“So, what do you want to do?” Landon asked.
“We’re going to cast a truth spell on them and then spy,” Aunt Tillie said.
Landon pinched the bridge of his nose. “Truth spell? Isn’t that what backfired on you guys when my family was in town?”
“Technically yes,” Thistle said. “That was because we were working against Aunt Tillie, though. This time we’re working with her.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means no one is better at casting a truth spell than me,” Aunt Tillie said, shoving open the door and hopping out. “Now, come on. I don’t want to be here too late. Thor is supposed to be on Jimmy Kimmel.”
“Thor?”
“That blond guy who plays Thor in those movies,” Aunt Tillie said.
“Chris Hemsworth?”
“If you say so.”
“Why do you want to see him?” Thistle asked.
“He’s the sexiest man alive.”
“Says who?”
“People magazine.”
Landon shot me a look. “Seriously? We’re following the woman setting her schedule around a talk show guest?”
I shrugged. “He is really sexy.”
Landon narrowed his eyes.
“For a blond,” I corrected hastily. “I prefer my men dark and handsome. Like you.”
“Nice save,” Landon grumbled. He pushed open his door. “Well, come on. We can’t keep Thor waiting.”
“WHAT are they doing?” Aunt Tillie asked, peering through the window at the side of the Dragonfly.
“They’re talking,” Thistle said. “Aren’t you going to cast your spell?”
“Hold your horses, you big nag,” Aunt Tillie said. “Give me a second.”
Landon leaned against a tree a few feet away and watched us. “You know we’re technically breaking the law, right?”
“No, we’re not,” Thistle said. “We’re just … taking a walk.”
“Right,” Landon said. “We’re hunting for mushrooms.”
“That’s a real thing,” Aunt Tillie snapped. She started chanting under her breath. I couldn’t make out the words.
“I have a question,” Landon said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I understand casting a truth spell. I really do. How does that do us any good if we’re not in there to ask the people inside questions?”
Huh. That was a really good question. “Well … .”
“We’re going inside,” Aunt Tillie said, clapping her hands as she finished her spell.
“We are?” Thistle raised her eyebrows dubiously.
“We are,” Aunt Tillie confirmed.
That sounded like a really bad idea. “How are we going to explain why we’re here?”
“Do I have to do everything?” Aunt Tillie was exasperated.
“What lie can we possibly come up with that explains what we’re doing out here?” Thistle asked.
“That’s a pretty good question.”
We all froze when we heard the voice, turning in unison to face my father. “Hi, Dad,” I offered lamely.
“Way to go,” Aunt Tillie chided Landon. “If you can’t act as lookout, what good are you?”
“I didn’t realize I was supposed to be the lookout,” Landon said. He didn’t appear to be upset by my father’s appearance. “I thought I was acting as your chauffeur.”
“And you did a crappy job at that,” Aunt Tillie said.
“How did I do a crappy job at that?”
“You drive like an old lady with cataracts.”
“You would know,” Landon said.
“Other than arguing and insulting each other, can you tell me what you’re doing here?” Dad asked.
“We came to visit you,” I said with faux brightness. “Doesn’t that make you happy?”
“If I thought you were actually here to visit me, it would,” Dad said. “Unfortunately, I know you’re up to something witchy.”
My mouth dropped open. “What makes you say that?”
“I’m not stupid.”
“Wait a second,” Thistle said. “Shouldn’t he be … ?”
“Telling the truth?” Landon supplied. “What makes you think he isn’t?”
“What are you guys talking about?” Dad asked.
“Let’s test him,” Landon said. He moved in front of my father. “What do you really think about me?”
“I think that you seem far too affectionate with my daughter and I don’t like it, because if you die in the line of duty she’s going to be broken for the rest of her life.” Dad shook his head, stunned by the words. “I … I don’t know why I said that.”
“You’re saying you don’t dislike me. You’re saying you’re worried I’ll die and hurt Bay,” Landon said. “Is that right?”
“I don’t particularly like how you’re always touching her, but I have nothing personal against you,” Dad said.
“This could work,” Landon said, moving around my father. “Let’s go inside.”
“You still haven’t told me why you’re here,” Dad said.
“We’re here to spy on you for our mothers,” I lied.
“Why?”
“Because they’re worried you’re going to steal business from them,” I said. “We told them it wasn’t true, but they want to know whether you’re doing something special to wow your guests.”
“That does not sound like your mother,” Dad said.
I was surprised he was taking up for her. He didn’t go out of his way to badmouth her, but he was bitter where their breakup was concerned. I decided to take advantage of the situation.
“Why did you leave?”
Thistle’s eyes widened. “Now? You want to get into that now?”
“Can you think of a better time?”
Thistle shrugged. “Actually, no. Why did you leave?”
“It was just too hard,” Dad said. “I didn’t want to leave you. None of us wanted to leave you. Living in Hemlock Cove was like living under a microscope. People were always talking about your mothers, and especially Aunt Tillie, and it started causing problems.
“It had nothing to do with any of you,” he continued. “We were fighting all the time, and you were all so unhappy. Marnie and Warren were even talking about putting Clove in therapy because she had taken to chewing her hair.
“At a certain point, we had to make a decision,” Dad said. “We either had to stay and watch you guys suffer or leave.”
“You still could have seen us,” I said.
“We wanted to,” Dad said. “It became harder and harder as you got older. The more time we spent away, the harder it was to come back. I think I convinced myself that you didn’t even miss me.”
“That wasn’t true,” I said.
“I know.” Dad’s face was a mask of concern. “I tried to see you as often as I could.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
“I … I have no idea what’s going on here.” Dad looked miserable.
“Don’t worry about it,” Aunt Tillie said. “It was a long time coming.”
“I guess it was,” Dad said. “Wait, what are you doing here?”
“Spying,” Aunt Tillie said. “Keep up.” She turned toward the front of the building. “We might as well go inside. We’ve already been discovered.”
“What are you going to do inside?” Dad asked, worried.
“We’re going to have a nightcap with your guests,” Landon said. “We’re going to converse, and everyone is going to get along. Then we’re going to go and everything is going to be fine.”
“Who are you trying to convince when you say that?” Thistle asked. “Is it Uncle Jack or yourself?”
“Both,” Landon said. He held out his hand to me. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
“What should we ask when we get inside?”
“Let me do the talking,” Landon said. “I’m a professional.”
“You can’t even drive your truck,” Aunt Tillie countered. “Let me do the ta
lking. I’m better at it.”
“Just … get inside.”
I raised an eyebrow as Landon led me toward the front porch. “Are you still glad you came?”
Landon was beaming when he turned to me. “I hate to admit it, but she’s right. I do love this stuff.”
Twenty
“Who should we start with?” Aunt Tillie asked, rubbing her hands together.
My gaze landed on Lila. “I’m going to let Landon do the heavy lifting,” I said, patting his arm. “He’s a professional, after all. He’s going to be a lot better at this than we will be.”
Landon narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Okay, suck-up, what are you going to do?”
“What makes you think I’m going to do anything?” I asked, hoping my face looked innocent despite the evil intentions running through my mind.
“I know you,” Landon said. He scanned the room. When he saw Lila heading in our direction, he groaned. “What are you going to ask her?”
“Just a few simple questions.”
“Fine,” Landon said. “Go nuts. Just don’t leave this room. Can you do that?”
“Sure.”
Landon gave me a soft kiss. “Just keep her away from me.”
“Landon.” Lila practically purred as she approached us. “I had no idea you were coming here tonight. You just can’t stay away, can you?”
Landon furrowed his brow. “Do you really believe that, or are you just trying to annoy Bay?”
I arched an eyebrow.
“What? I want to play, too,” Landon said. “Answer the question, Lila.”
“I just don’t see what you could possibly see in her,” Lila said. “She’s not very pretty, and she’s a total … freak.”
I frowned. Apparently this wasn’t going to be as much fun as I initially thought. “I’m not very pretty?”
“Oh, sure, if you like that corn-fed bland thing you do so well,” Lila said. “When men look at me, they see a fine wine. When they look at you, they see a bottle of stale beer. It’s not your fault. You were born that way.”
My mouth dropped open.
“You honestly think you’re prettier than Bay?” Landon asked.
“Of course,” Lila said. “I was the most popular girl in high school.”
Landon shook his head. “Is that why you still live in high school?”
“I miss high school,” Lila said. “That was the best time of my life.”
“How sad for you,” Landon said. He glanced at me. “Do not let her get to you,” he directed. “She’s not worth one second of your time. She’s not worth one second of doubt. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“Okay,” Landon said, running his hand down the back of my head to smooth my hair. “I’ll be close.” He cast a disparaging look in Lila’s direction. “It’s not high school. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll have the opportunity to become a real person.”
Once Landon was gone, Lila fixed me with a wide-eyed look. “He really is something, isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “He’s my something.”
“For now,” Lila said.
“You don’t even live here,” I said. “You’re in town for a week. How do you possibly think you’re going to snag Landon?”
“Oh, I plan on putting the full-court press on him,” Lila said. “That’s a sports metaphor, by the way. Besides, I’m not leaving town. I’m staying.”
“Why?” I was horrified.
“I lost my job at the real estate agency,” Lila said. “Wait, no I didn’t. What … why did I just say that?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “Why did you lose your job?”
“I was having sex with my boss, and his wife found out,” Lila said. “Seriously, why did I just tell you that?”
“Maybe you want to get it off your chest,” I said. “Did you know your boss was married when you started sleeping with him?”
“Of course,” Lila said. “His wife was pregnant, though, and I knew she was too fat to satisfy her husband. He was an easy mark. He told me he was going to leave her so we could get married, but then he fired me and stopped taking my calls.”
“What did you do?”
“I left a photo of us in bed on her car windshield.”
Nice.
“What’s going on here?” Thistle asked, moving up beside me.
“Lila was just telling me how she got fired from her job as a secretary at a real estate office because she was sleeping with her married boss,” I said.
“I thought you were a very important person,” Thistle said. “Isn’t that what you told us?”
“Of course I told you that,” Lila said. “I didn’t want you to think I was a loser. You two are losers. I need to be better than you guys.” Lila’s hands flew to her mouth. “What is going on? Does this have something to do with what happened to me this afternoon?”
“What do you think happened to you this afternoon?” I asked.
“I think you cast a spell on me,” Lila answered matter-of-factly.
Thistle arched an eyebrow. “A spell?”
“Everyone in this town knows you’re real witches,” Lila said.
“How do they know that?”
“I don’t know. They just do.”
Thistle and I exchanged a look. “If you believe that we’re real witches, why would you mess with us?” Thistle asked.
“I can’t stop myself,” Lila said. “It’s a compulsion. I hate freaks, and you guys are freaks.”
“Well, here’s a little truth for you,” I said. “We may be freaks, but we’re employed and we don’t have to lower ourselves to sleeping with married men to try to get ahead in this world. We believe in a hard day’s work.”
“That’s something all losers say,” Lila said. “Why would you work if you didn’t have to?”
“She’s kind of sad,” Thistle said. “I thought she was just mean. She’s pathetic, too.”
“I know,” I agreed. “I thought this was going to be so much more fun than it is.”
“Oh, I can still make it fun,” Thistle said. “Hey, Lila, how old were you before you needed a bra?”
“Sixteen.”
“I knew you stuffed,” Thistle said.
“I didn’t stuff,” Lila said. “My mother bought me a water bra. It enhanced. It wasn’t fake.”
“It’s fake when you fill it with Lake Michigan.”
“Whatever,” Lila sniffed. “I was a late bloomer.”
“How much work have you had done?” I asked.
Landon, who was moving between guests, paused behind us. “Are you having fun yet?”
“It’s getting better,” I said.
“I had my boobs and nose done,” Lila said. “I also get Botox injections every three months.”
“How can you afford Botox?” Thistle asked. “You said you were fired from your job at the real estate agency.”
“I’m sleeping with the doctor, and he gives it to me for free because he doesn’t want me to tell his wife,” Lila said. “Wait … that’s not true … well, it’s true but I really shouldn’t be telling you that … seriously, what is going on?”
“I think you have a guilty conscience,” I said.
“Evil doesn’t have a conscience,” Aunt Tillie said, popping from behind Lila. “Has she told you anything good?”
“Not really,” I said. “Some of it is funny. Most of it isn’t, though.”
“It’s just sad,” Thistle agreed. “Where have you been?”
“Questioning your fathers,” Aunt Tillie said.
Uh-oh. “About what?”
“How they really feel about me.”
“And?”
“It’s not good,” Aunt Tillie said. “I’m happy.”
“You’re happy?”
“They live in fear of what I’m going to do to them,” Aunt Tillie said. “I’m happy.”
We all looked up when the front door opened to allow Chief Terry entrance. “What’s
he doing here?” I asked.
“Oh, I called him when I saw you guys spying from the window,” Lila said. “He’s here to arrest you for trespassing. Don’t worry, I’ll keep Landon warm for you.”
“Listen, you … walking herpes donor … stay away from Landon,” I said.
“What are you going to do if I don’t?” Lila asked.
“I’m going to fill your mouth full of dirt and kick you in your filthy lady bits,” I said.
“Nice,” Thistle said. “I’m glad to see you’re getting some of your spunk back.”
“I can’t believe I was ever afraid of her,” I said.
“Me either.”
“Do you want to give her herpes?” Aunt Tillie asked, her eyes bright.
“You can’t get rid of herpes,” I said. “Give her ringworm or something. That will make her hair fall out.”
“Oh, that shows what you know,” Lila said. “I have a weave.”
“So, wait, you stuffed all through high school and you had fake hair? I knew it!” Thistle practically crowed.
“Of course she stuffed,” Aunt Tillie said. “Her mother is flat as a board.”
“My mother has a concave back,” Lila said.
“Oh, she’s like a hunchback,” Thistle said.
I kept one ear on the conversation and the other on Chief Terry as he discussed something with my father. I couldn’t make out what they said to each other, but things looked heated between them. My father gestured wildly.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, moving across the room. I tugged on Chief Terry’s coat when I got close. “What’s going on?”
Dad’s face was red.
“Your father was giving me an earful,” Chief Terry said. “I got a call that there was a prowler here. He says it was you.”
“It wasn’t only me,” I said. “It was Aunt Tillie and Thistle, too.” I figured throwing Landon under the bus wasn’t the best way to go.
“Why were you spying?”
“We were bored.”
Chief Terry tilted his head to the side. “Do you really want to tell me what you were doing?”
That was a thorny question. “Well … .”
“I’ll handle this,” Landon said, stepping between Chief Terry and me. “Let’s go over here and talk.”
“You’re a prowler, too?” Chief Terry was beside himself.
Witch Me Luck (Wicked Witches of the Midwest Book 6) Page 15