by J. H. Croix
“Enjoying the view?” she asked, her tone sharp.
I gave myself a shake. Control. I had it in hand. I could do this.
She stood to the side of her bed. In two strides, I was in front of her. I did exactly what my body demanded and threaded my hand in her hair and tugged her flush against me, fitting my mouth over hers again. If I could simply kiss her forever, I could stop thinking too. Here I’d been thinking she was thinking too much and I was mucking about in my own thoughts. I’d made her a promise, and I intended to keep it. I wasn’t quite ready to admit I wanted to see her lose herself in pleasure as much as I wanted it for her.
She kissed like a fucking dream. Once our lips collided, she threw herself into it boldly. Just like she did everything. There wasn’t even the slightest hesitation. Her tongue warred with mine, while her hands mapped my chest. I slid a palm down her spine to cup her luscious bottom—bloody hell, every inch of her felt amazing—soft, juicy curves that gave against me. I resisted the urge to grind into her hips because I didn’t know if I could stay in control if I did that.
She moaned in my mouth, and blood shot straight to my hard cock. If I managed to keep my sanity, I should win a fucking award for it tonight. I lifted her against me, and growled against her skin when she wrapped her legs around me. Her skirt fell away and I could feel the damp heat of her core against me.
In a blur, I shoved her shirt off, almost tripping over it when I settled her on the bed. She definitely wasn’t thinking anymore because she’d gone fucking wild and was swearing as she shoved my shirt up. I also wasn’t thinking because I forgot I meant to make this all about her and stay in control. I readily assisted her and reached behind my neck to tug my shirt off. Somehow I hung onto my control and eased her down on the bed.
Much as I loved sex—and I loved sex—I found myself in a haze of need lashed with torment. I usually didn’t have trouble maintaining control. I’d found it quite easy to manage distant friendships with benefits, mostly because I made sure no woman left my bed without being completely satisfied. They knew the deal—no strings and no expectations for anything even resembling casual dating. Being with Daisy was proving to test limits I hadn’t known I had.
She wore this ridiculous excuse for a bra—this cream lace concoction that had her taut pink nipples playing peek-a-boo with me through the lace. With her blonde hair, she was fair skinned and every inch of it was flushed pink. She propped herself on her elbows and looked up at me and—I kid you not—licked her lips before rising up to hook a finger in a belt loop on my jeans. The fact I still had those on might be the only thing to save me.
She still wasn’t thinking. In fact, she was flat out driving me insane. I couldn’t recall ever wanting someone this desperately. When she dragged her hand up and down my cock, practically purring, I went into action. I had to wrest control back from her, so I snagged her hands in mine and stretched out over her, bringing them over her head.
She wiggled underneath me and huffed—actually huffed. I’d quickly learned kissing kept her quiet, so I dove right back into another mind-bending, scalding hot kiss. I only tore my lips free when she moaned in my mouth, and I didn’t give myself a chance to pause. Bloody hell, she tasted good. I licked, kissed and nipped my way down her neck, only then easing my grip on her hands as I mapped my way down her body. Much as I wanted to dally and tease through the sheer lace, I needed to taste her more than I needed to breathe. With a flick of my thumb, her bra fell open and her full, lush breasts tumbled loose.
I dragged my tongue around a nipple before sucking it in, beating back the urge to grin when she moaned and gripped my hair. The wilder she got, the harder it was for me to stay in control, but I managed. I teased her nipples with my fingers and mouth. Only when she was rocking her hips restlessly did I move along, trailing kisses over her belly. She smelled so fucking good—this sweet honey smell with the subtlest hint of some kind of berry. Every time I wanted to dally, I forced myself to keep moving because Daisy wasn’t thinking and it needed to stay that way.
I managed to convince myself I could handle this all through dragging my fingers over the wet silk between her thighs—her panties were as ridiculous as her bra, nothing more than a scrap of cream lace. I wasn’t one to care what women wore, but fuck me, everything Daisy did was like a hot bolt of lust for me. She was so brainy and practical, this feminine streak of hers made my cock so hard, I was seriously wondering if I could get through tonight without burying myself inside of her.
I was hanging onto my control by my fingertips when I dragged her skirt off. She wasn’t a passive participant and when I leaned back to drop her skirt on the floor, she shimmied out of her panties and stroked her hand over my cock. That would not do. My control was beyond frayed at this point. I didn’t wait another second and slid my palms up her thighs and spread her knees. She looked like she might be about to say something, so I purposefully looked away, only to end up staring at her pussy.
It was drenched and quivering. Her folds were pink and swollen and moisture coated the insides of her thighs. Bloody fucking hell. I should be able take a dispassionate approach to this. I’d seen more than my fair share of pussies. I gulped in air and lightly dragged a finger through her folds. She was so ready. My entire purpose of this insane torture was about to come to fruition because at this point I’d have sold my soul to make Daisy come.
Whatever she meant to say got lost in a long, low moan. I might’ve been on the edge of my control but if there was one thing worth losing myself in, it was her pleasure. I sank a finger slowly inside of her, savoring the pulses of her channel around me. I meant to draw this out, to give her the best fucking orgasm she’d ever had, but she made that all but impossible.
With her hips rolling into my touch, I couldn’t hold back and brought my mouth to her. She was salty and sweet with a tang, and the moment I started exploring her, she gripped my hair and ground into me. I forgot everything and just threw myself into this—licking, stroking and sucking until I sensed she was about there. Only then did I swirl my tongue around her clit and suck it into my mouth. She came in a noisy burst, my name raining down around me in the midst of her pants and cries.
I drew back and leaned on an elbow. She was glorious. Her blonde hair was a wild tangle on the bed. Her skin glistened with a sheen of sweat, and she was rosy all over. What I wanted to do was kick off my jeans and sink inside of her. I knew how good she felt—tight and wet—and I knew she’d throw herself into that as much as she had this. But I didn’t know if I could handle it. So despite the fact, I had the hardest hard-on I’d had since I could recall, I dropped a few kisses on her belly and eased up beside her, snagging a few pillows to prop us up on.
After a few beats, she opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side to look at me. One look, and my heart clenched. She looked raw, and it hit me right in the chest. She lifted her chin slightly.
“Fair enough,” she said, her voice raspy.
“Pardon?”
“I didn’t think you could keep your word. I stand corrected.”
I had no fucking clue what to say to that, so I simply nodded. I didn’t want to leave. In fact, I wanted to sink inside of her and then fall asleep with her lush body curled up against mine.
She leaned up on an elbow, rolling on her hip and eyed me. The raw look in her eyes faded, an impish look following. She dragged her hand over my cock.
“Are you sure about that no sex tonight thing?” she asked with a sly grin.
I wasn’t sure about anything, but I could bluff.
“I am.”
She bit her lip and shrugged. “That’s silly.”
It was actually. I wasn’t ready to admit it was pure self-preservation at this point, so I shrugged in return.
“This was about you.”
I meant that precisely, yet I hadn’t expected the words to carry such portent. I’d taken her pleasure more personally than I’d ever taken any woman’s pleasure. It w
asn’t simply about her, it was about me being here with her in the experience.
It’s just an orgasm. That’s it. A collection of nerve endings responding to stimulation.
Now she’s had one with a man. You can move on now. Don’t make it more than it is.
The second those thoughts passed through my mind, I leapt ahead. Now she needed to have an orgasm during actual intercourse. It was only fair. I still couldn’t cross that boundary. I needed to armor up for that, or I feared I’d lose my ability to keep my emotions out of the equation.
Her wide brown eyes watched me, but she was quiet. After a beat, she grinned again and sat up, crossing her legs and leaning her elbows on her knees. She looked downright adorable.
“Well, I won’t ever accuse you of being selfish,” she announced.
No, not after this.
“I think I want that dessert.”
She bounded up from the bed and snagged a robe from the back of the door before dashing down the hallway.
Chapter 8
Daisy
I stood outside the entrance to the research wing at the hospital and gathered my nerve. I didn’t even know if Tristan was here today. The last time I’d seen him was when he made a smooth exit from my place after he’d blown my mind a few nights ago. I’d been restless and jumpy, literally buzzing with a burst of energy after having the most amazing orgasm of my life. I kept replaying that entire night—everything from the fun we had over dinner to the way his hands and mouth felt on nearly every inch of my body. I have no idea why I’d leapt off the bed and gone to devour that crazy chocolate dessert we’d brought home from the restaurant. The dessert itself had been sublime. Yet, Tristan had used that opportunity to cover his gorgeous chest with his shirt and depart. I was still wondering if I’d missed a major opportunity all because I’d been too nervous and restless to sit still.
Seriously, my body had felt electrified with an overload of sensation. I’d also been nearly jubilant to discover I wasn’t forever incapable of having an orgasm with a man. I supposed we hadn’t had sex yet, but of late my last few attempts at having sex had made me want to cry from boredom. It had all gotten so mechanical, and I’d been downright depressed about it.
Anyway, my mind had gone full on haywire in the days since our dinner date. I knew I was overthinking, but I couldn’t seem to stop it. Tristan had been teasing and friendly, but I’d felt a paper-thin wall coming up between us before he left. I still wondered why he’d insisted we not have sex. I knew perfectly well from his friends that he didn’t shy away from it. I’d done a little casual reconnaissance in the following days to see what else I could sniff out about his current dating life.
Zoe Lawson was likely my best bet for information, seeing as she was engaged to Ethan Walsh who was Tristan’s former roommate and best friend. Yet, I hadn’t had a chance to see Zoe in the last few days. I’d had to make do with a few carefully tossed in questions when I had coffee with Olivia and Harper and gotten next to nothing more than what I already knew. Tristan played his cards close to his chest and only occasionally saw a few different women whom Olivia described as his ‘appointments.’
“Because he doesn’t do relationships. You just wait, when that man falls, it will be epic,” she’d said with a laugh.
I’d had so many more questions, but I wasn’t about to let on that anything happened between Tristan and me. That itself was making me crazy. I was an open person. Hell, I’d been blithely bouncing around trying to find the love of my life and telling the whole world about it. What I hadn’t chosen to share with anyone was how disappointing it had all become. I’d watched Olivia fall in love, then Harper and once Ethan dragged Zoe into our world, it made me feel even more separate. I was so happy for all of them. I truly was. It was starting to feel like it hadn’t been the brightest idea to tell the whole world what I wanted, so I’d gotten quiet about it lately.
Now this thing had happened with Tristan, and I needed to keep my brain in gear. Sex and nothing more. Maybe not even that. He’d proved his point. Maybe that’s all I needed to know so I could experience that same yearning, burning chemistry with someone else.
Uh, right. Not even. That’s once in a blue moon, lightning strikes kind of chemistry.
Yeah but…
But what? Move on. If you keep wanting Tristan, you’re signing up for heartbreak.
Therein lay the problem. I wanted him so much. I wanted a chance for more. Because I liked him. I really liked him. Yet, I couldn’t be stupid.
“Can I help you miss?”
A friendly female voice came from my side, and I turned to glance in its direction. An elderly woman was walking toward me. She was round all over with wide blue eyes, soft cheeks that I wanted to pinch, and a giant smile. She reached me and stopped. Her nametag said Mandy, Volunteer Navigator. She must’ve assumed I was lost. I supposed I was, seeing as I’d been standing there for God only knows how long. Actually, I knew how long once I glanced at my watch—almost ten minutes.
Me, who always hurried everywhere, was standing in the middle of a hospital hallway staring aimlessly while I obsessed about Tristan Wells. God help me. I rallied a polite smile for Mandy, clutching my phone and wiggling my hand back and forth.
“Oh no. I was just checking my email. I know right where I’m going. Thank you.”
Mandy smiled again and angled her head to the side, her perceptive eyes scanning my face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Oh Jesus. Fuck a duck. I have no idea why, but it’s what I said in my head whenever I was embarrassed. Obviously, I needed to keep that ridiculous thought to myself. Why, oh why did it have to be so easy to read me?
Get your shit together, Daisy. Fake it ‘til you make it.
I dug deep and kicked all the muddled confusion to the curb in my brain. I’d be bold and stop worrying about any of this. I could rattle Tristan just as much as he’d rattled me. I smiled brightly at Mandy.
“I sure am okay, but thanks for checking.”
Blessedly, the hospital pager system called for someone for the ER, and Mandy gave me a little wave and hurried off. I armored myself with an attitude and pushed through the doors to the research wing. Every step down that long hallway to Tristan’s office, I conjured recollections of how annoying and stuffy he could be. By the time I reached his door, I was feeling plenty annoyed and not the least bit mortified about anything that had passed between us. I rapped sharply on his door and went in without waiting.
Tristan was standing with his back to the door. His hip was resting against his desk, and he was on the phone. He didn’t appear to have heard me come in, so I closed the door quietly behind me. Good grief. Even his back was sexy. I could see the corded muscles through his shirt as he lifted a hand and ran it through his hair. Oh, and did I mention he had a great ass? When it came to men, that part of their anatomy could easily go unnoticed. Tristan was nothing but muscle everywhere, and his ass was tight. It hadn’t helped me at all to see his bare chest the other night because I’d had plenty of fantasies about that and the rest of him bare and all over me since then.
I was so fucking screwed.
He kept talking to whoever was on the phone, and I thought perhaps I should leave. Even though I hadn’t come in here for the purpose of eavesdropping, it didn’t feel right to linger. I started to turn away when my ears perked up at the sound of a woman’s name.
“Renee, no. I’m not up for it, and I’m definitely not going to explain. I never agreed to be at your beck and call.”
Tristan’s tone was firm and bordering on annoyed. If I’d been Renee, I’d have gotten pissed about it. He nodded along to whatever she said and then said goodbye before tossing his phone on his desk. “Fuck,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair and turning toward the door.
I still had my hand curled on the doorknob and froze, feeling my cheeks heat instantly when his eyes met mine. We stared at each other for a few beats and then his eyes narrowed.
“Do you normally enter offices without knocking?” he asked.
“I knocked! I swear. When you didn’t answer, I came in and then… Well, you were on the phone and I was just about to leave,” I explained rapidly, annoyed as hell that this little moment knocked me out of the bold attitude I’d conjured up before walking in here. No matter any awkwardness between Tristan and I, I wasn’t a rude person and would normally have turned right back around once I noticed he was on the phone. But I’d let my nosiness get the best of me.
He held my gaze for another beat and then shrugged. “Okay.” Another quiet moment passed and then he stepped toward the windows and rested his hips against the wide sill, curling his hands over its edge. His office had a great view of the Seattle skyline with the Space Needle off to one side and Puget Sound in the distance. “So what brings you by today?”
His tone was conversational and perfectly calm—absolutely no indication that he’d nearly melted me in my bed a few nights ago. Okay, I could play the same game. I’d act like nothing happened.
“I sent an email yesterday afternoon. We check weekly on screening data once patients start enrolling in one of our studies,” I said pointedly.
“Ah, I’m sure you did. I haven’t gotten through all of my email from the day before yet, so it’s a guarantee I missed that one. Apologies. Shall we schedule a regular time then?”
He didn’t even move from where he stood. His gaze held mine, polite and friendly. Nothing more. I started to get annoyed. Maybe I could play this game, but I wanted him to be as off kilter as I was.
I slipped my phone out of my purse and pulled up my calendar. “Yes, let’s do that. Shall we say Thursdays at three?”
When he didn’t reply, I glanced up. He was still right where he’d been and had made no move to check his calendar. His hazel eyes locked with mine, and the air between us crackled to life. It was as if there was a line of electricity connecting us across the room. I ignored it, although my belly clenched and my core throbbed. I steeled myself. I would not be the first one to look away.