“We both already smoked but it wasn’t long before the standard cigarettes were accompanied by weed. I’d always told myself I would never touch the stuff as a kid, but being a teenager was different. By the time we were fifteen, we were looking for the next thing and cocaine somehow fell into our laps. By the time we’d finished school and failed everything, we were addicted. We’d talked for years about going to London once we were free and at the first opportunity we had, we went. My parents were horrified and tried to get me back. They even came and got me a few times, but it always failed.
“Nathan and I had fallen further and further into the pits of hell. He had already started shooting up heroin, and if I’m honest I was only days away from starting as well. We made money dealing, and we lived in squats, whether they were empty flats or abandoned warehouses.
“I had no idea until it was too late that Nathan had been dealing for different people. A gang. A well known gang that was notorious for giving young lads a load of gear with promises of thousands of pounds, but the whole thing was always a set up. If I’d have known…”
I reach over and take Lucas’ hand in mine, though I’m pretty sure he’s so lost in his memories he doesn’t even feel it.
“He convinced me to go with him but it got ugly. Really ugly. One minute we were being jumped by a load of guys, and the next I was waking up in hospital with my parents looking down on me, grief stricken.
“Nathan was dead and I had been very close.”
I suck in another breath at his words, but remain silent.
“They brought me home, helped me get clean, and my dad stupidly handed me the company to keep me busy. It was a huge fucking risk, but one that worked. I think he knew me better than I knew myself back then.
“If Nathan hadn’t have died, I don’t think it would have worked. We would have ended up back there, but the next time something like that happened, we probably would have both ended up dead.”
After his admission about his past, Lucas takes my hand and gently pulls me to my bedroom. He pulls the covers down and encourages me to get in. He strips down to his boxers and sits on the edge.
“Is that what the scars are from?” I whisper.
“Yes.”
“And the tattoo? A phoenix is a bird of freedom, right?”
“Yes. I got it after I got clean. It’s freedom from all the shit of my past. A reminder of why I can’t lose myself again. I have her addictive personality, Lilly. I have to fight not to drown and I know I’m going to be fighting until the day I die. When I found out you were pregnant, all I could see was her and the pain she caused me and Marcus. I’m so scared to become that.”
“You are not her, Luc,” I say as I curl into his side once he’s laying down. “You are so much more than that.”
“I pray you’re right, Lilly. I would never want you or our babies to experience what I did.”
His disappearance makes even more sense to me. I’m still angry that he did it, that by trying to get himself together he hurt me anyway, but I don’t bring that up. I ask another question that’s been bothering me. “What happened to Marcus?”
“I don’t know. It haunts me every day that I left him in that shithole with them. I’ve been too ashamed to find him,” he admits.
“Would you like to? Find him, that is.”
“Maybe one day.”
That is the last either of us speak. We just lie there in each other’s arms until we drift off to sleep.
Chapter Seventeen
Lucas
I lie listening to Lilly’s breathing as she sleeps in my arms. I probably shouldn’t have let her sleep; it sounded like she hit her head pretty hard and she might have mild concussion. She was exhausted though, so I figured that as long as I keep an eye on her, she’ll be fine.
I run through all the events of the last few weeks over and over in my head. Even if Lilly forgives me for what I did, I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to forgive myself. It may have only been eight weeks, but I feel like I’ve missed so much. When I get to what happened tonight, I feel the anger I felt when I see Lilly pinned up against the wall wash through me. After everything I’ve been through in my life, I think that image is going to be the one that haunts me. I was too close to losing everything in that moment.
When I hear Lilly’s phone vibrating on the sideboard, I slide out from under her before grabbing it. When I see it’s exactly who I suspected it would be, I silently sneak out into the living room so I can answer it.
“Lilly, what’s wrong?”
“She’s fine,” I reply to his panicked tone. “I thought you’d put an end to Lilly’s ex last year?”
“Who’s this?” Dec asks, but I’m fairly sure he knows.
“Lucas. The guy who just stopped that psycho from ploughing another knife into your sister.”
“FUCK,” he bellows down the phone. “I thought we had.”
“Well, you didn’t do a good enough job. I need a favour from you.”
“Why would I do anything for you? After what you’ve done to Lilly, I owe you nothing,” he asks, clearly pissed off.
“Well, aside from the fact I just saved her life, I’m the father to her babies and I think I…love her,” I admit quietly. Those are three words I never thought I’d hear myself say, and I’m surprised by how at ease I feel doing so.
“Well, shit me,” Dec says with a laugh. “It’s about time you did the right thing by her.” From what Lilly has told me about Dec and his way with women, this comment makes him sound like a total hypocrite, but I don’t mention it.
“So…the favour.”
“Go on.”
I explain everything to Dec about what I’ve been up to and what I want him to do. He’s pretty shocked, but I can tell he’s on board with my plan for Lilly.
Once he hangs up, I grab my phone and make the call that’s going to put things in motion to end that motherfucker Jake.
I feel a little calmer when I slide back into bed beside Lilly, knowing I have things in place.
“Lucas,” Lilly mutters in her sleep as she puts her arm around me. I kiss the top of her head before wrapping myself around her. What I said to Dec is true. Over the last few weeks away from Lilly, my feelings have become very obvious. All I need to do now is to get her to forgive me and show her how serious I am.
“Are you awake?” Lilly asks when the sun is starting to stream through the curtains.
“Yes, I’ve been keeping an eye on you.”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? No pain or anything? Are the babies moving okay?”
“Yes, we’re all fine.”
“Good. You need to pack some stuff.”
“Why?”
“We’re going to my house.”
“Lucas,” she warns. “Just because I’ve had a knock to the head, it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten what happened.”
“I know that, but I’m not having you here just in case he comes back for you. I need the three of you safe.”
“Oh,” she says, a small smile twitching the corners of her lips.
“I will not have you in any danger, Lilly. You’re too important to me.”
“Is that right?”
I have no idea if I’m allowed, but I lean forward and place my lips on to hers. I don’t push for any more, and thankfully she doesn’t push me away.
When we break apart, she looks up through her lashes at me. “It’s like we’re starting again, Lucas. It’s going to take time. You can’t just pick up where you left off.”
“I know. I’m going to show you how much I want this.”
“You already are.”
As soon as Lilly has got up, I demand to know where her suitcase is so she can start packing. I won’t have her here a minute longer, and I certainly don’t want her here alone while I know that piece of shit is still walking the streets.
We spend the weekend hibernating inside my house. The only time we leave is to go to a supermark
et because Lilly wants a certain brand of tea. I haven’t been here since I left, and I’m glad I didn’t come back, because it would be nothing without her here. It’s bad enough now that she’s demanding to sleep in the spare bedroom. How am I meant to sleep at night, knowing her sexy body is down the hall alone?
Dec did exactly as I asked and not long after we got to my place, her phone rang. I watched her arse sway as she walked off towards the living room so she could have some privacy.
Lilly
“Are you okay? I can’t believe that dick had the balls to show his face again.”
“I’m fine. Wait, how do you know about that?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t know?”
“I guess,” I admit, because he always knows when something is wrong with me. Just like I do him. Thankfully for me though, his life isn’t quite as dramatic, and I don’t get the feeling very often.
“Lucas answered when I rang you last night. He told me what happened. Why the fuck did you answer the door, Lilly?”
“I presumed it was Taylor coming back to visit, because no one buzzed, so I thought he’s used his key.”
“I can’t believe you’d be so stupid.”
“Yeah, thanks. I don’t really need to hear that, Dec.”
“Sorry,” he mutters.
“Lucas demanded I came to his house, so I should be safe. You don’t have to worry.”
“Actually, that’s kind of why I’m ringing. Do you fancy a few days by the sea next weekend? You can chill out on the beach and get some sun. I’ll cook for you. You can totally relax.” Dec is a great cook, although it’s not common knowledge. I’m pretty sure he keeps it that way so that the women he hooks up with don’t find out and try to dig their claws in any deeper. He’ll be the perfect husband for someone one day.
“That sounds perfect. Shame my cocktails will have to be virgin.”
“Awesome. How about I come and pick you up Thursday night?”
“Don’t be silly. I can drive myself.”
“You are not driving yourself and my niece and nephew in that rust bucket you call a car. No way. And I know for a fact Lucas will say the same thing.”
“Okay, but I can’t get on the back of your bike. You haven’t seen me for a few weeks now, Dec. I’ve grown.”
“I wouldn’t even try to fit you on, Lills. I’ll come in the van. Plenty of space for your fat belly then.”
“Thanks,” I mutter, trying to sound annoyed, but Dec knows it’s hard for him to really irritate me.
“I’ll see you Thursday. Send me the postcode for Lucas’ house and I’ll pick you up there.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“You too, bye.” His response makes me smile. It’s the only clue I get that he isn’t currently alone. Dec is more than happy to tell me he loves me behind closed doors; as soon as he has company though, he locks it down. It’s probably one of the reasons no woman has managed to get close to him. He’s like a concrete wall until you really get to know him.
I find Lucas in the kitchen once I’m off the phone, as I expected. What I don’t expect is to find him cooking. After his last failed attempt, I didn’t think he’d try again.
I stand in the doorway and look around at the cluttered counter tops and steaming saucepans.
“What happened?”
“I know I made a mess,” he says, looking around him.
“I didn’t mean the mess; I meant you’re cooking and nothing is burning.”
“I’m learning to cook.”
“You’re learning to cook?” I repeat, because I can’t quite believe it.
“Yes. I’m going to be a father soon, and I want to be able to help out.” His words make me swoon.
“Lucas,” I say softly as I walk over to him.
“I just thought that you’re going to get so big you’re probably not going to be able to move, so someone needs to keep you fed!”
“And to think I thought it was sweet,” I say with a laugh as I playfully slap him on the shoulder.
I am pleasantly surprised by Lucas’ first attempt at spaghetti bolognese. I think he may have a talent he didn’t realise, and I’m more than happy for him to explore it.
The week is almost over before I know it. I was worried that spending too much time with him would mean we’d fall back into our old routine. I really want to still be annoyed at him for leaving me, but he’s put so much effort into everything these last few days that I’m already starting to forget about it. I never thought it would happen so fast, but he’s showing me every chance he gets that this is what he wants.
I still refuse to sleep in his bed, though. I’m standing by my decision to keep things slow. He may have found his way back in to my heart, although I’m not sure he ever really left. But he’s going to have to wait a little until I let him have my body again. Although he isn’t pleased with my decision, he is respecting it.
At 6pm Thursday night. I’m sat in the kitchen with my bags packed, ready to head to Devon for a long weekend. I may have been there plenty of times before, but I’m so excited to go and chill out with Dec and have a walk on the beach. I also think it will do Lucas and I some good to have a few days apart again. Other than him going to the hotel, we’ve been in each other’s pockets since he rescued me on Friday night.
“Here’s some food to keep you going on the journey,” Lucas says, walking over to me with a bag in his hands.
“I thought you were making yourself dinner?”
“I was, but I did this for you, too.” Lucas is really taking this cooking thing seriously. I love it!
“Thank you. Oh, he’s here,” I say, as a black van with ‘Dec’s Surf’ in multicolour pulls into the driveway. “Are you ready to meet my brother?” It’s very rare that Lucas looks unsure of himself, but this is definitely one of those times. He knows how close Dec and I are, and he’s aware how important it is for them to get along. “You’ll be fine.” Dec was unsure about Lucas before, but since finding out he saved my life on Friday, he’s warmed to him a little.
I swing the front door open and run as much as I can towards Dec as he steps out of his van.
“Oh my God, Lilly. Look at you,” he says with his eyes fixed on my belly. I ignore his comment and wrap my arms around his neck. I breathe in his scent and I suddenly feel calm. I hadn’t realised it, but I think Friday night may have been playing on my mind. Being with Dec releases it. I feel a little bad that Lucas wasn’t the one to do that for me, but the connection Dec and I have is irreplaceable. Lucas is going to need to accept that he’s a part of me.
When I step back, I see Dec’s eyes lock onto something—or someone—behind me.
“Declan,” Lucas states formally.
“It’s Dec. Nice to meet you at least,” Dec says, sticking his hand out for Lucas to shake.
“You too.”
“Are you ready to get going, Lills?”
“Do you want a drink or anything before heading back?” I ask, because I’m aware of how many hours he’s going to be driving today.
“I’m good. Could do with a leak, though.”
“First door on the right as you go in,” Lucas instructs and we watch as Dec walks off.
“He doesn’t like me,” Lucas whispers when Dec is out of earshot.
“Are you surprised, Luc? You left me without so much as a warning. He was the one to pick up the pieces.”
I look up at Lucas as he swallows and thinks about what I’ve just said. “Lilly, I’m—”
“It’s okay. We’re moving on,” I say, interrupting another apology.
He nods before lowering his lips to mine.
“Break it up, kids,” Dec shouts over when he reappears. He goes about putting my mountain of stuff into the back of the van while he mutters about the fact I’m only staying a few days, not a month, while Lucas and I say goodbye.
It’s stupid, I know, but as Dec pulls out of Lucas’ driveway, I burst into tears.
“Shit, Lills. What’s wrong?�
�
“N…nothing,” I stutter out between sobs. “Just pregnancy stuff.”
“Hmmm, maybe I should have thought twice about inviting a hormonal pregnant woman to stay for the weekend.”
“Shut up. I’ll be fine. Have you warned the others?”
“Of course. They said they’d keep themselves scarce for the weekend.”
Dec lives in a huge house he bought a few months ago. It was a bargain, and also a complete dump. He allows his mates to stay rent-free as long as they help out with the renovation. It’s worked pretty well for him, because the photos he’s sent me of the place look stunning.
“Lilly, we’re here.” My eyes pop open and it takes a couple of seconds to realise who the house belongs to that I’m staring at, and that it’s Dec shaking me awake.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“You lasted about twenty minutes.”
“Whoops. Sorry.”
“S’alright.”
“I’m starving,” I admit. Dec better get used to hearing that, because I seem to say it every few hours these days.
“We’ll order something. Let’s get you settled.”
Dec helps me from the van and grabs my stuff before leading the way. I get a whistle stop tour of the ground floor on the way up to the spare bedroom.
“This place is amazing.” The last time I was here, Dec was still living in a student flat and this place wasn’t much more than a pile of bricks.
“It’s not bad for a few novices, is it?” Dec asks, referring to himself, Liam and Ben—or BJ, as they call him—who’ve done almost all the work. I’m yet to use Ben’s nickname. I really hope they call him it because of his initials, but I’m not convinced and I’m too scared to ask.
“Can I have the WiFi password please?” I ask Dec when I reappear after a long shower. God knows how my numb arse and stiff back didn’t wake me on the journey but the power shower in the guest bathroom helped ease it.
Lilly (Angel Series Book 3) Page 21