by Michelle Day
“Paul was a very good student.” Carmen was saying “He always had a healthy input into class discussions.”
“He always has liked the sound of his own voice.” Michael sniped.
“Oh, I think you may have misunderstood me Mr Jensen. Paul’s opinions were usually spot on and between him and Matthew, they got their peers far more interested in the lesson than I ever seemed able to and while Matthew still holds the attention of the class, it isn’t quite the same without Paul’s input. Both boys are excellent students and presented their ideas in an extremely mature manner, I am so pleased to have been able to teach them.” She beamed as she closed Matt’s student file. “Do you have anyone else to see?” she asked, deftly changing the subject..
“Just my English teacher to go.” Matt confirmed.
“I’d better let you get over to her then. Do you mind if I borrow Paul to help me put the room back to normal? I’ll escort him to the English block when it’s done.” She saw Michael hesitate and Matt grin as he rose from his chair.
“Well, Paul’s only here as he is grounded as punishment for breaking a window and some very valuable china,” Michael started “I’d rather keep him with me to make sure he behaves.”
“I see. If it’s of any comfort, I have never known Paul to misbehave here, I’m sure he won’t give me any trouble.” Carmen countered.
“Michael, we will only be down the hall a little way and Miss Scott did say she’d bring him to us, let him help her with the desks.” Monica cajoled.
“Very well,” Michael conceded “Paul, make sure you behave.”
“I will,” he replied as he came to stand next to his lover “I always do.” he shot a smirk at his father.
Michael huffed but opened the door for his wife saying as he did so “What an exceptionally lovely looking lady.” His comment causing Paul to scowl after him.
Carmen made sure the door was shut on the Jensen family “You’re grounded?” she asked.
“Yeah and sore, my backside looks like it has stripes.” He stepped closer “God I’ve missed you.” He reached for her then surprised when she allowed him to kiss her.
“I’ve missed you.” She answered easing herself from his grasp “I take it I won’t be seeing you this week?”
“Not unless I can persuade Mum to let me off the hook. At the moment Dad is going to pick me up from my last job and take me home every night for the foreseeable future.”
“That’s a pity. The bath tub is far too big for one person.” She shot him a sly smile.
“I’m very tempted to bend you over the desk and have my wicked way with you right here and now.”
“I’m very tempted to let you but we both know it’s too risky.” She answered “Come on, help me with these desks.” She moved away. “If you have any local jobs, I could always pop out at lunchtime to see you.” She casually dropped the temptation into his consciousness.
Paul put the end of the desk down that he had been manoeuvring and reached into the back pocket of his jeans to retrieve his battered but up to date work diary and quickly flicked to that week’s work. “I’m not close by until Friday but I could slip away at lunch time. Do you want to meet me in the park, same place as last time?”
With the time and date agreed and the science room once again looking presentable, Carmen walked Paul to the English block. To the outside observer, it looked and sounded as though they were deep in conversation, discussing the things that Carmen wanted done to her garden with Paul suggesting alternatives to the usual winter planting regime, only Matt knew better as he watched his brother, he saw the way Paul’s hand softly traced down her back as he held the door open and allowed her through ahead of him.
“I’d be interested in you giving me a quote.” Carmen said within earshot of his parents.
Paul dug a business card out of his pocket “Take my card.” He told her “Give me a call or let Matt know when you are available and I’ll pop over.”
Chapter Eleven
Matt stopped by her desk before taking his seat on Thursday that week, handing her a note from Paul. The note told her that he couldn’t make their arranged Friday meeting and as Michael was still escorting him home from work, he didn’t know when he would see her again. As the end of the lesson approached, she told Matt to remain behind after class, asking him to pass a message to his brother that she would be home Saturday afternoon if he was free to come and give her a quote.
“Make sure you tell him in front of your parents.” She told him.
Early Saturday afternoon, Carmen opened her front door to a beaming Paul, his face turned away from Michael who was standing just behind him.
“Hi Miss Scott.” He grinned “I’m a bit dirty, shall I let myself in through the side gate?” he asked.
Carmen let her eyes travel down the length of his mud caked clothes “That would be the best idea.” She replied.
“Paul, I’m going to run a few errands, how long do you think you’ll be?” Michael stepped back as Paul brushed past him.
“Oh, it should take about half an hour. Are you sure you can trust me enough to leave me? Don’t you want to wait in the car like you usually do?” Paul smirked; he had succeeded in making his father look like a fool.
“As Miss Scott is one of your former teachers, I am sure she is more than adept at keeping you in line boy. I will be back in thirty minutes.” Michael replied.
By the time Carmen had closed the door and gone through to the back of the house, Paul had stripped off his top and had started on his jeans.
“I know it’s been a while.” Carmen smiled “But don’t you think you are being a little forward?”
“Huh?” he looked up from unlacing his work boots “Oh, no, I’m not stripping ready for action honest,” he laughed “I haven’t worked this morning, I only put these clothes on to piss Dad off, they have left mud and dust all over his white leather seats, I didn’t want to bring the dirt into the house.”
“I was only kidding, get naked and get in here.” Her answer which had Paul nearly falling over himself in haste.
Sweating and breathless, Paul glanced at his watch as he snuggled closer to the curvaceous woman at his side and softly stroked her flushed cheek.
“You do know I’m with you for more than just the mind blowing sex, don’t you?” He asked.
“That’s a nice sentiment but it’s a little hard to believe in the circumstances.” she replied.
He propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at her. “I’m serious, maybe this is the wrong time to be saying this but with my watch dog due to return in the next few minutes, if I don’t say this now, I don’t know when I’ll get another chance. Sex with you is out of this world, there’s no denying that and in all honesty, I was beginning to question my motives about being with you but this enforced separation has made me realise how much I enjoy spending time with you, how good you make me feel. You treat me like an adult for the most part; you listen to me and discuss things with me as well as take care of me. I like the way you do things, silly things like turning the bed down before we get into it and the way you turn your teddy bear to face the wall when we get busy just cracks me up. I love you Carmen, I’m in love with you and I like who I am when I’m with you, being apart and not even able to speak to you is killing me, I can’t concentrate, I’m making stupid mistakes, I can’t eat or sleep, all I do is think about you and when I might be able to see you again,” he looked up as he heard a car horn. “Shit, Dad is here. I have to go.”
Carmen reached for him and pulled him into a kiss “I love you.” She whispered. “Try to get some time away from your parents if you can, we need to talk about this.”
“Ok,” he slid from the bed and pulled on his shorts “I’ll try to ring you.” He told her shortly before jogging down the stairs and throwing on his dirty clothes, he hated leaving her and was quiet on the journey home, pretending to make notes on his quotes pad.
“Don’t think you’ve got a free afternoon
.” Michael told him, reaching for the Hoover, “You can get all that muck out of my car before you come in for lunch.”
Carmen returned to school as usual on Monday morning, she hadn’t heard from Paul and found herself thinking about him constantly, his admittance of his feelings for her had touched a nerve and everything she had repressed until then came washing over her, she knew she felt every bit as strongly about him as he did her and that her actions from here on in had the potential of shaping his young life whether that was good or bad she was yet to decide.
A cold wind had got up as she walked to her car a few nights later and she pulled her jacket closed only to find that it would no longer fasten over her chest. Knowing that the contentment her young lover bought her had caused her to put on a few pounds, the shock that this particular jacket, bought large to accommodate a jumper, wouldn’t do up over her blouse had her frowning and contemplating the snide remarks she had encountered in the staff room over her expanding chest. Sitting in the drivers’ seat, she paused before starting the engine and looked down at her chest, unbuttoning her blouse slightly she saw them spilling out of her bra and noticed for the first time the blue veins crisscrossing the smooth skin. Almost as if a light bulb had switched on in her head, she scrabbled in her bag for her diary, counting back the days since her last cycle, closing the book slowly and dropping it back into her bag when she realised how long it had been.
It was over a week later when Paul appeared on her doorstep, finally released from his parents grounding punishment. During the week, Carmen had made several calls to her best friend Helen to discuss her predicament. Helen advised her to seek an abortion, spelling out in no uncertain terms what this would do to her career and calling into question her morals for continuing her affair with a teenage boy. Helen went on to explain that being a single parent was horrible, her husband had left one evening on the pretence of going to buy cigarettes and never returned leaving her and her almost three year old son Luke on their own with Helen struggling to earn enough money to keep their house let alone feed her fast growing son.
“Dad’s away for a few days.” Paul explained as he helped her prepare dinner “And Mum’s a push over. I can stay if you want me to.”
“Ok.” She replied.
“Are you alright? You’ve hardly said a word since I’ve been here.” He stroked her arm.
Carmen looked into those beautiful dark brown eyes filled with concern and confusion “I’m fine, I had a tough day at school that’s all.” She smiled “I’d love you to stay.”
She woke in the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep or lead him on anymore; she shook him awake, turning on the bedside light, making him squint.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.
“Paul, I can’t do this anymore,” she started “We have to end this.”
“What?” He sat up “What’s brought this on?”
“My career is taking off and we are playing a very dangerous game, I can’t afford to be caught with you and it’s only a matter of time before one of us slips up. I’m so sorry, I feel like I’ve led you on. We’re finished, you should go home.”
“I don’t understand,” he turned around, crouching on his knees “What have I done that’s upset you so much?”
“You haven’t done anything; you are such a sweet boy. I have just come to my senses.” She stroked his sleep messed hair away from his face
“I still don’t get it,” he brushed her hand away “You cook me dinner and tell me you’d love me to stay then you milk me dry when we come to bed only to have an epiphany during the night that makes you want to end everything?”
“It sounds strange but that’s about it, I know you feel angry and hurt but you’re young, you will find someone your own age that can make you happy.”
“You make me happy, I don’t want anyone else. Do you really think I would have kept coming over if I wasn’t happy or if I didn’t want to be with you?” He was standing now and unbelievably angry, his anger fuelled by the pain in his chest as her words cut him “If I wasn’t happy, I’d fuck you and leave and wouldn’t give you or your feelings a second thought.”
“I know and I’m sorry Paul but I have made my decision, I can’t be with you anymore.”
“Don’t I get a say in this?” He asked, Carmen shook her head “Please don’t do this.” He begged.
“I’m not going to change my mind, I never wanted to hurt you Paul but you do have to leave.”
It was getting light by the time he got home. He tried his key to no avail as Monica had deadlocked door, she hadn’t expected him home that night. The side gate was also locked and with the heavily laden trellis on top of it, climbing over was out of the question. Hurt and still angry, Paul surveyed the front garden for small stones to throw against his mothers’ window in an effort to wake her knowing as he searched that there were no stones, he had made sure of that. Sighing, he lent against Monica’s car, his hand groping for the handle, hoping that she had forgotten to lock it; he would spend the rest of the night in the car.
“Bollocks.” He spat as the door refused to budge; he turned to look at the vehicle, an idea forming. Placing both hands on the side of the vehicle, he lent his weight onto his arms and pushed repeatedly causing the car to rock and the alarm to sound. Monica’s light came on within seconds of hearing the obnoxious noise.
Muttering about the bloody faulty car alarm, Monica grabbed the spare set of keys she kept in the bedroom and threw open her curtains, aiming the keys at the car, she jumped when she saw a man by the car, not instantly recognising her son until he looked up and waved. She switched off the alarm then hurried down the stairs to let him in, realising she had locked him out.
“I didn’t think you were coming home tonight.” She said, re-locking the door behind him
“I hadn’t planned on it,” he replied “Sorry I woke you.”
“Are you alright?” Monica caught his arm before he reached the stairs; he looked haggard and older than his fifteen years.
“I’d rather not talk about it Mum.”
“You wouldn’t be home if everything was fine.” She countered.
“Mum, please,” he frowned but made no attempt to pull out of her grasp. “My girlfriend dumped me.” He stated.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing as far as I can work out, she went on about not being ready for a relationship, I don’t know, I stopped listening after a while,” he shrugged “I have work in the morning Mum, I should get some sleep.”
Carmen collapsed on the bed after he had gone, she felt dreadful over having hurt him and her heart was breaking knowing she wouldn’t see him again but she couldn’t saddle a fifteen year old boy with a baby, she just couldn’t, it was better for everyone this way she told herself. Picking up the phone, she left a message on the school answering machine stating that she wouldn’t be at work the following day. She used that day to call old contacts in Gloucester and before the weekend dawned two days later, she had secured a job in a newly opened private school.
Paul threw himself into work and would return home exhausted and filthy. His mind was reeling and he couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment caused by Carmen’s rejection of him. He would strip down to his boxers in the utility room before going upstairs to shower then taking advantage of his weary body, he would grab a couple of hours sleep before his insomnia woke him and he would spend the rest of the night alternating between paperwork and wondering what Carmen was doing.
Monica watched her son carefully, she had taken note of his withdrawal from his social and family life in general, and he said very little to anyone and when questioned, would usually reply with a one word answer before leaving the room. She worried that he barely ate enough to sustain his large frame and she often heard him get up in the night, he rarely returned to bed once he was awake. She was sorting the washing in the utility room the following Saturday morning, a mere week before her beloved twins turned sixteen
when she inadvertently overheard the conversation between her two boys.
Paul passed his brother the cereal and milk then joined him at the breakfast bar, pressing a tea towel full of ice to his right eye having been exceptionally rude to Michael moments earlier, he now bore the beginnings of a black eye. He had considered retaliating against the blow and the thought had clearly been written on his face as Michael had told him in a menacing snarl;
“Think twice boy.”
He hated himself for backing down, knowing he only did so as not to cause further friction in the house.
“Is Carmen alright?” Matt asked around a mouthful of cereal.
“As far as I know.” Paul replied.
“How come she hasn’t been to school?”
Paul put the ice down. “She hasn’t?”
“Nah, how come you don’t know?” Matt questioned.
“She dumped me.” He picked up the ice again.
“That makes sense now,” Matt mused out loud “I wondered why you were spending so much time at home.
“How many days has she been off?” Despite telling himself he wouldn’t ask, he just couldn’t help it.
“Since last Thursday. When did she dump you?”
“Last Thursday,” he answered “Have you been given any reason why she’s not there?”
“Nope but there’s a rumour flying around that she’s leaving, someone said she’s moving to Gloucester.”
Paul’s heart dropped, she was going home, he couldn’t let her go without seeing her one last time “I gotta go.” He mumbled and bolted for the door.
Carmen looked up from wrapping glasses in newspaper when she heard footsteps on her patio, seeing Paul, red faced, chest heaving from his sprint over here made her catch her breath. Initially surprised when he hadn’t made any contact with her, she was only just becoming accustomed to life without him when he appeared. He reached for the door handle, finding it locked; he looked up at her and spread his hands, a silent plea to be let in.