“Well, there you go,” said Donovan. “It’s about soccer, not football.”
Trish shot Donovan a dirty look.
“No, he didn’t write it about football. Or soccer. But he was thinking about the way—never mind.”
Lucas stared into his drink, wishing he hadn’t said anything at all. It made perfect sense in his mind, but he’d never be able to make them understand. Music was emotion, and that song was full of it. It was about overcoming obstacles, about fighting your way to the top when people around you expect you to fail. He supposed it meant different things to different people, but to him, it was a song about homophobia.
For the next several minutes he listened to his friends talk about their favorite rock bands. It was a familiar subject, but he didn’t join in. He had a hard time paying attention to what they were saying as he retreated further in on himself.
He set down his drink and excused himself to find a restroom. Behind closed doors, he breathed a sigh of relief. It felt good to be alone for a few minutes. He didn’t fit in here. He didn’t understand how easy it was for everyone else to fit in, but so hard for him. He wished he could hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night. They probably wouldn’t even notice.
He knew he was his own worst enemy with his nagging doubts and negative thoughts, so he gave himself a mental pep talk. He needed to go back out there, put on a smile, and pretend he was having a good time. He tapped his fingers on the edge of the counter, playing invisible piano keys as he hummed the melody of “We Are the Champions.” When he got to the line about having his share of sand kicked in his face, he stopped. “No time for losers,” he said to his reflection, then headed back to the party.
When Lucas returned, he found his small group of friends had wandered apart. Scanning the room, he spotted Trish dancing with a couple other girls. Donovan had moved to the other side of the room, where he was talking to two beefy-looking guys. No way was Lucas going to walk up and join them. He made his way to an empty chair and sat down for more people-watching. A few minutes later, Trish came over to check on him.
“Why don’t you go ask Donovan to dance?”
“He seems more interested in those guys over there.”
“Oh, he’s just a flirt,” she said. “It doesn’t mean anything. He’s that way with everybody.”
He’s not that way with me. The realization sent a pang to his chest.
He told Trish he was fine, and she left to rejoin her friends on the dance floor. Lucas sat quietly, feeling a little lost, but then Alex appeared and tugged on his ear. Alex looked a little tipsy.
“Hey,” Alex said. “You look bored.”
“I’m okay.”
“You wanna go see my room?”
Lucas smiled and nodded.
Alex led Lucas upstairs. They were both quiet as Lucas surveyed Alex’s room, inspecting his belongings. He had a lot of sports trophies and memorabilia scattered about, and there were some family pictures sitting in frames on his dresser. His room was messy. Clothing littered the floor and schoolbooks were tossed carelessly here and there.
“I didn’t know you were having a party,” Lucas finally said.
“I’m sorry. I would’ve invited you, but I didn’t want—”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“It’s not that I didn’t want you to come. I just didn’t want anyone to pick on you, you know?”
Lucas nodded.
“After you got here I threatened to kick everyone’s ass if they gave you a hard time.”
Lucas looked up at him in surprise. “You did?”
“Yeah. They probably think we’ve got something going on.”
Lucas blushed. If only that were true, he thought.
“If anyone bothers you, let me know.”
Lucas appreciated the gesture, but it made him feel weak. Why was he so painfully incapable of sticking up for himself?
“I’m fine,” Lucas said. “But if you guys play a kissing game, I may have to come back up here and hide under your bed.” He laughed, but there was more truth to his joke than he cared to admit.
“Hey, I asked all my friends about that, you know? None of them ’fessed up to putting your name in the mix. I don’t know—I don’t think it was any of them who did it.”
“Where are your parents?” Lucas said, trying to change the subject.
Alex patted the space next to him on the bed.
Lucas joined him, feeling wanted for the first time that night.
“They had to take my sister to see a specialist in New York. They’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s perfect,” he said. “She just doesn’t walk so good.”
They were silent for a couple minutes, and then Lucas said, “You really like Trish, don’t you?”
Alex smiled and nodded. “I wanted to ask her to dance, but I chickened out.”
“Why? You’re like a total ladies’ man.”
Alex laughed. “I don’t know. I’m still getting a weird vibe from her. Most girls—I don’t really care if they turn me down, you know? But with Trish, I want to wait for the right time, when I know she’ll say yes. Does she still like that other guy?”
“I think so. But what do I know? Really, you should tell her you like her.”
“I think she’s still mad at me. I’m glad she came tonight, though. Maybe I’m worming my way back into her good graces.”
Their talk was cut short when Donovan stormed into the room. He took one look at them sitting on the bed and said, “What the fuck, Lucas?”
Donovan lunged forward, grabbed Lucas by the wrist, and dragged him out of the room.
“Hey! Hey, wait up!” Alex called after them, and Lucas looked back to see him tripping over something on the floor. “Shit. Lucas!”
Donovan dragged him down the stairs and out the front door. When they got to the car, Donovan opened the passenger door and shoved Lucas toward it. Lucas got into the car, thinking Donovan wanted to take him home, but he was too frightened to ask any questions.
Donovan sat in the driver’s seat and typed out a text message, but he didn’t say a word. Lucas’s heart raced as he tried to anticipate Donovan’s next move.
“What’s going on between you and Alex?” Donovan said as his nostrils flared.
Lucas blinked rapidly. “Nothing. We were just talking.”
Donovan narrowed his eyes. “In his room? On his bed?”
“Yes.”
“Did he kiss you?”
“No.”
“Did he try to kiss you?”
“No. He’s not gay.”
“He’s not gay?”
“No.”
“And you’re not fooling around with him?”
“No.”
Donovan leaned his head against the headrest, closed his eyes, and sighed. He mumbled something under his breath, then started the engine. They rode in silence for several minutes, and then Donovan said, “When you’re on a date, it’s pretty shitty to disappear with some other guy.”
“I know,” Lucas said softly. He felt tears threatening to spill and tried to hold himself together. “I’m sorry.”
Donovan was right. How would Lucas feel if he’d found Donovan sitting with Alex on his bed? And what if Alex had tried to kiss Lucas? He was fairly certain he would have kissed him back.
“I’m sorry,” Lucas said again.
He hadn’t thought Donovan liked him. Trish had told him Donovan’s flirtatious behavior was harmless. Maybe Donovan did like him, but he was the kind of guy who had a hard time showing his true feelings. Lucas had really messed this up.
After several minutes of silence Lucas looked up and realized Donovan wasn’t taking him home. He didn’t know where they were going. When Donovan finally stopped the car, it was to park on the street in front of a large, brick house.
He turned to Lucas and said, “I’m sorry I lost my cool. It was a misunderstanding. Can we just forget about it?”
His demeanor ha
d changed. He didn’t seem angry anymore.
Lucas nodded.
“Let’s go inside for a little while,” Donovan said.
“Is this your house?”
“Yeah. But we can hang out in the guest house so we don’t disturb my parents.”
“I have to be home by midnight.”
“No sweat. We’ve got time.”
LUCAS sat still while Donovan got out of the car. He was still unsure where he stood with him. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to go inside with him. Then again, maybe they’d finally have a chance to talk, just the two of them.
Donovan opened the car door and offered Lucas his hand. The gesture seemed out of character for Donovan, but Lucas accepted it. Donovan kept hold of Lucas’s hand, leading him up the path to the guesthouse. He seemed different somehow, a kinder, gentler version of himself. Maybe this was the real Donovan, one most people never got to see.
Once inside, Donovan spun around and placed both hands on Lucas’s hips. He slowly guided him backward until Lucas rested against the door. Donovan’s gaze was intense, like a wildcat watching its prey. Without a word he leaned down and kissed Lucas, leaning into his body.
Lucas hadn’t expected it. The sensation was different than what he’d experienced with Alex. It wasn’t a slow, soft kiss. Donovan’s lips were firmer, more insistent.
After a moment, Donovan pulled his head back. “Come on. Kiss me,” he said in a breathy voice.
As Donovan leaned back in, Lucas parted his lips and Donovan’s tongue pushed inside. It was a new, strange sensation. Not bad, just foreign, like there was something in his mouth that didn’t belong there. Donovan’s tongue moved swiftly, and Lucas had to suppress the urge to laugh. He did his best to kiss back, but it felt awkward. He didn’t know if he was doing it right. He didn’t know where to put his hands. This didn’t feel the way it had with Alex. Maybe because Donovan was skinny. Instead of being wrapped in a strong embrace, he felt like he was caught in a tangle of limbs.
He remembered his dad’s advice: It’s not about making yourself feel good. It’s about making your partner feel good. He wondered how Donovan was feeling.
He got his first clue when Donovan’s cock ground against his belly. Donovan was hard. Before he knew it, Lucas felt his own dick respond with interest. The situation suddenly weighed heavily on him. What did Donovan want to do?
Donovan moved his hands to the small of Lucas’s back, then slipped them under the waistband of his jeans. He slid his fingers under Lucas’s briefs and cupped his bare ass, groping him firmly as he thrust against Lucas with more force.
This was happening so fast Lucas couldn’t process it. Shouldn’t they talk about this first?
Donovan broke free of the kiss, breathing heavily. He leaned into Lucas’s ear and asked, “Do you want me to suck you?”
Lucas froze. He hadn’t anticipated any of this. It was too much, too fast. He needed time to think. He didn’t know what he was feeling. He wanted Donovan to like him, but he didn’t know if he was ready to do this. Whatever this was. But he was a guy; he was supposed to want this, right? Donovan expected him to say yes. He should say yes. Don’t be disagreeable. Lucas didn’t know what to say, so he remained still.
Donovan brought his right hand between them, feeling along the front of Lucas’s jeans. Finding his target, he rubbed his thumb back and forth along the denim. Lucas was semihard and quickly gaining size. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. No one had ever touched him like this. He was both terrified and exhilarated at the same time.
Donovan dropped to his knees and tugged at Lucas’s fly. He popped the button open and unzipped him with a skilled hand.
The loss of bodily contact made Lucas whimper. He knew Donovan was right there, yet he felt too far away. More than anything right then, he wanted to be held.
Donovan glanced up at him with a sly grin. He yanked Lucas’s jeans and briefs with one quick jerk and left them wrapped around Lucas’s thighs.
Donovan stilled. “I thought you were hung like a bear?”
The disappointment in his voice was unmistakable.
“What?” Lucas said. He instinctively moved his hands to cover himself, but Donovan grabbed each of his wrists and moved them away.
“Uh-uh. These stay here,” Donovan said, placing Lucas’s hands behind his head. “Don’t pull too hard.”
“What?” Lucas said. He felt shaky, and his erection began to wane.
Donovan ignored him. He grabbed hold of Lucas’s cock with one hand, then swirled his tongue around it. Lucas reacted on instinct, fisting his hands in Donovan’s hair as he let out a whimper.
Donovan flashed him a wicked smile. “Easy there, bear cub.”
Before he could protest, Donovan sucked him all the way into his mouth.
The sensation was overwhelming, and he felt his knees buckle. Lucas wanted to ask if he could lie down, but he was too intimidated to speak. Donovan seemed to know exactly what he was doing and how he wanted to do it.
Lucas was rock hard now as Donovan massaged the underside of his dick with a firm tongue. Lucas was unable to control the high-pitched noises he was making. The pleasure was building rapidly, and he knew he was close to spilling over the edge. The thought of coming in front of Donovan embarrassed him. The thought of coming in his mouth terrified him. He wasn’t ready for this, but he was barreling toward the end quickly.
“Wait! Wait!” he whispered in a panic.
Donovan eased up and then slid off his dick with a pop. He undid his own pants and pulled out his cock, stroking himself with his right hand while he stroked Lucas with his left.
“Mmm. You wanna come on my face?” Donovan said in a lusty voice.
“What? No,” Lucas said quickly. Donovan chuckled, then took Lucas into his mouth again, this time with long, deep strokes.
“Oh God!” Lucas cried out.
He tried to hold back, not to prolong the pleasure, but for fear of losing control in front of Donovan. Resistance, however, was futile. His balls drew up tightly as his body betrayed him, shooting his release in three strong bursts. His legs were too weak to hold him and before he knew it, he was sliding to the floor.
Donovan helped him up, and Lucas, still shaky, pulled up his pants. He reached for Donovan, wanting the comfort and reassurance that comes from being held, but Donovan merely took his hand and led him to the couch.
“My turn.”
Lucas gulped.
Donovan sat on the couch, then guided Lucas into a kneeling position in front of him. Donovan’s cock poked out of his unzipped jeans, and Lucas got a good look at it for the first time. He blinked rapidly, his gaze fixing on Donovan’s penis. It was thicker and darker than his own, and Donovan barely had any hair where Lucas expected to see a thick patch. His heart raced as he watched Donovan slip his pants and briefs down to his ankles, fully exposing himself. Lucas’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he stared at Donovan’s long cock, knowing what he needed to do but lacking confidence.
“Come on. I’m already close,” Donovan said. “It won’t take much.”
Donovan reached a hand around the back of Lucas’s head and guided him toward his cock.
Lucas hesitated.
“For fuck’s sake, just use your hand if you don’t wanna do it.”
This wasn’t going at all the way he wanted it to. He wanted to make Donovan feel good, and he was failing miserably.
Donovan leaned his head against the couch and covered his eyes with both hands. “Fucking hell,” he said, letting out a sigh of frustration.
Lucas leaned forward, determined to see this through. As soon as his tongue made contact with Donovan’s cock, he felt Donovan’s hands fly to the sides of his head.
“Thank fuck!” Donovan cried in a breathy moan, rocking his hips upward. It was all the encouragement Lucas needed to continue, and he gave it his best effort.
The musky odor and slightly bitter taste of Donovan’s skin, along with the fingers that tugge
d at his hair, overwhelmed Lucas’s senses. His eyes watered, his jaw ached, and he knew he wasn’t going down as far as Donovan had for him, but he hoped he was doing all right.
“Fuck,” Donovan moaned. He pushed Lucas off of his cock and stroked himself furiously. His eyes squeezed shut. His body stiffened.
Lucas was mesmerized as he watched Donovan climax. His cum oozed out over his fingers as he slowed his strokes. Lucas had never seen anyone else like this before. Donovan was beautiful. Lucas had the urge to kiss him again but was afraid to ask.
Donovan peeled his eyes open slowly and looked down at his hand. “Can you get me some tissues? There should be some in the bathroom.”
Lucas did as he was asked, and Donovan cleaned himself up. “Come on,” Donovan said, “I’ll take you home.”
Donovan didn’t grasp his hand on the way to the car, and he didn’t say much on the ride home, leaving Lucas to wonder what Donovan was thinking and how he felt about him. Had Donovan enjoyed what they’d done together? Did he want to do it again? If there was a next time, would it be different? He wondered how well Donovan liked him. He hadn’t shown him much affection.
When they pulled up to his house, Lucas thanked him for everything.
“Yeah, sure,” Donovan said. “See you Monday.”
No kiss? No “I’ll call you tomorrow”? Lucas tried to hide his disappointment. He didn’t want to leave like this, with so much left uncertain. He wished he had the courage to ask Donovan how he felt about him. Reaching for the door, he paused.
“Was it okay?” he asked in a small voice. He felt more vulnerable in that moment than he ever had, and his eyes began to burn as he awaited the snarky comment that would surely come in reply.
Donovan offered him a smile, then said, “Yeah.”
He leaned over and gave Lucas a quick kiss on the lips, darting his tongue out playfully at the last second. “Now go before you turn into a pumpkin.”
Chapter Ten
Practice Makes Perfect
AS HE headed for English class Monday morning, Lucas steeled himself. He’d be crushed if Donovan ignored him, but he was determined not to let it show. What he hadn’t prepared for was a pair of arms pulling him into a hug as he walked through the door.
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