by Dana Delamar
Until I remembered my promise to Daniel. I couldn’t put off telling Rod and Dev why I’d taken this job, why I’d done what I’d done. I just hoped they wouldn’t hate me because of it.
ROD
Sky and her bloody challenges. One day to write a song together. It was hard enough sometimes when it was just me and Dev. And now we had four other opinions to consider?
Did she think hits were written by committee?
They came from the gut. The heart. Writing a song wasn’t some free-for-all where everyone pitched in a bit.
And on top of throwing four others into the mix, Dev and I were rusty as a songwriting team. We hadn’t done a damn thing together—well, nothing new—in months.
Because writing a song together, throwing ideas out there, took trust.
He and I had that now again. Finally. But what about the others? I looked them over, Sky’s words sinking in. About how they felt like second-class citizens.
My eyes landed on Damon. The handsome fucker stared back at me, his arms crossed like mine.
He’d probably been hoping I’d walk away from the band and let him step into my place.
He could sod off. King’s Cross was my bloody band.
Mine and Dev’s.
Damon lifted his chin. “I can take the lead, get us started. I have some ideas.”
“Oh really? You think you write songs?” I asked, not bothering to disguise my disbelief. “Give us a taste, then.”
The Yank wasn’t stupid; I’d give him that. He knew a challenge when he heard it. He grabbed his guitar and launched into something hard and fast.
Something I bloody hated. It wasn’t our sound. And the lyrics were mostly shit. I let him finish though. He did have some good moves at the mic, and the riff wasn’t terrible.
It just wasn’t us.
He finished and looked at me. “Well?”
I shrugged. “It needs more personality. Everything you were singing? It was bollocks. Rubbish you didn’t mean.” I tapped my chest. “This is where hit songs come from.”
Dev stepped forward and cleared his throat. “I like the melody. I think we can work with that. Let’s slow it down, lighten the sound, and then let it get a bit harder for the chorus.”
He grabbed his Telecaster and started playing. It was more or less the same song, but in Dev’s hands, it was transformed from something generic to something with heart.
To give the Yank some credit, he was nodding his head and grinning. When Dev finished, he clapped. “Fuck, dude, I said it before. You are much better at this than you give yourself credit for.”
Dev shrugged, but I could see he was chuffed.
An idea came to me. “Can you both play lead?”
“At the same time?” Damon asked.
Dev nodded. “We could. We could write two lead bits that intertwine.”
“Let’s hear it,” I said.
Damon and Dev noodled around for a bit, starting and stopping, Tommy, Mick, and Jules joining in, Dev gently directing the show, coaxing the song together.
I stood there, watching, absorbing the beat, the rise and fall of the melody, seeing the joy on Dev’s face, the charge he was getting out of writing a new song, the ideas coming fast and furious from Damon and the others as they improvised.
Maybe this could work. Maybe King’s Cross needed to change.
I’d been so focused on Dev and me, I hadn’t even realized where else we were weak. Why Sonic High and Reeling thought we needed to freshen things up.
This new song was still King’s Cross. But better.
And we had Sky to thank for it. The girl who’d turned everything upside down. She’d walked in the door, stolen my heart and Dev’s, and brought us together.
The girl who still wasn’t quite ours. And then I knew what this song was about.
I stepped up to the mic and started to sing:
You’re just a waif of a girl
But you shook my whole damn world
Though you’re not “just” anything
Oh no, you’re everything
I looked over at Dev and he smiled. When we hit the chorus, I sang:
You said “no strings”
And I hoped you were lying
I didn’t have the rest yet, but Dev picked up where I left off:
You said “no strings”
I said “yes” but inside I was dying
“Bloody brilliant!” I said into the mic. I started the next verse:
The day you came into my life
You brought along a ray of light
But ever since you up and left
It’s only been eternal night
We worked out the rest of the lyrics, Dev getting the idea for the third verse. “Something about owning my heart, I think,” he said.
“Yeah.” I ran with it, then changed up the last refrain of the chorus, Dev realizing where I was going, joining in on the final lines:
Oh I knew I was lying
Oh I knew I was dying
We finished with a fist bump, and I wanted to kiss him. I almost did, but I pulled back at the last second. I wasn’t sure if Dev was ready to be public with the guys.
But yeah, Damon wasn’t dumb. He looked from Dev to me and repeated the chorus, shaking his head. “I fucking knew it!” he said.
“Knew what?” I asked.
Mick, Tommy, Jules appeared to all be all ears.
“The three of you,” Damon said. “Hot damn!”
I met Dev’s gaze and he smiled, but I’d take his cue. When he didn’t confirm anything, I just raised an eyebrow at Damon. “Think what you will. Dude.”
“Dude, come on!”
I winked at him.
We’d “come out” when all three of us were ready, and not a second sooner.
SKY
For a pre-birthday surprise, Rod and Dev booked us a night at a five-star resort that featured private overwater luxury bungalows.
Tony drove us to the resort. The ride over had been a little tense as I worried about what I’d say to them and what they might want to say to me. When we arrived, the sight of the sun setting over the lagoon took my breath away. We stood on the deck of our bungalow with our arms around each other’s waists, me between my two strong men.
My.
The thought stalled in my brain. They weren’t mine to keep, were they? I was operating on borrowed time. As though sensing my discomfort, Dev bumped my hip with his. “Fancy a swim?”
“Now?”
“Why not?” he asked, then looked at Rod. “Yeah?”
Rod grinned. “Righto, mate.” He whipped off his shirt so quickly, I laughed.
“I don’t have a suit.”
Rod shoved his jeans down his long legs, leaving him in only a pair of mouthwatering black trunks. He winked. “Neither do I, love.”
“Come on, Sky.” Dev took off his shirt. “It’s dark. No one will see.”
Rod shot his hand out and rubbed it over Dev’s well-defined abs. “Can’t say I care one way or the other.”
Dev chuckled and shoved his hand away. “There’ll be none of that.”
“Ha! You won’t be able to keep your hands off me.” He slid his hands down his own chest. My eyes followed his movements, down to the growing bulge in his trunks. I could see the ridge of his cock through the thin material. I wanted it. Shit. Maybe Rod was right. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off him.
Dev unzipped his jeans and wiggled out of them. Rod’s grin widened when he saw Dev’s arousal. Rod was definitely right. Neither one of us would be able to keep our hands to ourselves.
Both men closed in on me. Dev smirked. “You’re falling behind, sweets.”
“Yes…” God, I couldn’t think, much less be coherent, when he looked at me like that. With a hunger and intensity that said he wanted me. Now.
I turned around. “Could you—?” I indicated the zipper down my back.
“Straight away.” He stepped behind me and lowered the zipper. Slow
ly. I felt something warm brush my skin. A kiss. With every inch he exposed, Dev kissed my spine. All the way down my back. By the time he reached the bottom, I was breathing hard and panting. Rod slipped the straps off my shoulders and the dress dropped to the floor, leaving me standing between them in only my sandals, panties, and bra.
“You’re bloody gorgeous.” Rod’s voice lowered to that husky tone I loved so much. His eyes trailed over my body, taking in every curve, every valley, before he looked over my shoulder. “Our girl’s a beauty, yeah, Dev?”
Our girl.
Oh God. My legs shook. Dev’s arm caught me about the waist and he kissed me below my ear. “That she is, mate, a right beauty.”
My entire body blazed with heat everywhere Dev touched mine with his skin and everywhere Rod touched me with his eyes. I wanted them both. Not just for now, but forever.
“I love you, Sky.” Dev’s whispered words were like a dousing of water, eliminating all the heat I’d been feeling. I struggled out of his hold. “You don’t love me, Dev.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t. You might think you do, but you can’t.”
I kicked off my shoes and dove into the crystal-clear water. I had to get away from them, just for a few minutes. Just long enough to get my thoughts in order.
But Dev had other plans. He dove in after me, Rod right behind him. He surfaced in front of me and wiped the water from his face. It was stern with more than a touch of hurt in his eyes. “Explain to me why I can’t love you.”
Since I couldn’t touch the bottom, I had to tread water. “You don’t know me, Dev. Neither do you, Rod.”
“Then tell us, sweets. Tell us what you think we need to know. Tell us what you think negates how I feel about you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Including the weekend in Palm Springs, you’ve spent a total of what? Twenty days with me? You can’t love me. Heck, you don’t even know where I’m from, do you?”
He blinked, glanced at Rod. “From America, eh?”
Rod snorted. “I think she means for us to be a bit more specific than that, mate.”
“Berkeley,” Dev said suddenly.
Rod held up his hand for a high-five as though they’d just answered a question on a game show. “How did you know that?” Rod asked.
“I remember her telling Damon the first day we were here.”
“Righto. I missed that day, didn’t I?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” I groaned. “Fine. What did I study? How did I grow up?”
Rod pressed his palms to my cheeks. His eyes burned into mine, and when he asked, “Who hurt you so badly?” his voice was so gentle I choked on a sob.
“Yes, exactly. You don’t know anything about me.” I dove under the water and swam a few yards away before coming up for air. I floated on my back and looked up at the tropical evening sky, where a few vestiges of color still remained.
The water around me burbled, and then Rod and Dev were there. I straightened and treaded water to keep my head above the surface.
“I told you about my family, Sky,” Dev said.
“And I told you about my dad,” Rod added. “Whatever happened to you, you can tell us.”
“It’s really nothing,” I said, backpedaling. I really didn’t want to dredge up all those old feelings.
“Nothing isn’t what’s keeping you at a distance,” Dev said.
“I’m not—” I began.
“Yes, you are, love. You go through the motions, but you never let yourself go. You’re always in your head, always in control. Your heart is shrouded behind a steel curtain.” Rod pulled me into his arms. “I want in behind the curtain.”
Dev swam up beside Rod and held my neck. “As do I. Let us in.”
My eyes welled, and a tear rolled over my lashes to mix with the water of the lagoon. I didn’t deserve their kindness, not after what I’d done, but they did deserve my honesty. And even if I couldn’t be completely truthful yet, I could give them this.
“Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll tell you. Let’s go back to the bungalow first.”
“Last one there is a rotten egg,” Rod said, dropping me like a hot potato.
I sank below the surface, laughing and sputtering in surprise. “Oh, you are such an ass!” I shouted at his retreating back as he swam toward our bungalow.
He paused for a second and threw over his shoulder, “Now, now, love. Name-calling is very unbecoming of a lady.”
Dev shook his head, but his mouth was quirked into a grin, making it clear how much Rod amused him, and how happy he was to have his friend back. Dev and I swam back at a much more sedate pace, and when we reached the deck of our bungalow, Dev climbed up, then held his hand out to me. I took it, and he hauled me out of the water.
We found Rod lazing in the hot tub. He’d opened a bottle of white wine. It and three glasses sat on a table near the tub. “Hop in, love. Your teeth are chattering.”
He was right. They were. I stepped into the water and groaned in delight as the heat enveloped me. Dev got in and sat beside me, with Rod on my other side. He kissed my temple, “Go on. Tell us.”
Now that my story had so much lead up, I was sure they’d be let down. It wasn’t a story of strife and hard times.
“All right, but you’re going to be disappointed.”
“I doubt that,” Rod said. He handed me a glass of wine and one to Dev before taking the third for himself. “To the truth setting us free.”
“Ha.” I said.
“Cheers,” Dev said.
We drank. I set my glass on the edge of the tub and stared off into the night. “So, I grew up in a fairly unconventional way. My parents raised me in a cohousing environment.” When they gave me identical blank looks, I said, “Think of it as a commune.”
“Ah,” Dev said. “That explains the name.”
“Sort of. When my parents joined this community, they changed their names and picked River as their last name. My mother’s name is Moon.”
“That fits,” Rod said. “Moon River. Nice tune.”
“And my father is Jerry.”
Rod frowned. “That doesn’t.”
“No?” I said. “Think about it.”
“Gerry Butler?” he asked.
I laughed. “No. Jerry with a J. Grateful Dead?”
Rod shrugged. “I’ve never much listened to American music from the ’70s.”
“Jerry Garcia,” Dev said. “The man was a genius with the guitar.”
Rod threw a hand in the air. “Fine. You win that round, mate.”
Grinning, I shook my head and got back to my story. “Anyway, living in the community when I was a kid was amazing. My parents have a souvenir shop/surf shop on the beach, so I spent almost every day at the shore, scavenging for material for my dad’s art projects with my friends.”
“Your father is an artist?” Dev asked.
“Well,”—I raised a shoulder and dropped it—“he likes to think so.” I chuckled. “He makes these huge sculptures out of junk—literal junk. Things that people forget on the beach.”
“And he sells the sculptures?” Rod asked, looking skeptical.
“Surprisingly, yes.”
“Americans,” he said, rolling his eyes. That one word expressed so much, I had to laugh.
“My two best friends were Blue and Sunshine.”
“Of course they were,” Rod snorted.
“Oh, do let her continue,” Dev said, giving Rod the side-eye.
“Fine.” Rod made a zipping motion over his lips. “I’ll keep mum.”
Now it was Dev’s turn to roll his eyes.
“Blue, Sunshine, and I did everything together, and when I turned seventeen, Blue became my boyfriend.”
“Oh, Blue is a boy?” Dev asked, his expression one of utter perplexity.
“Yes.” I patted his hand. “Blue and I dated for a couple years. Everything was great the first year. But then I went to college. I still lived at home because I went to UCLA Berkeley, but let’s
just say if going to college hadn’t been bad enough, my choice of major was.”
“He didn’t approve?” Rod asked.
“Not just him.”
Dev frowned. “Your parents were disappointed that you went to uni? I’m confused.”
Given what I knew of Dev’s history, I understood. I flattened my lips. “Wanting a higher education was not seen as something benefiting the community. Sunshine even told me I was a snob, that I wanted to prove to everyone that I was better than they were, but that wasn’t it at all.”
“What did you study?” Rod asked.
“Business administration.”
He nodded.
“At the end of my freshman year, Blue proposed, and I accepted. I was so happy. I thought he was the love of my life.”
“You were engaged? At seventeen?” Dev’s eyes were round and disbelieving.
“Well, I was eighteen by then.”
“You aren’t married now, so I’m assuming things didn’t work out?” Rod asked with surprising gentleness.
“What I didn’t know when I accepted his proposal was that he expected me to quit school. I obviously refused. Blue was particularly upset about my being away at school and having to study so much. He wanted us to spend our days on the beach or working in the shop my parents ran for the community.” I looked at Rod, then at Dev. “But I wanted more, you know?”
Dev put his arm around my shoulders, a silent show of support.
I took a deep breath and forced the next words out of my mouth. “One day, I came home and Blue and Sunshine were having sex in the room I shared with Blue.”
Dev’s eyes went round. “You shared a room with your boyfriend in your parents’ home, and you were only eighteen?”
“Well, it isn’t exactly their home. It’s the community’s home, but yes. It was expected.”
“What did you do?” Rod asked.
“Just what you think. I yelled and screamed.”
“And them?”
“They invited me to join them.”
Rod snorted and Dev looked pole-axed. “To join them? Well I never!”