by J Peach
Grabbing the pillow off the couch, I threw it at him. “Emotional? Really? Because I like you I’m emotional? Liking you, caring for you, is an emotion that shows whether I want it to or not. But why is that bad, though? Please explain it to me.” I pushed myself up and sat on my knees. I looked at him, waiting for him to explain.
“Man, shut the fuck up, damn.” He pushed me back down onto the couch.
“You sound like a little ass boy lost in his feelings and don’t know how to deal.”
Blaze laughed, looking at me. “You sound dumb as fuck, boss, you do. Because I don’t walk around clinging to yo ass or talking to you like you think I should, I’m lost in my feelings? And the fuck’d up thing about that is you believe that shit. I know how the fuck I feel and I don’t hide that shit. Like I said, I’m a grown ass man, I don’t play games. What I said when we first decided to play shit yo way? Huh?” He asked and I didn’t say anything so he kept talking.
“I’m not no fuckin’ romantic, nor am I a sensitive mothafucka. I told yo ass this, but I also told yo ass I like you. It ain’t my fault you misunderstood what I said or how I was gon’ be. This me, I don’t plan on changing. So you either accept that shit or don’t.
“If you don’t then yeah, it’s gon’ fuck with me, but I ain’t gon’ whine and cry about the shit. So gon’ with that I’m lost shit, we just two different mothafuckas that express ourselves differently is all. I mean, how would you want me to express or explain that I like you? Huh? Let me know on some real shit though.
“Don’t get quiet now, Peaches. Explain to me how you want me to be, how you expect me to suddenly change because a nigga done said he likes you or because shit was getting serious?” Blaze stared at me, waiting for me to answer.
“I didn’t expect you to change, but I didn’t expect you to be heartless and talk out of yo ass, especially not to me.” I honestly didn’t expect him to spit so much hurtful shit to me.
“Why? Because I said that I like you? You expected me to change how I talked?” He asked simply and I nodded my head slowly while looking at him like he was dumb.
“Yes, Blaze. I expected just that. You would sit there and blow the fuck up at me for no reason at all then give a bullshit ass apology and expect everything to be cool. Like that night. Blaze, I shot and killed somebody for you, to save you. And you blow the fuck up because I asked if you thought it was that easy to say the shit you did and then apologize—”
“That was yo fault that shit happened the way it did,” he stated and was serious.
“How in the fuck was that my fault?” The disbelief in my voice didn’t go unnoticed.
“I ain’t never apologized so many times in my fuckin’ life since I done met yo ass. Hell, I don’t think I ever apologized to nobody, but I do that shit to you. I admit, shit be wrong how I come at you. But yo ass questioning my shit pissed me off.
“You should’ve taken that shit and let it be, but yo ass had to keep going, talkin’ dumb shit. Yeah, I think apologizing makes shit right, if it don’t then I been lied to. But what the fuck you expected me to do, Peaches? Just lay there and let yo ass think I got some type of anxiety or some shit?” He asked and again I nodded my head.
“Yeah, I would have rather thought it was anxiety, fear of commitment, or you couldn’t handle us moving too fast. I would’ve loved to think it was one of those than to know you were just heartless to the shit you said to someone you claimed you liked. Damn, I’d hate to hear what you say to the mothafuckas you don’t like,” I told him and he shook his head.
“Yo misunderstanding not my fault. I told you I’ll keep it real with you as I expect you to do with me. I ain’t gon’ lie to you about shit. So whenever yo wires got crossed and confusion took place yo ass should’ve came to me and said something. And I ain’t heartless.”
Blaze’s hand tugged at the front of the shirt I had on before grabbing the black necklace. “You wearing this should tell you that, Peaches. I can’t be nobody else but myself, changing ain’t no option fah me. I am who I am. You gon’ either accept me or you don’t, yo choice. I can’t force shit up on you.” His fingers traced alone the chain, touching my skin, slowly moving across to my collar bone.
This was my out, he was giving me yet another chance to walk away from this, from him. And I was taking it. My mouth opened to tell him that.
“You’re phone ringing,” I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, thankful for the distraction. Grabbing our empty bowls of Chinese rice, I stood from the couch and went into the kitchen, placing our dishes in the sink.
“Peaches!” Blaze called out.
After drinking my water I went back into the living room. “Hm? Who was on the phone?” I asked as I sat on the table in front of him.
“Le’Ron, he took Krystal crazy ass home. It wasn’t shit she could do with them having the video. So her ass didn’t want to press charges against you.” When he said against me I started laughing.
“Against me? Man that bitch crazy as fuck. Well, now that it’s over, I should go.” I stood and Blaze did the same, staring down at me. I looked from his intense eyes, to my feet. “I don’t know what I want right now. And being around you isn’t helping me decide. I can’t distinguish whether it’s lust or something else that I feel and I don’t want to be clingy or emotional, as you say, when I don’t know.”
It wasn’t lust I felt for him, it was beyond that, but I didn’t know what I wanted. As for being with him, I still needed time to figure it out.
Blaze took hold of my chin, tilting my head back so I was looking at him. “Do what you need to, i’ight?”
A small smile came to my lips as I stared at him. “Whatever I choose, I still expect you to be at my graduation in a few months in a suit and tie.”
Blaze laughed at that. “Get that shit outda here, I ain’t wearing no suit. Fuck that.”
“But you’ll come?” I asked him because even if he didn’t wear a suit and tie I wanted him there.
“I don’t know, we’ll see.” Rolling my eyes at that, I went to grab my purse and keys off the couch, but Blaze stopped me as he sat down and pulled me into his lap.
“Blaze, I’m not doing this with you. No,” I whined out.
He laughed at that. “What is this? You always say that. ‘No, Blaze, stop. I’m serious, no, no, no.’ Why the fuck you said that? I don’t get it.” His hand gripped my thighs tight and he pulled me up on him. I felt his man rise.
I hit him, of course his horny ass wouldn’t understand. “It means I don’t wanna fuck, so stop.”
He got this look that said ‘aw’, his mouth slightly parting as he did with a slow nod of his head.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “You stupid, let me go.”
“On some real shit, I ain’t know that’s what you meant. You don’t be tryna stop me though.” He was so serious.
Covering my face, I couldn’t stop laughing. “What the hell do you think no Blaze, stop mean, you jackass?”
As I muffed his back, Blaze grabbed my arms before jerking me back, acting as if he was tryna push me off him.
“If I fall, I’ma beat yo ass. Blaze, stop before I fall in real life.”
He stopped, then and looked at me. “The fuck you just say? In real life? The fuck is this, fake life? Yo ass be saying some stupid shit. In real life, I ain’t never heard no shit like that.”
I went to muff him and talk shit, but he grabbed my wrist.
“In real life, don’t touch me.” His head shook as he tried to look serious.
“Yo ass, let me go so I can take my ass home and shower. I’m starting to smell.”
“You ain’t lying. I ain’t wanna say shit though. Gon’, Peaches, man. Damn. I’ma knock yo ass out.” He laughed while holding his arms up, tryna block me from hitting him.
“Fuck you. This why I don’t like yo black ass now. You get on my damn nerves.” Hitting him again, I got off his lap.
“You gon’ take me to get my truck?” He asked while slappi
ng me on the ass.
“Blaze, stop, that shit hurt. And no, I’m not taking you. Call Sam or King,” I told him.
“Fuck I wanna do that fah when you right here?”
“No, going back to the lot is takin’ me outda my way. Gon’ with yo nasty ass, pinching my damn nipple.” Blaze laughed as he leaned back on the couch.
“You gon’ give me a hug before you go?”
“No. Now come walk me out,” I told him while grabbing my purse.
“I don’t feel like it. Why yo ass in a rush? How we gon’ be friends when you don’t wanna kick it with me? Man, I ain’t got shit to do today. And when you leave I’m gon’ be bored as fuck,” he complained.
He didn’t want me to leave. “Not my problem, call one of yo hoes to come and entertain you.”
“Fuck you, Peaches, man. I’ma do just that.” Pulling his phone from his pocket, he started pressing buttons, making me roll my eyes.
“Dude, bye.” My phone suddenly started ringing and I glared at Blaze.
“Fuck you lookin’ at me fah? Answer the damn phone.”
Looking at my phone, Blaze’s name was lit across the screen. “You too old for that shit, you get on my nerves.”
“I’m playing, come here.” He didn’t give me a chance to say no before I was being pulled back into his lap. “You might as well get comfortable because you ain’t leaving no time soon.”
“Keep actin’ like this and I’ma think you want me to stay.” When I said that I meant it as a joke seeing as we’d been playing around. Well, that’s what I thought as I straddled him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
Until Blaze didn’t laugh.
Just one more time, then I’m gone without looking back.
Chapter 15
Peaches
Getting off his lap, I took off my scrubs bottoms before climbing back on him, straddling his thighs. My lips softly brushed against his, my tongue licking from his bottom to his top lip, then sucking the top into my mouth.
My body became jittery and my stomach tightened. The logical part of my brain knew having sex with him was going to hurt more afterwards. But that need to feel as if we were connected was pushing hard. I was being selfish to myself.
I can’t do this, I’m only hurting myself.
“Blaze, I’m sorry, I can’t,” I was confused as to what I wanted.
“Is Peaches in love with Blaze?” He looked genuinely curious to know.
I didn’t want to be hurt and if anyone could break me it was him. “No,” I lied. I was without a doubt in love with him.
Blaze’s thumbs swiped over each cheek as his eyes locked with mine. “Then why you crying fah?”
I went to pull away, but he jerked me back to him.
“Now who’s having trouble with their feelings?” I tried pulling away again, but he wasn’t letting go.
“I hate you, Blaze. Let me go.”
“Now I can’t touch you? Why? You were just ready to fuck—”
“So what? Now let me go, Blaze.” Putting both of my wrists in one of his hands and holding it tightly, the other hand went to the shirt I had on, pulling it over my head. “Blaze!”
“Shut the fuck up, doing all that dumbass yelling fah no damn reason. Lay yo ol’ emotional ass down,” he said while pushing me on the couch.
“I’m not emotional, I just didn’t wanna feel—” My mouth quickly snapped shut as I realized what was about to come out of it.
“Feel what?”
I ignored his question. “Can you let me go, please?”
“Yo ass fuck up everything. We could never just chill without yo ass doing this,” he said, lying.
“You a fuckin’ liar. I just started getting into my feelings. It ain’t like I wanna show that shit because I don’t want ’em, especially not fah yo black ass!” I snapped at him while tryna get up, but he pushed me back down.
“Fuck that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re dumb, now let me go—”
“N’all, man, chill the fuck out. Why you don’t wanna have feelings fah me?” I rolled my eyes. “I’ma poke yo ass in them eyes, roll ’em again.”
I did just that, rolling my eyes with a smack of my lips. Blaze suddenly yanked me up so fast, locking me between his legs. My pelvis was over his right thigh as his left leg lay on my back. He locked me in place so I couldn’t move. My head was on the grey carpet and my ass was in the air.
“Ahh! Blaze, I swear to God. Blaze, stop, that hurt. Oh, my God!” That mothafucka had me locked and was spanking me on my bare ass with his heavy hand.
“Yo ass better chill with that attitude.”
“Fuck you! Ow! Blaze, stop. For real, that shit hurt,” I whined out, that shit was stinging, my ass felt hot.
“Peaches?” I didn’t say anything. “Peaches?”
“Blaze, I swear to God, stop hitting me!” His hand came down again harder than before, causing the slap to ring out loudly.
“Peaches, who the fuck you yelling at, huh?” He hit me again. “You don’t hear me talkin’ to you?” His hand came down once, twice, then a third time. Oh, my God!
“You’re not giving me time to answer you, damn.” That shit was hurting. It was funny, but at the same time I wanted to cry because that shit was stinging something terrible.
I’m too damn old to be getting spanked. Who does this?
“Why you don’t wanna have feelings fah me?” He asked.
“What?” His hand came down again, making me scream. “I didn’t even yell or get smart. Ahhh! Blaze stop!”
“Yo ass better lose that damn attitude.”
“I don’t have an attitude. Ahhh! I swear to God I’m ‘bout to cry.” I was not playing, I was about to burst into tears. That shit was stinging. I had never gotten a whoopin’ in my life, maybe slapped up a few times, but nothing like that.
“Every time I got to repeat myself that’s five hits. Every time you don’t answer that’s ten. And it’s gon’ keep going until you answer. For every lie you tell, that’s twenty with my belt—”
“What? Ahhh! Blaze, I ain’t even get smart. Stop! I swear I’m telling.” Blaze suddenly started laughing, wasn’t shit funny. I was about to cry.
“Who that fuck you telling and what they gon’ do? As I was, for every interruption that’s seven.”
“Blaze, for real, that shit hurt. Ahhh, stop hitting me!” I yelled at him.
“Fuck you yelling at?” His hand just started going one hit after another, each hit harder than the one before. I could not take that shit.
Oh, my God!
“I’m sorry, okay? Just stop hitting me.” The little spanking he did during sex wasn’t shit compared to that.
“Why you don’t wanna catch feelings fah me?”
“What? Wait, I didn’t mean what. Ow, Blaze, I didn’t mean what. Damn! Let me think.”
“What you gotda think about? Answer the damn question.” I let out a heavy breath as if that was gon’ make the lump that was forming in my throat go away. “One, two, three.” His hand came down again.
“Okay! Damn! Ooh, I swear to God when I get up.”
“The fuck you gon’ do? You gon’ talk shit when I got you like this?” He hit me again.
That was abuse, I swear. “No, I wasn’t, damn. Ow!”
“Do I need to repeat the question?” He asked, his hand rubbing against my ass.
“No, you don’t. I just don’t wanna like you.” I answered.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t. Ow, I’m answering the damn question!” After the seventh hit he rubbed my ass.
“I said no interruption. Now why you don’t? If you say because I don’t, that’s ten. I want a real answer.”
My ass was burning and it was hot.
Fuck this, I’ma be a bitch today because this shit is hurting.
“Because you can hurt me and I don’t wanna be hurt. Now let me go.” I answered the question truthfully. Blaze was quiet for a moment as the knee I was bent o
ver rocked from one side to the other.
“I ain’t no cheater so you ain’t got to worry about that. The shit I say though, ain’t no guarantee yo feelings ain’t gon’ get hurt with some of the shit that leave my mouth. I can’t make no promises on that. Next question. You said you stopped because you didn’t wanna feel. Feel what?” Letting out a sigh I rolled my eyes.
“Ow, I didn’t even say nothing,” I snapped at him as he hit me.
“Roll ’em again.” I rolled my eyes and his hand came down again.
“I didn’t even roll my damn eyes. Ow, Blaze, stop. I didn’t even roll my eyes.” A half cry, half laugh left my mouth.
“Now, what you don’t wanna feel?” I started to roll my eyes again, but stopped. Hell, I didn’t know if he could see me or not.
“You, okay. I didn’t wanna feel you.” I answered truthfully. “Blaze, yo heavy ass leg is hurting my back.”
“What does that mean?”
“Yo freaking leg is heavy. Ow! I answered yo damn question,” I snapped at him and got five hits. “I’m sorry, dang. Yo leg is heavy,” I told him. “Blaze, in real life this hurt. Please let me go.”
“What you meant by you didn’t wanna feel me?” Ignoring me, he asked his question. “One, two, th—”
“Oh, my God! It’s the only time I feel like we actually have something, well, that you feel something.” His leg stopped moving and his hand came down again, once, twice, then a third and a surprisingly forth time. “I wasn’t lying, that’s the truth!” He hit me again.
“I know, you dumb as hell. What type of shit is that? Yo ass fuckin’ me to feel something? It ain’t no damn difference, I feel the same way about you when we fuckin’ and when we not. You really think that lowly of me? I ain’t no liar, Peaches. If yo ass asks, I’ma keep it real with you. Fuck I gotda hide fah?
“I done let yo ass in on everything that’s me. Yo ass done been to my spots, I never brought a bitch to my fuckin’ spots. To my offices, Peach, you handle my fuckin’ money. Yo ass know the fuckin’ codes to my safes. Man, yo ass in my house, you wearin’ my chain, and you think I don’t care? The fuck? What a nigga gotda do to make yo ass see this shit? Yo, is you that fuckin’ blind, like fah real?”