The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy

by Sara Angelini

  “Elizabeth, don’t be silly. They can’t be that bad; you and Jane turned out OK.”

  “An aberration, I assure you. You will be pounced on by Lydia, who will try to recruit you to her escort service. Kitty will name-drop all the famous people she’s served dessert to. Mary will bore you to death with the religiosity of post-Soviet literature. And my mother... oh, my mother. I shudder to think,” she said.

  “Have I ever told you that I have an uncle who insists that the healthiest form of exercise is to jog around his grounds in nothing but socks and trainers?” he said.

  “Eeesh,” she said.

  “Mmm,” he replied sympathetically. “Look, don’t be concerned that I’m going to be offended or insulted or embarrassed. I can take it. If there’s some other reason you don’t want me to come, then say it.” He had that gentle, persistent tone that said he was not to be swayed.

  “You’ve been warned,” she sighed. He smiled.

  ***

  Lou arrived first, shaking the rain off his umbrella on the front porch. Elizabeth smiled widely as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  “Smells great!” he said as he hung his coat in the closet. “Who’s going to be here?”

  “Mom and dad, Lydia, Kitty, Mary, Jane and Charley, Will, and Caroline.”

  “Caroline! Lady Boobs-a-Lot? Why on earth is she coming?” Lou exclaimed as he headed toward the kitchen, following the smells of turkey and stuffing.

  “Jane really, really wanted me to invite her. I figure if she’s going to be my sister in law, we should try to get along. Besides, maybe my family will frighten her off.”

  “Think she’ll keep her hands off Will?”

  “I will have a carving knife in my hand, you know,” she said with a half-smile.

  She slapped his hand as he dipped his finger into a pan of gravy. He managed to get a taste anyway. The doorbell rang.

  “Get that, would you?” she called to Lou. Lou opened the door.

  “Lord, what are you doing here!” Lydia laughed as she saw Lou. He gave her a wry smile. “I haven’t seen you in ages!” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and he showed her in.

  “Lizzy, what a cute place you have!” Lydia said as she came into the kitchen. Elizabeth smiled and hugged her.

  “I’m glad you could come.”

  “Well, it does get ungodly busy around the holidays, you know. All the old ladies want hot young things on their arms for their parties,” she laughed. Elizabeth rolled her eyes and prayed that Lydia would get it out of her system before Darcy showed up.

  Jane, Bingley, and Caroline were next to show up. Bingley and Jane gave Elizabeth warm hugs and kissed her cheek. Caroline hung back and then presented a surprised Elizabeth with a bottle of wine.

  “No hard feelings, sweetie. He’s crazy about you,” Caroline said quietly, with a warm smile on her face. “I was just helping him out.” Elizabeth looked at her in confusion and Caroline laughed. “I’ll let him explain,” she said.

  “Lizzy, can I put the game on?” Bingley called from the living room. Both Caroline and Jane rolled their eyes and laughed.

  Mary and Kitty were the next to arrive. They bustled in and hung their coats, laughing and hugging everyone. They seemed to already know Caroline and Elizabeth expected they had met over Jane’s wedding plans. The house was ringing with giggles as the sisters caught up with each other over glasses of wine.

  The doorbell rang again and Elizabeth opened it to greet her parents.

  “Lizzy, darling, you look lovely,” Mrs. Bennet said dreamily. Elizabeth looked at her father in horror as the cloud of cannabis washed over her. He shrugged sheepishly and grinned. He got her high? Her horror only increased when she saw Darcy at the foot of the walkway. Mrs. Bennet was making her way sedately to her family, hugging daughters and exclaiming at how lovely each one of them looked and asking for some crackers.

  “What the fuck have you done?” she whispered to her father in abject humiliation.

  “She’s calm, isn’t she?” he replied quietly. She could not reply as Darcy was now at the door. Mr. Bennet turned to greet him.

  “Oh, hello, Judge Darcy, isn’t it?” he asked pleasantly, shaking his hand. Darcy smiled and nodded.

  “Yes, it’s nice to see you again, Mr. Bennet,” he replied cordially.

  “Oh, please, call me Tom,” her father said warmly.

  “Thank you, Tom. Please call me Will,” Darcy answered.

  Elizabeth closed the door behind them. Mr. Bennet made his way to hug his other daughters.

  She heard Lydia laugh in the kitchen. “Lord, mom, have you been smoking pot?” she exclaimed in that lusty voice of hers. Elizabeth closed her eyes and wished herself under the floorboards.

  “It’s good for glaucoma,” her mother replied loftily.

  “If you have glaucoma,” Lou laughed.

  “An ounce of prevention, you know,” was her mother’s response. Elizabeth opened her eyes and saw Darcy grinning at her.

  He kissed her quickly and whispered, “Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

  She introduced him as her “good friend” and he watched Jane, Caroline, Bingley, and Lou all smirk.

  The afternoon wore on and Elizabeth flitted about in the kitchen. People wandered in and out, laughing, watching TV, and nibbling appetizers. Caroline wandered into the kitchen and said casually, “You’re wasting your time by passing him off as a friend. It’s so obvious.”

  Elizabeth threw her an annoyed glance. “Mind your own business,” she retorted. Caroline laughed.

  “Look, if it makes you feel any better, there was nothing going on at all. I haven’t slept with him since July of last year. Not that I haven’t tried,” she said. “I mean, he is a stellar lover,” she said with a sly smile, sipping her wine.

  Elizabeth dropped her spoon on the floor and nearly turned and slapped her but she heard Darcy’s sedate voice behind her.

  “Caroline, stop provoking her,” he said quietly. “You’re going to be her sister, you know. You have to play nice.” Caroline laughed.

  “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I’m just teasing you,” she said and her sly grin was replaced with another of her warm smiles. “Old habits die hard,” she said. Elizabeth and Darcy watched her retreat to the living room.

  “She’s awful,” Elizabeth said quietly. Darcy put on hand on her arm.

  “She’s not. She’s just Caroline. She likes to push people’s buttons; it amuses her. Once you stop responding, she’ll stop pushing, I promise.”

  “Did you really sleep with her?” she asked over her shoulder.

  “Yes.” He wouldn’t lie to her. “But it was over before I even knew you. It was a lifetime ago. Please don’t be jealous. Come on, stop hiding in here and come visit with your family.” He put a glass of wine in her hand and steered her back to the living room.

  Darcy took a seat between Jane and Lydia and across from Mrs. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet squinted at him.

  “You look familiar. Have we met before?” she said.

  “No, dear, you’ve never met him,” Mr. Bennet said in his best jedi mind-trick voice.

  “Hmm, you must just have one of those faces,” she replied, still looking at Darcy.

  “I’ll say,” Elizabeth heard Lydia mumble. “Will, have you ever considered being a private tour guide?” she said, opening her pitch to recruit him to her international escort service.

  “Lydia!” Elizabeth warned. Lydia rolled her eyes and Darcy laughed.

  After two glasses of wine, Elizabeth relaxed. Darcy had not once screamed in horror at something her family did. He had not run for the door. He seemed to enjoy talking to her father and her sisters and was even amused by Lydia’s, er, robust personality.

  Darcy was actually enjoying himself. Sure, they were loud and raucous. But they had genuine affection for each other and welcomed him and Caroline warmly. He saw that Elizabeth got her wit and humor from her father and, surprisingly, her beauty and grace from her mother. He thou
ght it was hilarious that Mr. Bennet had ‘sedated’ Mrs. Bennet and apparently had a refresher during the course of the evening, he of course generally objected to marijuana as a threshold drug but then Mrs. Bennet was trying to ward off glaucoma, after all. He thought Elizabeth very lucky to be part of such a family and hoped someday his, their, family could be as loving.

  After dinner, when dessert had been served and they were all bursting their pants buttons in the living room, Elizabeth did the unthinkable. She sat next to him, curled into his arm, and kissed his cheek. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed prettily. Nobody declared “oh, look, they’re lovers!” Nobody smirked or exchanged glances. Nobody paid any mind. He put his arm around her, kissed the top of her head and smiled inwardly. Success.

  Eventually everyone began to leave. Darcy stood next to Elizabeth as she said goodbye to her parents, the last to leave. Mrs. Bennet hugged Elizabeth and then put her arms out to Darcy. He gave her a surprised hug.

  “You are a very nice man, Will. You should marry my daughter,” she said to him, patting him lightly on the chest. He laughed.

  “Mom, you were doing so well,” Elizabeth sighed. Her mother smiled at her.

  “Your father thinks he’s so clever but I know what’s going on! Tom! Bring the bag of weed home with you, we’ll finish it off tonight.”

  Elizabeth pressed her fingers to her forehead. “Jesus Christ,” she laughed. Mr. Bennet bustled his wife out the door with a final wave.

  “Please don’t have my parents arrested,” she said to Darcy. He laughed and put his arms around her.

  “I didn’t see anything. I’m sure your mother was wearing some organic perfume, like patchouli. And as for that bag, well, it could have been oregano, right? Your mother told me she likes to use fresh herbs in all of her cooking.”

  “Nice try,” she laughed and hugged him.

  “Ah, well, then perhaps you will just have to bribe me,” he said suggestively. She ran her fingers over his bottom.

  “Are you soliciting me?” she asked.

  “I believe I am. Is it working?”

  “I believe it is.” He kissed her and worked his hands down her back to her own bottom. He pulled back from her and said,

  “Why do you always have your hair up?”

  She put her arms around his neck. “Because you like to take it down,” she replied simply. He smiled and pulled the band from her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders.

  She kissed him, drawing his lips to hers.

  “Lizzy,” he said against her lips. “Your mother was right.”

  “I sincerely hope you’re talking about the ounce of prevention,” she replied and kissed him again.

  “No. Elizabeth -”

  “Shhh... don’t,” she said. “Just kiss me.” He let the little drop in his stomach pass and kissed her.

  “Do you love me?” he asked her, seeking reassurance.

  “Yes, I do,” she answered. Satisfied, he kissed her again.

  She led him to her bedroom, where he had never yet been. He glanced around, taking in her walls lined with photos, the bookcase crammed with paperbacks, and the socks strewn on the floor. She turned to him with a throaty giggle and began to undo his belt. He grinned as he let her undress him, but refrained from grabbing her and kissing her. Once he was naked, she stepped out of her skirt then turned her back to him as she peeled her shirt over her head.

  Darcy watched her as she pulled her shirt over her head; he could look at that creamy expanse of back forever. He loved her back; it was smooth and sensual and sexy. The curve of her waist to her hips reminded him of the graceful lines of a violin. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to see her from behind, to love her from behind, and to see that canvas of sensuality laid before him.

  She lay on the bed with an inviting smile, and laughed softly when he rolled her over onto her belly, placing a pillow under her hips. He littered her back with kisses, letting his tongue taste her pear-scented skin at his leisure. He grazed her shoulder blades with his lips and teeth, lightly nipping her. His fingers traced patterns on her skin; he spelled her name, then his, with his fingertip. He dipped is tongue to follow the dip of her spine at her waist. He ran his palms over her rounded bottom, feeling her smooth skin rise into goose bumps with his touch. He let his own chest graze across her rear, his nipples hardening with the contact.

  Finally, he lay on her back, bracing his weight on one palm. She leaned on her elbows and his free hand sneaked up to cup her breast, his thumb lightly stroking the puckered flesh of her tender nipple. His maddeningly stiff member rested in her rear cleavage; he let out a soft groan of pleasure against the nape of her neck as he slid his length along her smooth, rounded cheeks.

  Elizabeth lowered herself onto the mattress, fingers gripping the edge, and closed her eyes. She let a low moan escape from her lips when Darcy spread her legs with his knees and pushed into her.

  His ragged breath was hot on the back of her neck. He lowered his head and planted hot kisses on her shoulders as he pushed deeply into her. He moved in a slow, subtle rhythm; the position provided continual stimulation for each, ensuring that their pleasure was uninterrupted.

  Elizabeth lay beneath him, feeling his solid body weight pressing her down. The sensation of his chest hair scratching across her back was erotic. She felt his stiffness inside her, and his hips pushing against her soft bottom. The sensation of him on top of her, of him inside of her, was exquisite. Her lips parted and she sighed.

  “God, Lizzy, how can you feel this wonderful?” he said hoarsely in her ear. He paused for a moment to keep himself from climaxing. She sensed his hesitation.

  “Please don’t stop, Darcy,” she whispered. “Take me with you.”

  He gripped the iron posts of the headboard and began to thrust into her. He put his mouth on the nape of her neck and bit down, stifling his exclamations of ecstasy. She stuffed her pillow into her mouth and cried out, senseless to anything but the explosion of orgasmic pleasure coursing through her body.

  When his own shuddering climax ended, Darcy released his grip on the headboard posts. He shifted off of her back to allow her to breathe and nestled beside her on her pillow. He closed his eyes and smiled contentedly.

  “Headboard... good... traction,” he murmured, already drifting off to sleep with her curled into his arms. Elizabeth laughed softly into his neck and closed her eyes.

  Chapter 32

  Darcy was roused from his slumber by the doorbell. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He had fallen asleep on the couch while watching a movie. Elizabeth was not there; she was with Jane with last minute wedding preparations. The doorbell rang again.

  He stood and answered the door. It was Fletcher. Darcy blinked away his sleep and raised his eyebrows in surprise.

  “Fletcher?” he said, stepping aside to let him in. Fletcher nodded and stepped inside. Darcy closed the door behind him.

  “What’s going on?” Darcy asked. Fletcher turned to him.

  “I’ve asked Georgie to marry me. She won’t give me an answer until I talk to you,” he said angrily.

  Darcy laughed.

  “It’s not funny! What the hell business is it of yours?” Fletcher spat out. Darcy assumed a serious expression.

  “No, of course not. She is old enough to make her own decisions. Is she going to say yes?”

  “I would assume so; why send me to you if she were going to say no?”

  “Good point. Have a seat, Fletcher. Let’s talk.”

  Fletcher took off his jacket and sat on the couch. Darcy went to the kitchen and brought them each a beer.

  “Well, do I have to ask your permission or something?” Fletcher said after taking a long draught of beer. Darcy shook his head. He took his own long drink. Both let out long, deep beer burps.

  “No, it’s a money thing,” Darcy replied.

  “I can support her on my own, we don’t need your money,” Fletcher said, not unkindly.

  “What exactly do you do,
Fletcher?” Darcy asked. He had known Fletcher for a while through Georgiana and had gotten to know him better in the last six months or so, enough to know that he liked him; but he didn’t really know anything about him.

  “I’m a veterinarian,” Fletcher replied, shocked to realize that Darcy didn’t know that about him.

  “Really? How did you meet Georgie?” Darcy said, surprised. He had assumed Fletcher was a deadbeat, a loveable pothead, maybe a bicycle messenger.

  “Through a roommate. They went on about three dates but we hit it off better than they did. We’re no longer roommates, by the way.”

  Darcy laughed. He questioned Fletcher on his financials and was satisfied that Fletcher was able to support Georgiana on his own.

  “Look, I understand that you guys are close and all but this is ridiculous,” Fletcher said as he took another drink of beer. Darcy nodded and took another drink as well. Both expelled belches again.

  “I agree. How much do you know about Georgie’s past?” he asked. Fletcher nodded.

  “I know about Rat Bastard Wickham. I know about your raising her in England and here in California. She doesn’t tell me much about growing up in England, though. I have a vague notion that she was in boarding school.”

  Darcy sighed. “Do you know where Georgie gets her money?” he asked.

  “From you,” Fletcher answered. “She makes a decent salary at the Symphony but she got extra from you for the house she bought.”

  “No, I only control the purse strings. The money is hers.”

  Fletcher shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t care about the money.”

  “Georgiana and I come from a very old family. Our family dates all the way back to before William the Conqueror.”

  “You’re not the king, are you?” Fletcher quipped, rolling his eyes. Darcy laughed and shook his head.

  “No, we’re not titled but we are considered aristocracy. I’m only telling you this so that you will know what to expect. She and I have never given it any real thought, it has never made any difference to us, especially here. Nonetheless, there will be certain expectations of you as her husband should you ever move to England. Social things, mostly, but tedious in any event.”