by HELEN HARDT
Instead, I’d nearly raped her.
I raked my fingers through my hair. God, I was still sweaty.
Why hadn’t she stopped me?
Another reason to hate my life.
I still had my jeans and boxers around my thighs. My shirt was still on. Only my boots had been taken off.
Had Ruby even slept here?
I got up and pulled my pants back up. I walked out into her small living area. She was seated on the couch, typing on her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee. I opened my mouth, but no words emerged. What could I say to her?
I hadn’t wanted to hurt her. But I’d been so angry. Still was angry.
I cleared my throat.
She looked up. “Good morning,” she said.
“Good…morning.”
“Coffee’s in the kitchen.”
The kitchen was two steps away, so I helped myself to a cup and then went back to her. “May I sit down?”
“Sure.” She scooted over a bit.
The couch was more like a loveseat. This apartment was so damned small.
“I need to…” I stopped and cleared my throat again. “I need to…apologize.”
“For what?”
“For…taking advantage of you last night.”
“No need. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Trust me.”
Thank God. “I was just so…”
“So what? Angry? I get that, Ryan. I’m angry too. I’m angry at this whole thing.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re angry? You’re not the one whose life just shattered around him.”
Then she glared at me with those intense blue eyes. “Really? My whole life has been like that, Ryan.”
“I just mean…”
“Look. I wish I could take all this away for you. That’s what last night was about. You know it as well as I do. You once told me you didn’t want to be my escape. I never wanted to be yours either, but last night I was. You needed it. I needed it. It was a momentary reprieve. But we’re back to real life now, and you and I both have to deal with this. The question is—do you want to deal with it with me or without me?”
The million-dollar question. She’d been a part of this whole thing—of keeping the truth from me. I wasn’t just angry with her. I was angry with all of them. Mostly I was angry with my father. I was angry with a dead man.
A fucking dead man.
Who the hell was Bradford Steel?
And now, to find out that I grew in the uterus of a crazy woman…
“You should have told me,” I said.
“Yes, I should have. I was hoping the test would be negative and you’d never have to know. Then I could have saved you this pain.”
“I know. My brothers explained that. Still, they should have told me.”
“I agree. So do Jade and Melanie. But they felt the same way I did. They didn’t want to hurt you if it could be avoided.”
“You gave them my hair.”
She nodded. “I did.”
“You’re just going to admit it?”
“Why not? You want me to try to blame the whole thing on someone else? What good would that do? Yes, I gave them your hair. What I didn’t tell them is that I came upon the hair by accident. I didn’t pull it out of your head or go searching through your brush. The hair was on my neck that morning…after…”
He nodded. “Okay. Still, you didn’t have to give it to them.”
“You’re absolutely right. I didn’t have to. In fact, I thought a lot about whether I would. In the end, I decided to, on the chance that the test might be negative. That way, you wouldn’t be hurt.”
“Fuck, Ruby. You should have come to me.”
“I won’t deny it.”
“So you’re just going to sit there and agree with everything I say? Fight me, goddamnit! I need a fucking fight!”
“Sorry. You won’t get one from me. You want to walk out that door? Say good-bye to me and anything we could have? I won’t stop you, Ryan. I’ve lost a lot in my life. One more thing won’t kill me.”
Her eyes softened a bit then.
“Won’t it? Could you really say good-bye to me?” I asked.
And then her eyes turned blue as the morning sky. “Could you say good-bye to me?”
Chapter Thirty–Five
Ruby
I couldn’t believe those words had left my lips.
Of course he could say good-bye to me. This was Ryan Steel, a man who could have any woman he wanted.
“I’m mad as hell,” he said.
“I know that. I don’t blame you.”
“You’re not making this easy.”
“You’re looking for a fight. Go to the fight club and box a few rounds. You won’t get a fight here. I did what I thought was the best thing at the time. You may disagree with my reasons.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me what was going on?”
“I couldn’t. That was your brothers’ call. Not mine.”
“But you’re the woman I…”
“The woman you what?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
I’d been hoping he’d say I was the woman he loved. But he’d never love me. Not now. That didn’t change the fact that I loved him. I didn’t regret last night. If I’d been able to ease his pain for only a second, it would have been worth it.
“Why did you let me…last night?” he asked.
“I already explained that. You needed it. And frankly, so did I.”
“You did?”
“Like I said, I’m as angry as you are. I’m angry at this whole situation.”
“I don’t know what to do.” He sank his head into his hands.
I stroked his upper arm, hoping it was a comfort to him. “I don’t know either. But I’ll help in any way I can.”
He turned, his eyes sunken and sad. “Would you go with me to see my mother?”
* * *
For the second time in two days, I sat in psych lockup facing Wendy Madigan, this time with Ryan at my side. He was stiff, and so far he hadn’t said a word. Neither had Wendy. She was staring at him with a look in her eyes I couldn’t identify.
It was a pleasant look…and then I realized. I did know what it was.
It was a look I hadn’t seen since I’d lost my mother.
It was love. A mother’s love. This woman, as nuts as she was, loved this man. Loved her son, and had lived her whole life never able to tell him that or even to let him know she existed.
No. I wasn’t going to feel sorry for Wendy Madigan. There was definitely more to her than any of us knew.
Finally, she turned to me and said her first words. “Thank you for bringing me my son.”
I cleared my throat. “He came of his own volition. He asked me to come along.”
She turned to Ryan. “Then thank you. For coming.” She shook her head. “Is it any wonder your father and I created such magnificence? You are truly beautiful. I bet you’re the smartest of his children too. Such regal features.”
Ryan touched his nose, which was odd. I couldn’t tell what he might be thinking.
She turned back to me. “Thank you again.”
“Yesterday you told me to stay away from him.”
“Did I?” She sniffed. “I don’t think so. I couldn’t possibly have said that.”
Man, she was one piece of work. “You did.” I turned to Ryan. I’d told him about my visit with Wendy on our drive here. “Melanie was here. She can back me up.”
“I don’t think you’re lying,” he said.
“I’m your mother,” Wendy said. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”
Then Ryan scoffed. “You’ve been lying to me for thirty-two years. Why didn’t you tell me you were my mother?”
“It was a secret.” She giggled like a little girl.
I wanted to tell Ryan not to take anything she said seriously, that she was crazy as a loon, but this was his mother. He was already upset enough. Eventually, he’d start worrying about having half of
her genes. It was a worry I was familiar with, being the daughter of Theodore Mathias.
“The cat’s out of the bag now,” Ryan said, looking at his hands.
“You mean you aren’t questioning it?” Wendy asked.
“No. My brothers did a DNA test. You are my mother. But in a biological sense only. I want nothing to do with you.”
“Then why did you come see me today?”
It was a fair question on Wendy’s part. I was wondering the same thing.
“I want to know the truth. The truth about you and my father. The truth about Talon’s abduction. The truth about…everything.”
“I’m afraid we don’t have that much time,” she said.
“Fine, then. We’ll start with my mother. Er…my father’s wife.” He shook his head. “No. I don’t want to talk about her. We’ll start with you. Why did you give me up?”
“For your father. I did everything for your father.”
“Oh?”
“Haven’t your brothers told you how much we loved each other?”
“They’ve told me you loved him. Were obsessed with him. So obsessed that you kidnapped Jonah because you were convinced he was my father.”
“Lies. I would never hurt any of Brad’s children.”
“You’re the liar. You basically told Talon and Joe that you were responsible for Tal’s abduction. That you orchestrated it to punish our father.”
I stiffened. What Jonah and Talon might not have told Ryan was that he was let go because he was Wendy’s son. At least that was Wendy’s story. Larry Wade’s was different. He still maintained that Talon was never meant to be taken.
From my limited dealings with Wendy so far, I knew she couldn’t be trusted.
“Brad knew not to cross me,” Wendy said, an eerie smile on her face.
This was getting nowhere fast. Wendy wasn’t yielding any information, and Ryan was just getting upset. I touched his arm. “Ryan…”
“What?”
“We should go.”
“No. I haven’t gotten anything I came for yet.”
“What do you need?” Wendy asked. “Anything. And it’s yours.”
He looked her straight in the eye. “The truth.”
Chapter Thirty–Six
Ryan
Wendy was beautiful in her own way. Not drop-dead gorgeous like my mo— Daphne Steel. But even in a hospital gown, her gray roots showing through her brown hair, her blue eyes sparkled with something I couldn’t quite identify.
And her nose.
I did have her nose.
I didn’t expect to have any feelings for her, but looking at her, I couldn’t help but feel something. This woman had given birth to me. I had grown inside her body.
Funny that I was accepting that so freely. My world had been shattered twenty-four hours ago. Shattered by this woman.
But not by her.
By the truth.
The truth she—and my father—had kept from me for thirty-two years. For what purpose?
She’d probably done me a great favor. Growing up on the ranch with my brothers and sister had been wonderful, even with the troubling times. I’d learned so much from all of them.
“The truth.” She sighed.
“Ryan”—Ruby rubbed my arm again—“I don’t think this woman would know the truth if it hit her upside the head.”
Wendy ignored Ruby’s comment. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
“Did you love my father?”
“With all my heart. I still do.”
“Did he love you?”
“Of course. He gave me his child.”
“That only means he fucked you,” I said crudely. “I want to know if he loved you.”
“I was his true love. His only love.”
“If that’s true, why didn’t you get together with him after my mother died?”
“Your mother is right here.” She smiled. A strange smile. A plastic smile.
“You know what I mean. After…Daphne died.” Calling the woman I’d known as my mother by her first name felt all kinds of wrong.
“Circumstances,” she said.
“What kind of circumstances?”
She smiled the plastic smile again. “Nothing that would make any sense to you.”
“None of this makes any sense to me. So what? I want to know anyway. You said you’d tell me the truth…Mother.”
“I told Brad to stay away from the rest of them. I knew they were bad news.”
“Stay away from who?”
“Simpson, Wade.” She nodded to Ruby. “Her father.”
Ruby visibly tensed. I wanted to comfort her, but I was in no shape to offer comfort to anyone at the moment.
“The future lawmakers,” I said. “Tell me about them. Why did my father join their club? Why did you join their club?”
“I joined because I wanted to be near your father. As for why he joined, you’d have to ask him.”
Perfect. “You know very well that I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“He’s dead.”
“That’s ridiculous. I just talked to him this morning.”
Ruby rubbed my arm again. “This isn’t getting us anywhere. She’s delusional, like Jonah and Talon said.”
Still, I wasn’t ready to go yet. “What did he say to you this morning?”
“He said he missed all of you kids. He said he missed me.”
“Really?”
“He said he’d come home as soon as he could. As soon as it was safe.”
Ruby rubbed my arm again. I pulled it away from her, not gently.
“What about the ring all the future lawmakers wore? I saw it in their yearbook picture. What was that for?”
“Oh that? I didn’t get one. I was only in the club for a year because we moved before my junior year in high school.”
“But the guys are wearing the rings in the photo you’re in.”
“Are they?” She closed her eyes. “I’m almost sure I didn’t have one.”
“What were the rings for?”
“Just a symbol.”
“A symbol of what?”
“Of their commitment to the club. And to each other.”
My blood ran cold. “My father financed their activities.”
“Yes, he did.”
“What were those activities?”
“They started out small. They formed a secret corporation to buy and sell certain goods for profit.”
“What kind of goods?”
“Goods that were difficult to get. Goods they could mark up substantially and sell to the highest bidder.”
“Illegal goods?”
“Not at first.”
Someone had kicked my stomach in. At least that’s what it felt like. She’d just basically confirmed that my father had been financing something illegal.
“What did they start out with?”
“They’d buy up certain toys that were popular with kids at the time and then sell them on the secondhand market for double the price. Later they got into gaming systems. With your father backing them, they could buy in bulk. They made a ton of money.”
All right. So far so good. Nothing illegal about that. At least not that I knew of. I made a mental note to ask Jade about it.
“Then they got greedy.”
Ruby nudged me. She’d told me about the talk with her uncle, Rodney Cates. He’d said the future lawmakers got greedy.
“And…?”
“Selling illegal stuff yielded much higher profit margins. So they started dabbling in firearms. Then drugs.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Drugs,” I repeated.
“Yes. First just marijuana. Later cocaine. Then they got into narcotics.”
“God…”
“But even drugs didn’t make as much money as something else.”
I wanted to puke. “What?”
She smiled her plastic smile once more. “People.”
<
br /> Chapter Thirty–Seven
Ruby
I nearly heaved up my breakfast. Wendy was hardly a reliable source, but if she was telling the truth, my gut instinct had been correct.
My father and his cohorts were in the business of human trafficking. No wonder Juliet and Lisa’s plight had affected me so deeply. This shit happened in the Caribbean and countless other foreign places, but it also happened right here at home.
I was going to lose my lunch. I stood. “I’m sorry. Please excuse me.”
Ryan grabbed my hand. “Don’t go. Please.”
I swallowed. “You don’t understand. I’m seriously going to be sick. Now.”
“Take a deep breath. Please. I need you.”
Wendy went on as if nothing else were happening. “People, you see, are a dime a dozen. They’re easy to get. Much easier than drugs. And you don’t have to pay up front.”
God, she was talking like this was something normal! So matter of fact. I swallowed again to hold back the acid that was lodged in my throat. Ryan needed me. I’d stay. I’d hold it back.
“Easy to get?” Ryan said. “How can you say that?”
“The homeless. Runaways. Kids walking to school. Sometimes their own children.”
I clamped my hand over my mouth. Sometimes their own children. This would have been my fate. Gina’s fate.
Ryan turned to me. I must have looked green, because he said, “Go ahead. I got this.”
I stood and ran out of the room. I looked around for the restroom but couldn’t find it, so I headed for the nearest trash can and emptied my stomach.
I continued heaving once nothing was coming up. Sweat poured from my brow. Tears poured from my eyes. I shook, my stomach cramping. After what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes, I was finally able to stand.
An orderly came to me with a basin. “Are you all right?”
I took the basin from him. “I’ll be fine. Thank you.”
But fine was something I’d never be again. Something maybe I hadn’t been in a long time.
Pull yourself together, Ruby. I was a cop, for God’s sake. I’d seen worse in my lifetime.