Murder at St. Winifred's Academy

by J. D. Griffo

  “How in the world did you pull this off, Nola?” Joyce asked.

  “It must’ve been blackmail,” Helen said.

  “No,” Nola said. “I asked her.”

  “You just asked her to come to New Jersey and perform in a show you’re producing, and she said yes?” Alberta asked.

  “Yes!” Nola shrieked. “Can you believe it?”

  Again, Alberta, Helen, and Joyce all replied in unison, “No.”

  “Well, it’s true!” Jinx shouted. “And it’s all happening because Nola is very persuasive.”

  “If this really is true,” Alberta said, “this is the most exciting celebrity news since Dinah Shore took up golf.”

  “Since Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie Reynolds patched things up,” Helen said.

  “Also too, since Twiggy cut off all her hair,” Joyce added.

  “I have no idea who any of those people are that you’re talking about. The truth is I didn’t even know who Missy Michaels was until Nola told me,” Jinx confessed, “but I knew that if she was as famous as Nola said, you would be thrilled that she was coming to Tranquility.”

  Jinx had no idea how right she was.

  To anyone who grew up in the late ’50s, there was no one more famous than Missy Michaels. Starting in 1957, when Missy was only seven years old, she began starring in movies as Daisy Greenfield, an orphaned heiress who lived with her grandmother in a swanky apartment on Central Park West in New York City. Daisy might not have had parents, but she did have enormous wealth, an extra bedroom where her army of dolls slept, an infectious giggle, and a doting grandmother who catered to Daisy’s every whim. Missy could cry on cue, had a deadpan delivery that left the audience in stitches, and when she smiled, her dimples lit up the screen. She was the little girl all America loved. Now, the one-time child star who dominated the box office before she hit puberty was coming to Tranquility, New Jersey, to headline a community theatre production. It was thrilling news. It also made no sense whatsoever.

  “Why don’t you tell us how all this came to be?” Alberta suggested.

  Nola explained that because the Tranquility Players hadn’t produced a play for over a year, she needed to find a surefire hit that the audience would instantly recognize and make them waltz out of the theatre with smiles on their faces. After a long decision-making process, she decided that the hilarious comedy Arsenic and Old Lace would fit the bill perfectly as the Tranquility Players’ comeback production.

  “But I knew the show would have to be extra special,” Nola said. “And I thought the best way to create some excitement would be to get a celebrity to play the role of one of the spinster aunts.”

  “That’s smart, Nola,” Joyce said. “You really do think like a producer.”

  “It’s not as if she thinks like a director,” Helen quipped.

  “Aunt Helen, I’m not going to remind you again!” Jinx yelled. “Be nice.”

  “That’s all right, Jinx,” Nola said. “An artist always has her detractors.”

  “But it isn’t always the case that an artist sees her vision executed,” Joyce said. “You should be proud of yourself, Nola.”

  “Thank you, I am,” Nola replied. “I didn’t doubt myself or worry that Missy would hang up the phone once she heard my request, I just called up and asked her.”

  Alberta smiled listening to Nola’s enthusiasm. It reminded her of why she did like the woman in spite of Nola’s tendency to lead Alberta into the danger zone. “I’m glad to hear you sound so confident.”

  “I knew it was a long shot,” Nola admitted, “but when I offered Missy the role, she immediately accepted. It was like taking candy from a baby.”

  “Except Missy hasn’t been a baby, a toddler, or even a young woman for decades,” Helen said. “Just how old is she?”

  “She’ll celebrate her seventy-first birthday a few days before opening night,” Nola shared.

  No one had to speak for Nola to understand what they were thinking, their concern was written all over their faces. They were worried that Missy’s advanced age would somehow compromise the production, but Nola informed them that they were wrong.

  “Missy sounded great when I spoke with her,” Nola said. “She was funny, she told me stories about her past, and she has a real understanding of the play and her character. Plus, she looks amazing. She e-mailed me a photo of herself and she doesn’t look a day over seventy.”

  “Neither does Berta,” Helen said.

  “Ah, Madon! I’m only sixty-seven!” Alberta yelled.

  “I know,” Helen replied.

  Ignoring her sister’s jab at her age, Alberta still didn’t really understand why someone like Missy would want to work with someone like Nola. They came from completely different worlds. Nola brought the joy of the arts to her small community, but Missy had been a worldwide sensation. Alberta understood that having a well-known celebrity perform in her production would be a triumph, but for Missy, it could only be described as an epic fall from grace.

  “No offense, Nola, but it still seems odd to me that Missy would accept,” Alberta said. “Tranquility is a long way from Broadway and even farther from Hollywood.”

  “Which is precisely why Missy accepted my offer,” Nola stated. “She’s wanted to perform again for quite some time, but she’s been too intimidated to return to the public eye in a big vehicle and be under such large-scale scrutiny. Our small venue is perfect for her.”

  Alberta finally saw the brilliance of this unconventional pairing. Nola and Missy really did benefit each other.

  “Missy gets to make her comeback,” Alberta said, “and the Tranquility Players reap the benefits.”

  “More commonly known as a win-win situation,” Jinx added.

  “Exactly!” Nola said. “Now, let’s open up that bottle of champagne you brought and raise a toast.”

  Joyce did the honors and uncorked the champagne bottle. When all their glasses were filled with the bubbly, they raised them high in the air.

  “To Nola!” Alberta cried. “May she and Missy Michaels find nothing but success together. Salud!”

  “Salud!” everyone repeated.

  And then Nola proved once again why she was the type of woman who gave everyone around her agita. She just couldn’t keep her mouth shut.

  “Missy and I are the perfect combination,” Nola said. “What could possibly go wrong?”

  As Nola blithely drank her champagne, Alberta looked at Jinx, who looked at Helen, who looked at Joyce, and together they shook their heads. They knew the answer to Nola’s flippant statement could be summed up in one word: everything.

  CHAPTER 3

  Sono pronto per il mio primo piano.

  One of the many good things about growing old was that wisdom really was age’s traveling companion.

  Standing in Jinx and Nola’s living room holding a half-drunk glass of champagne, Alberta could sense that the women around her had become nervous thanks to Nola’s offhanded comment. Nola truly thought that bringing Missy Michaels to Tranquility to star in Arsenic and Old Lace would be an uneventful event, that it would run smoothly from start to finish. Nola believed that because her intentions were good and that both she and Missy would benefit by the collaboration, no problems would arise and there would be no obstacles as they moved closer to opening night. Alberta knew better.

  She also knew there was no way to prevent the inevitable roadblocks that would pop up along the way. But having dealt with past hardships during the first six decades of her life, Alberta understood that there was strength in numbers. Whether dealing with a problem child, a sticky situation, or a hopelessly naive woman, it was always wise to call in reinforcements.

  “Because we have all this food, let’s invite the boys over and make this a real celebration,” Alberta suggested.

  “That’s a terrific idea, Mrs. Scaglione,” Nola said. “If I’ve learned one thing from my life, which you all know has had its share of ups and downs.”

  Jinx reached out an
d grabbed her friend’s hand. “That’s all in the past, Nola.”

  “I know,” Nola replied, giving Jinx’s hand a squeeze. “But it’s important to share the good stuff with as many friends as possible. And this coup I pulled off definitely falls in the good stuff pile.”

  “Amen a quello,” Alberta said.

  Jinx took out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and said, “So I assume by ‘the boys’ you mean the regulars?”

  “Yes,” Alberta replied. “Vinny, Freddy, Father Sail...”

  “And don’t forget Sloan,” Joyce added.

  “How could Gram forget her boyfriend?” Jinx asked.

  “Don’t start with that,” Alberta chided. “Just start making phone calls.”

  “Not yet.”

  Helen hadn’t raised her voice, but she had used a tone that indicated her words were not to be dismissed. In response, the rest of the group stopped what they were doing and turned their attention to Helen, who sat on the couch and held her champagne glass with the same authority she typically held her pocketbook, looking as if she had something very important to say.

  “What’s wrong, Helen?” Alberta asked. “Why do you want us to wait?”

  Helen drank the last mouthful of champagne and turned her head to face Nola. “Have you cast the rest of the play?”

  “Not yet,” Nola replied. “Auditions will take place next week.”

  “I’m going to play the other spinster aunt,” Helen declared.

  “Well, a ... confident attitude is good when preparing for an audition,” Nola stammered.

  “I’m not auditioning, it would be a waste of time for both of us,” Helen said. “I was born to play a crotchety, old spinster aunt. It’s who I am. You’re not going to find anyone else better to play the role in this hick town, so let’s cut to the chase and give the part to me now.”

  Nola looked at the other women in the room, one by one, for support, but found none. She was foolish to think that Alberta, Jinx, or Joyce would disagree with Helen—she was their family after all, and family stood together. But they most certainly understood the protocols of theatre, didn’t they?

  “First, let me say that I hear your passion and I applaud it,” Nola said, actually placing her champagne glass between her knees and clapping. “But I can’t just give you the part, Helen, I have to hold auditions to choose the cast. That’s how we do things in the theatre.”

  “That’s not how you did it with Missy,” Helen said.

  “Yes, that is true,” Nola replied. “I did offer her the role of Abby Brewster.”

  “Then offer me the role of Abby’s sister, Martha,” Helen said. “You know I’m perfect casting, and if you give me the part, I’ll never say another bad word about your directing again.”

  Everyone was stunned by Helen’s words. They all, including Nola, knew how much she despised Nola’s direction, so for her to agree to keep her negative comments to herself for the rest of her life meant she truly wanted this role. Alberta was shocked by Helen’s desire to be a thespian at this stage of her life, but not by her determination. It was what she had come to expect of her sister.

  “Not another bad word?” Nola repeated. “Spoken or in writing?”

  “Nothing but praise and adulation,” Helen affirmed. “And the sincere kind, not the phony worship the rest of the town usually offers.”

  “Then you, Miss Ferrara, shall star opposite Missy Michaels in my new production,” Nola announced.

  Once again, they all cheered and raised their champagne glasses. No one looked happier than Helen. Although the reason for her cheerful glow was laced with a small, but potent dose of spite.

  “I can’t wait to see Father Sal’s face when I tell him I’m Missy’s costar,” Helen cackled.

  “Father Sal is a fan too?” Jinx asked.

  “lovely, anyone over the age of fifty is a Missy Michaels fan,” Alberta said.

  “Start making your phone calls, Jinx,” Helen ordered, “and let’s get this party started!”

  * * *

  Within thirty minutes, the population in Jinx and Nola’s living room had almost doubled. Vinny, Freddy, Father Sal, and Sloan all raced over when they received Jinx’s text that she had an emergency and needed their help. It was a fib, but it got the job done. With the men scattered throughout the room, the only thing left was the reveal.

  “Thank you so much for coming, gentlemen,” Nola said. “Why don’t you each grab a glass of champagne or Red Herring before I explain why you’ve all been summoned here this evening?”

  Obediently, the men poured themselves glasses of their beverage of choice, hoping it might penetrate the cloud of confusion encircling their heads.

  “Sounds like we were summoned here under false pretenses, Alfie,” Vinny whispered to Alberta.

  “Trust me, Vin, it’ll be worth it,” Alberta replied.

  Adding a splash of champagne to his glass of Red Herring, Vinny said, “Well, if I’ve learned anything after all these years, it’s to trust you.”

  Radiating confidence as a result of her longtime friend’s compliment, Alberta’s cheeks started to turn the same color as Vinny’s drink. When Sloan stood in between them and gave her a kiss on the cheek, they burned even brighter.

  “I know we’re in mixed company, but I couldn’t control myself,” Sloan said.

  “Restraint is a highly overrated trait in the Sicilian heritage,” Alberta replied.

  The clinking sound of Nola’s fork hitting her glass interrupted their banter. It was showtime.

  “As some of you already know, I am going to produce Arsenic and Old Lace as the Tranquility Players’ next production,” Nola announced.

  “A fine choice, Nola,” Father Sal declared. “Brava.”

  “Thank you,” Nola said. “What you don’t know is that I’ve lined up a superstar to play the lead role.”

  “No kidding,” Sloan said. “Who?”

  “You’ll never guess, not in a million years,” Nola declared. “Go on and try.”

  “Missy Michaels.”

  The gasps heard in response to Freddy’s outburst sounded as if a bomb went off in the middle of the living room. A bomb that stole all Nola’s thunder.

  “Freddy!” Jinx screamed. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

  “Dude!” Freddy screamed back. “You told me the old lady was coming to star in the show, you never said it was a secret.”

  “I’m sorry, Nola,” Jinx said. “Boys are dumb.”

  “That’s okay,” Nola replied. “At least now everybody knows. Isn’t this fantastic news?”

  “You’re not serious, are you?” Sloan asked. “The Missy Michaels?”

  “The one and only,” Nola answered.

  “Mucca sacra!” Vinny cried.

  “Holy cow is right,” Sloan said. “I haven’t heard that name in decades.”

  “No one has,” Nola said. “That’s what will make this production so special. After being out of the public eye for generations, the incomparable Missy Michaels is going to make her acting comeback on my stage. What do you think of that?”

  “Yes, Sal, what do you think of that?” Helen asked. “You’re being awfully silent.”

  Everyone turned to face Father Sal, who had remained motionless since Freddy prematurely exposed Nola’s news. He was holding his glass of champagne in midair, his jaw had dropped so his mouth hung open, and his unblinking eyes stared straight ahead. He looked paralyzed, but was it with fear or shock?

  “Santo Dio del cielo! Non avrei mai pensato di vivere abbastanza a lungo per ascoltare notizie cosi merav-igliose!” Sal shouted.

  “I think he’s speaking in tongues,” Joyce declared.

  “He’s speaking in his native tongue,” Helen clarified. “I agree, Sal, you have lived long enough. And this is the most amazing news you’ve ever heard.” Helen raised her glass to Nola. “I told ya he was a fan.”

  “Helen Ferrara, do not insult me!” Sal exclaimed. “I am more than a Mi
ssy Michaels fan, I worship at the altar that is her stardom.”

  “And now he sounds blasphemous,” Joyce added.

  “That old lady, as you, Freddy, jeeringly call her,” Sal started, “is perhaps the biggest star to ever grace the silver screen. The movies have not been the same since her early, and much lamented, retirement.”

  “With all due respect, Nola, how’s this possible?” Sloan asked.

  “It’s a long story,” Alberta interjected. “Let’s all sit and eat while Nola fills everyone in on her great accomplishment.”

  They all gathered around the table, and because Jinx and Nola’s table was smaller than Alberta’s, they had to share seats and cram close to one another so they could all fit. Chattering excitedly, they started to fill their plates with cold cuts, olives, chunks of cheese, and recently reheated lasagna and eggplant parmigiana, and they refilled their glasses to the rim. Armed with sustenance, they fell silent and turned their attention to Nola, who sat at the head of the table. It was as if they were packed into a crowded theatre and the houselights began to dim.

  For the next fifteen minutes Nola regaled them with the full account of how she persuaded a movie star to grace her stage. They were all impressed, even those who already knew the story, and when she finished telling her tale, their excitement led to reminiscences. For most everyone sitting around the table, Missy Michaels was a member of their past and they couldn’t wait to be reunited with her again.

  Jinx and Freddy were fascinated to learn that the young actress had been even more popular than Shirley Temple, who came before her. And as Father Sal pointed out, Missy had all the wit and charm of Shirley, but without the annoying curls and tap dance routines. Even though Missy played an outrageously rich orphan living in a sprawling Central Park West penthouse with her grandmother, every kid in America thought they could be her. She was accessible, she was welcomed, she was the cinematic embodiment of the girl next door.

  Vinny seemed to have the best memory, much to Sal’s chagrin, and remembered almost every detail about her movies starting with Daisy Greenfield: Orphaned Heiress. He quoted her opening line—“You sure don’t look like a grandma”—and they all recalled how beautiful and nongrandmotherly Teddy had looked.