My baby bump seemed to grow every day. My favorite jeans no longer fit, and I had to buy a whole new set of bras to accommodate my growing breasts. My boobs were ginormous, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy that change.
Despite our daily phone calls and constant texting, I still missed Aiden. I really wanted to see him, and touch him. I found myself daydreaming about him, and our possible life together, every day at work. I’d found an assistant to help with my private lessons, so I pretty much supervised now, which left me with a lot more time on my hands.
Every extra second of my day seemed to go to Aiden, and the insecurities I felt about our future together. The last thing I wanted to do was use our child as a pawn to see him or force him into a relationship. That desire put me in a major dilemma when my doctor scheduled my first ultrasound. If I were truly going to be a single mother, I wouldn’t think about alerting the father, but I also felt like Aiden deserved an opportunity to go.
I went over it again and again in my mind, trying to determine whether I was inviting him for the baby or because I missed him. After an hour, and two slices of cheesecake, I decided to invite him, as long as I made it clear that he didn’t have to come. I was nervous as I dialed his number, hoping he wouldn’t answer so I could just leave a voicemail.
“Hey,” he answered on the second ring.
“Hey! How’s your day going?” I asked as I began pacing my kitchen.
“Better now. Is everything okay?” He sounded worried.
“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry. I just spoke to my doctor, so I wanted to update you,” I could hear shuffling on his side.
“Is everything okay, Emily?” He seemed panicked, and I realized I should just blurt out my reason for calling before giving the poor man a heart attack.
“Yes, Aiden. Calm down. She just wanted to schedule the first ultrasound, and I wanted to give you the opportunity to go. I mean, if you wanted to go. You don’t have to. I won’t be mad. It’s completely up to you… Whatever you want to do,” I stumbled over my words, sure I sounded like a complete idiot.
“Do you want me to go?” He asked after a long pause.
“If you want. But not just because of me. I don’t want to push any of this on you. You know what, don’t worry about it. I just thought I should let you know, but I don’t want it to be weird,” I placed my hand on my forehead as I closed my eyes, humiliated by my ridiculous behavior.
“Emily, relax. I want to go, sweetheart.” Aiden said calmly. I could hear his light chuckle as I listened in shock.
“You do?” I asked with my eyebrows raised.
“Of course I do. When is it?”
“Thursday morning at 9,” I confirmed, glancing over at the reminder I’d placed on the refrigerator.
“It’s a date. Have you been able to eat breakfast?” He asked, recalling our recent conversation when I’d revealed my awful morning sickness. After spending too many mornings in the bathroom, I’d decided to skip breakfast altogether.
“No, it’s not worth the hassle. I’ve tried everything, but I can’t keep any of it down,” I admitted.
“My mom said you should drink ginger tea,” he said casually, but I was shocked by the mention of his mother. Without my parents in the picture, I hadn’t even considered Aiden’s parents, or him sharing the news with them. “It’ll help with the sickness,” he added after I failed to respond.
“Oh, okay. I’ll get some today when I get groceries,” I nodded as if he could see me.
“Umm, do you… Uh, I was wondering about your groceries… And you know, your bills in general,” he began stumbling over his words.
“I’ve got it covered,” I interjected; happy it wasn’t my nerves overflowing this time.
“Okay, well, if you do need or want help, you know I’m happy to do that, right?” He nervously asked. It was something about Aiden’s supreme confidence and sexiness that made him so adorable whenever he seemed uncomfortable.
“I just want you to go see the doctor with me,” I responded.
“I’ll see you Thursday morning,” he promised, his confidence back intact.
That night Mariah came over so that we could have a little girl time. It had been a while since we spent a night together watching reality T.V. and eating takeout. I ordered Thai, which had become a regular craving for me. Just as I began to worry when the deliveryman would arrive the doorbell rang.
“Bestie!” Mariah yelled as I opened the door.
“Hey, girl,” I absentmindedly greeted her while looking both ways for the deliveryman.
“Well, don’t be too excited,” she teased.
“I thought you were the food,” I admitted, a little disappointed.
“You become more of a pregnancy stereotype every day. It’s kinda ridiculous,” Mariah joked while walking towards the living room.
We settled in and began watching television until the food arrived. My mood brightened considerably once I had pad Thai and spring rolls in front of me. Mariah made jokes about my appetite as we flicked through the channels.
“So how’s your lover man been?” Mariah inquired after settling on a Law & Order rerun.
“Aiden’s Aiden, you know. He’s super cool and laid back. I never really know what he’s thinking. Sometimes I think he wants to be together, other times I wonder if he just feels obligated, so I don’t really know,” I exposed my insecurities.
“I don’t think Aiden is the kind of guy that would feel obligated into a relationship. I mean, he’s Aiden fucking Beckett, he can literally do whatever he wants. I don’t think he flew you out to his game for any other reason than wanting to see you,” she assured me.
“And it was such an amazing trip. I have so much fun with him, but I’m always trying to hold myself back. Like, I don’t want to come on too strong and scare him away, you know?” I revealed.
“Hello! You’re pregnant, Emily! You can’t get much stronger than that. You’re going to be in his life forever, regardless, so you might as well try for the relationship you want.” Mariah pushed. Although we were best friends, our personalities were polar opposites. She was so confident and demanding, while I just took whatever option was offered.
“I like what he’s doing now, though. And I don’t want to risk losing that. Guys are so temperamental; I just don’t want to rock the boat,” I explained before reaching for a spring roll
“I won’t let you settle, Emily. You’re not going to just accept whatever he throws your way. You’re a prize, and you need to act like it. You deserve your fairytale ending. And if Aiden doesn’t want to give it to you there is definitely another man out there for you,” she advised with her eyes still trained on the television.
We sat in silence, as I pretended to watch the show, though my thoughts were actually focused on Aiden. I knew there was some truth to Mariah’s advice, but I didn’t want to go about it how she’d suggested. I needed to find a way to tell Aiden what I truly wanted, but I had to make sure it wasn’t pushy or awkward.
I liked talking to him regularly but knowing that he was still seeing other women was uncomfortable for me. We hadn’t talked about it, but I knew I should bring it up. Like Mariah said, there was no reason for me to settle.
So after she left, I decided to call Aiden again to at least know where we stood. I was alone in my bedroom, going over ways to bring it up when my phone rang. Aiden was calling.
“Hey! I was just thinking about you,” I answered.
“Really? I hope good things,” he smirked.
“What’s going on?” I deflected, curious about his reason for calling.
“I know you got a little weirded out when I mentioned my mom earlier. It never really crossed my mind that you two should meet,” he paused, but I was at a loss for words, unsure of where he was going with this. So I decided to remain silent, forcing him to continue.
“I thought that after the doctor’s appointment we could maybe make a day of it. You know, hang out, do some baby shopping together,
and then maybe have lunch with my parents?” He was nervous again; I could sense it in his tone.
“Aiden, you don’t have to introduce me to your parents. I wasn’t trying to pressure you to do that,” I assured him.
“Emily, are you going to give me this spiel every step of the way? Because, if so, it’s going to be a long nine months,” he chuckled.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured, Aiden,” I whispered.
“Well, you’re going to have to meet my parents. You have their first grandchild. But if you’re not ready, I can probably hold my mom off for a couple more weeks,” he offered.
“No, you don’t have to do that. I’d love to meet your parents, Aiden. And go shopping with you,” I gushed, trying to contain my excitement.
“Good. Now, what did you think about me?” He asked. And for a moment I thought it best to completely forget what I wanted to ask him, but Mariah’s voice seemed to replay in my head. While Aiden was taking huge steps forward, I didn’t want to continue to get my hopes up if he wasn’t actually serious about us being together. I didn’t want to settle or be in a relationship on my own.
“Aiden, are you seeing other women?” I blurted out. I could hear his breath escape him.
“I’m not dating anyone else if that’s what you’re asking.” He quickly answered.
“So is that what we’re doing? Dating?” I asked.
“I thought so,” he sounded unsure of himself. I wanted to let it go, but I knew I wasn’t satisfied with his answer, so after a long pause, I continued.
“But you’re sleeping with other women?” I closed my eyes preparing for his answer.
“Not, like, regularly,” he stumbled.
“Okay. I just wanted some clarity. I get a little confused; there are a lot of gray areas in this… situation. Thanks for being honest, I hope that didn’t make you too uncomfortable,” I giggled hoping to lighten the mood.
“I would never lie to you,” Aiden said seriously.
“I appreciate that,” I responded harshly.
My feelings were hurt, but I was also upset with myself for being hurt. He was right, he hadn’t lied, and nothing between us had really changed. What did I expect? For Aiden Beckett to want to go steady like we’re fifteen?
“Are you, uh,” he began to my surprise.
“No! God, no, Aiden! That would be so disrespectful. No,” I grimaced.
“Okay. I didn’t think so. Just, clarity, like you said,” he quickly added.
“I’ll see you Thursday,” I said softly as he stumbled through his words and I ended the call.
My relationship, or situation, with Aiden, was a complete roller coaster. One day I felt really confident, the next I was a confused mess. Dating was a complex enough dynamic, but trying to do it while pregnant often felt impossible. It was as if I’d lost all of my leverage. Mariah was right, he had me for the rest of his life regardless. So why would he even want to pursue a relationship?
I guess his question did, in some way, prove that we both had the option to opt out of the relationship path, but I was shocked he would even bother asking. Even if he wanted nothing to do with our child, I couldn’t imagine sleeping with someone while I was pregnant with another man’s baby.
Mariah was wrong about my fairy tale still being possible. Learning that my child’s father was sleeping with other women, and being reminded that I had the option to sleep with other men, was certainly not a part of my fairy tale. Everything about the situation just felt wrong at times.
I went to sleep feeling uneasy, and I awoke with the worst case of morning sickness yet. Aiden still texted me, as he did every morning, checking in on me. I told him about the morning sickness, not thinking much of it.
I was completely shocked to find a bouquet of white roses and a wicker basket filled with ginger snacks and tea waiting for me at the front office of the school. The note read, ‘I hope you feel better - Aiden.'
I realized that while he definitely wasn’t the exact fairy tale I had envisioned, Aiden was very thoughtful and caring. He went out of his way to try, and although it was my intention in the beginning, somewhere along the way I had stopped giving him time to come around on his own timing.
I was proud of myself for asking the uncomfortable questions so that I was sure about where we stood, but I couldn’t afford to worry myself sick about my future with Aiden. It wasn’t good for our baby or me. Whenever I would stress about college, my mom would always tell me to, ‘enjoy the journey,' and that was exactly what I planned to do with Aiden going forward.
He was who he was, and I couldn’t change that. Regardless, we were having a baby together, and my feelings for him had to take a backseat. I needed to put our baby first, and his role in our child’s life was the most important.
I spent the day wondering how Aiden felt about our conversation. I hoped he didn’t feel guilty, but I didn’t regret asking him about his stance in our relationship. I was still looking forward to seeing him the following morning and spending the day together.
Meeting his parents was definitely intimidating, but he was right, I would have to meet them at some point. I really wished my parents could meet my baby, but since they couldn’t, I hoped I could have a great relationship with the only grandparents my child would know.
My Google research had shown me that Aiden came from a super wealthy background. I hoped his parents didn’t look down on me for being a teacher. I calmed myself before my thoughts went wild and decided to focus on teaching to ease my anxiety.
One of my students had an upcoming competition, so I watched her rehearse her floor routine under the supervision of my new assistant. My entire life was changing around me. My body was adjusting every day, my career had shifted drastically, and I’d even begun thinking of moving to a new place – one with more room for the baby to grow.
Even though it scared me at times, I was excited about my future and what it would hold. I smiled as my student nailed her landing, knowing that in less than 24-hours I could know whether I was having a son or a daughter.
Chapter Thirteen
AIDEN
I was nervous walking towards Emily’s door. It had only been two days since I’d admitted to seeing other women, and I feared she would be upset with me. I never promised to be exclusive with her; in fact, we were just trying to figure out what we wanted from each other.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for Emily, and the truth was, I didn’t share an emotional connection with the women I’d been with since meeting her. They were merely puck bunnies after a game or night of partying, while Emily meant so much more to me.
I couldn’t quite place my feelings for her, but I knew she was special and always treated her as such. I was shocked by her questioning and a little embarrassed at her response. I expected Emily to care for me. Honestly, I wanted her to, but I also wanted her to give me some time to change my lifestyle to accommodate her.
I slowly knocked on her door, fearing her reaction. I’d disappointed several women in my past, and they all seemed pretty upset with me immediately following my actions, so I expected the same from Emily.
“Hey, I’m running behind,” she shocked me, answering immediately after I knocked.
“Oh, it's okay. I’m a little early,” I explained, still caught off guard by her sweet reception.
“Do you want anything to drink? I can’t find anything to fit,” she sighed as she disappeared up the stairs.
“No, do you want me to get you a drink?” I called after her.
“No, just make yourself at home,” her voice faded farther and farther away as I followed her up the stairs and down the narrow hallway of her condo.
I had to admit, Emily’s place was quite plush for a gymnastics teacher. She had decorated the space exceptionally. I particularly liked the plants she’d scattered throughout the apartment.
“Do you need help?” I asked softly as I approached her bedroom.
“I can’t fit anything,”
she whined while reaching on her tippy toes in her sizeable closet.
“Let me help,” I suggested, before reaching for a blue silk dress I noticed hanging from the end of the closet.
“That’s my mom’s,” I heard Emily mumble as I draped the dress over her arms.
“What was her name?” I asked, as she silently taught me to wrap the dress around her using her tiny fingers.
“Elaina,” she whispered, looking into my eyes with her clear blues.
“That’s a beautiful name,” I smiled while tying the thin strips of silk into a bow.
Her baby bump protruded much further than it had the last time I saw her, and I instantly noticed that every day I was away, I lost an opportunity to witness our child grow. With my hands placed on her belly, I leaned down to kiss her forehead. I could feel her lean into me and I knew that despite her proud stance, she needed more help from me. Emily presented a strong front, but anytime I pushed past it I could tell how much she appreciated even the slightest assistance from me.
“Ready?” I asked, and she nodded.
The doctor’s office was nicer than I expected. I knew Emily wasn’t poor, but I had prepared myself for a lower standard than I was used to. I was relieved to see that she was receiving the best care for our child. My nerves grew by the second as we waited for the doctor. The nurse had already weighed Emily and checked her blood pressure. I found it hilarious that she made me look away when she stepped on the scale, as if her weight gain may affect how attractive she was to me.
“Hi Emily,” the middle-aged doctor excitedly greeted Emily before turning her attention to me. “And hello to you, Mr. Beckett. I’m Dr. Lindsey Stevens, and I’m a huge fan. I hope you’re taking good care of my Emily,” she warned before shaking my hand.
“I’m doing my best,” I grinned as she went to wash her hands before settling onto her stool.
“So how is everything? Liz gave me your vitals; it looks like you’re right on schedule with your weight. Don’t be afraid to have a little meat, Emily. I know you want what’s best for the baby, but you have to be careful not to eat a bunch of junk just to avoid it. You can get protein from a lot of places – leafy greens, beans, nuts, eggs, even supplements; just make sure you get it.” She advised while reaching for a pink cylinder.
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