She seems to be thinking about what I’ve said, but she shakes her head. “Why do you even fucking care, Valo? It’s not like you love me or that we were ever going to be serious. You’re a guy and a do-gooder. You saw me and thought you could save me from the big, bad world. Well, you know what? I was just conning you. Yep, the whole time.” She nods like she needs to convince herself more than me. “You mean nothing to me. So, just go home and play hockey. I hope someday you find a model who will settle down with you and have your little blonde babies. Then you can have a happily ever after. I’m done.”
“I wouldn’t have thought about spending Christmas with you next year if I didn’t think we’d be serious. But fine.” I step closer to her and lower my voice. “You want to tell me all this shit that you don’t mean, go ahead. Lie to me and lie to yourself. I wouldn’t do all of this for just anyone, Jade.” Desperation enters my voice and I know she can hear it. “I wouldn’t try and help so damn much if I didn’t want you. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love you and you know that’s why I’m here. Not because of whatever the fuck your mom told you I was doing, but because I love you.”
Her mouth drops. I get the urge to kiss her and those lips I love so much, but I don’t. “You…you love me?” she whispers in disbelief. Maybe I’ve finally gotten through to her. God, I hope so.
“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have come looking for you.”
“Oh my God. You’re fucking nuts. You’re more of a head case than I am. You can’t love me, Valo. That’s the dumbest, stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m not in your league. Hell, I’m not even in your universe. You need to leave right now and forget everything you said or what you think you feel about me. I told you before, I won’t taint your life, and you loving me will do that. Now, go, Valo, and don’t look back.” I can’t tell if she actually wants me to or not, but I’m not leaving.
“Jade, just answer one question. Stop thinking about why I can’t, why I shouldn’t, why you shouldn’t, and focus on how you feel. Nothing else but that. Think about that first night you stayed with me, how it was quiet, comfortable, and safe. Think about everything since then. How have you tainted my life? You haven’t. You’ve made it better. You were happy, Jade. I was happy. Are you really telling me you weren’t and that we can’t have that forever?”
She looks away from me, thinking about things. Then she faces me, steps closer, and kisses my cheek. “Just leave and don’t look back. No matter what you thought we had, it wasn’t real. You’ll find her someday, but it’s not me.”
“It is you, and I know because if I do what you want me to do, it’s going to ruin me, Jade.” It’ll destroy me just to leave here without her. I can only imagine what a lifetime without her would do to me. “I’m not giving up. The only way I’ll give up if this is what you want, not what you think you want because of stupid shit your mom said. I’ll see you later.” Without another word, I turn and leave with what willpower I have left.
Chapter Seventeen
Jade
I curl up into a fetal position on the couch in the dressing room at Big Mike’s. I came crawling back, asking to stay here until I can find something else. He told me it was fine, but only until the end of the week.
All the girls are gone for the evening, and Big Mike has gone up to his apartment above the club. I listen to the noises and banging outside and close my eyes.
Valo’s words are still hanging in my head. The declaration of his love for me almost broke me right there on the sidewalk. My heart stopped and my knees weakened. I didn’t know what to do. I was stunned. Thankfully, I recovered and pushed even harder to send him away.
I take several deep breaths and think back to the day I left Valo’s. After I talked with Mom, her words began to ring true. I hate she had been right, but I can’t be with Valo. I can’t be someone’s pet project. I thought if I left a note, he wouldn’t come and look for me. I really hoped he wouldn’t.
I was wrong again.
Hearing him calling my name was like music to my ears. I missed him. I missed his accent. I missed everything, especially the way he held me.
Stop it, Jade. It’s over. He’s gone and not coming back because you’re a dumbass.
I sit up and dig my hands into my hair. What the fuck is wrong with me? I had a safe house, food, and a guy who loved me. Now, I’m back to being on the streets. The only problem is, I have nothing right now.
I can come back to Big Mike’s and work. I still have my hostess job, but that’s clear on the other side of town. It would cost me more than what it’s worth. I’ll call tomorrow and quit.
I already talked to the school about doing a payment plan, but they told me Valo had paid for all of my tuition, so there’s no money due. I asked if that changed, to let me know. I truly don’t think Valo would ask for a refund, but then again, I saw the hurt in his eyes as he left me.
I’m glad I didn’t fall in love with him.
Yeah, keep telling yourself that, idiot.
I scratch my head and the noise of the late night streetwalkers is louder than I remember. I haven’t slept or eaten since I left Valo’s and it’s been two days now. I can’t worry with those minor details though. I need money and I need it fast.
I think about Mom and how she told me I was trash, just like her. It seems like a lifetime ago, but I had sex with men all the time. Strangers, actually, but I never got paid. I needed the physical release and numbness to push all the thoughts out of my head.
What if I did join the family business?
Maybe I could freelance?
I slap my hand to my forehead. What the hell am I thinking? I’m going to stay in school. I have to. Maybe I could strip and room with one of the girls? I don’t like any of them though. Most of them do drugs and the other half has kids.
Fuck, what have I done?
~
I talk to the manager at Greenwood, but he tells me there aren’t any available units and the waiting list is several months long. There’s no chance I’ll be moving back there.
Once I finish with my classes for the day, I search the sidewalk for Valo. I need to forget him, but I can’t right now. He’s at the front of my thoughts. I walk to a coffee shop and purchase a paper and a small drink. I shouldn’t be spending the money, but I only have a few days before I have to be out of Big Mike’s. I take a seat at one of the tables and begin to flip through the apartments. Who the fuck can afford this shit? $1000 a month for a one bedroom? I keep searching, but there’s nothing I can afford.
I slam the paper shut and chug the hot coffee. I stare out the window and watch the people without a care, stroll up and down the street.
I have no plan. I have no money. I have nothing.
I throw my empty cup away, bundle myself into my coat, and head back toward Greenwood. Maybe if I negotiate with Big Mike, he can have half my tips to let me stay on the couch until I can get out on my own. He’s always been good to me, but he doesn’t deal well with squatters.
As I’m crossing into the hood, I hear my name.
“Baby Jade.”
I roll my eyes, but turn around to see Rick coming toward me with a couple girls behind him.
“We need to talk for a moment.”
“I really don’t have anything to say to you,” I stand firm.
“I’ve been going over my books and your mom does owe me some money.”
I scrunch my face up. “So, what? That has nothing to do with me.”
“Oh, but it does. See, since she’s in jail, it’s your responsibility.” He comes so close to me, his cheap cologne gags me.
“That’s a bunch of shit and you know it. I don’t give a fuck what she owes you. You can take it up with her when she’s gets out.” I go to walk away, but he gets in my path.
“This has to do with you, too.”
“Then call the cops or sue me,” I threaten him.
“You know that’s not how this works, Baby Jade.” He licks his lips and looks me up and down.
>
“Fuck you,” I bark at him. “Don’t even think about it.” If he even makes a move to touch me, I will beat the shit out of him. Well, I’ll go down fighting anyway.
“I understand you need a place to stay.”
“So?” I shrug.
“You know I take care of my girls. They all live in a nice, warm house over on Maple Street.”
I roll my eyes. “Great for them. It’s nice to see a pimp taking care of his whores.”
“Tsk, tsk. Now, Baby Jade, why must we call each other names? I’m a businessman, looking out for his employees.”
“Oh, get off it. You’re seriously going to play that line with me? I’m not wired and the cops aren’t listening. You can cut the bullshit.”
“Fine.” He narrows his dark eyes at me. “Come work for me. You can live in the house and pay off your mom’s debt and then you can either leave or stay and take your cut.”
“You’re kidding, right? You really think I’m going to bang some fucking drunk in a back alley. No way.” I walk around him, but he easily catches up to me.
“I have a better offer,” he tells me and I stop.
“What are you talking about?”
Big Rick clears his throat and looks around, making sure no one is around us to hear. “I need some younger, prettier girls. I’ve opened up a new business. It’s a legit escort service. Most of my employees can’t stay off the drugs, so I need girls like you.” He gives me a creepy grin.
“Escort service is a fancy name for brothel with tax breaks. Don’t fucking fool me.” I cross my arms.
“Baby Jade, I’m serious. It’s a date/escort service. I swear it. You can leave Big Mike, come to my house, live with my girls, and date high end clientele.”
I stare at him for a moment. I wouldn’t be doing what my mom did. She’d blow a guy on the sidewalk if he paid her ten dollars. Plus, I’d have a house to stay in.
“I’m in school.” Why am I even considering this?
“These are nighttime hours.” He winks at me and my stomach turns.
“How much does Mom owe you?” I huff because I’m scared to think of the amount.
“Three hundred dollars.”
Not as bad as I figured. “How much would I make?”
Come on, Jade. You can’t be seriously thinking this is a good thing.
“One hundred dollars.”
My mouth drops. Is that it? “How much are you really charging these dumbass men?” He’s charging way more than a hundred dollars, I bet.
Rick chuckles and looks around again. “Two thousand dollars for four hours.”
“Fuck that!” I’m enraged now. “You think you’re going to give me less than ten percent when I’m the one on my back with some old fuck sticking his dick in me? No way.” I brush past him and stomp through the snow to get away from him.
“Baby Jade, come on.” He catches up with again.
“What?” I yell at him. “Why the fuck are you so hot to have me as one of your girls?”
“I told you.” He keeps his voice low. “This is a whole new set of clients. I need you and I know you can handle yourself.”
I look away from him and stare at the fresh white snow that fell last night. I need the money, but I’ll be damned if I’m doing it for one hundred dollars. I cross my arms and stand taller…well, as much as I can. “Looks like you need me more than I need you, Rick,” I grin.
“Don’t think you can hustle me.”
“I’m not. I’m letting you know that if you want me, then I want eight hundred dollars for every four hours I’m with a client. That still leaves you a lot of money.”
“No.” He shakes his head.
“Not a problem then. I’ll leave you to go search for some other girls who aren’t strung out on crack or meth.” I go to walk away, but he groans.
“You know, if I fucking already didn’t have guys lined up, I’d tell you to fuck off.”
“But…” I wait for him.
“Five hundred?”
“Nope.” Don’t back down, Jade. You can do this.
He growls. “Fuck. Fine. You win.” He throws his hands up.
“And Mom only owes you three hundred, right? None of that interest shit.”
“Yes.” Oh, he’s pissed off at me. I can see it all over his face.
“When do I start?”
Chapter Eighteen
Valo
Valo: I miss you.
Valo: I know you miss me.
I’ve been texting and calling Jade for four days, but she hasn’t answered. I’m tired of being ignored. After practice, I quickly drive to her campus, park, and go sit on a bench outside the building I saw her come out of last time. She walks out within a few minutes after her class ends. Her shoulders drop when she sees me. However, she does come and sit next to me.
“What do you want, Valo?”
“You. How much longer are you going to deny that you want me?” I ask her.
“I’m not in denial,” she snaps. She so is.
I stretch out my legs, lean back, and fold my arms over my chest. “Okay, so you supposedly don’t want me. We’re still friends, right?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Sure, we’re friends.”
“Glad to hear it. Where are you staying, friend?”
“None of your business.”
“Does that mean you’re staying with someone?” I try to think of who her friends were. “Did you get your old job back?”
“No.” She says it so simply without a pause nor too quickly, and I can’t tell if she’s being honest or not. Actually, I don’t even know which question she’s answering.
I lean forward to rest my elbows on my knees, resting my face in my hands for a second. Sitting next to her and knowing that she’s not coming home with me is about to kill me. Not knowing where she’s staying, if she’s safe, or how she’s doing is driving me crazy. “Just come home, Jade,” I whisper just loud enough that she’ll hear my muffled voice.
“Finny, don’t worry about me. I’m still in school, thanks to you and your checkbook. I found a new job, which I’m starting on Friday. You need to move on and find someone else. Someone better than I could ever be for you.”
“What new job?” I ask, mostly curious, but a part of me is wary of what job she found so quickly in Greenwood.
“It’s a job. I couldn’t stay at the restaurant because it’s too far from Greenwood, and I wasn’t working enough to pay you back or…well, other debts. Anyway, I found something closer to where I’m staying.” She shrugs like it’s no big deal.
My voice turns hard as I angle myself toward her. “What job, Jade? What other debts?” She shouldn’t owe anyone anything. She was practically alone, aside from her mom.
“Don’t,” she warns, low and threatening. “Don’t you dare use that tone with me. I have things that need to be handled and I need money to fix it. If you’ve forgotten, I don’t make millions a year. I have to work. I found a job that can score me some money and quick. Now drop it, friend.”
My stomach churns at the possibilities. “If you don’t tell me, don’t think I’m not dumb enough to risk what you didn’t want me to mess up, to find out for myself. It can’t be good if you’re making money ‘quick’. Jade, just tell me.” I’m not sure if my words are true or not, but in the moment, they are.
“You are a hard-headed, stubborn, Finnish ass, do you know that? If you risk anything for me, then you’re a bigger dumbass than I thought. Do you really want to know? It could possibly lead to you being charged with accessory after the fact. Is that what you want?”
“Is that what you want? Don’t call me a dumbass because I’ll do it.” I’m on edge, waiting for her to lie and tell me that it’s not what I think it is, bracing myself for the truth I know she’ll tell me.
“Fuck,” she mutters, looking around and then down at her lap. “Fine. If you really want to know, I’m working for an escort service. I’m turning into my mother, one businessman at a time. Happy n
ow? I bet you feel better that you’re paying for the education of a paid whore.” Her voice cracks just a little.
My breathing stops as I stare at her. This can’t be real. The rage starts bubbling, rumbling, ready to explode. “You wear purple contacts to cover up eyes that look like your mom’s because you don’t want to be her. I gave you a fucking out, Jade. Why would you leave that just to run right to the life you’ve been working to avoid since you were born?”
She’s quiet as she thinks for a moment. “Mom owes money to her pimp. I owe money to you. I have no place to live. Are you catching on to the picture here? I know I didn’t want to be like her, but guess what?” She finally looks me in the eye again. “I’m her. Now, let’s just forget all about knowing each other. I’m going to send you money every month, like we agreed. Other than that, there’s nothing to talk about, is there?”
“Keep your money, I don’t want it. Not if that’s how you’re making it.” Any money she gives me would be dirty and tainted. I don’t want any part of it. “I can’t believe this.” I shake my head. I can’t be around her, I just can’t. “I gotta go.” Without another word, I stand and leave.
~
Friday comes and my nerves are frayed. Jade starts her new “job” tonight. I thought losing my ex-girlfriend to her best friend, even though she was never mine to begin with, hurt like hell, but it was a minor cut compared to this. And knowing what’s going to happen tonight doesn’t help. I have an hour before I have to be at the rink for a game. Impulsive decisions have never been something I have given into, but I find myself getting in my truck and driving to Greenwood.
Big Mike is apparently someone who is somewhat good for Jade and I’m hoping he can help me. The parking lot of the strip joint is empty, but I get out and try the door. Unlocked. I open it and walk inside. Big Mike is standing behind the bar, checking inventory it looks like.
“We’re closed,” he says without looking my way.
Tainted (Oh Captain, My Captain #7) Page 12