“A little louder please,” his teacher said.
“Um, that’s when you take an inanimate object and give it human qualities. The title of my poem is ‘The Pillow’.”
Lucas paused and glanced around the room. Everyone stared. Only Zach smiled, but it gave him the boost of confidence he needed. Keeping his eyes on his paper, he recited his poem:
“The Pillow
Here I am to cushion your fears,
to ease your pain, to soak up your tears,
to hug you close throughout the years,
to whisper magic in your ears,
to love you.”
There were a few snickers, but no one other than Mr. Rose made any comments. “Very nice, Lucas. Thank you.”
Then Donovan’s hand shot up. “Can I go next, Mr. Rose?”
“Yes, Donovan, go ahead.”
Donovan grinned. “I wrote a limerick,” he said, and several kids laughed. “A limerick is a humorous poem that often contains lewd content.”
More laughter.
“Donovan?” Mr. Rose said, caution in his voice.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Rose. It’s tame. Okay, so continuing on, a limerick has a rhyme scheme of aabba, and uses amphibrachic meter with nine, nine, six, six, and nine syllables. My poem is called ‘Lucy’s Limerick’.”
Lucas felt his face heat up, and he fixed his eyes on the floor.
Donovan continued. “There once was a good girl named Lucy.”
The class erupted in laughter. Lucas didn’t dare look up, but he could feel the eyes on him.
Donovan paused, waiting for the noise to die down. Then he cleared his throat and started again:
“There once was a good girl named Lucy.
Sad and lonely, she wept profusely.
She rejected the boys
who liked playing with toys.
And that’s how she cooked her own goosey.”
The class cheered as Donovan took his seat. Even Mr. Rose laughed. Lucas was fairly certain Mr. Rose hadn’t gotten the reference or understood the poem’s intended meaning, but Lucas knew most of the class did. He prayed for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. What did Donovan mean when he said he’d “cooked his own goose”? Was it a threat? Why did Donovan hate him so much?
His thoughts were interrupted when Zach volunteered to go next.
“I wrote in free verse,” he said, “with a rhyme scheme of abcb. My poetic device is imagery, which uses language to describe sensory experiences. The poem is tentatively titled ‘Dreaming of You’.”
Lucas looked up, and for a moment, their eyes met. Then Zach looked down and read from his paper.
“I gaze into your eyes
Lost in time, lost in place.
I’m lifted by the smile
Of your angelic face.
My gentle fingers brush
Your tender, waiting skin.
You’re so near, I close my
Eyes and breathe you in.
You’re pulsing through my veins;
I wallow in the stream.
I linger in the feeling,
Suspended in a dream.”
Lucas’s heart pounded. Another beautiful poem. Oh how he wanted to live in that dream. Zach’s lack of gender specific pronouns was maddening. It sounded like he was talking about a girl, but was he talking about Lucas? Or was that wishful thinking? He didn’t hear another word of another poem for the rest of class. His mind was completely lost on thoughts of Zach.
THOUGH he was tempted to skip the pool again, Lucas decided to brave the waters. Zach had said Lucas was his lucky charm. Would he notice him?
Lucas took his usual seat and pulled out a book to read. He needed an excuse to keep from looking at Zach. He couldn’t resist stealing a few glances, though, and his heart fluttered each time he did. Zach seemed too focused to notice. He didn’t look in Lucas’s direction, even at the end of practice on his way to the locker room. Lucas sighed and stuffed his book in his bag.
Zach was the first to emerge from the locker room, and instead of heading for the exit, he walked over to the bleachers. “You’re back,” he said with a smile. “Was it my eloquent way with words that persuaded you?”
Was Zach teasing him?
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Lucas snapped back.
“Ouch.” Zach shook his head. “You know, snarky doesn’t really suit you.”
Zach was right. Lucas felt awful as soon as he’d said it. Why was he so bad at making conversation? “You know, if Mason sees you talking to me, he might spontaneously combust.”
“Really? It must be comforting having a protector to ward off dubious suitors.”
Lucas let out a belly laugh. The idea that Mason felt protective of him was absurd. The idea that Zach was a suitor was even more absurd.
“Uh… I’m not really sure what’s so funny,” Zach said, “but it’s nice to see you smile.”
Lucas saw Mason approaching and tried to regain his composure, but as soon as he caught sight of his brother’s scowl, Lucas broke out into a new fit of laughter.
“What’s so damn funny?” Mason said, looking back and forth between them.
“Heck if I know,” Zach said.
Mason crossed his arms. “Can we go?”
“Sorry to hold you up. See ya, Lucas. Bye, Mason.”
Mason was quiet on the way to the car, but it was obvious he had something on his mind. Lucas braced himself for another one of Mason’s verbal attacks as he started the engine.
“You better not be hitting on any of the guys on the team,” Mason said.
“What if he was hitting on me?”
“In your dreams.”
Lucas sighed.
“Seriously. What are you doing talking to Zach?”
“I don’t know. Maybe he likes me.”
“What the fuck would he like you for? Even if he was gay, which I seriously doubt, he can’t be that desperate.”
Lucas lost his temper, pulling the car over and stopping abruptly. “What is your problem? Why do you hate me so much?”
Mason turned away and looked out his window.
Neither of them spoke for several minutes as the tension in the air continued to mount. Lucas stood his ground and waited for an answer.
“I don’t hate you,” Mason finally said in a soft voice. “I hate the way people look at you.” He paused and then said, “And I hate the way I know they’d look at me if I stuck up for you.”
It was the most honest Mason had ever been with him and, in a twisted sort of way, the kindest.
Lucas sighed. “I know. And I’m sorry for whatever stuff you have to put up with because of me, but I can assure you, whatever that is, I have it worse.”
“I know you do,” Mason said quietly.
Lucas pulled back into traffic and continued on toward home.
After a few minutes his brother said, “Zach’s a nice guy. You could do worse.”
LUCAS had just settled in to practice a new piece of music when he felt his phone buzz.
Alex: where r u?
Lucas: the music room
Alex: u eat lunch in the music room?
Lucas:…
Alex: brt
Why was Alex coming to see him? He hoped he was coming alone. Mrs. Davidson was nice enough to let him use the music room during lunch, but he didn’t know if she’d want other students in there.
“Hey, you,” Alex said as he entered the room.
“Hi.”
“Do you always come here for lunch?”
“Yeah. I don’t have a piano at home, so I use the time to play.”
“You could practice after school, yeah?”
“There’s a lot of people here after school. I like it when it’s quiet. Just me and the music.”
That was an excuse. The truth was that no one in the cafeteria wanted to sit at a table with him. It was another painful reminder that he didn’t fit in. Luckily, he had the music room for refuge. Mrs. Davidson was sometimes p
resent, but more often than not, he had the room to himself.
“That’s cool.” Alex leaned over the piano, resting his weight on his forearms. “So,” he said and then paused. “Something just happened that I thought you should know about.”
Lucas braced himself for bad news.
“Your guy just tried to hit on me. You need to forget about that jerk. I would’ve decked him, but I know how much Trish likes him.”
Lucas momentarily panicked. “Who are you talking about?”
“Donovan.” Alex wrinkled his brow. “Who did you think I was talking about?”
“He’s not my guy,” Lucas said quickly.
“No? I thought you two were—”
“Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say the P-word!”
Alex grinned. “If Peter Pecker picked a pack of pecker partners, how many pecker partners would Peter Pecker pick?”
“That’s so wrong,” Lucas said, giggling.
“A pack of peckers could keep your tongue twisted for days, don’t you think?”
“Stop! Mother Goose is probably rolling in her grave right now.”
“Oh, come on. Mother Goose was an old lady. I’m sure she’d be titillated,” he said. “Seriously, though, what happened with Donovan? I thought you two were going out.”
Lucas sighed. “He doesn’t like me. I should have realized it from the beginning. I mean, he wasn’t that nice to me, and he was never affectionate or anything. Or maybe that stuff’s just for girls, I don’t know.”
“No way. Guys like cuddles too, you know.”
“You like cuddling?” Lucas said.
“Yeah, with the right person. If I were your boyfriend, I’d hold your hand all the time. Well, until it got clammy and you made me let go.” He chuckled. “And I’d cover you with sweet kisses every chance I got, in front of everyone, so the world would know you were mine.”
Lucas frowned. He’d never have a boyfriend like that.
“And I’d give you piggyback rides to all your classes.”
Lucas laughed and shook his head in protest. “You would not.”
“I totally would,” Alex said. Then his face grew serious. “I wish I could be that person for you, Lucas, but I can’t. You’ll find someone like that. I know you will. You deserve it.”
Lucas teared up. He wanted that so badly.
“Hey, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Lucas shook his head. “No, I’m fine. I just wish I had your confidence. I don’t know if I can put myself out there again.”
“Of course you can. Not all guys are like Donovan, you know. Next time you meet someone, do yourself a favor and run his name by me first. I’ll help you weed out the losers. Deal?”
Lucas nodded and made a failed attempt at a smile. After a moment he said, “What do you think of Zach Teagan?”
“Zach Teagan?” Alex said. His eyebrows shot up as realization hit. “Zach Teagan? You’re shitting me.”
“I don’t know for sure, but I think he likes me. Or at least he wants me to think he does.”
“Did he ask you out?”
“No.”
“How do you know he likes you? Did he flirt with you?”
“Yeah, kind of. I think so. I don’t know. He’s subtle. Like, he called me his lucky charm.” Lucas blushed and lowered his head. “It’s stupid. I know that doesn’t mean anything.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Did he say anything else?”
Lucas didn’t want to tell him about the poetry. He didn’t think Alex would understand. Besides, if he told him it sounded like Zach was writing about a girl, it would only draw more attention to his effeminate qualities.
“He referred to himself as my suitor once.” He glanced up at Alex, who smiled back at him.
“That’s not so subtle, Lucas.”
“I know. I guess I’m afraid it’s all a big joke. I mean, why would a guy like him be interested in someone like me?”
“Hey! Don’t put yourself down. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he likes you. I’m a good guy and I like you, right?”
“Yeah, but not like that.”
Alex sat beside Lucas on the bench and put an arm around him. “I don’t know Zach that well, but he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d get his kicks from hurting other people, you know? He keeps to himself mostly. Maybe because he doesn’t want people to know he’s gay.”
“I guess so.”
“You should go for it. He seems like a nice guy. And if he’s not, I’ll kick his ass for you.”
“I don’t know. Donovan completely humiliated me in front of him yesterday. He probably doesn’t even like me anymore.”
“What? What did he do?”
“He wrote a limerick about me and read it out loud in front of the entire class. He made me sound like a prude.”
“That guy’s an asshole! What did you do?”
“Nothing. We were in class.”
“Lucas.” Alex sighed.
Lucas drew back. “What was I supposed to do?”
“You have to stand up for yourself. You can’t just sit there and do nothing or people are gonna keep picking on you. Why didn’t you tell him to go to hell?”
“It wouldn’t change anything.”
“Well, you don’t have to make it so easy for them.”
Why was Alex coming down on him so hard?
“I’m sorry I’m so pathetic,” Lucas said, getting up and grabbing his bag. “I have to go.”
“Wait. No, Lucas, wait,” Alex said, but Lucas hurried out the door.
He knew Alex was right, but the words had hurt. He didn’t want Alex to think of him that way. He didn’t want Zach to think of him that way. Even if Zach did like him, it would only be a matter of time before he realized Lucas was a big sissy. It was hopeless.
Chapter Thirteen
Dreams of Love
FINDING his usual spot on the bleachers, Lucas settled in to do his homework. He’d calmed down since lunch but still felt on edge. He wondered if Zach would come over and talk to him again after practice. Part of him desperately hoped he would, and another part wanted to avoid the confrontation altogether. Alex had told him to go for it. Maybe he was right. Maybe Lucas needed to take a leap of faith.
“Hey, Boo.”
Lucas turned to see Trish climbing the bleachers.
“Trish? What are you doing here?”
“Taking matters into my own hands. I can’t wait anymore, Boo.”
“What? What do you mean?” Lucas felt a jolt of panic set in. “What are you gonna do?”
Would she come right out and ask Zach if he was gay? Would Zach be mad at him for revealing his secret? He’d really made a mess of things now.
“I’m gonna put on my big-girl pants and finally talk to Zach. You can introduce me.”
This was a nightmare. He’d almost convinced himself to try and talk to Zach, and here was Trish, ready to swoop in and sweep him away, right under his nose.
“What are you going to say to him?” Lucas said.
“I don’t know. Don’t worry, I work well under pressure.”
This was a completely foreign concept to Lucas, who planned all conversations as far ahead as possible. For the next thirty minutes, he tried imagining what Trish might say and how Zach would react. It was nearly impossible, though, because she was so unpredictable.
She waved at Zach a few times, but he didn’t acknowledge either of them. As practice wound down and the team made their way to the locker room, she jumped up. “Lucas, he’s leaving. Let’s go say hello.”
“Don’t worry, he’ll come back out after he changes. He’ll pass right by here.”
“Okay. I’m nervous. Are you nervous?”
“You’re making me nervous. Are you sure this is a good idea? What if we both scare him off?”
“Think positive, Boo. No negative nellies allowed.”
When Zach emerged from the locker room, he walked toward them just as Lucas had predicted. “Hi, Luca
s. Hi, Trish.”
Trish beamed and gave Lucas’s arm a squeeze. He could hear her inner squeal.
“Hi, Zach. You looked great out there. Lucas was telling me all about your technique.”
Lucas blushed. Why did she say that?
Zack cocked an eyebrow and laughed. “Oh really? Thanks, I think. Do you swim?”
“I splash about in a string bikini. Does that count?”
“Not around here, but I won’t tell anyone,” he said. “What about you, Lucas? I’ve never seen you in the water.”
“I don’t think there’s a pool big enough to hold both me and Mason.”
“We’ll have to sneak you in when he’s not around, then,” he said with a wink.
Trish cleared her throat. “So, Zach, suppose I had an extra ticket to see Green Day in concert. Third row, center stage. Do you know anyone who might be interested in going?”
“You have third row seats for Green Day? That’s awesome. You should take Lucas.”
“You don’t even know if he likes Green Day.”
“Yeah, but he likes you, and he deserves a fun night out.”
“Ooh, you’re good.” She leaned in and gave Lucas a kiss on the cheek. “I approve,” she said, then made her exit.
How had she done that so effortlessly? Lucas’s heart beat furiously as he scrambled to find the right words.
Zach opened his mouth to say something and then closed it. He narrowed his eyes. “Do I want to know how she found out Green Day is my favorite band?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if she knows what color underwear you wear on Thursdays,” Lucas said.
“Lucas Tate, are you flirting with me?”
Lucas felt the heat rush to his face. “There’s Mason,” he said. “Gotta go.”
AS SOON as he got home, Lucas pulled out his phone.
Lucas: i think it’s time to make your move
Alex: u propositioning me?
Lucas: no! go get your girl
Alex: is she over that other guy?
Lucas: yes
Alex: and ur not mad at me?
Play Me, I'm Yours [Library Edition] Page 12