“I know you can,” Bella said, “but I also need to get ready for my afternoon walk with Josiah.”
The mayor and Bella spent every afternoon together, and that may be part of the reason why Clara had a hard time convincing herself things couldn’t change. No one had thought the mayor would ever get married, but it appeared he was thinking along those lines.
If the mayor could marry, then maybe Tom—She stopped her thoughts right there and responded to the others as they bade her farewell. Stepping out the door and onto the boardwalk, she willed her heart to stop racing at the prospect of seeing him. The sheriff’s office was on the other side of town, giving her no reason whatsoever to walk anywhere near it on her way to the hotel, which was only three blocks up the street.
The boys, all six of them, were clustered together a short distance ahead, near the opening between the saddle shop and the hardware store. When they saw her coming, they took off between the buildings, laughing and squealing. The church was back that way, as well as the open meadow they liked to play in, but their antics had her curious and a bit suspicious as to what they’d been doing. They’d captured a little bull snake yesterday and brought it into the hotel to show her. One of the girls who helped serve food during the supper hour had dropped two bowls full of stew at the sight of it.
Eyeing the ground closely as she drew nearer, Clara felt her heart leap into her throat when someone stepped out of the opening between the buildings. She pressed a hand to the base of her throat as her eyes quickly raced upward from the pair of men’s boots, her entire insides bursting when her eyes connected with his. She had never felt such joy, such happiness, at seeing someone. The desire to run forward and leap into his arms, kissing him and hugging him, filled every ounce of her being.
Trying to conceal that was nearly impossible. This was the man who made her believe there was goodness in the world. Hope. Love. Swallowing hard, she tried to keep her smile small. “Hello, Sheriff.”
“Hello, Clara,” Tom replied. “It’s good to see you.”
Her cheeks were nearly hot enough to fry eggs. “It’s good to see you, too.”
He had both hands in his pockets and was rocking back and forth on his heels. “Billy said you were down at Martha’s dress shop.”
The desire to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was real, and fine, and right before her, was driving her insane. Unable to keep them still, she used both hands to smooth her dress over her sides. “I—I was. We—they are sewing a quilt for Julia.” Suddenly, she couldn’t stop talking. “She’s marrying Jules Carmichael next Saturday. Announced it just last night. Well, actually the mayor announced it, but Julia and Jules were there. As were many others. The quilt is beautiful. A unique pattern I’ve never seen before.” His smile said he knew she was jabbering, so she forced herself to stop before she looked like a babbling fool. “I thought I’d better check to see if any of the train passengers are hungry.”
The wind had whipped several strands of hair across her face, and her chatting had made a clump stick to her lips. She reached up to remove it at the same time he did. He was faster, and after pushing aside her hair, he clasped her hand.
“I was the only passenger to get off the train,” he said. “And I could use a cup of coffee.”
The warmth and gentle strength of his hand sent a tender wave of calm throughout her system. At ease, tranquil, she said, “I can make a fresh pot.”
“That would be wonderful,” he said.
He released her hand, but held her elbow as they started walking. Feeling much better, far more relaxed, she asked, “How was your trip?”
“Non-eventful,” he replied. “Which was nice.”
“I’m sure it was, after everything.” She bit the end of her tongue, chiding herself for referring to all that had happened.
“How were things here?”
“Good. Busy.” She went on to tell him about working for Rollie, and about the snake incident yesterday. They were both laughing when they crossed the main road to the hotel.
“Tom! Heard you were back!” Josiah stepped out of his law office. “I’m anxious to hear how it went.”
As Josiah stepped onto the boardwalk, Angus appeared, almost as if out of nowhere. “Mayor,” Angus said. “I need to speak with you.”
“Later, Angus. I have to meet with Tom right—”
“That will have to wait,” Angus said. “It’s about my will. Never know when I’ll keel over. I’m not getting any younger, you know.”
There wasn’t a person for miles around who wasn’t curious as to what would happen to his money when Angus did finally have that funeral he’d planned, including the mayor, who hoped the town would be the beneficiary.
“I’ll catch up with you later, Tom,” Josiah said, waving for Angus to enter the law office.
“Nothing’s changed,” Tom said, urging her forward by pressing a hand on her lower back.
She liked how he did little things like that. It made her feel protected. Her stomach hiccuped then because she knew there was nothing she could do to protect him.
* * *
Tom had looked forward to this moment. He’d known he’d be happy to see Clara. Thankful, too, that all was well. But he hadn’t imagined how right it would be. He’d just said nothing had changed, and it hadn’t. Nor would it. The ride home had given him plenty of time to think. About him. About her. Even about Billy.
When he’d been at her place, he’d wanted to convince her to leave, to understand her strength and resilience could be put to use elsewhere, making a better life for her and Billy. He’d also vowed to go back and get her, and would have, too, if she hadn’t come to Oak Grove on her own. She was here now, and so was he, and he had no idea what to do.
“Have a seat,” she said. “I’ll go make that coffee.”
“Sheriff,” Rollie said, walking out of the door on the far side of the dining room. “So glad to see you’re back.”
“It’s good to be back,” he said, watching Clara walk away. It was good to be back, but that didn’t change the fact that he wasn’t what Clara needed. She needed a man who didn’t have to come back because he’d never left. Wasn’t delivering outlaws to prisons or chasing them down.
“How will I ever thank you?” Rollie asked. “Not only for catching that bank robber, but for what you did for me the other night, and how you brought Clara here, to Oak Grove, just when we all needed her the most. Sadie feels the same way.” Holding both hands out, he said, “Your meals are free from now on.”
“Thanks, Rollie, but that’s not necessary.”
“Oh, but I must do something.”
Tom glanced toward the door Clara had entered. “You already are,” he said. “You’re helping out Clara and Billy. He told me that you’re paying him for his work.”
“I most certainly am, but it’s the other way around. Clara and Billy are helping me out. Billy’s a good boy. I’m hoping some of it rubs off on Kade and Wiley.”
“I guess it all depends on which side you’re standing when you look at things,” Tom said.
“I suspect so.” Rollie nodded toward the door. “Clara making you something to eat?”
“Just some coffee.”
After glancing toward the living quarters, Rollie said, “I’m on my way over to the mercantile while Sadie and the baby are sleeping. Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” Tom answered. “Go ahead.” He didn’t even wait to see if Rollie left the dining room before he walked to the kitchen and opened the door.
“I’ll bring the coffee out to you,” Clara said, setting things on a tray. “I have some cherry pie. Thought you might like some.”
He’d have given anything to be able to hug her out there on the street, and again right now. Thoughts along those lines had lived inside him night and day since he’d left town. He’d considered both sides of things, the ins and o
uts, the good and bad, and ultimately ended up in the same spot every time. Damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. The one thing that held true was history. He was thirty years old, and in all those years he hadn’t needed the things she made him think about. Therefore, he must not really need them, and could survive without them. Furthermore, he had no right to believe she wanted any of the things he’d been contemplating.
During the train ride home, he’d thought about a lot of things. Including how she’d blushed when he’d winked at her before leaving. That reminded him of his parents, and the love they’d shared. That was when it had hit him. He loved Clara. Loved everything about her. So much, he wanted her to be happy, safe, and cared for far beyond anything that he wanted.
She’d just gotten rid of one husband, and probably didn’t want anything to do with the idea of another one. In fact, she was still married. He’d meant to ask the judge about that, but had never worked up the courage. It had been the first time in his life that had happened, but truth be told, it was none of his business. No law was being broken, so there was no justification for him to even inquire about how she’d go about divorcing Hugh.
“It looks good,” he said. The pie probably did. He really hadn’t noticed because, unfortunately, they most likely wouldn’t have much privacy, so he needed to get right to the point. The reason he’d told himself he had to find her as soon as he arrived in town. “I told Judge Alfords that I’d let you know about the reward money.”
She spun around and walked to the stove, and he could swear he’d seen the shine completely leave her eyes.
“It’s still yours.” He’d been glad that the judge reminded him of the reward the slaughterhouse had put up. She’d more than earned it from all those years of putting up with Hugh. It had been interesting, too, the way the judge made sure Hugh knew who was collecting the dead-or-alive reward on his head. “The confirmation of his conviction has been sent to the slaughterhouse’s lawyers and they’ll notify Micah Swift at the bank when to expect the funds to pay you.”
She still hadn’t turned around, so he continued, “Alfords said he’d contact you about the reward for the coins. He said the government is slow when it comes to releasing money.” He hadn’t known anything about that reward, but she deserved it, too.
After pouring coffee into a cup, she turned about and carried it to him. Her hand shook slightly as she held out the cup. “I don’t want either of those rewards.”
He took the cup and set it on the table. “Why not? They’re yours.”
“No, they’re not.” She stepped around the table and ran a hand along the edge, never looking up at him. “You captured Hugh. I didn’t. And as for the other one, maybe the government should give it to the Indians for tricking them in the first place.”
“I can’t accept rewards,” he said. “No lawman can. As for the other one, the government will never do that.”
“Well, I can’t accept it, either.”
“Why not?” He rounded the table and took her shoulders, twisting her so she had to look at him. “That money can change your life and Billy’s.”
“Maybe,” she said. “But not really.” She was shaking her head. “The only people who can change Billy’s life and mine are Billy and me.” She shrugged. “With or without money.”
He understood the truth in her words, but not her refusal. She’d earned that money. Most people were standing at his door to collect their reward before the ink was put to paper. She had to see reason in this. He had to make her see it. “Clara—”
She held up one hand and backed away from him, out of his hold. “I’ve thought about this, Tom. Ever since Judge Alfords told me about it, and I can’t take it.” She rubbed her cheeks with both hands. “It feels wrong, and I’m tired of feeling wrong. From now on, I’m going to earn what I receive.”
“But you earned this.”
“No, I didn’t. If I’d told you where Hugh was. If I’d—”
“But you didn’t know.”
“Exactly.” She huffed out a breath and walked around him. “Because I didn’t want to know. I was too weak. Too scared. Too selfish.”
“No—”
“Yes, I was. I was petrified every time I saw someone riding up the road. And not just because I thought it might be Hugh or one of the men he rode with. I was afraid it might be the law, and that they’d arrest me. All I could think was what would happen to Billy?” She’d paced to the stove and turned back. “Well, I know what would have happened to him. The same thing that happened to my parents and to Uncle Walter.”
There were no tears on her face, in her eyes, just a cold anger he hadn’t seen coming from her before.
“There,” she said, tossing her hands in the air. “I’ve said it. I’ve known who killed my parents and Walter for years, but didn’t dare say it. Hugh. The father of my son killed them. He acted like they were accidents. That my parents had been attacked by Indians and that Walter had fallen in a ravine, but I knew that’s not what had happened. It wasn’t Indians. It was Hugh’s friends. I recognized them. Had seen them in the town we’d passed through two days before, and he’d been with them.” She closed her eyes and growled slightly. “And I heard the shot that killed Uncle Walter.”
His insides were twisting themselves into knots, aching for her. She’d been through so much and deserved a peaceful, uncomplicated life from here on out. “You were only protecting yourself,” he said. “By not saying anything—”
“By not saying anything, I let it go on. And on. And still would be if you hadn’t shown up.”
There was anger and accusation in her tone, enough to slightly curdle his stomach.
“By not saying anything, I was letting people die,” she said, pacing the floor again. “And now I have to make sure it doesn’t start up again. I can’t ever again let someone I love die on account of me.”
“Nothing’s going to happen to Billy.” Wanting to chase those thoughts as far from her mind as possible, he said, “We were talking about your reward money, Clara. The money you deserve because—”
“Don’t you see, Tom?” She’d stopped right before him. “That money’s blood money, and will connect me to Hugh as much as any money he stole. I won’t take it. No one can make me.”
She was so strong in her conviction, in her belief, that he had to agree with her, at least partially. “You’re right. No one can force you to take it.” He grasped her hand. “But you’re also wrong. Nothing is going to happen to Billy. Or you. Trust me, Hugh’s in prison. It’s over.”
Shaking her head, she whispered, “That’s where you’re wrong, Tom. It’s not over. It’ll never be over. Not for me and Billy, and that’s why we have to leave here.”
Stunned, for he sincerely didn’t expect to hear that, he asked, “Leave? And go where?”
“Home.” She lifted her chin, but it quivered as she spoke. “That’s the only place I’ll ever belong.”
Frustrated because that was the last place he wanted her to go, he said, “Clara, you need—”
“I need,” she said firmly, seriously, “to get as far away from you as possible.”
Chapter Sixteen
Days later, Clara was still sick to her stomach. She hadn’t meant to blurt it out like that, but as she’d stood in the kitchen, with Tom holding her hand, her thoughts and feelings had gotten all mixed up. She’d thought long and hard about the reward money before he’d come home, and had decided not to take it, but it wasn’t until that moment in the kitchen with him that she fully realized what had happened to her during all the time she’d been trying to figure out what to do with her life and how to go about it.
She’d fallen in love with Tom.
Although she’d never known just how strongly a woman could love a man, she did now. It was undeniable, and powerful, and all consuming. Every time she caught a glimpse of him. Every time she thought
about him, she thought she might break inside. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t give in, couldn’t start to tell herself that even a few days in his arms would be worth what would eventually happen. For it would happen. Hugh had warned her. His threats had always come true in the past. And they would again.
Because she loved Tom, would always love him, she couldn’t let that happen to him or to the people of Oak Grove, who had been so good to her. Whether she divorced Hugh or not, her past wouldn’t change. Everyone she’d loved had died because of her. Therefore, she couldn’t love anyone ever again. Getting as far away from Tom as possible was the only way to stop the feelings that grew stronger inside her every day.
Although Sadie was up and about and the baby was doing fine, Rollie had asked her to stay on cooking, earning a wage, until the baby was old enough for Sadie to return to the kitchen. He didn’t say how long, and Clara didn’t ask, but figured it would only be a few more weeks.
She was being selfish in that aspect, too, because seeing Tom, even from afar, was better than not seeing him at all. Which in itself was dangerous, for she wouldn’t be able to keep seeing him for long. Within three weeks, she’d have enough money for her and Billy to travel home and pay back the Ryans what she’d borrowed.
A heavy sigh left her chest. She’d told Billy last night that they’d be leaving in a few weeks. He’d been talking about going to school here when summer ended, and she couldn’t let him get his hopes up for that. He’d been furious, and said he wouldn’t go, but this morning, upon seeing the other boys, had run off to play like every other day.
“Clara! Clara!”
Turning, she watched Sadie walk into the kitchen.
“These were just delivered for you.” Sadie held up two envelopes.
There was no mystery in whom they were from. Judge Alfords. Clara covered the bread she’d just set to rise with a cloth. “You can set them on the table.”
“I can finish in here while you go read your letters,” Sadie said. “Altina is sleeping. She’s such a good baby.”
In the Sheriff's Protection Page 20