by Dee Davis
And here she was doing the same.
Except that it wasn’t like that. She loved Travis. For better or worse—mostly worse. Because she hated the fact that she was hurting Celeste. It was easy to pretend that she didn’t care about the woman. Or to tell herself that Celeste had made her own bed. But the truth was even if she had, it didn’t negate the fact that Kristin was taking what wasn’t hers.
She dipped her head, the smell of candle wax and floor polish giving her a strange kind of comfort. At least here, in her brother’s house of worship, for an all too brief moment, she felt at peace.
“Hey, big sister, I didn’t expect to see you here this morning. Did I forget a meeting?” Despite the unusual heat, Bryce looked crisp and professional in his khakis and button down.
“No meeting,” she smiled, realizing for the millionth time how lucky she was to have him in her life. “Just wanted a quiet place to do some thinking.”
“I don’t think there’s a better place in Storm,” he agreed, settling down on the pew next to her. “Anything in particular got you down? Or just life in general?”
“I guess, I was just wondering how I managed to wind up where I am. I mean, one minute you have a plan for your life and the next you realize you’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way and now you’re hopelessly lost.” She hadn’t meant to be so honest, but there was something so comforting about the quiet and her brother.
“I don’t think it’s ever hopeless, Kristin. Maybe you just got off course a little. Or maybe you just need to stop and look around and then you’ll realize you’re not lost at all.”
“But how can you, of all people, say that?” Her gaze moved to meet her brother’s.
“I don’t have all the answers. I can’t say with any surety what’s black and what’s white. There are so many different degrees. And so many nuances that go undefined. I just have to trust my heart. And my God. And follow His guidelines to the best of my ability. But the bottom line is that I’m human and so I’m going to screw up. Look what happened with Danny. I almost lost my marriage and my son because I was too caught up in the idea of a perfect family.”
“But you didn’t lose them. And you realized that you were making a mistake,” Kristin said.
“I realized what I stood to lose. That’s really what it’s all about. For me, it’s you and Tara and Carol and Danny. You’re everything to me. And I can’t let anything else stand in the way of that. Especially not my own elevated notions of what is supposed to be.”
“But what if you know you’re doing something wrong, but you also know you’re doing it for the right reasons? Which doesn’t make any sense at all, I know.” She leaned back, letting her gaze move to the large wooden cross over the altar. “In theory it seems so cut and dried. Do that, don’t do this. But in reality, it’s so messy.”
“Shades of gray,” Bryce nodded. “I think the key is to be true to yourself, Kristin. And as I said, to protect the people you love.”
“Except that’s tricky when the person you love is the reason you’re hurting others.”
“Look,” Bryce said, turning to face her, “you know I can’t condone adultery. But I also know that we can’t help who we love.”
“Which leaves me in a hole I can’t possibly get out of. Admittedly a hole I dug for myself, but nevertheless a hole. Bryce, I can’t go on like this. Even loving him the way I do. It’s eating me up inside. When we’re together I’m so happy. But when we’re apart, I feel dirty. And ugly. Like part of me is withering inside.”
“Oh, sis, I hate that you’re going through this. In fact, I’m not sure that I don’t hate him for putting you in this position. But I also know that if he truly loves you, then ultimately, this will all turn out alright.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Hey, that’s my job.” He smiled, and then sobered. “But seriously, I’m not trying to make light of a very complicated situation. There are so many variables at play. But you need to be sure of more than just your feelings for him, Kristin. You have to be sure of his feelings for you. Because if he doesn’t love you the way you love him, then he doesn’t deserve you. And that much, at least, I’m certain of.”
Kristin nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “I love you, Bryce.”
“And I love you. And so do Tara and the kids. You have a family, Kristin. And no matter what happens, we stand behind you. Don’t ever forget that. It’s you and me, kid. Always.” He squeezed her hand then pushed to his feet. “I’m here if you need me. But in the meantime, I’ve got a sermon to write.”
She watched as her brother walked through the door leading to his office, and then slowly pushed to her feet. Nothing was going to be solved in the moment. And she couldn’t hide in her brother’s church forever.
She walked through the vestibule and out into the sunshine of the square.
“Kristin?” Her heart beat faster as she took in his broad shoulders and lined face.
“Is your brother around?” Travis asked, shooting a glance at the doors to the church.
“He’s in his office.”
Travis chewed on his lower lip for a second and then grabbed her arm, pulling her into the shelter of the church’s rose garden chapel.
“We need to talk,” he said without preamble, and Kristin felt a shiver of worry.
“We do? About what?”
Travis looked around furtively, then closed the distance between them, taking Kristin’s hands. “I signed divorce papers today.”
Her gut clenched and her heart twisted. He’d actually done it. “Today? You signed them today?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “This morning, actually.”
Her heart was threatening to break right out of her chest. “I didn’t realize…I mean, you said you were going to ask her, but…I had no idea that you—”
“Actually, I didn’t. Celeste did. Apparently she had the papers drawn up before Jacob died.”
“Before…” Kristin shook her head, trying to align the facts of what was happening. “So Celeste decided to leave you.”
“Well, it doesn’t matter who initiated it,” his smile was cautious. “The point is, I’m a free man.”
“But why did she want a divorce?” Kristin asked, her heart plummeting.
“She says she doesn’t love me anymore.” There was hurt in his eyes. Pain that wasn’t in tune with the supposed relief he was trying to convey.
“Did she know about us, Travis?”
He looked down at his hands, the silence stretching between them for a moment, then he lifted his head and shrugged. “Yeah. She knew. Apparently since the beginning.”
“But she never gave you the papers.” Kristin suddenly felt as if she’d committed an unpardonable sin. Celeste had been through so much.
“No. Jacob died, and she couldn’t face it. Couldn’t face me, truth be told.”
“And now?”
“Now she’s ready to get on with her life. And she doesn’t want me to be a part of it. She even said she wished us well.”
“You and me.” She should be feeling ecstatic but instead she felt confused. Let down, somehow. He hadn’t asked Celeste for a divorce. He hadn’t chosen her. He hadn’t done anything except lose his wife and come straight to the woman he no doubt expected to pick up the pieces. Or worse, the woman he expected to console him physically. Hadn’t that always been the way with Travis? Expecting her to be at his beck and call?
“So you had no idea this was coming?”
“No, it came out of the blue. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I had no idea she was upset about me. Or that she even knew about us.”
“So this all came from Celeste. You had no intention of doing anything yourself.” Suddenly everything seemed crystal clear, and she wasn’t certain she liked the picture.
“I told you before, I thought she was too fragile. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had.”
It was always about Celeste.
&nb
sp; “Well, I’m sorry she’s left you.” She pulled her hands free.
He frowned, clearly confused. “But I thought you’d be happy. Now we can be together.”
“And get married and start a family?” she said, not certain where the words were coming from, but knowing that they had to be said.
He blanched. “I’ve got kids already, Kristin. You know I don’t want any more. And hey, there’s no need to rush into marriage. I mean, I only just got out of this one.”
She nodded, surprised her heart hadn’t spilt out bleeding onto the floor. And then she saw the light from the windows again, this time the colors dancing across the garden path, their beauty an unexpected source of strength.
“Of course. I totally understand. And I wish you the best of luck with your new life.”
“But Kristin…”
She took one last look at the man she’d thought she loved, then turned and walked away. In the doorway at the front of the church, her brother stood waiting.
Chapter 5
“How are you feeling?” Marisol asked as she handed Ginny a cup of water.
Monitors beeped all around her as she sat propped up in the hospital bed. For the moment at least, everything was calm. Ginny’s obstetrician had verified that she was indeed in labor, but Little Bit didn’t appear to be in any great hurry to make an entrance.
Ginny sipped her water, one hand resting protectively on her stomach. “I’m fine. A lot calmer now that we’re here and settled in. But to be honest, I still keep expecting the senator to come bursting through those doors with a fleet of lawyers.”
“Let him try it,” Marisol said, eyes narrowing in anger. “Ian’s out there, which means he’ll have to get through him first.”
“Ian’s a good guy.” Ginny said, lips curling in a smile. “Luis said you guys were kissing.” Her sister deserved some happiness.
“It was just a peck. A congratulatory kiss. Ian bought land for Marcus’s ranch.” Marisol actually blushed.
“What about Patrick?” It had been pretty obvious that any interest Marisol had had in Patrick exited stage left when Ian entered the picture, but Ginny hadn’t had the chance to ask her sister about it.
“We’re good, I think.”
“I’m glad to hear it. I was a little worried that you’d called things off with him because of Logan. Or that he’d called things off with you.”
“No. Not at all. The truth is we were never really more than just good friends. We were both just ready for something more and so I think we tried to make it happen.”
“You mean Patrick tried.”
“Yeah, and I hid behind you and Luis. But anyway, we’re okay. And I’m determined not to hide anymore.”
“With Ian.”
“Maybe, I don’t know.” A shadow crossed her sister’s face. “He’s leaving, Ginny. Going back to Montana. I don’t want to let myself hope for more than he’s offering. You know?”
“I do.” Ginny nodded, wincing a little as a contraction hit her. “But you deserve to be happy. If not with Ian, than with someone.”
“Well, right now there are more important things to be thinking about than Ian Briggs. You’re about to have a baby. And the two of you are still my first priority.”
“And I love you for that. But Little Bit and I are going to be okay. Whatever happens. Whoever the father turns out to be, we’re going to be okay.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll be there to help make sure of that.” Her sister squeezed her hand, and then set the cup back on the bedside table. “How are the contractions?”
“Not too bad actually. But I’m pretty certain this is just the warm-up round. The doctor said it would probably be a while before things really kick in.”
“Good thing there are epidurals. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to—” Marisol broke off as raised voices carried through the partially open hospital room door.
“I don’t care what the rules say,” an angry masculine voice was saying. “I’m going in to see her.”
“I’m sorry, but only family is allowed. And you’re not family,” an equally strident voice responded.
There was the sound of a scuffle and then the door flew all the way open. Logan pushed into the room, breathing heavily, his gaze moving across the room to collide with Ginny’s. “Are you and Little Bit okay?”
“We’re fine,” Ginny choked out, the beeping on the monitor speeding up as her heart rate ratcheted upward.
“What are you doing here?” Marisol asked, coming to her feet, looking every inch the protective momma.
“I need to talk to Ginny.” Logan looked from Ginny to Marisol and then back to Ginny again. “Please, Ginny. Just let me stay for a few minutes.”
Ginny swallowed, her hands going clammy. She’d dreamed of this moment. Of him coming to her. Only in her dreams she hadn’t been lying in a hospital bed in labor. Hardly the stuff of romantic fantasy. And yet, nothing about their time together had been anything close to normal, and the point was that he was here.
“Marisol,” she said, her voice still sounding funny, “can you give us a moment?”
Her sister reached out to smooth Ginny’s hair. “You sure you’ll be all right?”
She nodded, her heart doing little flip-flops. Logan moved to the side of the bed as Marisol left the room—pausing for a moment at the door to watch them both.
“I’ll be fine,” Ginny said, hoping she was telling the truth.
And then it was just the two of them, Logan’s hot gaze seeming to devour her. Ginny struggled to breathe and for a moment they just looked at each other in silence. Then Logan dropped into the chair by her bed and took her hand.
“Oh, God, Ginny, I was scared to death. When I heard that you’d had a confrontation with the senator, I almost lost my mind. The only reason the bastard is still walking around is because I needed to check on you first. To make sure you were okay.”
“We’re okay,” she said, patting her belly.
“Truly?” he asked, his fingers tightening on hers.
“Yes.” She nodded, then shrugged, trying to appear calm. “I’ll admit the senator scared me a little. And the doctor thinks that the stress might have sped things along. But he says it’s all going to be fine. Little Bit is strong. And so am I.” She didn’t feel particularly strong, but she wasn’t about to let him know how frightened she’d really been.
“Well, there’s no way that man is getting his claws into your baby.”
Ginny gave him a small smile, loving the feel of his fingers twined with hers. God, she’d give anything to have him be a part of her life again. “I’ve got a lot of amazing people in my corner. If nothing else, we won’t make it easy on him.”
“You’re the bravest woman I know,” Logan said, his eyes flashing with an emotion she was almost afraid to try and identify.
“No. I’m not.” She shook her head, fighting tears. “If I was, I’d have told the truth about the baby from the beginning. I’d never have lied to Celeste and to my family. And most importantly, I’d never have lied to you.”
“You were caught off guard. I get that. And you did what you thought was best in the moment. If I learned anything at all when I was in Afghanistan, it’s that in a crisis the moment is really all you’ve got. A split second to make a decision that could potentially affect you for the rest of your life. When you woke up and learned that Jacob was dead and that you were pregnant, you did what you needed to do to protect your child. I can’t pretend the lie didn’t hurt me. It did. But that doesn’t mean I can’t understand why you did it.”
“I never meant to hurt anyone,” she said, the tears flowing now. “But I did. And worst of all, I hurt you—the most important person in my life. If I could take it back… If I could do it all over again…”
He reached over to wipe away her tears. “Maybe what’s more important is that instead of looking back, we try to move forward.”
“We?” Ginny asked, hope blooming deep inside her.
&nbs
p; “Yeah,” he said, leaning over to kiss her. “You and me.” He laid his big hand across her swollen belly. “And Little Bit. If you guys will have me. I’ve been such an ass, Ginny.”
“No.” She shook her head, covering his hand with hers. “You had every right to be upset. To walk away. I don’t blame you at all. I just wanted…I just wanted us to be together.”
“I shouldn’t have been so judgmental. I should have been able to understand. To forgive you. It’s just that I was so hurt. And angry. And, well, I got lost in all of that. I wanted to come to you so many times, but then I’d just get pissed all over again.”
“And now?”
“Now I just want to be with you.”
“Because of the baby?” She swallowed, putting her fears front and center. If they were going to move forward, she was determined to be nothing less than honest. “I don’t need your pity.”
“God, Ginny, I don’t pity you. I already said how brave I think you are and how much I admire your strength. But I know better than most that you can’t do it all on your own. I think we’re better off together. You’re the woman I want to spend my life with. No matter what baggage comes along with you.” His warm hand smoothed the skin across her stomach. “And I don’t mean Little Bit.”
She shivered, thinking of the senator. “It isn’t going to be easy. But if he comes at me, I’m going to fight him.”
“And if you’ll let me, I’ll be right there with you. I won’t let him hurt you again. I don’t know what happened. Or why you were with him. I meant what I said; that’s all in the past. But the bottom line here is that the son of a bitch is a habitual cheater who preys on young, innocent women, and there’s no way he comes out a winner after doing that.”
Ginny held Logan’s gaze for a moment, chewing on her lower lip. “The baby could still be Jacob’s.”
“I hope it is. For both of your sakes. But it doesn’t matter to me. All that matters to me is that Little Bit is yours. And that I love you. And as long as you’ll have me, I want a place in your life.”