by J. H. Croix
“Pretty good, you?” I asked in return.
Zoe tied her other shoe and straightened as she began bundling her gym clothes into a bag. “Great. I’m busy as ever, but that’s good.”
We simultaneously slung our bags over our shoulders and glanced at each other. With a laugh, I gestured toward the doors. “Shall we?”
We chatted casually on the way down the hallway to the main entrance and paused once we were outside. Zoe glanced to me. “I was about to grab some coffee before I head to the office. Wanna join me?”
“Sure. Where to?”
“My fave is Desert Isle Coffee, but if…”
I was already nodding, so she paused and arched a brow.
“Oh that’s my fave too. Let’s go.”
We walked the few blocks to Desert Isle Coffee and waited in line together. Once we were seated, Zoe took a slow sip of her coffee and eyed me.
“Mind if I ask you something?”
I instantly wondered what she might want to ask me, but I nodded.
“Are you seeing Tristan?”
I managed to keep my mouth from falling open, but just barely.
“Uh, no. Why do you ask?” I hedged, wondering how the hell she knew anything about Tristan and me.
“Oh, Ethan and I saw you two at dinner last week. He wanted to go over, but I told him not to because it looked like you were, well, like you were on an actual date,” she explained.
I wished for about the thousandth time in my life that I didn’t have such fair skin. I knew my cheeks were flushed and knew I couldn’t do a damn thing to hide it. I considered trying to keep up the ruse, but it occurred to me Zoe might be a good person to talk with. Being engaged to Ethan gave her more up close and personal knowledge about Tristan than any of my friends, seeing as Ethan and Tristan were best buds.
I took a fortifying gulp of my dark coffee and set it down. “Okay, maybe we were. I’d rather it not be public knowledge if you don’t mind though.”
Zoe cocked her head to the side and nodded slowly. “Of course. Aside from you and the girls, who would I tell?”
“Well, that’s the thing. Olivia and Harper don’t know about it either.”
Zoe’s eyes widened. “Oh,” was all she said.
I rolled my eyes and shoved at the uncertainty trying to push its way forward in my mind.
“Oh is right. I don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Here’s the thing, about a year ago we had this crazy kiss. I know he doesn’t want anything else, so I put a stop to it. It’s no secret I’d like to settle down. Anyway, I ran into him through work because he’s covering one of the research projects I supervise for the next month or two.”
I paused because what could I say next? He kissed me and I melted? That made me sound like a swoony fan. I took another gulp of coffee and sighed. Meanwhile, Zoe waited patiently. I liked that about her. She didn’t jump all over things, not like me.
“Ugh. It all sounds so embarrassing,” I finally said with another sigh.
Zoe smiled softly. “Ah, well I can understand that. If I’d tried to explain anything that happened with Ethan and me when we first met, I’d still be mortified. Since you’re not usually shy about talking about guys, I’m going to guess you like him. The way he was looking at you the other night told me all I need to know about how Tristan feels about you,” she said with a low laugh.
She might as well have thrown food at me when I was starving. “What do you mean?” I asked quickly. Too quickly.
“Just that he was practically eating you up with his eyes.” She paused and idly traced her finger in a circle around her coffee cup on the table. “Is there a reason this is all hush-hush?”
I nervously spun the silver bracelet on my wrist and considered her question. “No good reason, other than I’m worried I’m being beyond stupid. I don’t really want to do the casual thing, and it’s no secret Tristan doesn’t want a relationship. It wouldn’t even be happening if it weren’t for the fact we seem to have a bit of chemistry. I didn’t want it to be a thing with our friends, so I haven’t said anything.”
Zoe’s gaze was thoughtful as she looked over at me. “I ruined it all because Ethan and I saw you two out. Well, here’s what I think. Even before I saw you two the other night, I noticed Tristan pays quite a bit of attention to you. He might try to act like he can avoid a real relationship forever, but I doubt it. The way he was looking at you the other night, it’s obvious he’s into you. I’ve seen him with some of the other women he dates. Trust me, I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
“That’s just lust,” I said with a shrug, fighting against the bitter feeling the thought elicited inside.
Zoe shook her head firmly. “It’s not just lust. That’s obviously there, but it’s more. Maybe you should try to talk to him.”
As appeared to be the case with all things Tristan, my mouth was ahead of my brain. “Oh, we talked. We made a deal. One month and that’s it.”
Zoe’s eyes widened. “One month of what?”
“Sex.”
“You’re serious? This was an actual conversation?”
I wasn’t up to chatting about the fact I’d pretty much dared him when I announced I’d never had an orgasm with a guy. I wasn’t a prude, but I didn’t enjoy how insecure that made me feel, so I wasn’t going there.
“Uh huh. One month and then…”
I ran out of words because I didn’t know what was supposed to happen after that. Hope kept kicking at the doors of my heart.
“And then what?” Zoe asked the obvious question.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
Zoe took a sip of coffee and eyed me thoughtfully. “You like him, he likes you. Why have this silly one month deal?”
“Because,” was the best I could offer in explanation. I didn’t voice all the doubts crowding my mind. Already, it felt as if the end of that timeline was racing at me.
“I’m going to tell Ethan to pry for me. I’ll report back. Give me a few days.”
My heart jumped, but I talked it down fast.
“There’s no need to do that. That sounds a little too high school for me. Plus, if you talk to Ethan, he might mention it to someone else and then everyone will know.”
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Romance at the beginning always has a little high school in it. I don’t think we ever get past that silly part. It’s more high school to try to hide something from all of your friends. I’m not trying to give you a hard time, just pointing it out.”
I put my face in my hands and sighed. “I know,” I mumbled. I forced myself to look up because I wasn’t going to be that much of a chicken. “Right. It makes it seem all cloak and dagger, which is ridiculous. We’re friends and we have all the same friends. I don’t know why I’m so weird about it.”
“No need to be embarrassed. Hell, I was running around in secret with Ethan, trying to make sure it didn’t get out we were together. So I know where you’re coming from.”
“Yeah, but you kind of had a reason. I don’t.”
Zoe rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I was screwing my client. That doesn’t exactly make it better,” she said with a wry laugh. Her laugh faded. “I think maybe you should either put a stop to this or face why you’re tiptoeing around.”
The idea of no more nights like last night with Tristan made my heart ache and my body feel bereft. Whatever Zoe saw in my face, her gaze softened.
“So you definitely don’t want to do that. Well, I say go at it full bore. No hiding, just let it be what it is. Oh, and let me pry. Ethan can get Tristan to talk, and if I ask him to keep his mouth shut, he will. I know he likes to tease, but he’s a total softie and he would never do that if he knew it might make you uncomfortable.”
I stared at her. Crazy as it was, she had a point. Half the reason this whole thing made me feel squirrely was I didn’t do things in half-measures like this. Screw it. There was no need to hide what was h
appening. I might as well treat Tristan the way I’d treat any guy I was seeing.
“You’re right,” I said firmly. “I’m being ridiculous. I’ll be loud and proud about it. Meanwhile, pry away. Let me know what you find out.”
“On it,” Zoe replied with a wink.
Chapter 17
Tristan
I sat on the bench in the locker room and drained a bottle of water. We’d had a long practice today, made longer with our new player getting into it with Liam during practice. Roddy Shaw was struggling so far to mesh with the team, solely due to his cocky attitude. Confidence in your skills was a must for any of us who played pro sports. I mean, hell, you weren’t much use to your team if you didn’t have faith in your own ability. Yet, to be part of a team required mutual respect. I was also a firm believer that you never stopped learning when it came to play. I was a much better player than I’d been even a few years ago, in large part due to honing my skills. When you’re young, it’s easy to falsely believe you’re at your peak. At thirty-two, most people would still consider me young. For pro sports, I was about middle age, so to speak.
Roddy was young, yet he swaggered about like he owned the fucking team. The fact Roddy would dare to challenge Liam’s calls on plays was mind-boggling. The kid had yet to play an actual game professionally yet, and he thought he was all that. Whatever. Anyway, I was waiting around, figuring Liam might want to grab a beer and blow off his frustration with today’s practice.
I heard footsteps and glanced up to find Ethan rounding the row of lockers. He sat down on the bench across from me, sliding down until he was directly in front of me.
“Waiting for Liam?” he asked.
I nodded.
He ran a hand through his damp hair and rolled his eyes. “That Roddy’s a cocky bloke, eh?”
I rolled my eyes and tossed my now empty water bottle into the recycling bin in the corner. “That’s a nice way to put it. Liam was hot about it, and I don’t blame ‘im.”
“Nah. Me neither. Think Roddy’ll last?”
“With Coach?” I asked in return.
Coach Hoffman was an old lion when it came to pro football. He was one of the best offensive players of his generation. His time had passed, but he was young for a coach, perhaps in his late forties. He’d retired from playing after a car accident that killed his wife and daughter and left him hobbled with injuries. I had total respect for him. Aside from his prowess as a player, he was a no nonsense coach. He had little to no tolerance for any player who didn’t ascribe to a team frame of mind. Roddy most certainly did not.
At Ethan’s nod, I shrugged. “Dunno. If he keeps up like this, I doubt it. It won’t work with this kind of tension on the team. He wants to be captain yesterday, and he’s barely out of university. Even if he had more experience, no team would support him as captain. He’s a little shit.”
Ethan whistled low. “Bloody hell. If you’re pissed, that tells me how the rest of the team feels. You and Alex are the two most laidback guys we’ve got. I heard from him out on the pitch. He’s got no time for this bullshit.”
“None of us do.”
The distinct sound of sneakers on the concrete headed in our direction. We both looked to see Liam coming around the row of lockers. He slid onto the bench near me with a sigh.
“What’s up boys?” he asked.
“Figured you might want to grab a beer,” I replied.
“I’d bloody love one,” he said emphatically.
“Alex around?” Ethan asked.
“Nah, something about Harper’s car being in the shop, so he had to go pick her up from work. He took off already,” Liam explained.
The three of us stood in unison and walked out. We didn’t even need to discuss where we were going. We had a few favorite nearby pubs, or as they were called in the States, bars. We headed for a local brewery nearby and snagged a booth in the corner.
Over burgers and beers, we commiserated with Liam who had the misfortune of clashing most frequently with Roddy by virtue of his position as playmaker.
“Bloody fool thinks he should have input into calling plays because he played my position back up in university,” Liam said, his tone incredulous.
Ethan chuckled and snagged a French fry. “We should bet on how long he lasts.”
We managed to move on from that with Ethan regaling us with a few amusing stories about Zoe trying to boss around the carpenter handling some renovations on their home. Next thing I knew, he set me back on my heels.
“Oh right, I’m supposed to ask you about Daisy,” Ethan said, turning my way. “We saw you two out to dinner the other night. Zoe says it’s all hush hush, but she wants me to talk to you.”
My mouth actually fell open. I snapped it shut the moment Liam burst out laughing, while I mentally went on lock down, trying not to show he’d rattled me.
Once Liam caught his breath, he shook his head. “Mate, if she told you it was supposed to be hush hush, you’ve already screwed up.”
Ethan looked flummoxed. “How so? I’m just asking.”
“Well, I’m here, so now I know too,” Liam clarified. He turned his teasing gaze to me. “Having dinner with Daisy, are you now?”
I eyed them both and shrugged, striving for casual in my tone. “Is there a problem with that?”
“Zoe thinks you like her, and she wanted me to find out. In fact, she said she needed me to do some reconnaissance,” Ethan explained.
“It’s bloody dinner. When did you see us anyway?” I asked, knowing full well if they happened to have seen Daisy and I out, it might have been noticeable that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. I didn’t know what the hell to do about her. Nothing about Daisy and the way she affected me made sense. Instead of getting her out of my system, the more time I spent with her, the more I obsessed about her. The whole thing was morphing into the epic disaster I’d worried about. I couldn’t reason my way out of my feelings.
Liam drained his beer and threw a cheeky grin my way. “Sounding a tad cranky, Tristan.”
I wasn’t going to let him bait me, so I merely rolled my eyes and looked back to Ethan.
“At that new fusion place last week, whatever the hell it’s called. Zoe thinks, well, she thinks all kinds of things. I think she might be a feeling a tad protective of Daisy.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. Like a bloody idiot. I didn’t need to further this line of conversation, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.
Ethan eyed me for a beat. “Well, she thinks it won’t be cool if you do your usual thing with Daisy. She said Daisy’s not like that, and she’s our friend.”
Bloody hell. Just what I needed. Our mutual friends nosing into this.
“What the hell do you mean, my usual thing?”
Liam, never one to hold back, piped up. “Mate, you’ve said for as long as I’ve known you that you don’t do relationships. You treat sex like a doctor’s appointment, except maybe more fun. I think you think you’ve got it all worked out, but if you ask me half the women you have your arrangements with probably want more, but they go along with it because of who you are. Daisy’s been on the hunt for something serious for as long as I’ve known her. Olivia’s actually said she’s been a little worried because Daisy hasn’t even been dating anymore recently. She thinks Daisy’s depressed about the whole thing.”
I looked from Liam and Ethan only to find Ethan nodding along. Oh fuck. This was not what I needed. I also took offense at the implication about me.
“I’m not some fucking arse who takes advantage of women. I go out of my way to make sure things are clear right up front. That’s a hell of a lot more respectful than some bullshit guys pull,” I said, trying to keep the annoyance and defensiveness out of my tone.
“Oh, it’s not like that. You know me, I understand. Hell, I used to be a bit like you, although I think I had more fun,” Liam said with a chuckle.
Ethan rolled his eyes. “I don’t think yo
u’ve done anything wrong. I just think you might want to be careful. Daisy might have expectations, and well, she’s our friend.”
I glanced between them again and bit back a sigh. I couldn’t fucking believe two of my best mates were having a little chat with me about making sure I took care of Daisy. I’d cut off my arm before I’d hurt her. The very idea of it made me sick. This train of thought sent a thread of unease through me. I hadn’t made her any promises. In fact, I’d even put a time limit on us. One month, which was now down to twenty days since I’d tossed out that salvo. Thinking about how much time we had left made me irritable. I was already mentally bargaining with myself, contemplating adding another month. Maybe that’s what we needed to snuff out the need nearly burning me alive.
Twenty days felt like nothing. I knew without pondering, it wouldn’t be enough time with her. Yet, trying to think past what that meant made my brain fill with static.
I gave myself a mental shake and endeavored to gloss this over with Liam and Ethan, all the while wondering what the hell I was doing. I left the pub stirred up and restless after promising them I’d never hurt Daisy.
A promise I wasn’t so sure I could keep and one that made me wonder if my own heart was at as much risk as hers.
Chapter 18
Daisy
“Excuse me?” I asked, caught flat-footed by the doctor’s question.
“I asked if you’d like to have dinner with me,” Jeff Miller explained.
I was at a meeting at the hospital, reviewing the data on a different research study than the one Tristan was temporarily covering. Dr. Jeff Miller was rather handsome with his dark blonde hair, brown eyes and chiseled features. I’d bet he spent plenty of time at the gym too. I stared over at him, thinking that a few weeks ago, I’d have been flattered. Not that I felt a spark with him. I didn’t. Not even a little, but he was bright and handsome. Before Tristan, I’d have thought he was worth getting to know and would have wondered if things could develop into something real with him.