by Lexi Whitlow
I pull on my jacket and roll down the stairs, speed-walking the fifteen minutes it takes to get to Freya’s apartment. The air is crisp, and clouds roll across the sky in delicate patterns. I can see why she loves it here—it’s so much different from my home, but the history here is old and beautiful. It matches Freya’s spirit, and it only solidifies what I know I need to do.
Before I know it, I stand in front of her apartment door, knocking. Nervousness takes me; what if she won’t want to talk to me? I can’t have that right now. If she doesn’t listen to anything else, she at least needs to know that I love her.
I expect to see Freya. I’m a little surprised when Ally opens the door instead.
“Hey there,” I say. “Is she here?”
Ally hesitates, like she’s not sure that she wants to let me in. Every second seems to take a year off of my life. “I told you this morning that she needs time.”
“I need to apologize.”
“A little too late, Prince Charming.”
“I know it is. I’m an asshole. And I’ll go if you think it’s best.”
Ally gives me a discerning look, like she’s trying to decide my fate.
Finally, she nods her head.
“She’s in her room, but I’m watching you,” she warns.
I nod and walk past as she opens the door wider. Ally retreats to her own room while I stand in front of Freya’s. I quietly knock.
“May I come in?”
Her voice is muffled through the door when she answers. “Yes.”
I turn the knob, opening the door.
Freya’s in bed, on her side and faced away from the door. She looks so tiny and frail. It breaks my heart.
I sit down on the bed and cross my legs, facing her back. I want to hold her and never let go but I don’t think she’d appreciate right now.
“Can we talk for a second?” I ask her softly.
It takes a minute, but she silently sits up and faces me as she crosses her legs. Dark hair falls over her face, and she looks up at me with her deep, changeable eyes. Her expression is a mask of sadness.
I can tell that she’s been crying but she still looks beautiful to me. I reach out and wipe a tear with my thumb. She doesn’t raise her eyes to look at me but she’s not yelling either. I’ll take my victory no matter how small.
“I love you, Freya,” I start. She doesn’t say anything, but she does look up at me. “I’ve thought about it while you’ve been gone and it’s true. I’m in love with you, and my heart isn’t whole when you’re not around. I need you—like I’ve never needed anyone else before.”
She doesn’t say it back. She doesn’t even look like she’s going to say anything—and I’m on pins and needles until she finally opens her mouth to speak.
“Does it make a difference? You say you love me, but you lied to me about something that had such a huge impact to our relationship. Our ship was barely floating, trying to find its way and then you go and blow holes in the side, sinking it outright. As a royal, you have certain expectations that you’re expected to meet.” She pauses and looks at me with those intelligent eyes. “Is loving me enough to combat those expectations?”
“I know that I lied, and I’ll apologize for however long it takes for you to realize that I truly mean it. Just please come back to the apartment, and we can figure this out. I miss you, Freya.”
She looks back down and twiddles her fingers back and forth. “Your parents called me yesterday. They got my number somehow. Not surprising, given the number of articles about us online.” She looks back up at me, eyebrows knitted together. “Our kiss was some kind of publicity stunt, and the wedding was too, wasn’t it?”
“Is that what they said?”
“They didn’t have to. I’m a smart enough girl to figure it out myself.”
“What did they want?” I ask.
“They wanted to know if our being married was true. When I told them that it was, they offered to use their power to get an immediate divorce.”
Well that doesn’t seem too bad. I was expecting worse from them. They love me as a son, but the crown always comes first. It’s one thing for me to party and act wild, but to get married without the permission of the King and Queen, and to a nonroyal is a big no-no.
“They also offered to pay me a hefty sum if I agreed to the divorce and if I kept my mouth shut about any threatening or damaging information that I might know. They didn’t want any hurtful information getting out and tarnishing their image any more than what this had already done. Especially not with Bellecoaste entering the political forefront soon.”
Ah—there’s the parents that I know and love. I must have been kidding myself to think that they’d let her off so nicely.
“I’m sorry that you had to talk to them alone.”
“I’m a big girl, Andreas. Despite accidentally getting married, I do know how to talk to people.”
“I didn’t mean—”
She raises a hand to stop me. “I know they don’t know me. They don’t know that I wouldn’t go to the press. They have no clue that I didn’t know who you are.”
“They think everyone can be bought.”
She nods slowly and sighs. “Maybe I should take the cash and let them push the divorce through. It’ll be easier for me—and you.”
“Freya, no. Please—”
I place one of my hands over hers. She doesn’t move to her hand to hold mine, but I take it with a grain of salt that she doesn’t shove it away, either.
“I’m sure that they’re usually nice but they made me feel dirty and cheap, like I was nothing but a money hungry leach that they wanted to do nothing but get rid of.”
I hate hearing her say that knowing that my parents are the cause of it. It’s one thing for me to hurt her but she shouldn’t have to deal with them too. They should have called me first and talked to me about it. They could have gotten a feel about what I was feeling and then maybe we could have all come to a civil agreement—not make her some back room offer that made her feel cheap. Freya doesn’t want the royal life, and they’d know that the moment they first met her. Instead, they have to go about things full steam ahead, not caring who they hurt in the process.
“I can’t even say sorry enough to make up for their actions, Frey,” I say shaking my head, still in disbelief.
“I know that it wasn’t you, but that’s a major reason why I can’t be a part of that life. I’m an outsider and that automatically makes me the bad guy. I could train for years and become the perfect princess, but I’ll never have the same respect as those who were born into it. The press is already having a field day with the news of us getting married. They haven’t figured out that it’s me, but that’s just a matter of time before they do. And what happens when they do? I won’t be able to go anywhere without the paparazzi following my every move.”
“The press had no idea who I was until just recently,” I say. “They’ll cool down once they get sick of me.”
She scoffs. “That’s ridiculous. You and Caelan have been promoted to the two most eligible bachelors in Europe. Excuse me—correction. I guess you’re not a bachelor anymore.”
She takes her hand away.
“What are you saying, Freya? Because it sounds like you’re saying you don’t want to be with me?” I ask bluntly. My eyes burn from the tears that are threatening to spill. “Look me in the face and tell me that you don’t want to be married to me. I deserve that much at least.”
Those tear-filled blue eyes look up at me. “I’m going to accept the divorce,” she says.
Her words cause my heart to shatter into a million pieces. I told her that I loved her, but she didn’t tell me and now she wants a divorce. Maybe it’s karma for lying to her but this hurts so much worse.
“I just want to finish graduate school without any problems. That’s all I want. I can’t be on the front page of every gossip magazine and expect to keep my privacy. It doesn’t work like that, and we both know it.”
“What about the money?” I ask. “If you take it, then you’re just telling them that you’re exactly what they made you out to be. A greedy American only out for a few minutes of fame and fortune.” I say the words hoping to hurt her the way that she’s hurt me, but it makes me sick to even say it.
She shakes her head. “They can think whatever they want but I’m not going to take the money. I don’t want it.”
“Just as long as you get rid of me in the process?” I say snidely as the tears spill over.
“I didn’t ask for any of this,” she says, trying to keep her voice cool and steady.
“If that’s what you really want, then I guess I’ll leave,” I say as I get up off the bed. I wait for her to say something, anything to make me stay but she’s silent.
I walk to the door and turn around before opening it. “How ironic it is that the first person I actually open up my heart to doesn’t want any part of it?”
“That’s not fair, Andreas,” she says. But when I turn to her, I see her perfect figure silhouetted by the bathroom light. She closes the door behind her.
I leave the apartment and walk down the street until my emotions are somewhat back under control and the tears have stopped. That didn’t go as expected. I was hoping that she’d say she loved me too and then we’d figure this mess out together.
I pull out my phone and call Caelan. I need him to be my sounding board because he always has the best advice. I can’t talk to Freya, and I’m not ready to talk to my parents because I’m not sure what I even want to say to them. I feel alone and just need the support of my brother. No matter what, he’s always there for me and I couldn’t be more grateful when he answers.
We talk for a few minutes and I give him a brief rundown of everything that’s happened since I got to Scotland.
“You fucked up this time, Dre,” he says wryly.
“I did. And I love her. It sound insane to say after—how long has it been?”
“Six weeks,” he says, like he’s been counting the days as well.
“I only want to be with her.”
“I know,” he says simply. I expect more of his unwelcome wit, but it doesn’t come.
He simply agrees to come visit me in Glasgow for a few days. I know that we’ll be discussing the sorry state of my life at the moment, but I also want to talk to him about graduate school and see what his thoughts are. Eventfully, he’ll be king and I’ll be working for him, so I want him to be on board with my motivations to go back to school.
With our without Freya, I need to do something with my life if I’m to be any kind of a man at all.
21
Freya
I broke down in tears the moment Andreas shut the door behind him. He wasn’t wrong in what he’d said, but I had to stay strong in my decision. He said that he loved me, and I wanted to tell him those three words back, but I won’t ever fit into his parent’s high expectations. I’m the last person they’d choose for him and, by offering the quick divorce, I can give him a chance to find someone who’s more fitting for him than me.
“I love you, Andreas,” I say, sinking down against the bathroom counter. “And I love you enough to let you go.”
I know that he’d think I was wrong for playing the martyr, but it’s the right thing for both him and for me. He has a higher commitment to his country that has to be fulfilled. He can be mad at his parents, but they’ve just made things streamlined and easier. I was a blind fool to think that Andreas and I actually had a shot.
There’s a soft knock on the bathroom door, and Ally opens it before I can tell her to.
“How are you holding up?” she asks.
I just shake my head and let her pull me up. She brings me over to the bed and sits me down, pulling the covers over me and getting in next to me.
I shake my head. “It was bad, Al. I told him to go. I told him I was taking the divorce.”
She runs her fingers through my hair and lets me cry it out until I’ve run out of tears. “I know, it sucks hun,” Ally whispers. “Men… the lot of them can go jump a fucking lake.”
I laugh and pull her into a hug. “You got that part right. A big royal fucking lake.”
“Exactly.” She pauses for a moment. “Now this might not be the right time to ask, but… do you want to get shitfaced?”
“God yes. Make me forget,” I plead.
“You need a shower first,” she laughs, breaking the tension.
I nod as we stand up.
“Love you,” I say, like we always do.
“Love you more,” she answers before she leaves me to get in the shower.
We decide to go to this hole in the wall bar right off campus. It’s less flashy and feels more like home than any other place. It’s usually where we go when we’re feeling homesick.
We’re right at the door when Ally’s phone starts to ring. She grabs it and looks at it before deciding to answer.
“Hey, sorry I have to take this,” Ally apologizes. “Go ahead and I’ll meet you inside in a few minutes.”
She turns around and starts to talk. I grab the door and walk in, making my way to the far end of the bar where we like to sit. It gives us a good view of the door and yet it’s far enough back to be out of the way.
“Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world,” someone leans in to whisper into my ear. I shiver and turn around and sigh in disbelief when I see Kirk the Jerk standing there.
“What do you want?” I ask. “And why on earth are you quoting me Casablanca?”
He sits down next to me without being invited. “There was a time when you used to love it when I whispered sweet words in your ear,” he drunkenly croons.
I roll my eyes, but it doesn’t matter because he can’t see since he’s sitting next to me. “You’ve got a lot of nerve even thinking that I’d want to talk to you after that incident the other day.”
He looks over to me, his bloodshot eyes somber for a moment. “Contrary to what you believe, I still care about you, Freya. That ass was just using you.”
“I think we have different versions of caring.”
“Semantics.”
“I thought you would have left by now.”
“I’m headed back tomorrow, and it couldn’t be soon enough,” he says lifting his beer to cheer the air.
“Good.”
“It’s not too late you know, you can still go with me.”
I shiver at the thought. Andreas and I might be on the outs, but I want nothing to do with Kirk. However, talking with him always makes me feel homesick and nostalgic. With everything going on right now, it might be good to go back for a visit once summer hits. Then again, doing that I would have to spend time with my mother. That makes the thought of going home look less appealing than it did fifteen seconds ago.
Maybe I’ll go vacation somewhere remote where I can hole up the whole summer and forget about everything. I think about taking the bribery money and doing just that, but it makes my stomach sour at the thought. Either way, it doesn’t matter how far away I go; Andreas’ memory will still haunt me.
“Thanks Kirk but I’m just fine here,” I tell him. Once he leaves I’ll be even better.
“You think you can hide from paparazzi here once they start digging into who Prince Boy married?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but we’re getting divorced. They’ll forget about me soon enough,” I say, gesturing for the bartender to get me a shot of whiskey. I won’t show Kirk how much it hurts.
“Not likely,” Kirk scoffs. “You should be thanking me for not telling them your name. I was doing you a favor making them dig for it.”
My stomach drops, and this isn’t funny anymore. “I’m not sure I’m following what you’re saying.”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he asks.
“Why don’t you make it clearer for me?” The pieces start falling into place, and the anger boils even before he answers.
“I was the one who told the press abou
t you two. Not to mention they paid me a hefty sum to spill the beans,” he says nonchalantly, like he didn’t ruin my life by being so selfish.
“It was easy really,” he explains. “After Prince Boy announced so rudely that you were his wife I started to do some digging. I knew that I couldn’t get close to you with him hanging around like your damn guard dog so I waited until everyone was gone and picked the lock to your apartment—which was way too easy to do by the way, you should probably think about replacing it. Anyways, I found Allison’s computer first and decided to hack into it to see what I could find and it was definitely a jackpot. She’s no better than you, hooking up with the other prince. I mean honestly, what is it about these two brothers? Girls can’t seem to keep their legs closed when they’re around.”
I can’t believe what’s coming out of his mouth right now.
“After everything we’ve been through together I can’t believe that you’d sell me out like this, Kirk,” I seethe.
“Some of us don’t come from money, and now I can graduate without any loans tying me down,” he explains, but it doesn’t soften my anger one bit.
“I don’t even know who you are anymore, Kirk,” I say in bewilderment. “This is beyond anything I could’ve ever imagined you doing. And to what end? What were you hoping would happen here?”
“That’s simple—payback,” he sneers. “He’s royalty and gets away with literally everything. He had his coming, believe me.”
A raging anger grows thick in my gut.
“And what gives you the right to decide what he deserves?”
“He made me look like a fool!” he shouts heatedly.
“No, you did that all on your own,” I shout back.
“You and I would still be together if it wasn’t for him. I can’t compete with a prince.”
“You’re delusional to think that we’d still be together. You cheated on me and sent me the picture, Kirk. You’re not only an asshole—you’re also fucking stupid.” I motion for another shot of whiskey.
“At least you know exactly who I am. I didn’t have to hide anything from you.”