by J. D. Griffo
“You don’t know?” Sloan asked.
“Of course not,” Alberta said. “Does anyone know what a dirigo is?”
Everyone remained silent until Sloan filled them in. “It’s the state bird of Maine.”
“Maine?!” Alberta cried.
“Yes,” Sloan replied. “Which makes perfect sense because that’s where Missy was born. Johnny probably thought it would be a clever tribute.”
“I don’t think Johnny set up that account at all,” Alberta said.
“Who else could have done it?” Sloan asked.
“Kip is from Maine. He’s obsessed with Missy,” Alberta said. “Don’t you think it’s possible that Kip set up all this and he’s framing Johnny for a murder that he actually committed?”
“In the immortal words of Alberta Ferrara Scaglione,” Sloan said, “ah, Madon!”
CHAPTER 24
Tondo e tondo e tondo lei va, dove si ferma, nessuno la sa.
The next two days made the Ferraras and their friends feel like they were on a merry-go-round. One minute they were convinced Johnny was the murderer and then someone offered an opinion that made them question his guilt and the pendulum would swing in Kip’s direction. A little while later, another comment was made and they were right back where they started, pointing the finger of blame at Johnny. After all the clues they unearthed, after all the information they discovered, they still didn’t feel any closer to solving the case.
They knew all about Missy’s childhood in Maine, how she became a movie star, and how she turned her back on her family and didn’t offer them any financial support. They knew that Kip was from the same small town as Missy and nurtured an unhealthy preoccupation with the former star. They also knew he had some kind of criminal past, but its severity was still a secret.
They also knew Missy’s family moved from Maine to Michigan and that Missy’s only living relative, Adrienne, recently made a move from Michigan to Parsippany, which happened to be the same town Kip was currently living in. They knew that Brandon was probably the only person who could have identified Missy’s killer because the killer more than likely escorted Missy from the Tranquility Arms to St. Winifred’s Academy, but Brandon would never be able to identify the escort because the escort, who also had to be the killer, strangled Brandon the same way the escort/killer murdered Missy.
And finally, they knew that whoever the murderer was knew about Missy’s childhood in Maine because of the doctored photo that was found in the fake arsenic bottle Missy was clutching when her body was found. They knew a lot and yet they still knew very little.
Besides the investigation into the two murders, there was the whole theatrical side of things that for most of the Ferraras was like stepping into an entirely new world. Memorizing lines, remembering stage blocking, late-night rehearsals, working on publicity, building the set, searching for costumes and props, rigging the lights—it was all exhausting. They’d never realized that theatre people took the phrase “the show must go on” literally. It was a religious vow, a medical oath, a sworn testament that they would uphold and never, ever break. No. Matter. What.
The leading actress was killed before rehearsals even began. Replace her with a woman who has never acted on stage before. The director was charged with murder. Have him continue to direct the show as if he didn’t have a cloud of doom hanging over his head. And then when things couldn’t possibly get any worse, a flat from one of the sets fell onto the actress playing the ingenue, causing her to tumble off the stage and break her ankle. Which was precisely what happened to Tambra in the last few minutes of Tuesday night’s rehearsal.
Fortunately, Luke was at the theatre and was able to manually reset the break while they waited for the paramedics to arrive. His quick and efficient action meant that Tambra would heal quicker and only be in a cast for four weeks instead of a few months. She’d be able to shift over to desk duty instead of having to take a short-term disability leave from work, but it also meant she would be the second cast member to have to withdraw from the production. Tambra was an optimist, however, and while she was devastated that she wouldn’t be able to share in the opening night glory with the rest of the cast, she was grateful that, unlike the first actress who had to be replaced, she was still alive and could cheer them on from the audience.
But who was going to take Tambra’s place in the role of Elaine, the young woman engaged to Mortimer, the nephew of the two elderly homicidal sisters, who was played by Kip? Nola initially asked Jinx to step in, but Father Sal quickly turned down the role on Jinx’s behalf. He said he had seen her go undercover during one of her first forays into being an amateur sleuth, portraying a young novice named Sister Maria, and claimed Jinx didn’t know the first thing about committing to a character. Jinx couldn’t disagree.
While everyone else was panicking and frantically trying to find someone, anyone, to take over the role, Nola remained calm. Alberta, in particular, was impressed with her cool demeanor given the high-level of anxiety everyone else was experiencing. She had always thought of the young woman as emotional and capricious, but seeing the way she responded to this latest obstacle, Alberta pivoted in her perception of her. Nola was actually a competent, levelheaded leader. Alberta had no idea how she was going to solve the current problem she was faced with, but she was confident she would find a solution. And she did. In only two days.
Before the Thursday night rehearsal, which was mandatory for the entire company, Nola gathered everyone into the theatre, walked up to the microphone stand in the center of the stage, and addressed her cast.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to make another long speech,” Nola said. “I’ll make this short and sweet. As you know, Tambra had an unfortunate accident a few nights ago and has had to withdraw from the production.”
The inevitable groans rose up from the crowd.
“I know, it’s a total bummer,” Nola said. “But in theatre when you have a flop, you flip it. As your producer, that’s what I did. Please welcome the newest addition to the Arsenic and Old Lace family, Missy Michaels’s only living relative, Adrienne Petrocelli.”
A huge gasp erupted from the group and then shouts and applause. In contrast, Alberta, Helen, Jinx, and Joyce stared at the young woman on the stage with dropped jaws. Alberta let out a slow whistle and muttered, “Tondo e tondo e tondo lei va, dove si ferma, nessuno la sa.”
“You can say that again, Berta,” Helen said.
“I didn’t catch that, Gram,” Jinx whispered in Alberta’s ear. “I’m still trying to recover from the shock.”
“Round and round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows,” Joyce translated.
“That sums up Nola all right,” Jinx said.
“She’s got faccia tosta, that one, I’ll give her that,” Alberta said.
“Are you giving Nola a compliment or taking a swipe at her?” Jinx asked.
“Both,” Alberta replied. “She’s got real chutzpah to traipse out Missy’s niece like a sideshow exhibit.”
“That’s a little harsh, Berta, don’t you think?” Helen asked. “The kid’s got a show to put on, and desperate times call for desperate measures.”
“Now you’re Nola’s biggest fan?” Alberta asked. “You used to make fun of her.”
“When she was a director, because she was terrible,” Helen said. “As a producer, she’s top-notch.”
“As much as it pains me, I have to agree,” Joyce said. “Getting Adrienne to fill in for Tambra is a brilliant marketing ploy.”
“Why does it pain you to have to say that, Aunt Joyce?” Jinx asked.
“Because now Sloan and I are going to have to create a whole new marketing campaign to highlight the newest star of the show,” Joyce explained.
“That’s showbiz, kids,” Helen said.
“Isn’t it the most exciting business in the world?” Nola asked, joining the group. “One minute you feel like closing out of town and the next a star is born. It’s so thrilling, and the fa
ct that you’re all involved just makes the journey so much more exciting.”
“Congratulations, Nola,” Alberta said. “You really pulled the rabbit out of the hat on this one. But I didn’t know Adrienne was an actress.”
“She isn’t professional by any stretch of the imagination,” Nola said. “She did perform in college, but mainly because her ex was a theatre major, and she said she knew the play, so when I asked her if she would join us, she said she’d be honored to appear in the show her aunt was supposed to headline.”
“She said that?” Alberta asked.
“I think it’s going to help her gain closure,” Nola said.
“I’m not one to put a damper on things,” Helen said.
“You’re not?” Alberta asked.
Ignoring her sister and costar, Helen continued, “But is Adrienne going to be able to get up to speed with the rest of us? We open in less than a week.”
“That is a concern, and we talked about it and decided it would be best if Adrienne stayed in Tranquility for the next week so she could rehearse during the day with me and Johnny and any other available cast members,” Nola explained. “Sanjay even agreed to let Adrienne take over Missy’s room at the Arms and stay there for free.”
“How much is that gonna cost me?” Joyce asked.
“Just a dinner with him,” Nola said. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“Nah,” Joyce replied. “It could be worse. He could want to whisk me off to India for a long weekend.”
“That was his first suggestion,” Nola confessed. “But I got him to compromise.”
“Looks like I owe you,” Joyce replied.
“You’re doing so much for me and the show already—all of you are—that I’m the one who owes you,” Nola said.
“Honey, we’re having the time of our lives,” Alberta said, fibbing a bit. “You just put all your energy on making this show the best it can possibly be.”
“With all of you helping out and Johnny steering the ship,” Nola said, “this show is destined to be a critical and commercial smash.”
Unfortunately, from the sound of Johnny’s bellowing, it sounded like the show was headed for disaster.
Standing on the stage, he yanked the microphone out of the stand and shouted into it. His voice boomed throughout the theatre. “If party time is over, we still have a show to rehearse! We open in less than a week, people, and we are far from ready. I want my actors on stage now!”
As the night wore on, Johnny’s demeanor only got worse once it was evident that Adrienne was not sliding into the role as easily as Nola had implied she could. When Alberta and Jinx met with Adrienne, they’d found her to be straightforward and talkative. The Adrienne who showed up onstage was the opposite; she was shy, quiet, and unsure of herself. She also knew nothing about proper theatre etiquette.
During the blocking of a scene between Adrienne and Kip’s characters, Elaine and Mortimer, her cell phone rang and the old song by The Flamingos, “I Only Have Eyes for You,” played at full volume.
“You have got to be kidding me!” Johnny shouted. “Do you mind turning off your phone?”
“I’m so sorry,” Adrienne said, fumbling with the phone in an attempt to silence it. “It’s a marketing call from my alma mater. Like I have money to give to the University of Michigan.”
She finally hit the right button and turned her phone off, but not before Johnny started yelling again. “This isn’t going to be easy, Adrienne, so I need you to concentrate.”
“I will, I promise,” she said. “It’s just a bit more emotional being here than I thought it would be.”
“Whatever you need from me, Adrienne, just let me know,” Kip offered.
“What I need is for the two of you to start the scene over from the top,” Johnny barked. “Do you think we could make that happen?”
They did make it happen, but they only made it through half of the scene because Adrienne, affected by the tender way Kip was delivering his lines, started to cry. At first, Johnny and Kip thought she was crying in character, but when her crying intensified and it was evident that she wasn’t even making an attempt to continue the scene, they realized this was a real-life crying jag. One that quickly looked like it could transform into a real-life breakdown.
Alberta contemplated going up onstage and trying to console Adrienne, who was obviously distraught, when Johnny did what a good director is supposed to do: he consoled his actress. To Alberta’s surprise, Johnny embraced Adrienne, who wrapped her arms around him, clearly desperate for physical contact, and whispered something in her ear. Alberta couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it seemed to be working because Adrienne’s body was no longer shaking and her crying came to an end. But if Johnny had saved the day, why did he look so miserable? And why was he looking over at Nola as if she were his mortal enemy instead of his girlfriend?
“Why don’t we take a five-minute break?” Johnny said. He then added through clenched teeth, “Nola! Could I speak with you?”
“Excuse me,” Nola said to Jinx. “Johnny needs me.”
Jinx watched Nola speedwalk over to the far left of the theatre where Johnny was waiting for her. As she got closer, Johnny walked behind a large dining room hutch that was going to be used as one of the set pieces in the show and Nola followed him. They were now both out of Jinx’s line of vision, but when she raced over to stand on the other side of the hutch, they were still within earshot and she was able to overhear their conversation.
“Do you think you could’ve warned me about Adrienne?” Johnny hissed.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Nola replied.
Jinx was disgusted by the placating tone of Nola’s voice. If Freddy ever spoke to her the way Johnny spoke to Nola, she would channel her inner Cher and slap him so hard across the face, his neck would snap. She wished she could slap Johnny and knock some sense into him. He was lucky to have Nola as a girlfriend and should treat her like a princess instead of the scullery maid.
“All you did was make me look like a fool,” Johnny seethed.
“How did I do that?”
“By blindsiding me!”
“What was I supposed to do? Just let the show close?” Nola asked. “I couldn’t do that after everything we’ve gone through to get to this point. I thought I was doing you a favor by recruiting Adrienne.”
“All you had to do was convince her to be in the show,” Johnny said. “I have to take this woman, who couldn’t shine Missy’s shoes, and turn her into a real actress in under a week.”
“Johnny, Adrienne’s character doesn’t have a lot of scenes, and they’re mainly with Kip, who can help Adrienne if she goes up on her lines or forgets her blocking,” Nola said. “Kip’s a pro.”
“He’s also Missy’s killer,” Johnny hissed.
“You don’t know that.”
“So, you think I did it!”
“I didn’t say that, stop putting words in my mouth,” Nola said. “I think you’re both innocent.”
“You’re half right, I’m innocent and Kip’s guilty,” Johnny replied. “But I’m the one with a murder charge on his head.”
“Because the evidence points to you.”
“Nola! You’re not making me feel any better.”
“The evidence they have at the moment, which is all circumstantial, by the way,” Nola added.
“If the cops would do their job, maybe they’d find evidence that would prove Kip murdered Missy and I could get on with my life. Until then, do me a favor, Nola?”
“What?”
“Stop doing me favors!” Johnny yelled.
Johnny was so infuriated that he didn’t notice Jinx crouching in front of the hutch when he stormed past her and hoisted himself back up on the stage. He told the cast that their break time was over and he wanted to take it from the top of Act Two. When Nola emerged from behind the hutch, she looked as if she wanted to restart the whole day. She looked weary and upset and frustrated. Mainly, she looked like she could us
e a friend.
“Don’t be mad at me, but I overheard every word Johnny said and innocent or guilty, he shouldn’t take out his frustrations on you,” Jinx said.
“You have no idea what he’s going through, Jinx,” Nola replied.
“It doesn’t matter,” Jinx said. “He’s acting like a total jerk and someone has got to tell him to stop.”
“And you’ve appointed yourself the person to do that?” Nola asked. “Stay out of my relationship, Jinx, I’m warning you.”
“Nola, how can you defend him when he could have committed murder?” Jinx asked.
“Because I know that he’s innocent.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know how frightening it is to be accused of a crime you didn’t commit,” Nola replied. “He’s acting the same way I did.”
“No, he isn’t, Nola. I was there, remember? You weren’t lashing out at people who were trying to help you,” Jinx said. “This is all a game to him, an act, and he’s lying too.”
“He is not a liar!”
“I know that his real name is Gianni Fennacacculi?” Jinx confessed.
“What are you talking about?”
“Johnny Fenn is a made-up name, he changed it,” Jinx explained. “I can tell from your expression that this isn’t news to you. You already know Johnny’s lying.”
“You’re lying.”
“Grow up, Nola! Maybe Johnny isn’t a murderer, but he’s definitely not good enough for you.”
Nola turned to get as far from Jinx as she could and ran right into Bruno’s arms. Bruno grabbed Nola’s shoulders to steady her and held on a few seconds longer than necessary. He looked down into her eyes, and Jinx could see that he was searching for the right thing to say, but before he could speak, she broke free and ran out of the theatre.
“What did you say to her?” Bruno asked.
“I told her that her boyfriend is a liar, and she knows it’s true, but for some reason she won’t break up with him,” Jinx replied.
“Nola’s not going to leave him now that he’s facing a murder charge,” Bruno said. “She’s too decent a person to do that.”