“Sure, give me fifteen. I’ll meet you around the corner.” Geoff dried himself and dressed, putting on a sweatshirt against the spring chill in the air, and left the apartment, walking happily to the corner.
The coffee shop was packed, but he spied Raine’s head of jet black, curly hair at one of the tables, and he headed that way.
“I didn’t get anything. If I get up, I’ll lose the table,” Raine said.
“No problem, I’ll get what you want. Large latte?”
Raine nodded and smiled his agreement, so Geoff got in line. It took a while, but he finally returned to the table with coffees and two large sticky buns. Sugar. He needed sugar.
“Thanks, Geoff.” Raine took the offered cup, and Geoff sat down. “You look like hell.” Raine sipped his coffee.
“Gee, thanks. Don’t sugarcoat it.”
Raine laughed. “Well, you do.” The man was always blunt and to the point. If nothing else, you always knew where you stood with him, because he held nothing back. “You’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a while.”
“I know.” Geoff had been. Since he arrived six months earlier, fresh out of college with a degree in accounting and a libido on overdrive, he’d almost made a mission out of seeing how many men he could have, and it was wearing thin.
Raine continued sipping his coffee. “You need to take it easy, relax a little. You can’t screw your way to happiness.” There it was—one of Raine’s witticisms. The man had one for all occasions.
“No, but you can have a lot of fun trying,” the two said in unison. They laughed merrily, breaking Geoff out of his mood. Raine was good for his soul. No matter how bad things got, he could always count on Raine’s easy manner and carefree humor to break him out of a funk.
“Seriously, Geoff, you’re going overboard with the man buffet.”
“I know.”
They finished their coffee and sticky buns. “Let’s catch a movie and have some fun. I think you could use it,” Raine commented.
Geoff checked his imaginary calendar. “Well, I’ve got such a busy day planned, cleaning the apartment, laundry; I don’t know how I’ll fit it in.”
“Sarcasm is unbecoming.” They both laughed and cleaned up their table before leaving the coffee shop.
Geoff and Raine spent the rest of the day together, going to a movie and doing a little shopping. Since they were both fairly broke, they looked more than shopped and then went back to Raine’s apartment and spent the evening watching movies until Geoff headed home, where he fell into bed.
GEOFF HAD to be at his office by eight on Monday morning, and he was nearly late. Unlike most of the past few weeks, he’d slept well and hadn’t spent Sunday night trolling for men. Arriving just in time, he quietly put his things away and booted up his PC, getting right to work. He’d gotten this job right out of college, working as a staff accountant for a chain of retail stores. He liked the work, and the people he worked with were nice, but most of them were older, and it was difficult to make friends. The one exception had been Raine. He’d met him the first day on the job, and they’d become fast friends. Unfortunately, he was the only real friend Geoff had made. Oh, there were acquaintances and people he went out with, but Raine was his only true friend, which made for a lonely life.
He was busy working on the accounts payable ledger, trying to find an imbalance, when heard a soft cough. “Geoff, Kenny would like to see you in his office.”
Kenny was the head of accounting, and when he summoned, you hopped to it. He was a nice guy but demanded punctuality from all his people, and being late when he called was viewed as a sign of disrespect.
An hour later Geoff returned with more mysteries to solve. This was what he loved, really loved. Numbers sang to him, and he had a talent for digging in and finding mistakes and imbalances no matter how small. In a very short time, he’d developed a reputation as someone who could locate small errors before they became big ones.
The one thing he didn’t like about his job was that it tended to be very solitary. He spent most of his days working with numbers and very little of his days working with people. He’d really like to do both.
At noon, Raine came to his cubicle, and the two of them had a quick lunch before heading to the company fitness center to work off some of the weekend’s excesses. Once they’d changed, they each got on a treadmill and started walking. The room was empty except for them, which was normal.
“I’m thinking of looking for a new job,” Raine mentioned.
“Why?” The thought sent chill through Geoff—what would he do without seeing Raine every day?
“I’m not going to go anywhere here. Kenny doesn’t really like me, so nothing is gonna happen for me.” Raine had been there a year longer than Geoff, but Geoff seemed to get better assignments and more recognition. Geoff didn’t know what to say, so he kept walking, increasing the pace of his machine. Raine must have seen the worried look on Geoff’s face. “Don’t worry, we’ll always be friends.”
“I know… it’s just that this place will be so dull without you.”
“Not that Kenny will see it that way, but it probably will be.” Modesty wasn’t one of Raine’s personality attributes. “You going out tonight?”
“No. I decided I’m going to cut back and find other things to do.” He’d been drinking way too much lately, and his liver and budget could both use a break. “Maybe tomorrow night.” One could stay inside just so much.
Raine started laughing. “You had me worried for a second.” They both laughed companionably and finished their workouts.
The small locker room was empty when they got done. Geoff stripped off his sweaty clothes and headed for a quick shower. He’d just started the water when he felt a snap on his butt. “Jesus!” His ass stung where Raine had towel-snapped him. Geoff twisted his towel and snapped it in retaliation, but Raine ducked out of the way. They were both laughing as Geoff climbed in the shower and rinsed off, rubbing his sore cheeks.
Getting out of the shower, he dried off and got dressed. Raine was waiting, and together they walked back to their work area.
Geoff went right back to work, combing the ledger for the error he knew was there… somewhere. He could hear the room buzzing, soft voices talking animatedly, but paid no attention. Rumors flew through the place with the speed of a bullet, but he made a special effort to stay out of the rumor mill.
He’d just found the error and was logging into the system to correct it when he heard a soft knock on his cubicle wall. It was Angela, the director of accounts payable.
“Geoff, I want to introduce you to Garrett Foster, the new AP manager.” Geoff stood up and greeted his new boss, extending his hand and looking into the man’s eyes. Jesus Christ… he almost pulled his hand back but restrained himself, checking that he was keeping his expression even.
“Good to meet you, Garrett.”
The tall blond flashed a brilliant smile, “Looking forward to working with you, Geoff.” Taking Geoff’s hand, he held it a little longer than he should have and then let go. Geoff had to stop himself from shivering. Then, with one of her bright, fake smiles, Angela led Garrett off to meet the rest of the team.
Geoff collapsed back into his chair, and a few minutes later Raine was standing in front of his desk. “Was that…?”
Geoff nodded slowly. “Mr. Vain himself, yup.”
Raine started to chuckle and covered his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing out loud. “Your boss is Mr. Vain.”
Geoff held his head in his hand. “Oh God, I knew this was going to catch up with me someday.”
Raine leaned close. “Who knew it would be so soon?” Raine gave him his best sympathetic look. “Sorry, man.” Then he was gone.
Geoff tried to concentrate but couldn’t. His new boss, Garrett Foster, was a guy he’d gone home with about a month earlier. They’d had a reasonably good time, but Garrett—at the time, his name was Phillip—had been a rather selfish lover. His bedroom was covered with
mirrors! He and Raine called him Mr. Vain because the song was so about him. The man never passed a mirror he didn’t like. Geoff wasn’t interested in seeing him again, and Garrett being his boss was an added complication Geoff didn’t want.
At quitting time, Raine was at his desk right away, and Geoff packed up his things so they could leave as quickly as possible. “Wanna go for dinner?”
Geoff didn’t really feel like going anywhere. “I’m just going to go home.” You get what you put out.
“Then let’s get a pizza delivered and veg out.” Raine knew what Geoff needed, even if Geoff didn’t.
“Okay.” They made their way out of the building and back to Geoff’s place, where they ordered a pizza. They’d just finished eating when the phone rang.
“Geoff, it’s Len.” The man sounded choked up, and Geoff stiffened. “It’s about your dad.”
His father had been fighting cancer for a while, but the last time Geoff had spoken to him, he’d said he was feeling really good. “Do you need me to come home?” Geoff asked.
“Yes.” Len’s voice broke. “Geoff, he passed away.” He heard tears coming from the other end of the line, and he felt his own well up in his eyes as a huge lump swelled in his throat.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Geoff hung up and turned to Raine, his lower lip quivering as he tried to maintain control of himself. “It’s my dad. He passed away this afternoon.” Raine pulled him to his chest and hugged him, letting Geoff cry on his shoulder.
Once the tears subsided, Raine spurred into action. “You need to get home. Are you gonna drive or fly?”
Geoff wiped his eyes on his sleeve, “I’d better drive. It’ll be just as fast.”
“Then we better get you packed. And don’t worry about work; I’ll talk to Kenny in the morning and tell him what happened. You can call him when you get a chance.” By the time Raine left, Geoff was packed, and the car was loaded. All he needed to do was call Len back and start driving first thing in the morning.
Chapter 2
THE FARM didn’t look any different when he crested the rise that gave him the first view of the house, silos, and barn. Well, in the Midwest it was a farm. If it were in the West it would be called a ranch. Stopping the car, he got out and surveyed the view. No, it didn’t look any different. The cattle dotted the fields, and he could even see some of the horses in their corrals around the barn.
But it felt different. He knew his dad wouldn’t be rushing out to greet him as he always did, pulling him into a bear hug. He also knew that the kitchen wouldn’t smell like fresh-baked bread and the bathroom like his father’s Old Spice aftershave. “Wow,” he breathed to himself as he looked over his family home with a sense of deep sadness.
After taking a deep breath, he got back in the car and drove the remaining distance to the house, pulling between the square brick columns topped with lights and into the long driveway. Stopping the car, he turned off the engine. As soon as he opened the door, he was accosted by three dogs who ran from the porch as fast as their old legs would carry them.
“Hey, boys, how are you?” Geoff knelt down, giving out pats and scratches, getting wet dog kisses and wagged tails in return. It was all he could do not to break down into tears right there.
The screen door closed with a bang. “Your dad loved those mutts almost as much as you.” Geoff stood back up as Len walked down the porch steps and hurried to the car. Then Geoff was drawn into a deep, familiar, and loving hug that broke down the last of his resistance, and the dam inside him burst. Huge tears rolled down his cheeks and soaked into Len’s shirt as he sobbed against his shoulder.
When the flood subsided, they pulled apart, both wiping their eyes with their hands before walking together up the steps to the huge porch. “What happened, Len? He seemed to be doing so well when I was home the last time.”
“Come on inside. I’ve got lunch on, and we’ll talk.” Len opened the screen door and ushered Geoff inside.
As usual, they walked right through the sun porch and the huge living room to the kitchen. Geoff sat at the table, the same one he’d sat at when he was a child. “That smells so good, Len.”
“I made your favorite pancakes. They’re not the same as your dad’s, but they’re pretty good.” A stack was set in front of him, along with strong coffee, butter, real maple syrup, and everything else that made this a home. This was Geoff’s favorite meal of all time.
He tried not to think too much and forced himself to eat. As soon as that first bite hit his mouth and the syrup slid down his throat, he relaxed a little—he was home. This tasted like home. The grief threatened to well up again, but he pushed it back. He hadn’t realized he was hungry until he started to eat, and then his appetite came back with a vengeance. Len brought his own plate to the table, and they ate in silence, each lost in his own thoughts. “We have an appointment at the funeral home this afternoon at two.”
Geoff continued eating. “Okay.” Thankfully, that was all Len said while they ate, leaving them both alone with their thoughts. Once he’d finished the plate of pancakes, he felt better, a little stronger and a little more in control of his emotions, although the grief was still right below the surface.
Getting up from the table, he put his dishes in the sink and started running the water to wash them.
“I’ll take care of those.”
Geoff smiled and mimicked his dad. “House rule number one: if you cook, you don’t do dishes.” Len and Geoff both smiled slightly as the familiar words washed over them.
Len finished his food and brought the dishes to the sink. “I’m going to check that everything’s okay outside, and then we need to talk. I won’t be long.” Then he was out the back door, and Geoff watched as he strode across the lawn on his way to the barns.
Len and his dad had been together as far back as Geoff could remember. Geoff’s mother died when he was about six months and eighteen months later, his dad met Len, and that was that. They’d been together for twenty years. As a child, he’d always called him Len, but he was as much a father as his own had been. It was Len who had taught him to ride his first horse, and it was Len who’d tended his scraped knees. Geoff let out a long breath. “I was really blessed.”
Pulling his attention back to the sink, he finished the dishes, setting them in the rack to dry. Len was still in the barns, so Geoff wandered through the familiar rooms of the house. The living room was comfortable, the walls covered with framed pictures. Geoff looked at the photograph of him as a child, riding his first pony with Len and his dad on either side of him, both looking so proud. Next to it was a picture of his dad and Len, so young and handsome, both of them smiling widely, their arms around each other’s shoulders.
Len’s voice brought Geoff back to the present. “That was shortly after we met.”
Geoff took the photograph from the wall. “You can see the love even in the photograph.” He’d never noticed it before, but it was there as plain as day.
Len took the photograph and traced the outline of Geoff’s dad. “Cliff was special. I knew as soon as I saw him that I loved him.” A tear rolled down the tanned cheek. “This picture was taken the day we first made love under a tree at the edge of the creek.”
When Geoff was younger, the thought of his parents having sex had just been gross, but as he got older and helped his father breed animals, his attitude had changed. There were nights as a teenager when the windows were open that he could hear his dad and Len in their big bed. They’d always tried to be quiet, but he’d heard them nonetheless.
Len hung the picture back on the wall and sat down in his chair. “There are some things we need to talk about.”
Geoff sat down in the chair next to him. “What happened?”
“The cancer kept progressing, and the treatments weren’t helping, so he stopped them just after you left the last time.” Len’s voice was steady, and Geoff wondered how he could do it. “As the weeks went by, the disease progressed. As he got weaker, the pai
n got stronger; most days he could barely get out of bed. Then, two days ago, I woke to find him up, dressed, and downstairs in the kitchen baking bread.” Len stopped talking, and Geoff waited for him to continue. “That was when I knew.”
“Knew what?” But he got no response. “Len?”
“Your father and I talked about this when he was first diagnosed.” Len seemed so detached.
“What happened?”
“We spent the day together, sitting in these chairs, talking and reminiscing, just the two of us. He seemed like himself again, but I knew that this was his last effort, his Indian summer, if you will. That night we went to bed together, and when we woke up, he could barely raise his head.” Len sniffled a little.
“I let him sleep, and later he managed to get out of bed and moved to the sofa in the upstairs sitting room. That was where I found him when I brought him his medication.” Len’s detached look remained, and Geoff knew something wasn’t quite right.
“Len, what is it that my father didn’t want me to know?” Len’s head whipsawed to Geoff, and then he smiled weakly.
“Your dad didn’t want me to tell you.” That was his dad, always protecting him.
“What else happened?” Geoff knew Len wouldn’t lie to him, but he would leave things out if he thought Geoff would be hurt by them.
Len straightened in his chair. “We talked about this when he was first diagnosed.”
“Talked about what?” Geoff knew his dad pretty well, but he had no idea where Len was leading.
“Geoff, the pain at the end was severe. The medication only took the edge off.” Tears were running down his cheeks. “Your father cried and begged for the pain to stop. So I helped him back to bed and left his pain medication on the table, and while I was making breakfast, he swallowed the entire bottle.”
Geoff sat there stunned. “Why didn’t he…?”
“He knew he wouldn’t be able to do it if you were here. Can you ever forgive me?” Len broke down and sobbed into his hands.
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