Benjamin growled and grunted, bucking his hips hard against mine and thrusting deeper. His cock filled me completely, every inch of my body, until I felt like I was being deliciously impaled, over and over. Every muscle in my body tensed and twitched as the heavenly sensations only grew stronger with each passing second. As I rubbed my body against his, Ben slid a hand to my slick pussy and rubbed my clit. His vigorous touches made me cry out, over and over again, until an earth-shattering orgasm began to build inside of my lower belly. When it hit me, I screamed, then pulled Ben’s face to mine and thrust my tongue into his mouth, kissing him desperately. The shockwaves of bliss crested over my head, again and again, leaving me weak and trembling and shaking. All I could do was lie and submit and breathe as Ben’s cock filled me. His body bucked and twisted and he grabbed my hips, fucking me hard as his own orgasm hit.
“Fuck!” Ben grunted in my neck. He bit and sucked at the tender spot right above my collarbone and I gasped with hot pleasure as I felt his tongue and teeth running over my sweaty skin. Ben licked and tasted me, sucked and bit as he came, as if he were possessing me for his own, forever.
When Benjamin’s sweaty body collapsed on top of mine, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held onto him. Reality began creeping back in, inch by inch, and I shuddered as my sweaty skin began to cool.
What on earth had I just done? The very thing you vowed that you wouldn’t do, I thought uneasily as Ben rose from my body. His cock slid out of me and I gasped softly – I’d grown so used to him there that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be alone, Ben-less, unfulfilled.
Dressing was awkward – the Land Rover was huge, but it was still an SUV, and neither Benjamin nor myself were small people. My bra and panties were totally ruined – ripped and shredded – but I couldn’t even be mad. When I looked down at my torn panties, I felt another hot thrill rise up my spine.
He’d wanted me so much that he’d ripped my clothes off, and I’d loved it.
Ben’s shirt was ruined, too – I’d torn several of the buttons in my haste to get the white cotton away from his gorgeous, muscular body – and it was almost funny how the shirt hung open on his frame. He yanked his boxers and pants up as I twisted and fumbled with my leggings, pulling them up without my panties as best as I could. My shirt didn’t do shit to conceal the fact that my nipples were still stiff and throbbing and I blushed with pleasure as the material rubbed against my sensitive skin.
One by one, we crawled back into the front of the Land Rover. My heart was still pounding and I had to discreetly pinch my thigh, just to make sure that I wasn’t dreaming.
How on earth had this happened? I swallowed hard as Ben put the key in the ignition and brought the Land Rover roaring to life. It didn’t feel like much time had passed since he’d picked me up from the radio station, but I’d been gone for three hours. Realizing that made me come crashing back to the ground: how the fuck was I going to explain my sudden absence to Donna?
It wasn’t like I could go back in there with no bra, anyway. My hair was disheveled and tearing up from the insane pleasure of my orgasm, had made my mascara run beneath my eyes. I pulled down the mirror and peered at my reflection, groaning inwardly at the sight of my hair. I looked like a total ragamuffin – I’d never have done a more obvious walk of shame in my life. Besides, in another hour, it would be time for me to pick Olive up from pre-school.
Jesus.
Olive.
Benjamin drove the Land Rover away from our former overlook. The SUV bounced along the dirt roads and I held the door handle tightly, not wanting my head to crash into the ceiling with every jostle and jounce.
The air between us was silent again but this time it was different – charged but almost relaxed, intimate. I kept gnawing at my lower lip fiercely until the taste of blood sprang into my mouth. Benjamin didn’t say anything – what had he wanted to say in the first place, anyway?
Before, I had so rudely yelled at him and then thrown myself at him like I’d never seen a man before in my entire life. I swallowed hard as a flush spread over my cheeks. I’d acted like a total crazy bitch, the kind of woman I was always warned against, and now there was nothing I could do.
But I don’t regret it, I thought instantly.
The Land Rover found its way back to civilization and soon we were on the highway, crossing the Cape Fear River and moving back to Wilmington. Time was running out – it wasn’t like I could hang around and actually talk to Ben, actually get the answers that I wanted and deserved.
The answers that I needed.
“Are you free for dinner?”
The question jolted me out of my own head and I turned to face Ben, still biting at my lip and narrowing my eyes.
“What?” I asked dumbly.
Benjamin’s lips turned into a hint of a smile.
“Are you free for dinner,” he asked. “Because I’d love to take you out.”
My heart did a flip. What was this – had we suddenly gone back in time five years? Had he never left in the first place?
Had all of this been some horrible nightmare that I’d imagined? A fever dream that I’d come up with just to torture myself?
I looked at my face in the sideview mirror of the Land Rover again.
No, it hadn’t been a dream.
There was a slight wrinkle to my forehead that hadn’t been there in my early twenties. My curves had gotten even bigger and riper since then – all the fault of my slowing metabolism and growing love for gourmet cupcakes and doughnuts.
And I had Olive, who was in no way a dream. Thinking of her brought my brother Jared’s words crashing back to my mind. He deserves to know, Jess. Just tell him – it’s his right as a father!
I knew that I had to ‘fess up and tell the truth about my daughter – our daughter! – but in that moment, I couldn’t find the words. After all, this was the most time that I’d spent with Benjamin in almost half a decade. We’d just had sex, for fuck’s sake.
I was still trembling and wet between the legs. There was no way I could swallow that anxiety and tell him the truth.
“I can’t,” I said awkwardly. “Could you just take me back to my car?”
Benjamin’s smile faded, but he nodded.
“No problem,” he said smoothly. He steered the Land Rover through downtown Wilmington and I shrank down in the seat.
“I ... I need to get home,” I added.
“What about tomorrow?” Benjamin asked.
“What?”
“Are you free then,” he continued patiently, keeping his eyes on the road. “For dinner. With me.”
“I ... I can’t,” I said. “I have plans,” I lied. “I’m sorry.”
Benjamin nodded slowly. We were pulling into the parking lot of the radio station and my heart began to clang inside of my chest. I felt a swell of hot, desperate panic and I had to fight the strong urge to throw myself against Ben and hold him and never let him go.
What if this would be the last time we’d ever see each other? What if he’d wanted to tell me that he was leaving again, that he’d never be back. Hot tears came to my eyes and I blinked them away before Benjamin could see. My head was swimming and I was feeling more confused than I’d ever felt.
For so long, I never thought that the two of us would be together again. And it had just happened – I’d been unable to stop it, unable to resist him.
It had been completely out of control.
It was almost as if the universe had forced us together, for the second time in our lives.
Now, I just had to wonder what would happen next.
18
Benjamin
My entire life, I had never been good at dealing with my own emotions. Not when I was younger, and definitely not now. If anything, serving as a SEAL for so many years had stunted them, pushed them back and made them seem trivial and unimportant.
But seeing Jessie again had changed all of that. Back when we had been together in years past, sometimes dealing
with her frequent outbursts and emotions had been tiring to me. It had seemed exhausting just to watch – I had no idea how someone was capable of being so emotional, so open, all of the time without simply breaking down. For a long time, I had wondered if it was a habit that Jessie would grow out of.
After knowing her for more than a few months, though, I realized it wasn’t a bad thing at all. It was a strength – she was so comfortable with herself and the way that she felt, she never minded displaying her true self.
And after a while, it became one of the things that I loved most about her. I loved that she was so unafraid to tell me the truth about how she was feeling – it was something that most women seemed to have difficulty with. I loved how brash and loud she was, how she wasn’t afraid to throw her head back and belly-laugh in the middle of an argument if I said something stupid and pigheaded.
Which, I had to admit, that I often had.
Now, seeing her again and being with her again, I felt a rush of emotions exploding inside my chest. It was almost scary, like too much all at once. Just seeing the vulnerable look in her soft brown eyes had brought all of those feelings bursting to the surface of my heart in a way that they never had before.
I was filled with something that I’d always felt around Jessie before, but hadn’t ever been able to name.
Ecstasy, pure and simple. The curvy goddess was like a drug to me, and now I knew for sure that there was no way I would ever get my fix.
I drove the Land Rover into the parking lot and Jessie pointed to her car, an older Dodge Neon with a big scratch on the driver’s side door.
“Just there is fine,” she said. She wasn’t looking at me – her attention was focused on an invisible spot on the window of the Land Rover – and I felt my stomach twist.
What was going to happen now? Would she see me again?
Would she refuse?
“I’d really like to see you again,” I said finally, nearly choking over the words. Just saying that sentence made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable, but it had to be said.
Jessie had to know.
She made a noncommittal noise as she put her hand on the door of the Land Rover.
“I ...I have to go,” Jessie said finally. Her eyes met mine, causing my heart to do a flip in my chest. Her face was still flushed and pink from the ecstasy she’d experienced not an hour before, and the sweaty tangles of her brown hair clung to her forehead and cheeks.
“I know, but—”
And just like that, before I could even finish my sentence, Jessie was gone. In the parking lot, her bra-less tits bouncing delectably as she unlocked her car door and climbed inside. I watched as she drove out of the parking lot, then put my hands on the wheel and sighed.
As soon as my angel was out of sight, a thought popped anxiously to the surface of my mind. The sex between us had been fantastic, more torrid and wonderful than ever before, but it had also proved a distraction. As soon as her curvy ass had wiggled out of my sight, I remembered that I had failed to do the very thing I’d promised myself I’d take care of first.
If meeting with Jessie had been a SEAL mission, I would have failed it and wound up dead.
I’d forgotten to tell her the truth. I hadn’t said a goddamned word about where I’d been, or how I’d been held up for years past my promised end date. I hadn’t breathed a single syllable about Somalia.
I hadn’t mentioned the fake engagement, either – the fake engagement that Jessie was supposed to be an active participant in. I winced inwardly when I pictured her angry face, and how much more upset she would have been if I’d told her about my little plan, the one I’d thought was oh so clever when it had first come to me.
And, perhaps most importantly, I forgot to ask about that little kid I’d seen Jessie playing with and chasing around. I’d noticed that she hadn’t been wearing a ring of any kind on her left hand – not even a plain, yellow gold band to signal that she was married. But I also knew from my time in the military that not everyone wore a wedding band. I wanted to believe that she wasn’t married, but I still had no concrete way of knowing. My dumb ass had been so taken with her kisses and her curves that all practical thoughts had flown straight out of my head.
What about the kid? I hadn’t asked about her. Was she Jessie’s? Or did Jessie have some kind of a side-hustle going on where she babysat on the side, like I’d first suggested to Margot. She was driving a shitty, beat-up car: was she in the process of saving for a new one, trying to make money however she could?
I sighed and braced my hands against the wheel. Goddamnit – I’d been so irresponsible, letting lust take over before we even had a chance to revisit the last five years.
And what I could possibly do to right all of the wrongs I had committed.
She had been angry, yes – angrier than I’d ever seen her, in fact – but she had wanted me, too. That look in her eyes of naked desire had somehow trumped the fear and pain that she was feeling.
I should have been angrier with myself for not pushing past the physical intimacy between us but instead, that feeling of triumphant ecstasy was growing in my chest. It mixed with the confusion in my brain and suddenly, I knew there was no way that I would be able to sleep that night unless I calmed down with a few drinks.
I drove the Land Rover out of the parking lot and headed back in the direction of downtown, where I parked and went into the bar where Margot worked. She wasn’t there, and after a moment I was almost glad – this way, I could keep what had just happened to myself, for at least a little bit longer. I ordered a beer and a burger and had just taken a big swallow when the bartender cleared her throat.
I looked up expectantly.
“You’re in the service, yes?” The bartender asked. She handed my military ID and my credit card back to me.
I nodded. “Yes, ma’am,” I said.
She smiled at me, kind of a wistful smile. “My brother’s in the Army,” she said. “I haven’t seen him in years, but I miss him so much and I’m so proud of him.”
I smiled thinly. “I’d like to think that my sister feels the same way about me,” I replied.
The bartender’s smile grew broader. “Thank you for your service,” she said. “This country wouldn’t be anywhere without you guys – well, anywhere good at least.”
I didn’t reply – I should have been used to it by now, but being complimented just for doing my job had always made me feel awkward. I didn’t want any kind of special recognition just because I was a SEAL. It was a job to me – an important job, but a job all the same.
“You’re welcome,” I said uncomfortably.
The bartender waved her hand in the air. “Your next round is on me, sugar,” she said, batting her lashes at me. “Y’all,” she called loudly to the rest of the bar. “We got us a Navy man here!”
Oh, fuck, I thought as the crowded bar began clapping and cheering. I waved awkwardly behind me, then hunched my shoulders around my ears and sipped my beer. This was the last thing I’d wanted – after those intense few hours with Jessie, all I wanted to do was cocoon myself in alcohol and think about her soft skin, smell the lingering scent of her pussy on my fingers.
It was looking like today –although wonderful – was definitely not shaping up to be the day that I had planned.
19
Jessie
“Mommy, you’re late!” Olive said accusingly, pointing a chubby finger at me and pouting. She was standing on the curb of her pre-school, with a teenaged assistant whom I didn’t recognize.
I threw the teenager an apologetic smile and hoped she couldn’t smell the sex, still wafting off my body like heavy perfume.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “There was traffic.”
Olive didn’t look convinced. Neither did her handler, who gave me an odd look.
“Like, the roads were fine when I got here,” she sniffed.
“Well, not for me,” I said curtly. “How was she today?”
The teenager nodded. “Good,”
she said. “Oh, and Ms. Henderson wanted me to remind you – tomorrow is Olive’s turn to bring in cupcakes for the class.”
“Oh?” I asked, feeling a flutter of panic in my chest. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s the day she picked for her un-birthday,” the girl said. She raised an eyebrow at me as if she knew that a) I couldn’t bake worth a damn and b) I had a lot more exciting things than fucking cupcakes on my mind.
“I see,” I said, as smoothly as I could manage.
“Mommy, I want rainbow cupcakes,” Olive chirped. She looked up at me expectantly, all traces of her pout gone.
“We’ll see,” I said, less smoothly this time. “Come on, honey. We should get to the store and pick up some supplies.”
The teenager was smirking at me as I scooped Olive into my arms and quickly carried her to my car. I could tell that she had seen every single indicator of my lusty afternoon: my bra-less nipples announcing themselves through my tunic top, my obvious sex hair, and worst of all: the purple-red hickey that Benjamin had so thoughtfully left just above my collarbone.
In the car, I buckled Olive into her booster seat and then climbed behind the wheel. In the rearview mirror, as inconspicuously as I could, I examined the hickey. It looked like a giant mosquito bite – swollen and bright against my pale skin – and I groaned.
“Mommy, you’re hurt,” Olive cried loudly. “What happened?”
I gritted my teeth. “It’s just a bruise, baby girl,” I said over my shoulder. “Mommy ... uh, Mommy dropped a box on herself today, that’s all.”
“Ouchie,” Olive said, sounding unconcerned. She sang to herself as I backed the car out of the pre-school parking lot and joined the throng of rush hour traffic.
I wasn’t proud to admit it, even to myself, but my head was so jam-packed with various concerns that I could hardly concentrate on driving. Olive talked a blue streak about her day at pre-school and how the “meanie” Ms. Henderson had made her sit in time out when she wouldn’t stop singing “Let it Go” during nap time. I made the appropriate sympathetic noises and nodded my head, but in reality my brain was being pulled in a million different directions.
Secret Baby: A Second Chance Navy SEAL Romance (Forbidden First Times Book 4) Page 12