by Angela Foxxe
Surrogacy looked like a good option for that. Considering my parents and grandparents were so dead set against adoption that they actually took out precautions with the trusts that I live on, and that the world doesn’t seem interested in letting single men adopt, this is the best option for me. Do you understand now?”
It still felt like he was hiding something, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. He looked embarrassed by the words that he had said. He was pleading with me to understand and I wondered what it all meant. “I’m sorry.” I felt my face start to flush a little as I walked out of the hospital. I knew that I would never see him again. I had been too much, too demanding, too entitled to the information that he wasn’t willing to give. I had forced it out of him and I felt kind of dirty for it.
I was somewhat relieved as I headed home. I had blown it and would never have to think about it ever again.
CHAPTER TWO
I had washed my hands of the entire ordeal. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything from the man that I had talked to. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life, but I was ready to be out of the minefield of the idea of surrogacy.
Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I had been brooding, feeling guilty about the way that I had treated him, about the harsh words that I had thrown in his face. I wasn’t capable of vocalizing my guilt however, so mostly I just went to work and came home, my stomach in knots. I hadn’t been able to eat, but it had helped me take off the couple of extra pounds that had been hanging around my waist since Christmas dinner with my mother and grandparents.
They had always tried to feed me and made sure that I took enough leftovers home to last me for months. Speaking of leftovers, my stomach growled and I walked into the kitchen, tired of pacing and finally starting to regain my appetite. I was ready to move on. There was nothing that I could do.
I put it out of my head and was spending the afternoon deep-cleaning the apartment when my phone rang. I stared at it for a long time, trying to figure out how or even if I should answer it. It was Torrance, the same number that he had used before to call me. Not the office number, but rather his personal phone. He had called me on it to meet him at the hospital weeks ago.
I listed it in my contacts because I didn’t know if I would need it again and there it was. I realized that I had forgotten to delete the number before. He was ready for me. He wanted me to see what kind of life the child could expect from him. I had to admit that I thought it was all over, but I had to accept the offer.
It was time to see more. I didn’t know how I kept passing the interviews, but something must have made him think twice about me. I wondered what it was. He was coming over soon. I had the evening to myself, so I didn’t have to worry about the girls making fun of me when the limousine pulled in front of the house.
I was struck with a certain horror. I didn’t know what to do about it. He was calling me again and I could see this stretching on forever. I didn’t know if I wanted that. I rushed out of the door, eager to get the fancy vehicle out of the bad neighborhood that I lived in. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to be until someone came up asking questions or decided that because this vehicle was parked in front of my house that I must have something valuable inside.
They wouldn’t find anything, maybe a few old computers and some change in the couch cushions. That’s what we had that’s worth anything. Our television had been fished out of a dumpster and taken to a friend to repair. It’s about as old as dirt. I took stock of my belongings. It was an attempt to make myself feel unworthy of the vehicle as I climbed into it. “What are you doing here?” I asked the driver. My voice was a harsh whisper as I forced the question out of my lips.
“Mr. Clarke sent me to pick you up, ma’am.”
I blinked hard and stared at him. This man was wearing a uniform. The honest-to-goodness uniform of a driver, complete with a hat that he had pulled down to his chest in some sort of strange salute. I never thought that anyone still did that. “Who are you?”
“Reynolds, ma’am, I’m here to drive you.” The man glanced around a bit.
“Why did he send this?” I waved my hand at the limo. “You can’t have that thing here.”
“You are Miss Mueller, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but you have to leave.” I tried to wave him off.
“I can’t go if you’re not ready. I know I’m here a bit early, ma’am. I like to be early and Mr. Clarke likes it that way too.”
“No, I mean what is a limo doing in this part of town?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, ma’am. I’m supposed to be here to pick you up.” He looked at me. I must have been the hardest person in existence to get into a limo. At least that was until I looked up and saw Cyndi’s car pass on a side street. It was just a quick sight, between two neighboring buildings, but I knew that this was my only chance.
“Fine, but we have to get out of here. Now. If my roommate sees me, I’ll never live this down.”
The driver grinned. I think he understood where I was coming from. He must have been there himself. I thought about it long and hard as I dove into the back seat and he slammed the door shut behind me. There was a certain rush to his step as he climbed into the driver’s seat and got himself moving. It didn’t take him long to be off of my street in a flash. It only took a few more seconds for Cyndi to send me a text. “There’s a limo on our street.”
“Take a pic for me.” My heart started to pound. She could keep a joke going forever and a limo in this part of town wasn’t going to stay unnoticed. Those kinds of things just didn’t belong there. I started to hum an old song from a children’s show about things that just didn’t fit in, as I waited for a response.
“It was just pulling away as I was pulling up.” Cyndi sent me a little frownie face emoticon next to the statement. I was happy that she didn’t see me. “Do you know who it’s for?”
“Nope.” I breathed a long sigh of relief and hoped that none of the neighbors bothered to look outside and see me. Word gets around in a neighborhood like that. It’s pretty easy to stand out of the crowd in this kind of place, all you have to do is show that you’re more than working poor. That’s exactly what happened. It was too much. I should have insisted on driving.
The driver was grinning in the front seat, but he didn’t say anything. I think that he understood. I lost myself in worrisome thoughts as he drove and I was still lost in them when the vehicle pulled to a stop. He startled me when he opened the door. “Here we are.” I looked out and that’s when the bewilderment struck.
I was staring at a mansion. The kind of place that fairy tales are made of. I froze there, one foot on the ground and my butt half lifted from the seat as I stared at the building. All I could think was that this must have been what they were talking about in the old stories, when they mentioned wings. I could see three distinct parts to the house. The center part was raised up a story above the two side sections of the building. It had the great entrance. I was certain that those giant double doors led to some sort of ballroom where princesses dance all night in glass slippers.
I knew that the man had money, but I had no idea it was this much. Who could possibly ever use that much space? It seemed impossible. I imagined having to dust that house. Would it even be possible?
“Hurrumph.” The driver cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry.”
“Is there something wrong, ma’am?”
“No, this just must be the wrong place.”
“No, ma’am. This is where he told me to bring you. This is the house.” The driver grinned. “It’s pretty impressive, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” My voice was held quiet in awe.
“Mr. Clarke comes from old money, but don’t let that fool you. He’s a really good guy. I’ve been working for him for years. He takes care of his people.”
“How do you know?” I was staring at one of the balconies. My entire apartment could fit into one of those spaces.
&n
bsp; “Because we talk to each other. Everyone that works here can live in the house.” He pointed to the left side of the house. “That wing over there’s been converted to apartments for us. It’s a nice place.”
“Do you have to?”
“No ma’am, but it works a lot better that way. It’s easy to get to work.”
“How many people work here?”
“Oh, about ten. It’s not many. I thought it would be more, but two housekeepers and some people who maintain the grounds. Two drivers too, so we don’t have to work twenty-four hours a day,” he explained. “You get used to it after a while.”
“A free place to live…” I whispered.
“You would be in a good spot to get a job here.” He smiled and reached a hand down to me. I took it and climbed out of the seat, still in awe.
I hadn’t noticed that Torrance was walking towards me. “Sorry about that. I got a little hung up on some of my work.” The dark blond man grinned at me.
“Just telling the lady about the place.” The driver looked at me.
“Nothing bad, I hope.” Torrance had a sly smile on his face.
“Nothin’ but bad, sir. Just like always.” There was a strange sort of joviality between the pair, but I didn’t get to witness much of it. Instead, I was led inside. I followed in silence as the tour started. He started to talk and all I could do was stare.
He showed me everything that I had ever wanted to see. There was even an empty room right next to his, where he planned for the baby to sleep, with an attached playroom and a small kitchenette. He seemed to have modified most of the place into some sort of apartment houses. It felt a little strange, but everything inside was modern and fresh. I would be staying in the two-bedroom apartment that the nanny was going to live in. It was huge. I had no idea what I was going to do with all that room. “I can help you with furniture if you need it.”
“I don’t know if I need to live here.”
“I would prefer it, but of course it’s not necessary. It is my child and I want you to be comfortable leaving him or her in my care,” he explained. His voice remained gentle and I wondered what he meant by it all. I felt a little overwhelmed. “I’d like to offer you the job.” He laughed a little and shook his head. “That just doesn’t seem right. You know what I mean, right?”
I calmed down. This was all starting to get very, very real, I just didn’t know what I was going to do about it. I thought for a long hard minute. “I might need a few minutes.”
“Take as much time as you need. I’ll understand if you say no.”
“You know, I came into this expecting to be knocked out of the competition early on. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could come out of my comfort zone.”
He frowned. “That’s a bad reason to apply to something like this. You literally hold my future in your hands. I don’t want you to see it as a chore or something that you have to go through with right away. I do not want this to be a joke. This isn’t a joke to me.”
“It’s not a joke to me, either. I know it’s hard for you to understand.” I was actually starting to warm up to the idea. “Give me a couple of days to figure things out. “I’ll be able to keep my job, of course?”
“I wouldn’t take that away from you. Let me give you a copy of the contract so that you can look over it. That might help you decide one way or the other. I just want you to have all of the information up front.” I took the paper and the limo brought me home. I had forgotten to ask him to call a taxi for me to get home. Showing up in a limo would cause nothing but trouble, but it didn’t matter. I was too distracted and could not really focus on my roommates to be able to focus on their lighthearted teasing.
It took me just two days to come up with my decision. I knew what I was going to do. I wanted to help this man. He could give so much to this child. There was no way that I was ever going to have all of the answers, but the truth was that I wanted to do this. Partially, I guess, I wanted to live in that mansion, but that was just a perk of the situation.
I would have all of my needs paid for and I would be given a small stipend to get everything that I could need. I would also be able to keep my job and he would pay for any time that I had to take off for the baby. It was a pretty good setup; I just had to stop myself from getting too attached to the life that was going to be growing inside of me. Once it was all over, I was going to have to leave. That life would end.
*
“I think I’m gonna move into his place.” I wrung my hands. It was the first time that I had said it out loud.
Cyndi grinned. “Do it! How often does someone like us get a chance to live in a place like that?”
“You girls gonna be okay here? No mom anymore; you’ll have to cook for yourselves.” I smiled. I knew that I wasn’t their mother, but sometimes they accused me of acting like it. I was going to move in with this man and I needed to pack. The girls helped me, both of my roommates and the best friends I had.
“We have the address, we’ll come and get you if you need us. Be careful, but everything will be fine.”
“Don’t rent out my room in the meantime.” I smiled. I didn’t want to think about things going wrong. My nerves were already on edge and there was just too much to do.
“How much do you think it’s gonna hurt?”
“Just keep the stuff I’m leaving behind safe.” I warned them.
Cyndi poked me on the arm. “How come you think that you’re not gonna answer our questions?” She was chewing on something.
I sniffled. “I’m sorry, this is just hard.”
Cyndi wrapped me up in her arms. I cried in silence, sniffling over her shoulder. “Don’t worry, it won’t be long. You’ll be back here before you know it and you’ve got a car and we’ll see each other at work. Once he knocks you up, we’ll be calling all the time for a designated driver.”
“Ha.” I mocked her right back, but her words meant something and this was making it a lot easier for me to handle this change. It was a big change. I was going to go through this for a child that I would never really know. I would be available to speak with the child, to check on him or her whenever he was available.
I would be available to care for the child and it was hinted that I might even be hired and trained to be a proper nanny for the baby if I wished to stay. I knew that this wasn’t something typical, normally people who did this kind of work were pretty much cast to the side after the entire world had taken what they needed. I tried to remember any of the good stories that I had seen. There were plenty of them, and I knew that, but the truth was that I still felt a little strange, almost as if I was selling my body away.
I finished all of the paperwork and carefully packed all of the completed contracts into the box. The last few days had been full of doctors’ appointments. They were assessing my fertility and doing a thousand little tests to try to figure out if there was any risk that they needed to watch, or anything that could end the whole thing. They started by explaining to me how it all was going to work, but I didn’t have any clue as to how I was going to handle everything.
It didn’t take me long to move in. After all, I did not have much stuff. The next few days seemed to blow by. It was a little boring. All I did was go to work and come home. I was lucky that I had enough off-time acquired that nothing would get in my way of taking the time that I needed. He assured me that if I lost my job due to this decision I would be able to find something new. He would make sure that my life was in no way inconvenienced through this mess. He was going to pay all of my bills and when I quoted them, he was actually surprised at how little they were. I didn’t think he actually knew someone who made that little, who needed so little to live on. “It feels like it’s not enough.” He looked down at the accounting. “That can’t be everything.”
“Cell phone, car payment, car insurance, rent, utilities, credit card bills, and student loan payments. That’s everything.” I shrugged at him. I didn’t know what was going to happen with the bills
. “If you want to give the girls my part of the grocery money, that would be nice.” He took down the total and promised that it was going to happen, but he was still frowning. He didn’t know what to make of me. He didn’t know what to make of my life. I don’t think that he understood it.
I did the research. This was a weird arrangement, but not entirely unheard of. It was something that was done privately, not through one of the big companies. I think that they wanted to keep it out of as many hands as possible.
With a man that had as much money as Torrance did, it probably wasn’t that strange. He was probably watched a lot, and that is why he had to do this like this. Still, I couldn’t quite understand his recruiting practice. I hadn’t been put into some giant pool of people, but there were many more experienced surrogates than I, who could have helped him through this process. Instead, we were both kind of going around blind in this new and unexplained world.
I don’t think that he really knew what he was going to do with me, how he was going to talk to me. He didn’t spend a lot of time around me and my appointment was coming up fast. I already knew that he was going to accompany me to every appointment that I went to, so that he could become as comfortable with the process as possible. I knew that, but somehow it didn’t fix my loneliness any. I was used to having people around and here I was alone. It wasn’t someplace happy, no place that anyone should have been. I gulped and pushed back my fears.
I knew that it wasn’t anything that he could find fault with, but I also knew that he couldn’t understand my apprehensions. I supposed that he was used to being alone, but in my life I rarely was. He wasn’t there to take care of my tiny fears or anything like that. He was there to help me through this difficult time, but I don’t think that this was exactly covered by the contract. I looked for him with every creak of the old house, but he was never there. I was alone. He saw me in passing each day.