Terri closed her eyes briefly and shook her head sadly. “After Tina died, Mac shut down for a while. She went through all the motions—the funeral, dealing with Tina’s family, sorting out Tina’s things, and then going back to work, but Maree and I were really worried about her. Martha was worried too. We don’t know if she cried or not, when she was alone at home, but none of us ever really remember seeing her cry. There were the odd tears, but…it was like she locked that part of herself away.”
“I see.”
“So, in answer to your question—is there something to look out for, or to avoid? I think maybe all I can hope is that whatever the magic is between you two, you hold on tight to it. Mac’s just starting to poke her nose out from a really big black hole. So if you can stop her from going back in again, then you’ll be rewarded with a woman who will take your breath away.”
Sarah smiled. “She does that now. It’s hard to imagine that there’s more.”
Terri wiggled her eyebrows at Sarah. “Just think of the fun you’ll have finding out.”
Both of them burst into giggling, just as Maree and Mac walked in the door. Maree said, “Uh-oh, that sounds like these two are up to no good at all.”
Terri batted innocent eyes at Maree. “Oh, baby, how can you say that?”
Maree came up and swatted her behind. “Because I know you, and I know that laugh.”
*
Sarah and Mac ended up getting Chinese take away for dinner, a nice chicken and cashew stir-fry, which had lots of flavour but wasn’t too hot or spicy, in deference to Mac’s throat. Sarah gave up on the chopsticks and opted for the fork. “How’s Nell going?”
“She’s coming along in leaps and bounds. Maree got one of those vibrating collars for her, and it seems to be really helping. Whenever Maree wants her attention, she presses a control button and the collar vibrates. This lets Nell know that she has to look at Maree. Once she does that, Maree can get her to come, or sit, or whatever. She’s a really bright puppy and she’s learning really fast.”
“That sounds brilliant. That must have been great to see.”
“Oh yeah. She’s a special puppy, that one.”
“Well, she was lucky it was you who saw that potential. You helped her shine.”
Mac shook her head. “Maree’s the one getting her to shine.”
Sarah leaned in and kissed Mac. “How about we agree that you both did?”
Mac shrugged her shoulders and grinned. “You know I’ll agree to anything you say when you kiss me.”
Sarah laughed and ducked in for another kiss. “Oh, I’ll have to remember that.”
Mac toyed with a loose thread on her jeans.
Sarah could see Mac wanted to say something. “What are you thinking, babe?”
“Thank you for looking after me these last couple of days, and thank you for being patient with me. I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with and I’m not very good at being sick and sitting around. And I’m not very good at saying what I feel, and sometimes when I do, the wrong stuff comes out my mouth. I just wanted to say that you make me feel safe, and loved, and that I appreciate it very much.” Mac blew out a big breath with a rush.
Sarah held Mac’s hand in hers and turned to face her until their eyes locked. “Thank you for telling me that. I don’t know how or why we met and connected like we have. I just know that being with you makes me feel whole in a way I can’t explain. I’m sorry that you got hurt, but I’m pleased that I could be here for you, and that you let me look after you, because I’m discovering that there’s nowhere else I want to be, unless it’s with you.”
Sarah slid her hands up past the bandages on Mac’s hands to her forearms, so she could stroke Mac’s skin with her thumb. “Honey, I know that we’re still learning about each other, but I’m hoping that we can keep talking, to help each other out. If there’s something that I do that you don’t like, or if there’s something that you want me to do, then I need you to tell me, love. I don’t have a great track record in relationships, and sometimes, I’m really clueless. I want this, us, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world. But I need you to help me.”
Mac nodded.
Small steps, Terri and Maree had said before, so Sarah thought to lighten up the mood a little. “My shift doesn’t start until nine in the morning. I was wondering if you had time to show me around the station, when I drop you off.”
Mac’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You want to see where I work?”
Sarah grinned. “I’d love to see where you work. I want to be the best partner I can be for you, and to do that, I think it’s important to see and understand a little bit more about what you do. You’ve seen what I do. I figure it’s my turn to learn about what you do. Is that okay?”
“Sure, I can do that. There’s not that much to see. But we can do that. I suppose you’ll want a ride in a fire truck, and to use the sirens too, don’t you?”
Sarah laughed. “Doesn’t everybody?”
The next morning Sarah helped Mac with her new work shirt. They’d washed it on the weekend to try and get the stiffness out, but not nearly enough to make it soft. Mac was pulling faces as Sarah did up the buttons. “This is worse than the other one.”
Sarah brushed her hands away. “Don’t be such a baby. It’ll get better as the day goes on.”
Sarah was trying to knot the tie and failing hopelessly. “How do you drive this damn thing? It always looks so easy.”
“I got it.” In no time at all, Mac had wrapped it around, pulled it through, and tugged it smooth and even. Sarah did the last bit tight and smoothed the collar down.
Sarah stepped back and held Mac at arm’s length. “Mm, nice.”
Mac pulled at her collar. “Mm, itchy.”
Sarah laughed and slapped her on the butt. “Come on, gorgeous, take me to your fire truck.”
*
Sarah pulled up to the station. She turned to Mac, who had gone quiet. “You ready?”
Mac took a deep breath. “Yep.” But she didn’t move from her seat.
“You nervous?”
“A bit.”
“What are you nervous about? Is it putting the uniform back on?”
“No.”
“Is it the thought of facing a fire again?”
“No.”
“Then what’s giving you butterflies?”
“I don’t like fuss. I just want to go in and be normal.”
“People fuss because they love and care about you.” Sarah looked at Mac and could tell that she needed to take a different tack. “Did you know, when you were sleeping in the hospital, there were firefighters in the corridor shushing anyone being noisy so that you could sleep?”
Mac smiled, crinkling up her nose. “They get pretty protective.”
“Honey, they do that because they care. You’d do the same for them too, wouldn’t you?”
Mac nodded.
“You know, if you were a bitch, then they wouldn’t give a toss. But you’re not, so you just need to suck it up and accept that people love and care about you.”
Mac sighed in resignation. “I’m being an idiot, aren’t I?” Mac knew that Sarah was right. She had good friends at the station. They were her family. So of course they cared about her.
Sarah chuckled. “Yes, but you’re a damn cute one, so how about we do this?”
Mac blew out a nervous breath. “Okay.” Mac held Sarah’s hand and together they walked in. Mac only got as far as the service desk foyer before John spotted her and a whistle went out. This signal brought firefighters out of every door and hallway to surround her.
Martha approached her first and wrapped her in a hug. Second in line was the chief, who clapped her on the shoulder and kissed her cheek. “It’s good to have you back on the floor Lieutenant James.” The chief shook Sarah’s hand. “Dr. Macarthur—thank you for looking after our girl.” His eyes were getting suspiciously moist. He cleared his throat. “I’ll be in my office if anyone needs me.�
��
As soon as he walked around the corner, pandemonium erupted, with each firefighter trying to get to Mac. As Mac’s partner, and as the biggest man there, John muscled his way to the front and got the first hug. “Welcome home, Mouse.” He then gave Sarah a kiss on the cheek.
Mac cleared her throat. “Thank you guys. It’s nice to be back. Most of you have met my girlfriend, Sarah, at the hospital. She would like to have a look at where we all work. So if you could all keep your clothes on for the next half an hour, that would be great.”
There was laughing and good natured wolf whistles from the group. Martha stepped in and rescued them from the jovial crowd. “All right, you lot. Go back to doing something useful and let the girls catch their breath. You take Sarah and show her around while I go and make us a hot drink.”
Mac hugged Martha. They stood there for a good few seconds just holding each other, before Martha broke away and shooed them down the hallway.
Mac walked Sarah through the back room areas, like the lockers, laundry, storeroom, and kitchen. As promised, Sarah got to sit in one of the pumpers as well as the smaller rescue-equipped vehicle that she and John often went out in. Sarah looked over all of them, asking lots of questions about the radios and the vast array of equipment.
Mac let Sarah try on a turnout jacket and breathing tank. “Wow, this is really heavy. How do you guys run around in all this gear? I’m only wearing half of what you do and I can barely move.”
“Just practice. You get used to it after a while. It’s why I feel a bit weird wearing the fancy shirt. I sort of feel naked without all the gear on.”
Sarah froze, and Mac realized where Sarah’s mind was headed as she leaned into Sarah’s ear to whisper, “Don’t make me turn the hose on you, Dr. Macarthur.”
They were both laughing as Mac helped Sarah out of the gear. Then back in the main part of the building, Mac showed her the briefing room and her small office space, where a bunch of flowers, two steaming mugs of coffee, and some of her favourite sweet biscuits, Tim Tams, were waiting for them on the desk.
Stuck to the side of the flowers was a card. Carefully, Mac opened and read it.
You’re my hero. Love you lots. Sarah xxx
Long silent moments ticked by as Mac stared at the card.
Sarah sat very still.
Breaking the spell, Mac plucked one of the rosebuds from the arrangement. She trimmed the stem, stood and leaned over Sarah, then threaded the bloom through Sarah’s lapel buttonhole. She kissed Sarah tenderly on the lips and whispered, “And you’re my hero, Dr. Macarthur.”
“Thank you for showing me around this morning. It’s helped give me a better idea of some of the things, like the trucks and the gear. It’s really quite fascinating, and I’ve really enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing that part of your world with me. And it was lovely to be made feel so welcome. They’re a nice bunch of people you work with, and it’s obvious they think the world of you.”
“They’re good people. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have my back. But don’t tell them I said that, because their heads would swell and we wouldn’t be able to get them into the truck.”
Sarah chuckled. “Fair enough. Not a word. Well, I’d better push off and get my day started. You sure you’re right to get home when you’re done?”
“I’ll get one of the guys to run me home.”
“Just remember, it’s your first day back. Pace yourself, huh?”
“Yes.”
“Promise?”
Mac was smiling. “Yes, mother.”
They kissed and hugged briefly before Sarah left.
Sitting back at her desk, Mac stared at her flowers, thinking back to the welcome she received from all the men. She was lucky. Even though all the attention felt uncomfortable, she’d survived. Sarah was right. It was because they cared about her. She just needed to learn how to deal with that.
Chapter Twenty-three
Sarah’s mobile rang just before two. Colleen. “Hey.”
“Hey, stranger, you had lunch yet?”
“I’m just having it now.”
“You in the caff?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Mind if I join you?”
“I’d love it.”
“All right. See you in five.” When she came through the door a few minutes later, Colleen spied Sarah at one of the tables, waved, and came over. “Hey, thanks for waiting.”
“No problems. All quiet on the baby front?”
“Yes, not too bad. How ’bout you? You guys busy?”
“We’re not too bad either, which makes for a nice change.”
“How’s Mac doing?”
“She’s good. She’s gone back to work today for a few hours.”
“Really? How’s she managing that with her hands and legs?”
“Actually, she seems to be a pretty good healer. I’m a bit surprised myself. We’re still keeping them wrapped, especially her hands, as they’re still pretty raw, but she can manage a lot of things. She’s on light duties, so she’s not required to haul heavy equipment or attend call-outs for a while, and she’s got people who’ll help her out with inspections and classes, which is good.”
Colleen was shaking her head. “I still can’t believe that she ran into that building.”
Sarah put her sandwich down and rested her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands. “You know, I can’t get my head around it either. You and I try to save lives by patching people up. Mac saves lives too, but to do that, she and all the other firefighters have to put themselves into places most sensible people would never go.”
“Does that freak you out?”
Sarah sipped her juice and thought about that question. She’d thought about it a lot in the last few days. “Yes and no, if that makes sense?”
Colleen tilted her head in question.
“Does it freak me out that Mac sometimes has to be right in the danger line? Yes, absolutely. If I close my eyes, I can still see her running into the laundry, and the explosion ripping out the door, and I’m still waiting, for what feels like forever, for her to come out, not knowing if she will or not. But she’s good at what she does. I trust her. I know they’re well trained and she told me that she’ll always do her best to come home to me. I can’t ask for more than that, can I?”
“Well, when you put it like that, I suppose not.”
Sarah laughed. “Oh, don’t get me wrong. I would feel happier if she were a sheep herder or a plumber, something a hell of a lot safer. But then I probably would never have met her if she was, and the thought of never having met Mac would be criminal, now that I have.”
“Oh Lord, listen to you, you big romantic.”
Sarah felt herself blush. “You know what? I think I am. I can’t help myself. Isn’t it weird? I guess when you’re with the right person, you just go with what feels good.”
“So you guys are good then?”
“Yeah, we are. We’re still learning about each other, and we each have baggage from the past that we need to deal with, but, I think…I feel like we have something really special going on. For the first time ever, I want to be with somebody, Col. I want to have a future with Mac. I’ve never wanted that before, with anybody.”
“That’s a big first.”
Sarah sat back in her chair. “I know. Enjoy the company, then get out fast. That’s always been my playbook. But I don’t want that any more.”
“Does Mac know how you feel?”
“I think so. I mean, I haven’t spelled it out in quite so many words. We’ve sort of mentioned bits and pieces around it.”
“I hear a but coming.”
“I don’t want to rush her or scare her off. I want us to just take our time, sort of a take it as it comes sort of thing.”
“Why would she be scared off? You’re not planning on marrying her next week, are you?”
Sarah laughed and shook her head. “No. Mac is still recovering from the death of her first partner, Tina, a couple of yea
rs ago. She’s still pretty vulnerable. And you know me, probably better than anyone else, Col. If truth be told, I’ve never been in a long-term relationship. I have perfected the art of staying on the move. I have commitment phobias. So I have to learn how to be a partner and not just a short-term hook-up.”
“Well, that makes sense. But I still think you should tell her.”
“You’re probably right. It’s just finding the right moment and the courage to do it.”
“Well, with a bit of luck, you’ll know when the moment arises and you won’t have to think too much about it. It’ll just happen.”
“Hope so, Colly. Because I don’t even want to think of a future without her.”
“That bad, huh?”
Sarah nodded and blew out a breath. “Oh yeah.”
*
Mac had spent the morning finishing off reports and tweaking a few of the class formats for the weeks to come, so that she could do them in a slightly modified physical format to cater to her healing body.
The shrapnel wound still had a tendency to catch her when she moved suddenly, or twisted the wrong way, but she was learning to compensate, using other muscles when trying to lift and carry things. In some cases she had to ask for help, which was a bit of a new experience for her. Mac had always prided herself on being very independent and proved herself in the field to be both competent and equal to whatever task was before her. Asking for help did not feel comfortable, but she was learning to tolerate it in the short term.
Her legs weren’t too bad as long as she didn’t bump them. But her hands frustrated her the most. She could do things, especially now that Sarah had wrapped her hands a new way so she had some use of her fingers, but it was still frustrating to only be able to do the rudimentary basics. Mac never thought being able to get yourself dressed in the morning could be so important. She was having to learn patience. She was learning that she sometimes had to ask for help and more importantly she was learning that she had to let other people help and care for her. This was probably the most exhausting part of all. It left her feeling more raw and exhausted than having the dressings changed.
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