Benevolent

by Leddy Harper

  “Gabi, go seek help. Go to Doctor Greiner’s office and talk to him. Do something. I can’t help you, only you can do that. I’m sorry, but I just can’t anymore.” I didn’t give her another chance to speak. I hung up the phone and let my head fall to my hands, taking in deep breaths as I tried to calm down my racing heart.

  I felt hands on my shoulders and it startled me, but I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. Her arms came around my neck and I felt her breath in my ear. It was so calming and soft, and I never wanted to give that up. I had been someone’s support for so long I forgot what it felt like to have it returned.

  “We don’t have to do this, you know.”

  I looked up at her, surprised by her suggestion. “I want to.”

  “You’re not ready.”

  I pulled her by her waist until she was in front of me, leaning against my desk between my legs. I kept my hands on her hips as I looked right into her eyes. “Eden, I have never been more ready in my entire life.”

  “Look at you,” she whispered as she held on to my face, feeling my scruff with the palms of her hands. “She calls you and you break down. How can you say you’re ready when you react like this just by hearing from her?”

  I had to think about my answer carefully, so she wouldn’t misunderstand what I was trying to say. “I feel this way because I don’t hate her. I want to hate her, but I don’t. I also don’t love her. I don’t think I’ve loved her for a long time. I’ve just never been able to admit it before. I mistook my protectiveness over her and the feelings of wanting to keep her safe and make her happy as love. And I’ve been doing that for a long time now. But none of that changes how I feel after hearing someone so broken beg for my attention, attention I can no longer give. She needs help that I can’t give her. But what you’re seeing me feel right now is not regret, or hesitation. It’s nothing more than me feeling inadequate.”

  “Why do you feel like that?”

  “I couldn’t help her,” I admitted.

  “You can’t help everyone.”

  I took in a deep breath. “I know. But it doesn’t change how I feel. I feel the same way if I take over a company that doesn’t make it. So you see, it’s not her. It’s who I am. This isn’t me not being ready. This is just me. I take things personally, especially when it’s bad. I want to help people, and when I can’t, I feel like I’ve failed.”

  “You couldn’t have helped her.”

  “I know that now, but it doesn’t change how I feel.”

  “What can I do?”

  I couldn’t remember a single time in my life since Grans died that I had heard those four words. Not once has someone asked what they could do for me. I was always the one who helped others, but it wasn’t until she asked me that one question, those four words, that I realized what I was missing out on. I was missing out on having someone there for me as much as I was there for them. I can’t even describe what it did to me.

  “Just be you. Just make me happy like you’ve done since I met you.”

  She simply smiled and ran her fingers along my jaw.

  “I don’t want to be here anymore. Let’s leave now,” I begged.

  “We can just stay at my place if you want.”

  “No. I want to go somewhere that neither one of us has been to before.”

  “Fine, but let’s at least stay in town.”

  Why did women have to make things so difficult? “We don’t have to. We can drive up the coast or we could even go to the other coast. Wherever you want to go.”

  She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “Let’s just stay here. There are plenty of hotels here to choose from.”

  “Why are you so adamant on staying?”

  I saw a slight blush cover her light cheeks. “Because I don’t want to have to wait hours before I get you alone. I’ve been waiting on this for a long time and I don’t want to waste any time in the car.”

  No more needed to be said. I stood, grabbed her hand, and began racing to the door. She squealed behind me. “Wait! I have to get my purse.”

  “Hurry,” I said with a smile on my face.

  I let her hand go as she rushed into her office to grab her things and I picked up my bag.

  I followed her back to her place so she could pack a bag and then we raced to the first hotel we could find. She argued with me as soon as we pulled into the parking garage. She said it was too expensive and we should find a cheaper place. I gave her a look and got out of the car. It didn’t matter how much the place cost, all that mattered was that I was spending a weekend with Eden. And unlike in Texas, I hopefully wouldn’t have to jerk off in the shower while she slept. I would, though, if she wanted to wait, but I was praying to God she wouldn’t.

  I was thankful there was a suite available, since I didn’t really want to be in a small room. I wanted Eden to have it all. The big room with the room service that was brought in on a rolling table. The view of the beach and the oversized tub in the bathroom. There was nothing I wouldn’t give her, and had I thought about it too much, it might have scared me. I was a generous guy, but since the first days with Gabi, I had never wanted to give someone so much so quickly. But she made me happy for the first time in what seemed like forever, and I just wanted to do the same for her. Even though, she argued that she would have been happy at Motel 8. Hell, I’m sure with her I would have been happy there, too, but I wasn’t about to test that out. I had the money, might as well use it.

  Things were a little awkward when we first got to the room. It was as if we knew what was going to happen, but neither wanted to just jump in. We tried not to make it weird, but I think that just made it worse.

  “Did you want to go for a walk on the beach?” I asked, desperately wanting things to be normal again. I figured if we got out of the room for a bit, it would help.

  “That sounds great.” Yeah, and you sound nervous.

  We quickly changed out of our work clothes and headed down to the sand. As soon as we got to the surf, I grabbed her hand. She stiffened a bit before relaxing, and that caused me to relax. It was like we both felt it and we looked at each other, smiling at the same time.

  “So why have you never learned how to swim?” I asked her as the water came over our feet in the surf. I had wondered it since the night she jumped off the pier with me, but never found the time to ask.

  She took in a breath before answering. “My little brother couldn’t swim; he was scared of the water and wouldn’t even go around it. So we never went to pools or lakes. I was thirteen when he died, and just never learned after that. I was so used to not being around water that it never bothered me.”

  “Except now you’re surrounded by water.”

  She smiled as her shoulders bounced up and down with one of her silent laughs. “Yeah. I guess I am. But I’m pretty sure twenty-five is a little too late to learn how to swim. I think I’ll be okay.”

  “I’ll teach you. Tonight, after everyone leaves the pool, I’ll teach you how to swim.”

  “I’m pretty sure learning to swim in the dark isn’t the best idea.”

  “It is. No one can see you and you’ll let go of all your inhibitions. Fear is what keeps people from doing things. It’s not that they can’t do them, or that they don’t want to, it’s the fear that holds them back.” The connection to my own life was not missed as she gave me an empathetic look.

  “Fine. Just don’t let me die,” she said with a smirk, easing the tension.

  “Never.”

  Holding her hand as we walked along the surf felt good. More than good. It was refreshing and yet another feeling that was new to me. I couldn’t remember the last time I held hands on the beach, or anywhere for that matter. I felt like I was in high school again. I no longer felt like the old man wandering aimlessly. I felt I had a real purpose, one that benefited me as well.

  “So, tell me about you?” she asked, making conversation.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Nothing really to tell.”
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br />   Before I could say more, it started to rain. Not just any rain. The sun was still out but the sky opened up and let loose. It was nothing new to me. Living in Florida all of my life, I was used to it. Not that it happened all the time, but enough that I didn’t act overly impressed like Eden did.

  She stopped walking, closed her eyes, and looked to the sky. The water fell down her face while the sun lit up her smile. God, she was so fucking beautiful. I never wanted that moment to stop. I wanted to watch her like that forever.

  After soaking it all in, she finally looked back to me. That’s when I realized I had the biggest shit-eating grin on my face. That was happiness. True and utter happiness, that I don’t think I had ever felt before in my life.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” I asked, unable to wipe my own smile off my face.

  “It’s raining while the sun is out. This is like a phenomenon or something.”

  “Have you ever been kissed in the rain?”

  “I’m sure I have.” Her smile began to change.

  “Ever been kissed in the rain while the sun is out?”

  “Can’t say I have.”

  And there it was. The shy smile. The smile curled up slightly at the corners of her lips as her eyes turn downward. I loved and hated that smile. I loved it because it showed she was vulnerable; it reminded me that I can hurt her as much as she can hurt me. But at the same time, I hated it because it made her seem insecure. She had nothing to be insecure about. Absolutely nothing.

  “Well, you should. It seems like a good time.” I smirked, knowing I was playing her.

  I wanted to make her shed the shyness, rid herself of the insecurity she claims she doesn’t have. I knew she was strong; I had seen it many times before. But I wasn’t going to give in to her. I would make her bury that shit deep in the sand and show me the temptress I knew she was.

  “The rain never lasts long when the suns out,” I pointed out.

  That’s all it took for her arms to wrap themselves around my neck. She was on her tippy-toes as my arms went around her waist. The moment her rain soaked lips met mine, the sky decided to open up and downpour. But that didn’t stop us. It didn’t make us run for shelter or let go. It made us hold on tighter, kiss harder, and give in to what we had been fighting for over a month. Her hands moved to my face as she began to scratch my scruff. It fucking made me go crazy.

  “Inside?” I asked her.

  She nodded furiously. “Inside.”

  Our hands came back together, as if they knew just what to do as we ran back to the hotel. We were drenched as we made our way to the room, and began to strip immediately. Wet clothes were thrown all over. Sand came off our feet into the carpet. But none of that mattered. I watched as Eden stood in the middle of the room, bare ass naked. I could tell she was confident in her own skin, but the way she looked at me… it said so many things. I wanted to know them all. Every last detail.

  I walked to her slowly, suddenly feeling nervous. It wasn’t until I stood in front of her, touching her bare, wet skin with my own fingers, did the nerves wear off. She had a way of calming me. I pressed my lips to hers as she pressed her body into mine. Her breasts were tight against my chest and I felt the warmth spread through me. My hands reached behind her until both palms were fully filled with her ass. And as if it were one of those lame ass synchronized dance moves, I lifted her just as she pulled herself up and wrapped her legs around me. I walked to the bed with her and nearly fell onto it, hovering over her body.

  My cock was pressed against her cunt and I slid it up and down her folds. She was so damn wet. I leaned in and applied pressure against her clit with the sensitive underside of my shaft and watched her eyes close. She let out a soft moan before arching her lower back, trying to add more pressure.

  “Look at me,” I whispered to her lips as I kept my eyes on her.

  She opened her eyes, but had a tough time keeping them on me. I knew it wasn’t because of what I was doing to her. I began to slow my hips down and waited for her to really look at me.

  “Why are you insecure?” I knew it wasn’t the best time to ask her that. But as I was naked between her legs and watched her act that way, I had to know.

  “I told you, I’m not.” She was slightly breathless and I knew she wanted me to keep going.

  So I kept at the slow pace, never stopping, never fully giving her what she wanted. “You can say that all you want, but I see it. My dick is soaking wet with your cunt juices and you can’t even keep eye contact with me.”

  Her eyes closed again and I felt her starting to slip away. I moved my hand so that it was filled with her heavy breast and pinched her nipple until she looked at me.

  “Eden, I just want to know why. You have to know you’re fucking sexy as hell.”

  “I do know that, Dane. I know I’m attractive and guys are attracted to me. I know they see me and want to fuck me. They want to fuck me not because I seem easy, but because they think I’m hot. So believe me when I say I’m not insecure.”

  I thought I had lost the moment, but I wasn’t about to just get up and walk away. I pressed in to her a little bit more, rubbing her clit harder with my dick, and began to lick her neck just below her ear.

  “Then why are you so shy?”

  “What’s the point, Dane?”

  I pulled back, stilled my hips, and looked deep in her eyes. “Because when I’m inside of you, I want you to look right at me. I want you to see me the same way I’m seeing you. Because while I’m worshiping your body, I want you to watch me. I don’t want you to close your eyes or look somewhere else. I want you to be in this with me as much as I’m in it with you.”

  “What’s the point in being in it with someone when all they do is leave?” There was no emotion in her tone. None. She didn’t sound as if she was about to cry, her voice didn’t waiver, and she never lost eye contact with me. She was so sure and strong in her response, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Eden. Be in it with me,” I pleaded softly as I brought my face to her neck. I felt her hands on my back, slowly making circles with her fingertips. My pace picked up and her thighs began to tighten around me.

  She moaned, which made my hips move faster. I felt as if I grew bigger and harder with every sound that escaped her. The wet feeling of her cunt against my dick made me only want to be inside of her even more. I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her moans, and twisted her hardened nipple between my fingers.

  It didn’t take her long to pull her face from mine and let out a breathy squeal. I watched her head tilt back into the pillow and her mouth fall open. It took everything in me to stick with what I was doing and not shove my cock deep inside her. That’s all I wanted, to be buried in her and never leave.

  I waited until her body stopped convulsing and then pressed against her opening. She placed her hands on my chest and pushed. I was confused at first, hoping I wasn’t taking it further than she wanted.

  “Hold on,” she said and then walked to the bathroom.

  I heard a zipper and then some plastic crinkling before she walked back out, holding up a condom. Oh yeah. I had almost forgotten about those things. Hadn’t used them in forever, and wasn’t looking forward to starting again.

  I went to reach for it but she pulled it away and ripped it open. She crawled onto the mattress in front of me and began to roll the rubber over my hard cock. If she did that every time, I wouldn’t complain about the damn things.

  We both fell onto our sides, pressed against one another, and she hooked her leg over my hip. It put me at the perfect angle to push inside of her. So I did. One in thrust, I was all the way in. She screamed and I stopped, worried I had hurt her. Between my size and the fact that she was tight, I stopped and waited for confirmation that she was okay.

  “I’m sorry. Are you all right?” I panted, not sure if I could catch my breath after it was knocked out of me by the warmth and tightness of her. Even through the rubb
er barrier, I could feel her tighten and loosen around me. And her heat. Oh God, her heat was enough to make me explode on impact.

  “Oh my God, Dane. I’m not a virgin; I can handle it. I think we’ve waited long enough for this. You need to start moving now before I lose my mind.”

  With one arm behind her head and one over her hip, I grabbed a fistful of hair and a fistful of ass. I began to move in and out of her, fast and then faster. I felt like a man on a mission—that mission being to make Eden come. I had thought about how she’d feel and what she’d look and sound like for so long, I needed to know the answers.

  I pulled her head back by her hair, giving me room to suck on her neck. I licked and sucked and kissed while she panted heavily and let out soft moans. “You’re so damn beautiful,” I whispered against her skin.

  As soon as I felt her begin to tighten around me and heard her suck in a breath, I pushed harder and deeper into her.

  “Oh!” she screamed in a rough voice that I had never heard come from her before.

  I pulled my head back to watch her face. Her eyebrows pinched together like she was in deep thought. Her mouth hung open like she was still releasing sound, even though it was only air. And her face turned red as if her body was depleted of oxygen. The sight only made me pump harder and faster. If it weren’t for the condom, I would have exploded right then and there. I guess it did come in handy after all.

  “Stay with me. I’m about to give you another one,” I said as I shifted my body on top of hers. Her knees bent at my sides and I pinned them to my body with my arms. I took one look at where our bodies were joined, watching myself move in and out of her. It was too much and I wouldn’t last if I kept watching it, so I moved my eyes back to hers. She was looking right at me with a smile I had never seen before. It was barely a smile, only one side of her mouth turned up at the corner, but it was enough for me to drive into her with the force of a porn star.