by Dana Delamar
He gave me a teasing scowl. “Did you forget why the band is named King’s Cross?”
“It’s because Platform 9 ¾ is at King’s Cross station, right?”
He waved the ring at me. “And what’s on the House Gryffindor crest?”
I covered my face. “A lion.”
He laughed at my embarrassment. “And I bought it because I’m a Leo.”
I rolled my eyes. “Couldn’t have guessed that, Mr. Loves The Spotlight.”
With a grin, he lifted his left hand, showing me the ring on his index finger. It was black with gold musical notes etched into its surface. “I bought this one when King’s Cross hit it big. Those are the notes to the opening bar of ‘Summer Fun,’ the first song Dev and I wrote together.” Then he tapped a slim gold band on his pinky with three inset diamonds on it, the center one set in a square of silver, the other two flanking it in shield-like silver settings. “This is my nan’s wedding band. She told me to give it to someone special someday.”
His eyes met mine, the intensity in them searing me. The question was out of my mouth before I could reconsider. “Have you ever been in love?” I held my breath, waiting for him to object, but he just held my gaze.
“I’m not sure I can love anyone,” he finally said.
“You’re just afraid of rejection.”
He didn’t answer.
I leaned forward. “What about Dev?”
He shrugged. “I suppose I’ve loved him since we were kids.”
“Why haven’t you ever told him?”
“He knows. Besides it’s not like I’m the most lovable person on the planet.”
“So, Dev is easy to love, and you’re not?”
He nodded and took a swallow of his beer.
“Your family loves you.”
“My mum does, sure. My old man certainly didn’t.”
“Why do you say that?”
His eyes slid away from mine, and he played with the bottle of beer, making a series of linked rings on the wooden tabletop with the condensation rolling down the glass. “He was a drunken sod. Used to bash us all but good. I fought him sometimes when he’d light into Mum. He took off when I was thirteen. Said I was a fucking brat, a pain in the arse. Too wild. Too much trouble.”
“I’m sure that was just an excuse.”
Rod snorted. “I am trouble, love. Always have been. Always will be. And while trouble is fun for a while, no one wants it long-term. Dev certain doesn’t.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit. If Dev didn’t like trouble, why has he bucked his family again and again, to be with you?”
He shook his head, and we were interrupted by the waitress bringing our meals. I waited until she left, then reached for his hand.
“Look at me,” I said. When he did, I squeezed his fingers. “You don’t realize how wonderful you are, Rod. Truly. So talented, so much fun. Yes, a giant pain in the ass at times. But you’re worth it.” I squeezed his hand again. “And Dev sees that too.”
Rod withdrew his hand from mine and dug into his fish and chips, avoiding my gaze. “Not wonderful enough.”
“You are to me,” I said, my pulse quickening.
He looked at me then, a smile breaking across his face. “Am I now?”
I nodded, and this time he reached for my hand. “I hope you know I’m going to snog and shag you silly before the day is through.”
My heart fluttered in my chest and I had to break his gaze.
I was falling even deeper, even harder than I already had. My stupid, stupid heart was going to be my downfall. Again.
Chapter 8
ROD
I meant what I’d said to Sky. I did intend to snog and shag her silly.
But something had changed. I didn’t want to just have sex with her. I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to sweep away that pain I’d seen on her face. Pain I’d caused.
We left the restaurant and cruised along the coast until I found a secluded inlet with a lovely beach. I pulled off the road and looked around. No one else was in sight. Perfect.
Sky stepped off the scooter, and I missed the feeling of her body nestled against mine. Her long curly hair was windblown, a messy tangle that made her look like she’d just rolled out of bed. She smiled at me and crossed her arms. “What are you staring at?”
“You.” I stepped close to her, putting my hands on her slim shoulders. A light dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks made me smile. I traced a finger along her cheekbone. “You’re a lovely lass, Sky.”
Her brown eyes held mine. “And you, Rod Taylor, are dangerous.”
I cupped her cheeks and pressed a kiss to her full lips. “Falling for me, are you?”
She slid her arms around my neck, and I dove in for another kiss. Her tongue met mine, her luscious tits pressing into my chest, her nipples pebbling against the thin material of her sundress. I reached down and grabbed her bum, pulling her tightly against my crotch, and she whimpered, relaxing into me.
Then she broke the kiss. “I am falling for you,” she whispered, not looking at me. “And it scares me.”
“Ah, love…” I turned her face so she was looking at me. “The feeling is mutual. And it scares me too.”
I could tell her it was because she’d pulled a runner once. But that wasn’t it.
I was scared of me. What if I wasn’t cut out for this? What if I was just as broken and fucked up as Dev thought I was?
As I knew I was?
I’d spent my whole adult life avoiding entanglements. Avoiding feelings. Avoiding what was real.
But Dev had sneaked under my radar. Sky too.
Was I man enough to make this work?
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
“Wondering if I’m good enough for you, love.”
She brushed the hair off my forehead and smiled. “If you’re asking the question, you probably are.”
“I don’t want to hurt you again.”
“Then don’t.”
I smiled. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It kind of is. Just don’t be a selfish shit.”
This time I laughed. “I may need some reminding.”
She stepped away from me, but took hold of my hand and tugged me toward a stand of palm trees. “Don’t worry. I’m not Dev. I’ll call you on it.”
I followed her into the trees. “I’ll hold you to that.”
She found a spot where some palm fronds had fallen onto the sand, making a nest. She shed her dress and sandals, revealing that turquoise bikini that I loved on her. “Let’s take a swim,” she said. I ditched my shirt and shoes and followed her to the ocean’s edge.
It was like stepping into a tepid bath, waves lapping around my ankles. The water was so clear I could see the white, sandy bottom, the fish darting about. Sky and I waded out until we were waist deep, then she leaned back until she was floating, her dark hair fanning out around her.
Christ, she was beautiful. She deserved to be loved, to be cherished.
To be held close and never let go.
I understood why Dev had told her he loved her. I understood completely.
I let myself float beside her, and when our hands touched, I entwined my fingers with hers.
We drifted like that for I don’t know how long, the water lapping gently against us, the sky so clear and blue above, seabirds occasionally flying overhead, their cries carried off in the breeze.
Was this love? This feeling of contentment, of peace?
Of finally being home after so many years of being alone?
After a time, Sky let go of my hand and started swimming for shore, her strokes long and confident. She was definitely a better swimmer than I was.
Just as she was probably a better person than I was.
But I wanted—for the first time in my life—to be a better man.
For her. For Dev.
I followed her onto the shore and up the sand, back to the place where we’d left our clothes. We were
surrounded by trees and various plants, sheltered from any prying eyes from the road.
Her gaze locked on mine, and she untied her top and shed her bikini bottoms. She stood before me gloriously naked, her skin lightly bronzed, her dark hair hanging in thick, wet ropes down her back. She reached up and squeezed some water from it. Then she laid her suit out to dry on the branches of a nearby bush.
Realizing I was staring like a schoolboy with his first naked girl, I removed my shorts and laid them out to dry like she’d done. I let my eyes roam over her, eating her up like she was a feast.
“Fancy that shag, love?”
She tossed her hair over her shoulder and shook it out. “Thought you’d never ask.”
I backed her up against a palm tree and went in for a kiss, my hard cock pressing into her belly. She kissed me for a few minutes, both of us breathing hard, then she sank to her knees and took hold of my cock. “Grab onto the trunk,” she said.
I leaned forward slightly, my eyes glued on her, my hands grasping the tree. She licked the middle finger of her right hand, then brought it down to her pussy, her finger touching her where I wanted to. She shivered slightly and my cock jumped. She was showing me something new, a side of her I hadn’t seen before.
Then she leaned forward and took my cock into her mouth. She licked around the tip, moaning against my slick flesh while her finger worked between her legs. I could hear how wet she was, could see a flush rising to her face and chest.
“Come for me,” I said, and she raised her eyes to mine, our gazes locking, her pink lips stretched around my cock. She took me in deep, her tight fist sliding along my shaft the way I liked it, her other hand moving faster between her legs. Then she closed her eyes and moaned, her body shaking as she came.
When she opened her eyes again and looked up at me, she added suction, her cheeks hollowing out as she bobbed up and down my cock, and I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. I thrust the fingers of one hand into her wet hair, caressing her skull, reaching down to cradle her nape. I tried to hold myself back from thrusting into her wet heat, but she was making it damn difficult.
Finally I had to stop her before it was all over, and I withdrew from her mouth reluctantly. There was a palm tree not far from us that was bent over, growing almost horizontally, and I thought it would be perfect for what I had in mind.
“Have any condoms, love?”
She nodded at her handbag. I went over and picked it up. “There’s a small zippered compartment,” she said.
I found it and retrieved a condom, then suited up. I patted the trunk of the bent-over palm. “Hop up here.”
She grinned at me and rose, perching herself on the trunk. It gave a bit beneath her weight, but it supported her the way I’d hoped it would. I kissed down her neck. “You are bloody brilliant, Sky. I don’t think I’ve ever said that, and I wanted you to know.”
She cupped my cheeks in her palms, her eyes filling with tears. “Who are you?” she asked. “And what happened to Rod ‘I don’t give a toss’ Taylor?”
“You happened.” I kissed down her chest, sucking on first one nipple, then the other, her slim fingers cradling my neck, her little whimpers making my cock jump. Dropping to my knees, I spread her legs wide, inhaling the spicy scent of her arousal. Finding her swollen clit, I teased it with my tongue, making her squirm and cry out, until I had to hold her still with my hands on her hips. I loved the sound of her heavy breathing, my cock aching to be inside her.
“Rod, please,” she panted. “I want more.”
She didn’t have to ask twice; I wanted inside her just as much. I rose up, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. Supporting her with one hand, I teased her entrance, coating my cockhead thoroughly in her juices, and she chased me with her hips. “Ready, love?”
“More than,” she panted.
I thrust inside her, both of us groaning. She felt so fucking good, hot and tight, her body a live wire quivering around me.
I pulled out slowly, then pressed back in, keeping the pace slower than I needed, wanting to make this last, these precious minutes away from everyone else. The two of us joined in a way that no one else could understand.
I wanted to make love to her; I wanted her to feel how I felt, to know that she wasn’t just another notch on my bedpost.
And to know that the only way I was ever letting her go was if she asked.
She moaned in my arms, her legs crossed behind my back squeezing me closer to her. “Please,” she moaned. “Harder.”
“As my lady wishes.” I slammed into her, making us both gasp and the tree trunk sway beneath her. Then I did it again, my cock craving to be deeper, to own her, to make her forget everyone else but me.
And Dev.
Thoughts of all three of us together flooded my mind, and my throat ached. I wanted him here, I wanted him to be a part of this, a part of us, but who knew if he could ever let himself go?
Swallowing hard, I pistoned into Sky, my hands cupping her bum, forcing her legs wider, allowing me in just a fraction more. “I’m not ever letting you go,” I said in her ear. “You hear me?”
“I do.”
“You believe it?”
“I do.” She looked into my eyes, her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright.
I wanted to say it, to tell her how I felt, the words catching in my throat. But I wanted to be sure before I made her that kind of promise. I braced my thighs against the trunk of the tree and fucked her hard, the tree shaking beneath my assault, her breath gusting in my ear, her cries of “Oh, Rod,” driving me mercilessly into her until she shuddered and cried out.
I slammed into her several more times, then came so hard my legs shook, and I collapsed against the trunk, barely keeping us both from falling over it.
I kissed the hollow at the base of her neck. “My brown-eyed girl,” I crooned to her, and she laughed, the sound easing my heart.
Maybe I hadn’t been able to say it with words, but I think she heard me anyway. She kissed my cheek. “You could really wreck a girl, Rod Taylor.”
“But I won’t,” I said. And I meant it.
Now I just had to hold myself to that.
Even though my heart still cried for Dev, part of me felt more at peace. I had Sky. And if I couldn’t have them both, she would be enough.
Enough to keep me from flying apart.
As if she was reading my mind, Sky placed a palm flat against my chest and looked up at me. “Dev’s come a long way, Rod. Just be patient. Don’t push.”
I nodded. “I know. I just…” I scrubbed a hand through my damp hair. “I just want it all.” I took her hands in mine and held them pressed to my chest. “I’m a greedy fucker.”
A corner of her mouth curved up. “Don’t ever change.”
I raised one of her hands to my mouth and pressed my lips to her palm.
“Too late, love. I already have.”
Her smile faded and she held my gaze. “You mean that?”
“I do.”
She nodded and flashed me a smile, then she hopped off the trunk and started to dress, her back turned to me, her eyes avoiding mine.
A tendril of unease curled up around my heart.
She’d pulled away again.
What had I done?
DEV
“Mum, I can’t return to London today. You know this.” I pressed the mobile closer to my ear and looked around my bungalow for somewhere to sit. Hurricane Rod had managed to throw his clothes everywhere. I scooped a pair of his board shorts off my bed and leaned back against the headboard.
I already had a headache from Rod’s incessant smirking during this morning’s rehearsal, and my mother’s haranguing was most certainly not helping.
“I do not understand why you needed to go to Tahiti, of all places. Your sister’s wedding begins in only a week. Tell me, Devkinandan, how will it look if Aahna’s oldest brother is not on hand for the celebrations?”
I had to wonder whether Kalini would be so dramatic for our
wedding, if marrying her was to be my fate. I wasn’t certain I would survive it if such were the case. “I only have six days left here.”
There was a sharp pain in my belly. Despite the ups and downs with Sky and Rod, my days on Moorea had been some of the happiest in my life. And knowing the announcement I was going to be making at the end of Aahna’s wedding, they were also the most bittersweet. Because in less than a week, I would be committing myself to the future my family had always dreamed of for me. A future I’d never wanted.
But by acquiescing, I was fulfilling my duty to my parents, to my family, and to my community, every one of whom would be disgusted by what I’d done with Rod and Sky, but most especially by what Rod and I had done to each other.
Oh, I wasn’t stupid. Gay men, bisexual men, existed in the Indian community. However, it was never spoken of, never seen, and never accepted. When these men reached a marrying age, they firmly closed the closet door and dedicated themselves to living for their families. Their needs, their desires, were meaningless. Duty to family and devotion to living a pure life were all that mattered. Their sacrifice made them better.
At least, that was the theory.
Sure, many Indian couples were happy. But many others lived with unhappy marriages, dissatisfied spouses, addictions, and depression. We might live in England, but as a community, we believed ourselves better than the English. We had higher morals, better values. We strove to be altruistic, and through self-realization and self-knowledge, we sought to attain moksha, freedom from saṃsāra, the cycle of death and rebirth.
These were certainly very respectable goals to have. The problem? Far too many of us thought we were only better than others if that meant we had a bigger house, more expensive cars, or wore fancier clothing. Standing. Appearances. Those were our guides. It was all a crock of shite.
“Devkinandan? Are you there?”
Bollocks. I’d got so lost in my head, I’d missed what my mother had said. “I’m sorry, Mum. You were saying?”
Her heavy sigh filled the line. “Am I so unworthy of my eldest son’s attention?”
“No, Mum. It’s my fault. Please, I’m listening now. I promise.”