realized something. I was holding on to those pieces of her that had long been gone. I was just waiting around for the impossible to happen.
My phone buzzed with an incoming text. I looked down and noticed it was from Eden. Her timing was impeccable. She simply asked if everything was okay. It may have been a simple question, but to me, it meant everything. Instead of responding, I stood up and headed for the door. I was going to see her. I no longer had to make the decision, Gabi made it for me.
I opened the door to leave but was stopped in my tracks. Across the hall, crouched next to her suitcase against the wall was Gabi.
Gabi picked her head up as soon as the door opened. She looked so tired and sad.
“I have nowhere to go,” she said in a depressed tone.
I didn’t say anything, only opened the door wide and helped her bring her suitcase in. She seemed defeated as she walked inside. I took her bag to the bedroom and put it on the bed before unzipping it and removing everything she haphazardly threw in it.
“Did you want me to leave?” I asked.
I waited nervously for her reply. After thinking she had left, I couldn’t deny the part of me that wanted her to say yes. I wanted her to tell me to leave, to give me permission to walk away. But the look on her face and the sound of her voice when I found her out in the hallway made me want to stay. The thought of leaving while she felt so down and looked so lost ate at me. I was literally at her mercy by that point.
She slowly shook her head. “No, that’s not fair for you. I wanted space and it would not be fair to ask you to leave.”
“If you want space, I’ll give you space. I can go crash on Eddy’s couch or something. I have somewhere to go if you want me to. I just need you to tell me what to do if you need space.”
“I don’t want space. I just want to make you happy again. I want to be the one you go on walks with down the beach and the one that makes you laugh. I’m so tired of being the one that pays you no attention when you come home. I don’t want that for you or for me. I want to be happy again, Dane. I’m just having a hard time. I don’t want you to find that with someone else. I want to give that to you,” she confessed as she started crying again.
I went to her and held her close.
“I’m so sorry, Dane. I’m sorry for everything,” she cried into my chest.
“I know, Gabi. We’ll get through this just like we’ve gotten through everything else.”
I didn’t know how I felt as I helped her put everything away where it belonged. I wanted to believe what I told her, I wanted desperately to believe we could get past it, but that didn’t stop the part of me that felt let down. I was on my way to Eden. I thought I had finally gotten my chance to see her, and I felt let down. It was unfair and selfish, but it was how I felt. It was probably the first time in my left I had wanted to be selfish. But I took the sight of Gabi in the hallway as a sign from above, letting me know that I couldn’t walk away. Maybe it was Grans. Maybe she was trying to tell me that all Eden was to me was a temptation, one that would ruin everything I had tried so hard to build. She was the apple in the garden. Or the snake on the tree. Either way, she was temptation.
Things were quiet and strained for the rest of the day. It was eerie in the condo as we went around and cleaned up the aftermath of Gabi’s anger. We passed each other in silence and shared awkward glances. After dinner, I took a shower and then climbed into bed while Gabi was in the bath. I didn’t know what to do about anything; all I knew was that I couldn’t handle the silence and tension that surrounded us.
Gabi came to bed and curled in close to me. She held on to my face until our lips were close, almost dancing around each other’s. I finally moved closer and connected our lips, hearing her suck in a breath. I hadn’t been expecting intimacy from her after the day we had, but I knew it was what she needed. Maybe it was what we both needed.
I leaned over her, my hands immediately going to her breasts as I kissed and licked my way down her throat. I had to be slow and gentle with her. I had to let her know I was praising her entire body. Things might have gotten bad between us lately, but I still knew her better than anyone else. And I knew that at that moment, she needed to be worshiped. She needed to feel special and believe that she meant everything to me. Regardless of how I felt, she still meant so much to me. She wore my ring and at one point in time, carried my child. No one else could have said those things. I just had to reconnect to that in my mind and then maybe I’d feel that way again. I had to rid Eden from my brain and focus back on what was really important, and that was Gabi.
Her feet came up to my hips and began to push my boxers down. I wanted to take things slow. I wanted to reconnect and find that emotional connection with her in order to try and rebuild what we had. She seemed to want things at a faster pace. She needed the physical connection. I didn’t know how it would work out. I feared that I’d give her the physical and lose out on the emotional, and that would only disconnect me even more from her. I didn’t want that. I honestly wanted to give it another try. I wanted to get back to where we once were. I needed to know that I had tried everything I could before giving up. But she didn’t want that.
She reached her hand between us and took hold of my shaft, and then used the tip to massage her clit. I used to love it when she did that, but this time felt different. It seemed too forced. I let her do it, though. I didn’t stop her. Nor did I stop her when she lined me up with her entrance and pushed forward, letting me meet her thrust with my own until I was fully inside of her. I tried slow. I tried calm, but she didn’t want any of that. Instead, she pushed me onto my back and began to ride me.
By that point, I had given up on slow and calm. I grabbed her bouncing tits hard and twisted her nipples as she grinded her pelvis into mine, searching for the friction on her clit. She reached around her and grabbed ahold of my balls, teasing them in her tiny hands. That really got me going. I took hold of her hip roughly with my hand, keeping the other on her large tit, and began to rock her back and forth. I felt her tightening around me and knew she was about to come. My feet pressed into the mattress and my hips bucked up, pressing into her as much as I possibly could.
She let out silent breaths of air as her body began to shudder. She tightened like a fist around my cock and I felt the buildup in front of my bladder. I knew I was close, but she was still on top of me, riding out her orgasm. I didn’t want to nut inside of her. It wasn’t like I thought she was doing it intentionally, but I still needed to be safe.
Her shudders and heaving breathing finally subsided and I grabbed her hips, lifting her off of me. What happened next completely surprised me. She scooted down toward my feet at the end of the bed and covered my dick with her mouth. I didn’t have a chance to show my surprise before I let out stream after stream of come to the back of her throat. I hadn’t had a mouth around my dick in so long I almost forgot what it was like. It was fucking amazing.
She swallowed with a smile and crawled back up my naked body until she reached my lips. Stupid fuckers that don’t kiss chicks after coming in their mouths are morons. Plain and simple. Knowing her mouth just made me feel that good made me want to shove my tongue down her throat. I guess I didn’t need slow and calm, I needed her to suck me off. It was amazing and I wanted nothing more than to hold her all fucking night after that. And I did.
Gabi was on a roll. She woke up with me the next morning and allowed me to bend her over in the shower. It didn’t mean I wasn’t still confused
or that my thoughts weren’t jumbled in my head, but it did help me feel some sort of connection with her. Physical connection, but at least it was something. I’m a guy, give me sex and all my thoughts fly right out the window for the time being. It’s just how we work. I knew all of the confusion would come back, but at that moment, my mind was clear.
By time I walked into the office, my bag and shoes were sitting behind my desk. I checked Eden’s office but she wasn’t in there. Sudden panic came over me at the thought of her quitting. I didn’t want her to quit. I knew I didn’t need to be around her while my head was so fucked-up, but I certainly didn’t want her to quit. I was fucked. I wanted to be around her even though I knew I shouldn’t have been.
I wasn’t able to calm down until she walked into my office at exactly eight o’clock. I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding on to. It felt as if the air had been trapped in my lungs for the fifteen minutes I didn’t know where she was. She smiled and sat down in a chair in front of my desk. That’s when the confusion consumed me again. All of the thoughts that had been cleared away during my morning shower came rushing back to me with that one smile on her red lips. God, I fucking wanted her. I knew I shouldn’t, but it didn’t change how I felt. If she was so wrong for me, why the hell did I feel that way around her?
“Everything okay?” she asked.
“Yeah. Gabi saw us on the beach and flipped out.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling her that, but a simple yes sounded too cold. “She’s fine now, I guess.”
“Well, that’s good. I’m glad things are better for you now.”
I looked into her eyes, looking for something to tell me that she didn’t mean it. I didn’t want her to be happy that things with me and Gabi were fine. I wanted her to show that she was upset about that. But I didn’t see that there. She really was happy about it. I guess that was my answer.
“Yeah, I mean, they’re better sure, but I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
“I already told you, Dane, you need to figure it out.”
“I thought a lot yesterday about that.”
I wanted her to ask what I had thought about or what I had come up with, but she didn’t. All she said was, “that’s good.” It was like she had flipped a switch from the day before. I knew why she was acting that way, but that didn’t mean it didn’t bother me.
“So, where were you? I came in and my bag was here but you weren’t.”
“Just around talking to people.”
“Your mom?” I asked.
Her face fell and she shook her head slightly. “It feels strange to hear her be called that. She’s not my mom. My mom lives in California with my dad. This woman might have given birth to me, but she’s not my mom. I don’t even know who she is.”
“Have you told her yet?”
“And say what? ‘So I know you gave me up twenty-five years ago, but hi, I’m your daughter’? No. I can’t do that.”
“Do you know who your biological dad is? Have you found him?”
She shook her head again. “No, there wasn’t one listed on my birth certificate. The whole thing about my adoption is touchy, so that’s why I really don’t want to say anything to her. I don’t even know why I came here. I just wanted to meet her. I just wanted to get to know her. But now it seems ridiculous. It’s like I go to her and just start talking about stupid shit. I’m sure she looks at me and thinks I’m a weird stalker or something. I just don’t know how to act or what to say.”
“I’m sure she’d want to know that she gave you a good life no matter what the circumstances were that surrounded the adoption. I’m sure that decision wasn’t easy for her. I’m sure she did what she thought was best for you. And to see that you’ve turned out good and had a good life would be comforting to her.”
She shrugged and stood up to go back to her office.
“Why haven’t you told your parents about her?” I asked and she stopped.
She spun around and looked right at me before answering. “They wouldn’t understand. When I had started asking about my adoption, it took my mom six months to tell me why I was even put up for adoption in the first place. That’s all she told me. She never told me who she was or where she lived. I found all of that out myself while I was away in college. Then I just wanted to meet her and that’s how I came up with moving here at the last minute. I came here with nothing but the desire to meet my birth mother. Now that I have, I don’t know what to do about it.”
“But you’ve talked to her, right?”
“Like had a conversation with her? Yes,” she laughed. “It’s not like I just follow her around and creeper stare at her while she works. I have talked to her, but it’s weird. It’s like I don’t know what to say and she doesn’t know why I’m so interested in talking to her. I think I’m just going to give up. But I have a ton of work to do; thanks for listening.”
“Anytime. Please know that if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”
“Same goes for you.” She winked at me and then went into her office.
Eden was gone again for lunch and it ate at me again. Was she seeing her mom? Was she having lunch with Eddy? Was she even still seeing Eddy? Thinking of Eddy gave me an idea. While I ate at my desk, I picked up my phone and called my friend.
“I thought you disappeared,” he said as he answered the phone.
“Nah, just a lot going on. Thought I’d give you a call and see what was going on with you?”
I figured I’d have to small talk with him for a bit before leading into what I was really calling about. It would have been strange if the first thing out of my mouth was a question about Eden. I didn’t need to attract too much curiosity.
“Not much. Hey, have you ever been to Oysters on the Half Shell?”
“The new bar that just took over Dave’s? No, why?”
“Because I went there with the guys last night and had way too much to drink. Met some chick and then fucked her in the parking lot. I swear to Christ if she gave me some fucking disease, I’ll wring her neck with my bare hands.”
I was stunned for a moment before my brain kicked back in with question after question. “You know they make condoms, right?”
“There was no time for that.”
“You’re a fucking idiot. If she gave you something, you deserve it. But I thought you were dating Eden?” If he came back saying he was, I’d wring his with my bare hands.
“No, she dumped me last week.” He didn’t sound too broken up about it, especially if he was out fucking some whore in a parking lot less than a week later. He really disgusted me. I was so thankful I didn’t live like him, and wondered how we were even friends in the first place. I was just happy Eden wasn’t still seeing him.
“Gotcha. Hey, man, I’ve got another call coming in. Let me hit you up later,” I said and then disconnected the line.
Just then, Eden walked into my office. “Who was that?” she asked.
“Eddy. Why didn’t you tell me you broke things off with him?”
“I didn’t know I needed to run my relationship status by you.”
“Well, you don’t, I was just wondering because he’s my friend and all.” I really didn’t like calling him my friend. He was before I met Eden, but after knowing he dated her and tried to sleep with her, I didn’t care for him too much. I was sure had it been someone else, I wouldn’t have cared, but it was Eden. And for some reason, everything about her became personal.
“I guess I figured you’d find out from him. I didn’t want to make it sound like I broke things off because of you or anything.”
“I didn’t think that.” I had hoped it might have been because of that, but didn’t assume. “Why did you then?” I waited as she stared back at me, like she wasn’t going to answer. “We’re friends, right? Isn’t this the kind of shit friends talk about? Like don’t you chicks just sit around talking about guys and relationship and sex all day?”
I got her to laugh and it felt good to hear. “No, that’s
not all we talk about. But if that’s how we’re going to play it, he sucked in bed and figured I didn’t want to waste my time with him anymore.”
That most certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
“I mean, isn’t that the kind of thing a guy would say,” she asked with a smirk.
“No. Well, yeah maybe. Is that really what happened, though?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she answered and then walked away.
I needed a vacation. I needed to get the fuck away from both Gabi and Eden. They were fucking with my head too much. I walked in to work thinking that things with Gabi were going better, thinking we actually had a chance. But then I saw Eden and began to question things again. She stayed in her office, and that gave me time to concentrate on work and I started feeling better again. Then she had to go and make me wonder if she let Eddy fuck her. Instead of thinking about Gabi or work, all I thought about was whether or not she was telling me the truth. I just had to bury my head in work, focus on working things out with Gabi, and steer clear of Eden. That was my new plan.
That plan worked well for a week, until Gabi decided to show up at my office.
She came into my office with her hair done and makeup on. Her clothes looked new, too. I didn’t have to act surprised, I was. She never came to my office, ever. It never bothered me that she hadn’t, either. I was indifferent on her being there before, but that day, I didn’t know how I felt.