Cutting Cords

by Mickie B. Ashling

  “Your wife will be able to help you in that regard,” the nurse said. “Mothers can always tell.”

  “You think so?”

  “Please take him,” Dad interrupted. “Thank you for bringing the boys, but I need to rest.”

  I felt the flurry of activity as the nurses took the babies and wheeled them back to the neonatal unit. Suddenly, the room was quiet again and felt strangely empty without the twins. I stood and moved over to the bed. “Are you okay, Dad?”

  “I’m very tired, Cole, but happy.”

  “Try and get some rest. I’ll come back a little later, and we can chat.”

  “Promise me you’ll teach them how to play baseball.”

  “That’s a given, Dad.”

  “Tell them about my days with the Giants.”

  “I’ll show them the pictures and the videos.”

  “Make sure.”

  “I won’t forget.”

  “I love you, Cole.”

  I felt the tears threatening to unman me in front of my father, and I blinked them away, refusing to destroy his final hours with any sign of weakness on my part. Reassuring him that I’d be able to handle the tremendous challenge of raising my boys was the priority, not sharing my fears. It would be cruel to tell Dad that I was terrified by the prospect of a bleak future filled with this new responsibility. “I love you too, Dad,” I said, wishing once more that I didn’t feel so hollow and empty. What should have been a joyous occasion was turning out to be one of the worst days of my life.

  Chapter 3

  “COLE, ARE you there?” I was about to hang up when I heard him blow his nose. Whatever residual anger I felt toward my former partner evaporated once I realized he was crying and could barely string two words together.

  “Dad passed away last night.”

  I’d been expecting this news, but it felt like someone had smacked me upside the head with a brick. “I’m so sorry… did he suffer?”

  “Yes, but at least he got to hold the boys before he died.”

  “Boys?”

  “The twins were born yesterday.”

  “Oh. Congratulations. I’m assuming everyone is healthy?”

  “Yes.” Again there was this awkward silence until Cole asked, “How have you been?”

  “I’m doing great.”

  “That’s good to know,” Cole said. “Would you like to attend Dad’s service? I’m sure everyone would be happy to see you.”

  “If I attend, Cole, it’s for you and nobody else.” He didn’t reply, so I thought we’d been cut off. “Hello?”

  “I’m here,” Cole finally replied.

  “How’s your mother holding up?”

  “She’s coping.”

  “And you?”

  “I’m overwhelmed at the moment. Too much has happened in the last twenty-four hours.”

  “I’ll bet. Is there anything I can do to help?” The offer was impulsive, and as usual I hadn’t filtered the words before they tumbled out of my mouth or consulted Trent, who looked like he was ready to explode.

  “I may need your help in the future.”

  “I’m afraid I know nothing about babies.”

  “Not that. Noriko’s acting territorial, though, so my lawyer may have to depose you to get more ammunition against her.”

  “What’s she doing?”

  “I hate to admit this, but your predictions about her were fairly accurate.”

  “What did she do?”

  “Now’s not a good time, but I’ll be happy to give you all the details later.”

  “I’ll be there in a few hours, okay?”

  “Thank you, Sloan.”

  I mumbled something and almost hung up before I realized I had no idea where I was going. “Where’s your dad?”

  Cole gave me the name and address of the funeral home on the Upper East Side. I put the phone down and looked at Trent, shrugging. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why?”

  “I know you’d rather I didn’t see him.”

  “You’re right, but you’re not in prison, Sloan. I have no intention of monitoring your friends, so if you feel the need to go and pay your respects, do it.”

  “He sounded so lost.”

  Trent scowled. “Come here.”

  I climbed back in bed, and he wrapped around me like a shawl. “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

  “Anxious.”

  “Why?”

  “I’ll be seeing him and the rest of his family for the first time since we broke up. It was hard enough hearing his voice. I’m not sure how I’ll react to being around him.”

  “Would you like me to come with you?”

  “I’d love it, but I’m going to have to say no. This is something I need to do on my own.”

  “There’s nothing he can do or say to hurt you anymore.”

  “I know. It’s just that we have so much history, sir. It’s not like he’s only a former boyfriend. Our families have been connected for years. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure my dad will be flying in for the service.”

  “Why don’t you call your father and find out.”

  “He’ll want to meet you if he comes.”

  “I don’t have a problem with that. Do you?”

  “He’ll interrogate you.”

  “Pfft… if I can put up with Max, I can deal with anyone.”

  “Max?” I spun around so we were face to face. “Is he still interfering?”

  “Don’t get twisted over this, Sloan. He wants to make sure I’m not being too hard on you.”

  “Does he think you’ve got me locked up in chains?”

  Trent laughed. “He’s your biggest fan and watches over you like a mother hen.”

  “Still?”

  Nodding, Trent said, “We’ve never done a public scene, and even though I’ve reassured him that we’re meeting each other’s needs, he doesn’t really believe it.”

  “I wish he’d leave us alone.”

  “He’ll stop eventually.”

  “When I’m celebrating my thirtieth birthday?”

  “Or I collar you.”

  “Huh?”

  “He won’t believe you’re truly comfortable in your role as my sub until he sees my collar around your neck.”

  “You know I find that practice demeaning.”

  “It’s a symbolic sign of our commitment. No more demeaning than a wedding band.”

  “Christ! Did you just ask me to marry you?”

  “Close,” Trent said, grinning. “Think of it as a dress rehearsal.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “You’re happy, aren’t you?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Do you have any doubts about what we’re doing together?”

  “None so far.”

  “Mull it over. It’s not a forever contract, Sloan. It’s renewable, unlike a marriage. I would never want a partner who didn’t share my love for the scene or who didn’t fulfill my needs. We may outgrow each other, or we might grow old together. In either case, a collaring is a significant moment in a D/s relationship, and I’d like to share it with you. You can always walk away if you feel that we’re no longer right for each other.”

  “Just a minute… you’re freaking me out.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ve never even said you lo―never mind.” I swallowed the word, embarrassed by my slip-up.

  “Love has nothing to do with this,” Trent explained. “It’s more about two people working to bring out the best in each other while satisfying certain needs. What we have is a special connection that works.”

  I must have looked shellshocked because Trent was immediately defensive. “That doesn’t mean a loving relationship can’t come from a collaring. Haven’t I shown you how much I care about you?”

  “Of course you have, but I associate commitment with love. I don’t know where I stand with you, Trent. We don’t live together, and you have yet to give yourself completely. There’s a part of you that’s closed off an
d guarded. You’ve never talked about your life in the military, and I know nothing about your childhood. My life is a fucking open book, and yours is a big mystery. I’m not making any kind of commitment until I know more about you.”

  “Suit yourself,” Trent said, pushing me away. “Don’t ever say I didn’t ask.”

  “Whoa! Is this a one-time offer? Take it or leave it kind of thing?”

  “It is what it is,” Trent said, obviously pissed off.

  I tackled him before he could leave the bed, laying him flat on his stomach with a loud grunt. Scrambling on top of him, I whispered in his ear. “You’re not playing fair, Master.”

  “I thought I was being very fair.”

  “Nuh uh… you spring this on me out of nowhere. Christ! Don’t I even deserve some wining and dining? Every engagement has some kind of buildup and drama.”

  “What are you, a silly girl?” Trent grumbled.

  “No, just a hopelessly romantic boy,” I admitted. “Even if it’s only symbolic, the hearts and flowers would be appreciated.”

  “Oh, Sloan,” Trent sighed, sliding out from underneath. He gathered me in his arms and said. “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “I’ll bring you flowers and even sing you a serenade, but when it’s all said and done, I’d like to see my collar around your neck.”

  “Deal.”

  “Promise?”

  “With one condition.”

  “I knew it! Can’t you ever take anything at face value?”

  “That would be too boring, Highlander. I won’t accept your offer until you divulge your inner thoughts and I get to plow your ass.”

  “Is that the only thing holding you back? Fucking me? You consider it some kind of test or challenge?”

  “Well, yes… I do. I have issues with men who aren’t flexible.”

  “Believe me, Sloan. I’m plenty flexible when I want to be.”

  “Good, then we have an understanding. Right?”

  “Have you forgotten who’s in charge?”

  “Oh, no, sir… you are for sure,” I said teasingly.

  “You’re a brat.”

  “I am―take it or leave it.”

  Trent hauled me up against his chest and slanted his mouth over mine to stop my sassing. He kissed me forcefully and bit my lower lip for good measure. “You take it or leave it.”

  Chapter 4

  THE LOBBY of the Walter B. Cook Funeral Home was appropriately somber and made me think of my mother. It had been over ten years since her death from cancer, but the smell of the flowers and the funereal organ music wafting through the speakers brought back a lot of memories and disturbed me more than I cared to admit. I supposed I would carry these feelings to my grave, and now Cole would be able to relate to the terrible void left by the passing of a parent. I was certain he was reeling from the multiple events of the last forty-eight hours. A father’s death and the birth of one’s children were momentous enough, and if Noriko’s attitude toward their contract had in fact changed, it would add a new element to Cole’s stress.

  I wasn’t sure what kind of reception I’d receive from Cole’s family members. It had been nine months since our acrimonious breakup, and we’d had absolutely no contact. Our split had shocked everyone, yet no one in Cole’s family had bothered to pick up the phone to get my side of the story. God only knew what lies Cole or Noriko had perpetuated, but I was about to find out if I was welcome or not.

  The small room assigned to Ken was packed with mourners, and the Fujiwara women were easily recognizable in their appropriate black designer outfits. Cole’s three sisters, their daughters, and spouses surrounded Eileen in a protective huddle. The death of her husband had elevated her status to matriarch, and the retinue of family was appropriately deferential. I was relieved when she greeted me warmly.

  “Thank you for coming, Sloan.”

  “I’m very sorry for your loss,” I said automatically. She embraced me and hung on for a few moments before moving on to the next visitor. I looked around, hoping to spot Cole, but I was interrupted by my father, who appeared in front of me like a genie. He and Ken had been teammates with the San Francisco Giants and lifelong friends ever since. He crushed me against his chest and thumped me on the back.

  “Dad, when did you get here?” I exclaimed. “I could have met you at the airport.”

  “No worries, kid. How’re you holding up?”

  “I’m fine. It’s Cole we need to worry about.”

  “He looks awful,” Dad commented. “What in hell happened to him?”

  “I haven’t seen him in months.”

  “That’s probably why he looks like shit. I still can’t believe you guys broke up.”

  “Don’t start, Dad. It’s over.”

  “I don’t know, Sloan. He looks miserable.”

  “Ken was his best friend.”

  “I thought you were.”

  “So did I, but that’s another story for another day.”

  “Well, come on,” he said, taking me by the hand. “Let’s get this over with.”

  We headed toward the cluster of people near the open casket. I averted my eyes because I had no desire to look at Ken in death. I was still angry at him for manipulating Cole and destroying our relationship. Now it was too late to call him a conniving son of a bitch, and I refused to give him more than a passing glance. I was here for only one reason. Cole was facing his dad but turned toward me the instant he felt my presence.

  “Sloan?”

  “I’m here,” I said, reaching for his hand. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Cole’s stoic façade fell apart as soon as he heard my voice. He could barely croak out the words of acknowledgment. It broke my heart to see him in such pain, and every protective instinct was immediately resurrected. I enfolded him in my arms and held him tightly against my chest.

  “There’s a small room over there,” Dad said, motioning toward a door marked “Private.” “Why don’t you guys see if it’s unoccupied?”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I held Cole’s hand and gave Freddie, his guide dog, the signal to stay. Fortunately, Freddie still recognized me and obeyed. We headed toward the room, and when we stepped into the privacy of the small office, Cole broke down completely. I knew how strong the bond was between him and his father, and there was nothing I could say to make this any easier. All I could do was support him and let him grieve. My tears fell in sympathy as I listened to him sob. Finally, he broke away and apologized for falling apart. I noticed a few new streaks of silver weaving through his dark hair and a frown line that hadn’t been there before. He was only thirty-four, but today, he looked closer to forty.

  “I’m sorry,” Cole mumbled, wiping tears away with the back of his hand. The gesture was so childlike it resonated, tugging on my inherent need to protect him. I drew him back into my arms and held the trembling body that felt much thinner than I remembered. Everything about Cole seemed different today except for my feelings, which arose like a phoenix.

  “You’ll be okay,” I said, whispering words of encouragement.

  “I didn’t want you to see me like this,” Cole said, sniffling against my shirt, “but I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea.”

  “Shogun….” The old nickname snuck out before I realized it, and it struck a chord like nothing else. Cole let out a small cry and lifted his face, crushing my mouth with a hungry kiss. What started out as comfort quickly morphed into heat, orchestrated by Cole, who was unstoppable. He attacked my mouth with a hunger so fierce it swept me along in its wake. I was too surprised to push away, and my body betrayed me by rising to the occasion. Maybe it was the setting or the circumstance, but lust triumphed over intellect, and soon Cole was plucking at my zipper and cussing in frustration when he couldn’t get it down fast enough. He straddled me and began humping and grinding, while never taking his mouth off mine. It was like being sucked under by a riptide that was too powerful to escape. I joined in the frenzy, liftin
g my hips and grinding against him. The pressure to get off was intense, and it seemed that the only thing holding us back was the very real possibility of soiling our pants and walking out of the room with trousers soaked in jizz. Cole was desperate, however, and the begging and pleading were audible through the heated kisses. “Fuck me, Sloan. Please….”

  “Now?” I was shocked by the request.

  “Yes,” Cole insisted.

  “No,” I protested weakly, knowing I was a heartbeat away from giving him what he wanted. Cole slipped his hand into my trousers after finally getting the zipper to cooperate. The familiarity of Cole’s fingers around my cock awakened old feelings, and I gave up trying to resist. Cole rooted around in his pocket with his free hand, pulled out a small tube of slick, and shoved it at me. “Here, use this.”

  My brain shut down after that, and I moved like a robot, rubbing the lube over my unrepentant organ. Cole shoved his pants and boxers down his thighs and leaned over the desk, offering his ass up invitingly. “Fuck me,” he urged, fanning the flames. The sight of my former partner spread out and begging wantonly snuffed out whatever common sense I had left. Cole’s ass had always been one of his biggest draws, and lately I’d been having fantasies of sinking my cock in between such luscious cheeks. Trent, for all his sexual prowess, never allowed me to top, and here Cole was, offering so sweetly. My last bit of will power was shattered, and I stood behind Cole and stuffed my cock up his tight channel. I covered his mouth with my hand so no one would hear the muffled scream that roared out of his throat. Encouraged by his moaning and the rocking of his hips as he met me push for shove, I fucked him with powerful strokes. Being sucked into Cole’s perfect bottom was achingly familiar, and I was transported into another place and time when we were younger, happy, and free of all the bullshit that had torn us apart. Even if the entire planet had been on the brink of destruction because of my impulsive act, I was powerless to stop this. My body wouldn’t allow it. I knew there would be severe repercussions, but it wasn’t the time to think about them. My balls were intent on unloading every drop of semen deep within Cole’s body. Wrapping my hand around his cock, I got him off, just as I hit the wall and died the sweetest death.