by Ayles, Abby
“Quite right. I would be worried if you were not a bit in love with him. I fear so many women marry titled men for money and security. And then the man is destined to be unhappy.”
“I only fear that I am too obvious, if I have neglected you so during a dance.”
“No, it rather gives me hope that I might find a lady, even one such as yourself, who can become entranced by a gentleman.”
“I am sure that you will find a lady who appreciates you as much as I appreciate my lord,” she said. It was bold of her to admit as much but she had to play her part. And besides, it was true.
She greatly appreciated Lord Ridgecleff, even if he did not fully appreciate her. Not that she begrudged it to him.
As the dance ended, she saw that Lord Ridgecleff had been drawn into conversation with a few young ladies. She recognized them as ladies with whom she had been speaking earlier.
Jealousy seized her and she did her best to tamp it down. “I thank you, sir, for the lovely dance,” she said, curtsying.
She then tried to walk slowly and not obviously hurriedly towards Lord Ridgecleff.
It was a crowded room. The first balls of the season were always overly full. Everyone wanted to attend. The later balls were thinner as people grew tired or retired to the country once more. Or as ladies were proposed to and became scarce, dealing with wedding plans and no longer needing to attend balls in order to see their suitor.
Right now, however, everyone wanted to attend. All invitations sent were accepted. And the hosts did not help by being a little overzealous in their invitations. People forgot past slights and who was really worth inviting either through status or through personality. Everyone was forgiving and forgetting, and nobody wanted to accidentally leave an important person out.
Because of the crowd, she could tell that her approach was not noticed. She was quite close when she began to hear of what they were all talking.
It was her.
“She is rather the flighty type, though, I should say,” one young lady was saying.
Natalie felt anger boil up inside of her along with shame. Whatever they were saying about her was quite out of line. But although it was out of line to say such things, it was not untrue.
She had been rather flighty, along with other things. Furthermore, there was nothing that these women could say that was not something Lord Ridgecleff already knew.
Still, it hurt her to know how badly her previous actions had cost her. She would have to work hard to change people’s opinions of her.
“She is most entertaining,” Miss Crawley was saying. “But not the sort of lady to whom one would entrust one’s secrets.”
“I think that you severely underestimate the lady,” Lord Ridgecleff said.
Natalie was taken aback. His tone of voice was the same one that he had used during their argument. It was hard, unyielding, with barely concealed ferocity.
Natalie felt no stir of fear at it. She hadn’t when he had first used it either. It had only gotten her blood up, stirring up shame and indignation in equal measure.
But the other ladies, it seemed, feared that tone. They seemed to know the error of their ways now and all shrank back a bit, as one.
“Miss Natalie has proven herself to be an estimable lady,” Lord Ridgecleff went on. “I admire her greatly. She has been a dear friend to my sister and a relief during my duties taking over Mountbank.
“I am sorry to hear that such circumstances have made your acquaintance with her less than enjoyable. I am sure that she would apologize profusely were she to hear of your opinions of her. But I have no cause to regret my engagement with the lady and indeed I look forward to sharing my home with her permanently.”
Natalie felt as though the ground had tilted beneath her, threatening to send her sliding off. She knew it was only to save his own face of course but she dared to hope that at least a part of what her lord was saying was true. That he did on some level esteem her, even if he did not love her.
She knew it was just a part of their ruse but to hear him defend her like that—it meant more to her than she could say. If she had been permitted she would have flung her arms around him and held him tightly to show her gratitude.
The other women were obviously uncomfortable now. Natalie honestly could not say that she blamed them overmuch. As her attempts to find a husband with Bridget had shown, she was not much fun outside of a ball.
Goodness knew how many of these women she had treated callously on morning calls or at dinner parties. She had traded in gossip and flirted with all the men, including ones that she knew other women had feelings for. Generally, she had been the sort of person you could depend upon for fun at a party but not for true friendship.
Was it any wonder that these women sought to warn him? They saw what a good person Lord Ridgecleff was. No doubt they thought that it was worth the risk of being seen as rude in order to assist him in knowing the true nature of his intended wife.
But Lord Ridgecleff was not having it. His manner could not be plainer.
“I am sorry to hear that you have had cause to have issue with her in the past,” he went on. “But I can assure you that I have taken the measure of her character and have no doubts about my union with Miss Natalie Hartfield.
“I shall only listen to those positive anecdotes concerning her which you might see fit to share with me. All others are to be confined to the silence of your own hearts.
“I hope that I have made myself clear in this matter. Rest assured the news of your feelings will not reach Miss Natalie’s ears through me. She has been greatly looking forward to the season and to conversing with all of you. I would not deprive her of that joy.”
Natalie saw that it was about to dissolve into an awkward parting, and so she stepped the last bit forward that she might be seen by the others.
“My lord, I beg your pardon.” She smiled at the other ladies, trying to conceal the hurt and anger she felt—at both them and at herself. “I hope that I am not intruding.”
The other ladies looked momentarily frightened. They must have wondered if she had overheard anything.
Natalie kept the relaxed smile on her face. She could not blame them for speaking the truth about her nature. She was not going to punish them for it.
After a moment, she saw them all relax. They thought then that she had heard nothing.
Natalie turned to Lord Ridgecleff. “What were you all discussing so amicably?”
“They were congratulating me on my choice of wife,” he said, that teasing tone that she loved skirting around the edges of his voice. “And upon my sister’s introduction this season.”
“Oh, yes, Miss Ridgecleff is a lovely girl,” Natalie said, eager to seize upon a change in subject. “I’ve found her to be quite the ideal companion. She is most sweet-tempered. I’ve rarely met a girl with a nature such as hers. You will all meet her, of course.”
The ladies all nodded. Some of them still looked a little discomforted.
“I must attend upon my sister,” Lord Ridgecleff said. He smiled at Natalie, and for a moment she almost believed that the joy she saw in there was genuine. “I hope my absence will not leave you too bereft.”
“I shall have to lie in a swoon of despair until you return,” she replied dryly.
He laughed, glancing at the ladies as if to say see, I find she suits me quite well.
But that could have just been Natalie’s own imagination, telling her what she wanted to hear.
Once he departed, the other ladies fairly swarmed her.
“You must be grateful,” Miss Crawley said. “I have never seen or heard a man so violent in his defense of his intended wife.”
“He is quite gone on you,” said Miss Rampling.
Natalie did not know how to tell them that they were all quite mistaken. She merely nodded. “Of course. He is a man of passion and stubborn opinion. I hope that he did not disturb any of you.”
“Oh, not at all,” Miss Crawley said. “Only in that we are all
despairing we do not have a man so devoted to us. You are luckier than we thought.”
“Yes, we knew of his virtues,” Miss Rampling said, “but we were unaware of his devotion to you. It is quite rare, and we are all aflutter over it.”
Natalie smiled at them, basking in their praise. Or, well, trying to bask. It was a little hard to do when she knew that it was all false. Not their praise but Lord Ridgecleff’s devotion.
But she ought to get used to it.
After all, she was going to spend the rest of her life dealing with it.
Chapter 28
John tried to hide his eagerness when the time came to suggest that they retire from the ball.
Miss Louisa was thoroughly on his side of the matter. “I am quite tired, Natalie, I think it is best that we retire. I am growing too old for such things.”
“You were born too old for such things,” Miss Natalie replied, but in a loving tone. “You have always preferred the more intimate dinner parties. And soon you shall be able to host as many as you like.”
“It is nearly four o’clock,” John pointed out. “If there is any hope of making morning calls then we must go to bed soon.”
Miss Natalie and Emma both conceded the point. Emma was more reluctant than Miss Natalie. After all, this was Emma’s first real ball in ages.
But others had long since retired and the party was winding down. They were leaving while they were still enjoying themselves, which was in John’s opinion the perfect time to leave.
“The sun will be rising soon,” he observed as he helped the ladies into the carriage.
“I have watched the sunrise from many a carriage on my way home from balls,” Miss Natalie confessed, her voice soft with remembrance.
“And yet you refuse to get up early enough in the morning to see them,” he replied, teasing her.
“There is quite a bit of difference between staying up late and getting up early, my lord, and the sooner you attune yourself to that distinction the better we shall like one another,” Miss Natalie said. But her eyes were warm and her voice light, and he knew that she was only teasing him again.
He liked that. He liked their banter, that she kept him on his toes and never let him have an easy victory of it.
Miss Louisa was looking at them both with a fond but sort of sad look. She must be thinking of her own fiancé, John warranted. He did hope that she would be in a position to marry him soon. To wait like this seemed most unfair.
Emma fell asleep on the way home, to the great amusement of John and Miss Natalie. They had to wake her up gently when they arrived at the London apartments.
“I’m so sorry,” Emma kept saying, still confused from sleep. “Oh goodness, I’m—it’s quite rude of me, I’m so sorry. Did I snore?”
John laughed and Miss Louisa helped Emma up to bed, the poor thing still in a bit of a daze.
“Thank you,” Miss Natalie said. She lingered at the bottom of the stairs.
“Whatever for?” John asked.
Miss Natalie’s cheeks warmed and she looked down at her feet. “I overheard what the young ladies were saying to you about me.”
He felt anger spike up in his chest again. “What they were saying was uncalled for and without manners.”
“Without manners, yes, but uncalled for, not exactly,” Miss Natalie replied. “Nothing of what they said about me was untrue, after all. You know that full well.”
“But you have improved so much since then,” John said, unable to help himself.
“Yet they do not know that,” Miss Natalie replied. He thought it odd that right now she should be the reasonable, gentle one. And yet, it made sense. “All that they know is how I was when they last saw me.
“I think that it was thoughtful of them to risk their reputations in order to warn you off a woman they saw would make you unhappy.”
“Are you not upset then?” John asked, bewildered.
Miss Natalie was resolutely not looking at him. “My feelings do not matter in this. I am only concerned now that you will not treat the ladies with anything less than decorum.”
John couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You are not at all upset at the things that they were saying about you?”
“Of course I was upset, my lord, how could I not be?” Miss Natalie burst out. “But—you know full well that the things they said were true of me once. Even if they are not true anymore. Or at least I hope that they are no longer true.”
“I cannot understand how your honor could be besmirched in such an open manner and you do not care a jot.” It bewildered him.
“Do you speak up when your father imposes such high demands upon you after nary a word to you for years?” Miss Natalie shot back at him. “Or do you rather spend your entire time beating yourself up? You did not even try to go home and protest your marrying a woman in so short of a time.”
“That is entirely different.”
“It is different only in the details of the circumstance. I am allowed to decide what is and is not a just opinion formed about me.
“You believe that your father is right in his estimation of your failures. I believe that these ladies are right in their opinion of me for they have not had a chance to truly see how I have, I hope, changed.”
John shook his head. “No. You may permit such slander against your character, but I will not.”
“Why, because I am your wife?”
Partially because she was his wife, yes, but not in the sense that she was his property. In the sense that he cared about her and he would not permit anything or anyone to slander her.
“No, because you do not deserve them.”
Miss Natalie looked up at him, surprised.
John shifted uncomfortably. “What? You do not agree with that estimation?”
Miss Natalie opened her mouth. Looked to the side. Closed her mouth. Looked at him again. “I do not know. I hope that I have improved in my character since we had…our disagreement and spoke frankly with one another. But I do not know for certain.”
“How can you not know for certain?” John demanded.
Had he praised her too highly in her estimation? Had he revealed himself and his feelings too much?
He could not think of anything more humiliating than for Miss Natalie to have to bear the burden of his affections while not returning them.
Miss Natalie shook her head. “I had a poor estimation of myself beforehand. How can I know that my estimation of myself is proper now? That it isn’t still skewed?”
“Then trust me,” John told her. He wanted to reach out to her, to put his hands on her shoulders. But he couldn’t. She wasn’t his wife yet.
It was possibly revealing too much of himself, but he did not wish for her to continue to believe herself inadequate when she had improved so much. Not when he had come to…to love her.
“Trust me and my estimation of you. You know that I did not care for your behavior and manners. If anyone is around whose opinion of you can be trusted, it is me.
“You have grown, Miss Natalie. You listen to others, you think before you speak. You have made my father smile. I would put a bit more faith in yourself.”
Miss Natalie gave a small smile of her own. “Thank you. You are generous, I fear perhaps too generous. But I will accept it.”
“I am pleased to hear it.”
“You really did not have to defend me though,” she said. “You are under no obligation.”
“I wanted to. I will not permit you to be spoken ill of, even if you feel that it is justified.”
Miss Natalie’s smile grew just a tad. “Well then I thank you again.”
“Did you enjoy the ball? Other than that?” he asked. He hoped that what she had overheard had not ruined the ball for her. He knew how much she had been looking forward to this.
“I did.” Something was off in her voice. “It was lovely.”
There was something that she was not telling him. Had the ball truly been ruined for her?
&
nbsp; “It is only that I know how much you have been looking forward to this,” he said. He felt like an idiot speaking so frankly. “I know how important the London season is to you. I do not wish for your night to have been ruined by the remarks of a few impolite women.”
“They did not ruin my night, I assure you,” Miss Natalie said. But her tone suggested that her night was ruined—just not by those women.
“Were any other people impolite to you?” John was ready to have words with someone if necessary. It would be the easiest thing to stop by for a morning call and speak with the offender, ensure that they never offended Miss Natalie again. It was nothing less than his duty as her fiancé. “Was it that man that you danced with?”
Miss Natalie seemed amused. “Are you to ride out like a white knight to defend my honor?” she asked.
“I take it from your tone that you would not be impressed by such an action.”
“Impressed? Yes. Worried about your reputation as a result? Yes. Amused to no end either way at the notion of you defending my honor? Yes.” Miss Natalie’s smile was more natural now, the teasing one that he had come to love.
“In that case I shall not do it. But if you change your mind—”
“Nobody said anything to offend me, my lord. I promise you. As endearing as it is to think of you going out of your way to protect my propriety and salvage my feelings, there is no need.”
“But there is something that is troubling you,” he insisted.
“It is nothing,” Miss Natalie replied. She gave him a polite but firm smile and a nod.
John knew that he could insist if necessary but that would not be the way to go. Miss Natalie was giving him a firm no. She didn’t want him to inquire any further and she didn’t want to continue that line of conversation.
Fine. He could respect that. It didn’t make him any less unhappy about the possibility that she was unhappy, that she had been made unhappy this night. He wanted her to have everything that she wanted.
“I hope, then, that these next few weeks will be pleasurable for you,” he told her. “I know how much you have been looking forward to all of this.”