by Ayles, Abby
No more balls, no more flirtations, no more planning what new dress or frock she might wear to impress the men.
How was she supposed to have any sort of fun now?
At least her husband-to-be was handsome, she supposed. And rich. She could find no fault on either of those fronts.
“Natalie.” It was Elizabeth, with whom she was sharing a bed.
“Yes?”
Elizabeth rolled onto her side. “You’ve been rather quiet,” she whispered.
“Have I? I hadn’t noticed.” Of course, she had noticed. Usually she was the one competing with Elizabeth for doing the most talking.
There was a pause, then Elizabeth whispered again. “Are you quite all right, Nat?”
Elizabeth was the only one who called her Nat. They had shared a room growing up. For all that they fought one another, they were also the closest to each other.
Natalie sighed. She reached over, searching until she found Elizabeth’s hand. “I’m happy for you,” she said, and she meant it.
Elizabeth’s hand squeezed hers. “Thank you.”
There was another pause, and then Elizabeth spoke again. “I am nervous. I’m not…good at those domestic things, you know that. Regina and Louisa will do quite well with them, I should think.”
“But you…you have true affection for this Mr. Denny, do you not?” Natalie asked. “You actually love him?”
“Yes.” Elizabeth sighed and Natalie wished that the candles had not been blown out so that she might see her sister’s face. “I would not have thought it of myself, but I do.”
“Good.”
“But you…” Elizabeth’s voice was unusually hesitant. “You do not love your intended.”
“How can I?” Natalie replied, trying to keep the bitterness out of her voice. “I have only just met him this evening.”
“But you can like him, can you not?” Elizabeth asked. “You can feel an affinity for him.”
“I suppose one can,” Natalie acknowledged.
“But you do not.”
“He is a handsome man,” Natalie said. “And quite rich. I shall never want for anything.”
“It is not too much to hope for,” Elizabeth replied. “Love.”
“I doubt that I shall find it with him.”
“Do not close yourself off too quickly.” Elizabeth’s tone was advising. Natalie wondered when her younger sister had become the wiser. “You might find that you are more compatible than you thought.”
Natalie wasn’t so sure of that herself but she said nothing. It wouldn’t help anyone for her sisters to know how unhappy she was. It would only dampen their joy.
Bridget might say she was selfish, and indeed Natalie wanted to pout and let everyone know how awful her situation was. But it would only make her look bad. And what kind of sister would she be to have fits over the happiness of her siblings?
She could resign herself. She didn’t think that it could get better as Elizabeth so optimistically claimed. But it couldn’t be too horrible, could it?
She’d find a way to make the most of it. She must.
Chapter 14
John rose early, as had become his habit over the last month. He used to get up whenever he pleased, but he was trying to drill respectable habits into himself now.
He made sure the servants organized his things and loaded them onto his carriage.
To his surprise, Miss Natalie was not down for breakfast when he went down to dine with Lord and Lady Morrison.
“Is she not up yet?” he asked his host.
Lord Morrison shook his head. “I’m afraid not. From what I know of her, Miss Natalie is not an early riser.”
“We are to leave for Mountbank today. I was hoping for an early start.”
Lord Morrison looked over at his wife. Lady Morrison rose and excused herself with a curtsy, murmuring something about finding Miss Natalie and rousing her.
John took a seat next to Lord Morrison and began to help himself to the food.
“You seem in distress,” Lord Morrison noted.
“Not distressed, no,” John replied. Lord Morrison was one of his few close friends outside of Blaketon, the town nearest to the estate of Mountbank.
If he couldn’t confide in Lord Morrison, then who could he confide in?
John sighed. “I’m concerned, that’s all. Miss Natalie now has no reason to continue with the engagement. I suspect that our temperaments are different enough that we will be ill-suited for one another and she will take the easy way out.”
“She cannot,” Lord Morrison replied. “To break off an engagement and to such a man as yourself would be to invite ridicule.”
“Women have broken off engagements before.”
“And will continue to do so, I am sure, but not without good reason.” Lord Morrison shook his head. “No, sir, she cannot break off an engagement, and to an earl no less, without good cause.”
“I suppose,” John acknowledged.
Still, the idea of having a wife that was ill-suited for him did not sit well with him. Hopefully his fears would be set aside once he and Miss Natalie spent a little more time together.
The door opened and both he and Lord Morrison stood, but it was Miss Louisa who entered.
She had a sweet face. The kind of face that you instinctively trusted.
“Good morning, my lords. I do apologize for my sister,” Miss Louisa said. “She is up and about now.”
“Please, there is no need,” John said. If there was a need to apologize, then Miss Natalie should do it herself.
“Is it far to Mountbank?” Lord Morrison asked.
John looked at him for a moment in confusion. Lord Morrison knew quite well how far Mountbank was from his own estate. But then he realized it was his friend’s attempt at making polite conversation.
“Not too far,” John said. “It should only take us a day’s ride if we set out early enough.”
“Have you good spots for walking about the grounds?” Miss Louisa asked.
Before John could answer, the door opened and Miss Natalie appeared.
She was as beautiful as he’d thought her the night before. That, at least, had not changed.
She also looked, unfortunately, quite out of sorts as well.
“Are we to be leaving so soon?” she asked. “It is not even nine.”
“We must, if we are to get to Mountbank by nightfall,” John explained.
Natalie nodded, sitting down to breakfast.
“I’ve had our things sent down by the servants,” Miss Louisa said.
Miss Natalie nodded her thanks at her sister. The breakfast table fell into an awkward silence. Miss Natalie didn’t seem inclined to ask any questions, and John didn’t know how to begin a conversation under such circumstances.
It was clear that Miss Natalie was not in good spirits. He didn’t know how to lift them—and in fact it was making his own spirits fall quite low.
The strained atmosphere continued as they got their things loaded up in the carriage. By then everyone else was up to say goodbye.
John could see the easy way that Miss Regina and the Duke of Whitefern were around one another. There was something so relaxed about their manner and stance and they took care, he saw, to stand next to one another.
Or perhaps it was not so much that they took care to stand next to one another as it was they simply gravitated towards each other. As though it was only natural for them to be together as a unit.
Miss Hartfield seemed to be in high spirits as well, as was Miss Elizabeth. It only highlighted for John how quiet Miss Natalie was.
Her sisters were all clearly quite happy. John could see that. But Miss Natalie was not. Their happiness only highlighted her own solemn air.
After they had bid farewell and climbed into the carriage, silence descended again.
John did try, at first, to make some sort of conversation.
“I’ve always had a particular fondness for the English countryside,” he said. “Eu
rope really doesn’t quite compare.”
“I suppose it’s nice for the first hour,” Miss Natalie replied. “But it does get so dreadfully boring, doesn’t it?”
“I think it’s rather peaceful,” John countered.
“I’d think you would be just as bored,” Miss Natalie pointed out. “You’ve seen all of Europe. Surely the English countryside is nothing compared to all the balls and entertainment there.”
“I did rather enjoy the culture of Europe,” John admitted.
“There, you see?”
“But I have always planned on settling down at Mountbank eventually,” John continued. “My plan was never to continue in Europe indefinitely. Unfortunately, my father clearly did not think so.”
“I think that is rather unfair of your father, to give you such an ultimatum.”
“Natalie!” Miss Louisa looked rightfully shocked at her sister’s bold statement.
John sort of felt like knocking his head against the wall. If Miss Natalie was so bold in front of his father, John knew there would be hell to pay for it.
He was supposed to bring home a responsible wife. Someone who could help him with the running of the house. Someone respectable, of whom he could be proud.
“But is it not true?” Miss Natalie asked. She looked John straight in the eyes. It was as if she was challenging him. “And is this not my future husband? We must get used to being frank with one another.
“And is it not unfair to you to give you so little time to choose a wife for yourself?”
“You forget, I think, that most men of my age are already engaged,” John said.
He was uncomfortable discussing things so frankly with someone he had just met. He did think Miss Natalie’s boldness was quite out of the bounds of acceptability. But she did have a point. She was soon to be his wife. He must get used to speaking with her frankly.
“I spent quite a long time in the Continent. It was selfish of me to be so long and so far from home. My father’s harshness is understandable.”
John knew that he had no one but himself to blame for his current situation. If he had heeded his father sooner and been more responsible, surely, he would have by now found a woman more suited to him, and he to her.
Miss Natalie looked as though she did not at all agree. She changed the conversation subject, however. Probably a wise choice. It would not do for them to argue.
“Are there balls frequently held? I should imagine that with an estate such as Mountbank there are often excuses for festivities.”
“I’m afraid not often,” John said. “Mountbank is rather out of the way. There are not often excuses for balls.”
“Oh.” Miss Natalie sounded disappointed. “And how far would you say we are from London?”
“Quite a ways I should think,” John said. He had to think about it for a moment. “Two days’ journey. If I am remembering correctly.”
Miss Natalie looked even more disappointed than before.
John could feel his stomach twisting with his own disappointment. It seemed that Miss Natalie was a lady who wanted the enjoyment of social gatherings and dances.
He supposed that he could allow her to arrange some balls. But Mountbank really was more out of the way. And as long as Father was alive he’d never allow so much festivity.
Silence fell once again.
Miss Louisa didn’t say much, but that seemed to be more in fitting with her nature than anything to do with the awkward atmosphere.
Miss Natalie, on the other hand, struck him as someone quite talkative. She had been full of energy at the ball last night. Now she was silent, staring down at her hands. She didn’t even seem to care for what was happening outside the window.
John sighed inwardly. He ought to try, he supposed. “There are many lovely walks about the area. I’ve always enjoyed the fresh air.”
“I much prefer the indoors,” Miss Natalie admitted. She sounded pained. Perhaps she was realizing, as John was, the unsuitability of their match.
Yet John was stuck with her. He had no time to find another.
Perhaps it was his own fault. He had built up a reputation for partying, so to speak, and it was a reputation that he had earned. He could not deny that.
He should have taken more care to prove that these were merely wild oats he was sowing. He didn’t wish to spend his whole life at balls or in dance halls. He had angered his father and now, apparently, misled his bride in the manner of his character.
You have made your bed, John thought to himself bitterly, and I suppose that now you must lie in it.
The rest of the journey was silent and stiff. John could only think to himself how this did not bode well for their marriage.
He’d have to find some way to deal with it.
Somehow.
Chapter 15
Natalie found the drive up in the carriage to be monotonous and awkward.
She had thought she was marrying someone exciting. Now it turned out that he loved the countryside and was taking her to a place where there were no balls and they were far away from London and all things exciting.
Lord Ridgecleff could clearly tell that Natalie was uncomfortable. Natalie tried to ask after the social life of Mountbank, but it quickly became apparent that there was no social life to speak of.
After that, well, what more was there to say?
It took some time but Louisa, always the peacemaker, tried to start up conversation again as the hours ticked by.
“Do you have any other family, Lord Ridgecleff?”
“Yes, a younger brother and younger sister.” Lord Ridgecleff smiled, obviously fond of them. “My sister will be quite excited for your arrival. She has not many female friends.”
“I can imagine, in such a small community.”
Natalie turned to look out the window. As she did so, she caught sight of a building through the pane of glass.
It was covered again in a moment by trees. But then they got to the top of a hill and she could see it once more.
Natalie could not deny that her breath caught in her throat a bit.
It was a beautiful manor house. A proper one, too, not one of those newer ones that the nouveau riche families had been building lately on any spare bit of ground. Natalie had seen many of those springing up. Ostentatious, in her opinion. Done by people desperate to show off how high class they were.
But this was a proper older home, stately, done up in good taste. She could see the grounds were well kept and complete with gardens and a hedge maze for walking.
For a moment she felt the swoop of elation. To be the mistress of such a place—oh, how all the other women would seethe with envy!
It was the kind of place that many a girl dreamed of living in. To become the mistress of such a place—why, one took one look at it and one knew that the owners must be people of great standing and respectability.
“Mountbank,” Lord Ridgecleff said, and such genuine fondness infused his tone that Natalie felt a pang of homesickness for her own house.
She would never live at that house again. The Hartfield manor was no longer hers.
It was a sad thing to think on. She hadn’t felt like a child for some time, so it wasn’t that. But she had always thought of home as, well, home. Now it wasn’t, and wouldn’t ever be again.
Sad, really.
But oh, there was Mountbank, and it was Mountbank in fact, spread out before her. She was to be mistress of this house!
And here was quite enough room for balls, she could see that just from the outside. Its remote location would be bothersome but surely she’d find a way to make it work.
Perhaps she did not love her husband, or her intended husband to be precise. But to be mistress of such a house allayed many a dismay she’d had while on the journey.
“Do you like it?” Lord Ridgecleff asked.
Natalie was surprised at the hesitance in his tone. As if he could be unaware of what a fine house it was!
“It’s beautiful,�
�� she said truthfully. She turned to look at him. He had a look of such concern on his face, his forehead crinkling and his mouth set. She saw the moment that her words registered, for his face relaxed and he smiled, looking relieved.
“I am glad to hear you say so.”
It was a moment of—connection, or camaraderie, or something of the kind. She was not sure. Yet she felt for the first time that she truly was looking at Lord Ridgecleff, and being looked at.
It made a kind of warmth spread up her spine and throughout her body—a sort of affection with which she was unfamiliar.
She looked away quickly and stared out the window.
It was a lovely house, truly. She was looking forward to exploring its many rooms.
And perhaps…that moment of connection, it wasn’t much. But perhaps it was a beginning. Perhaps she and Lord Ridgecleff could find common ground after all.
Chapter 16
John had felt something in his chest loosen when he saw Natalie’s face as she watched Mountbank come into view.
Perhaps those of the lower classes did not feel this way, but growing up John had been taught that a man’s ancestral home was his castle. His pride and joy. It was as much a part of a man as his own arm, as his parents, as his children. Indeed, a man’s home was another child. Something to be looked after with just as much care and attention.
If Natalie had not liked Mountbank—John would have been beside himself, he could admit that, at least privately, in his heart. He loved Mountbank. Had indeed forgotten how much he loved it until now, coming home after so long a time away.
How could he have gone on without it for so long?
He breathed in the hearty air as he descended from the carriage. It had been far too long. He’d allowed himself to forget how much home had meant to him.
Well, this was what this return was for. To remind himself and his father—to remind everyone—that he cared for Mountbank and would see it continue its legacy. He would prove that he would and could care for Mountbank as well as any who had come before him.
The front door opened and two figures exited. One stopped at the front door, standing quietly. The other hurried down the steps towards him.