by Angelo, Judy
Dare’s heart gave a jolt. How could he have forgotten? “Yes,” he said as a feeling of guilt washed over him. “Me.”
“You?” The doctor looked at him as if he’d gone mad.
“I was knocked unconscious during the hurricane,” Dare told him. “She rolled me onto a bedcover and dragged me out of a bedroom and down a hallway.”
“Down a…” The look the doctor gave him was one of incredulity. “She didn’t.”
“I’m sorry to say, she did.” Dare’s voice was quiet, his thoughts far away. This was his fault. If anything happened to Erin or the baby he would never forgive himself. “And she didn’t complain of any pains at the time?”
“No, nothing.” Dare shook his head. “We even made love after that.”
The doctor let his breath out with a huff and Dare didn’t know if it was out of disbelief or disgust. He wouldn’t blame him for judging. He was disgusted with himself. What kind of husband was he to put his pregnant wife through all of that?
“She’s a strong woman, Mr. DeSouza,” the doctor said. “I can see it in her. And we will do all that we can for her and the baby.”
All that we can. He hadn’t said they’d be fine. He’d given no assurances. That was not what Dare wanted to hear.
When they got to the ultrasound room they wheeled Erin in and Dare went to follow but the doctor put up his hand. “I’m sorry but it's very cramped in here. The technologist needs the limited space to work and I need to be there to see what’s going on. Could you wait over there, please?” He pointed to a row of chairs along a nearby wall.
Dare felt like throttling him. It must have shown on his face because the doctor backed away then quickly pushed the door shut. Dare slapped the wall with his open palm. He would have preferred to put his fists through the wall, he was so frustrated. He needed to be there for Erin. He needed to hold her hand, give her his strength, be her support. Suppose she called out for him? And he needed to see what was going on with his baby.
He walked over to the row of chairs but could not sit. Instead, he paced up and down and then stopped in front of the closed door then paced up and down some more. He looked at his watch. He couldn’t believe only three minutes had passed. He checked the time on his cell phone, not believing, but yes it was correct. Damn. How long would he have to wait? This waiting was driving him crazy.
He stepped away from the door and paced some more. He was on his sixth trip to the door when it popped open. Erin was back but this time on a stretcher and her eyes were full of tears. Dare went to her and as soon as she saw him the tears began to flow freely.
“The baby is in distress. He can’t survive inside me. They have to take him.” She began to sob and as she stretched out her hand to him Dare felt powerless. All he could do was take her in his arms and hold her while she cried. A tap on his shoulder jerked him out of his pain. He turned to see the doctor at his side.
“Please. We need to get to the operating room right away. Emergency C-section.”
Then before he could do more than plant a kiss on Erin’s forehead they were wheeling her away, leaving him standing alone in the middle of the corridor.
Then followed the worst two hours of Dare’s life. Other patients were wheeled in to the ultrasound room, other family members came until the chairs lining the walls were filled and still he paced, not caring if he looked like mad man, not giving a damn what they thought of him. He could not rest until he knew his family was safe.
So many thoughts flashed through his mind. What if the doctors had to choose between mother and child? What if he lost one of them? Or both? It didn’t bear thinking about. God knew, he would give all his money, every single penny to know that they were both all right.
And if this was what love meant, then he loved them, Godammit. He loved Erin DeSouza and he loved his baby and he was making no apologies for it. He just prayed they’d both make it through so that he could show them how much he loved them.
He was at the point when he felt he would go mad with worry when he saw the doctor in his green scrubs heading down the hallway toward him. He didn’t wait for him to get to him. He met him halfway, his eyes searching the doctor’s face, trying to read the news that was to come.
“They’re…okay?” His voice sounded strained even to his own ears. He could hardly speak. The anxiety was killing him.
The doctor sighed.
Dare almost had a heart attack. Jesus, a doctor sighing. That was not a good sign.
“They’re both resting,” he said with a small smile.
Dare let his breath out in a whoosh. They were alive. Both of them. That was a start. “Are they okay?” he asked again.
“Mommy is doing well,” the doctor said, “but it was a difficult surgery. Baby was in a lot of distress."
Dare glared at the doctor. He was just inches from strangling the man. “What the hell does that mean? Is my baby okay or not?”
“Mr. DeSouza, please,” the doctor said, putting up a hand. “There are other people-”
“I don’t give a flying fig who else is here. Tell me what’s going on with my baby.”
“She’s been taken to the intensive care unit to be placed in an incubator. She’s only two pounds and needs to be placed in a protected environment.”
She? Hadn’t he heard ‘he’ somewhere? But it didn’t matter either way. He just wanted his baby to be alright.
“Will she survive, doctor?” He kept his voice low, guilty at his previous outburst but still too concerned to worry about an apology.
The doctor pursed his lips. “Her chances are better than fifty percent but I don’t want you to get your hopes up, just in case.”
Better than fifty percent. It wasn’t enough. He wanted to hear that she was perfectly fine, she’d be alright, she’d grow up and graduate from high school and give him all the grief that teenage girls gave their middle aged dads. That was what he wanted to hear.
But the doctor was giving him no such assurances so he clung to the only positive word he’d been given. Better. Better than fifty percent. He would hold on to ‘better’ and make it real.
“Can I see them now?” he asked.
The doctor nodded. “I’ll take you to your wife. She’s conscious but a bit groggy. You can see the baby afterwards.”
Dare nodded and followed him down the hallway. He was taken to a private room where Erin lay in the bed, pale and quiet, her eyes closed. He pulled up a chair beside her and gently touched her arm. Her eyes opened and he could see her trying to focus. “Dare,” she said, her voice weak and scratchy, “where’s my baby? Is he alright?”
“It’s a she, Erin,” he said. “We have a daughter. She's in the ICU right now and they’re taking good care of her."
“Is she going to be alright?” Erin’s eyes searched his face, looking for the same assurance he’d just sought from the doctor.
He took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. “She’s very tiny, Erin. Only two pounds but if she’s anything like her mother she’ll pull through alright.”
“How?” Erin whispered. She looked up at him, her eyes full of distress. “How can she make it?”
“She will,” Dare said, his voice firm with conviction. In his heart he knew that his daughter would be alright. They both would. Leaning over he kissed Erin on the forehead. “Just rest for a while. I’m going to check on her.” Then he gave her a reassuring smile. “Start thinking of girl names till I get back.”
With that Dare left her and headed to the intensive care unit. The nurses there were welcoming but they refused to let him go into the nursery.
“The babies in this section are very delicate,” they told him. “Their immune systems aren’t developed yet. We have to make it as sterile an environment as possible.”
They took him to a wide glass window and it was from there that he got his first view of his daughter, so tiny and pink in her incubator, with a shock of dark brown hair that made him think of her mother. There were strings a
nd tubes leading from her mouth, her nose and her arm and his heart ached at the little one’s cold and sterile introduction to the world. He should be able to hold his daughter close right now. She should be lying on the comfort of her mother’s breast. But she was all alone and so tiny. How would they even care for her?
But as he stared at her, so small but yet so beautiful in her cocoon of glass, he knew they’d find a way. The baby had done her part by bravely making her way into the world. Now it was time for him and for Erin to play their part.
“You’re a fighter, little one,” he whispered through the glass, “and we won’t let you down.”
***
Nearly eight weeks passed before Erin and Dare were allowed to take Soleil Denise DeSouza home from the hospital. By that time she weighed four pounds and had grown another inch. The nurses warned them she was a feisty one, kicking up a windstorm when she was ready to be fed and demanding to be held when it was naptime.
“You have to put your foot down,” one of the nurses warned Erin, “or else she’ll walk all over you. You need to show her who’s in charge.”
Erin smiled and thanked the nurse for her advice but when she looked into her daughter’s big brown eyes how could she refuse her? She’d already been through so much in her little life that Erin could be excused for spoiling her a little bit, couldn’t she?
And Daddy was even worse, jumping up at every cry, checking on the baby every hour of the night. Within a week he’d begun to look so ragged with exhaustion that Erin had to banish him from the nursery for an entire night just so he could get some sleep.
Through it all Francine was a savior. She knew all about babies, having raised three of her own plus a handful of grandkids. She guided Erin every step of the way through the feedings, burpings, bouts of colic and a brief period of jaundice. Finally the whole family settled into a comfortable rhythm - daddy, mommy, baby and adopted grandma - and finally Erin felt that her world was at peace.
Her love for Dare blossomed and she felt she could not love him more than she did right then. Each time she watched him holding Soleil, singing softly to her as she stared up at him with those adorable brown eyes, her heart swelled with pride and she couldn’t help smiling. She’d come a long way but so had he. Who would have thought that bad boy billionaire Dare DeSouza could abandon his big shot image to play peek-a-boo and do goo-goo-gaa-gaa speak? She loved it, and in her eyes he was a bigger man for taking the time to amuse his baby.
And on top of all that he’d shown her nothing but love and respect, catering to her every need and going out of his way to make her feel loved. When he wasn’t holding Soleil he was holding her, making her feel like the center of his world.
When Dare returned to work after Soleil had completed her second month it took Erin a while to adjust. She’d gotten so used to having him there that she couldn’t help missing him. Still, she knew Dare’s work was a big part of who he was. He loved what he did and she knew his work made him feel fulfilled. Besides, he had a lot to do on the last resort he’d bought so she needed to give him some space.
One evening as she sat feeding Soleil Dare walked into the sitting room looking handsome as usual in his business wear. He gave her a peck on the cheek then kissed Soleil on the forehead.
“Guess what?” he said as he loosened his tie. “I got a call from your friend. She said she’s been trying to reach you on your cell phone but all she keeps getting is your voice mail.”
Erin’s heart jerked. “My friend?”
“Yes, the one who came to visit. She’s been trying to get in touch with you for the longest time. Did you disconnect your cell phone?”
“Ahh, no," she said, which was the truth. But it wasn’t the whole truth. The fact was, she’d turned off her cell phone the day Soleil was born and had refused to turn it back on since then. She’d been living in a bubble of her own making. She’d done everything she could to insulate herself from the poison darts that Robyn could throw. But now she could see that her efforts had all been in vain. Robyn was determined to burst her bubble and send her reeling back to reality.
“Did she say what she was calling about?” Erin asked. It took all her effort to keep her face calm and her voice steady.
Dare shook his head. “No, but she left a number where you can reach her.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. He rested it on the table nearby and shifted the vase onto the edge of it to keep it from blowing away. “Give her a call as soon as you can,” he said. "It sounds as if it's pretty important.”
Erin pursed her lips. She knew exactly what was so important for Robyn. She was intent on ruining her life. But she would not give her the satisfaction of being the one to reveal her secret. She’d run away from her truth long enough and now she was tired of running.
“Dare,” she said as she put the baby on her shoulder and gently rubbed her back, “we need to talk.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Dare looked at her, curious. “About what?” he asked. “Something to do with Soleil?” Then he grinned. “Has she been a naughty princess? I know she loves to boss her mommy around.”
“No,” Erin said, her voice solemn. “It’s about me.”
Dare frowned. “About you? Is everything alright?”
She shook her head. “No, but let me set the baby down for her nap and then we’ll talk.” Still rubbing Soleil’s back she got up and headed for the nursery.
Dare stood there in the sitting room, confused. Erin had seemed so peaceful when he’d come in but now he could sense her agitation and it bothered him. It had something to do with this Robyn woman, he was sure. Her whole demeanor had changed at the mention of Robyn’s name.
He threw off his jacket and dropped on to the sofa to await her return. He didn’t have to wait long. Erin approached and her face was serious. Whatever she wanted to talk about was not going to be fun.
She sat in the chair across from him and folded her hands in her lap. She was so beautiful, with her dark hair curling around her face and onto her shoulders, and those hazel eyes that were so expressive. Now, though, they were clouded over with what looked like heartfelt pain. He sat up and reached for her hand but she pulled it back.
“What’s going on, Erin? Is something wrong with you?” At her nod his heart jerked inside his chest. “Are you sick?”
She shook her head.
“Then what is it?” he demanded, beginning to lose patience. She had him on pins and needles and was taking her own sweet time in clearing up the mystery. “Just spill it.”
She sighed. “All right, I will.” She plucked at the fabric of her yellow sundress and then began to twist it with her fingers. Clearly, what she had to say was not easy for her. “I’ve not been honest with you, Dare. I’m not who you think I am.”
His eyes narrowed as he stared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She sucked in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “It means, when I tell you who I really am you’ll probably want me out of your life. For good.”
That gave him pause. What in the world could Erin have done to let her say something like that? He loved her. Couldn’t she see that? There was nothing that could make him want her out of his life.
“Tell me,” he said. “Let me be the judge.”
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and for several seconds she worried the lip until finally she opened her mouth to speak. And when she did, her voice was a hoarse whisper. “I know how important honesty is to you,” she said. “You said it yourself. You said it was the most important thing to you in a friendship. And that’s why I know you’ll hate me for this.”
“What are you talking about, Erin?”
"My parents died when I was twelve and I grew up in foster care.” She’d begun wringing her sundress again. “I was moved from home to home and some of them were…awful.” She gave a hiccup up at the last word. She seemed on the verge of tears. “At one of the homes, I had to struggle to survive. I often went without me
als. Once, at school, I was so hungry I passed out."
Dare held his breath. He could already guess what she was about to say.
"One day I just cracked. I walked into a convenience store and...I stole three candy bars,” she whispered then put her fists to her mouth as a sob escaped her lips. “The owner, he was watching the security camera and he saw what I did. He shouted at me and I ran. And then...and then he chased me out the door and into the street.” She dropped her face in her hands and began to cry in earnest. "He grabbed me and I couldn't get away. And then the police came."
Dare went over to kneel in front of her then he pulled her into his arms. “Hush, it’s okay, honey. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not okay,” she said, wrenching herself out of his arms. “I’ve lived with the guilt all these years. Before I married you I should have told you but I didn't have the courage. How could I tell you that you were marrying a criminal?”
“It wasn’t your fault, Erin. You were a victim of your circumstances..”
She shook her head violently. “No, it was all my fault. I should never have done that. I...don't know what came over me."
"It's okay, honey. I don't hate you for what you did. We all make mistakes. It's okay." For a long while Dare was silent, just holding Erin, rocking her in his arms. Gradually her trembling ceased and her breathing calmed. Only then did he speak. “Robyn knew about this, didn’t she? She used this information against you.”
Her head still resting against his shoulder, Erin nodded. “She threatened to tell you everything. I’m guessing that’s what today’s call was about.”
Dare put a finger under Erin’s chin and lifted her face to his. “Know this, Erin DeSouza. I love you and there is nothing about you or your past that will make me stop.”
Her eyes widened as she stared up at him. “Dare, what are you saying? You’ve never told me you loved me.”