by J. H. Croix
Olivia’s words hit me like a bolt of lightning, so hard I reeled inside. Someone raped Harper? Bloody hell. On the heels of my shock came fury, raw and cold. I wanted to race out of here and find the man who hurt her and inflict the same level of horror upon him. That’s not to say I wanted to rape the guy, but beating him senseless might, just might, suffice. In the few seconds that passed since Olivia had dropped this little bomb, I forgot all about trying to keep my feelings for Harper masked. It wasn’t that I cared all that much what Liam knew. More that I wanted time to feel things out and see where they went. I was hyperaware of how easy it was to have the media sniffing at my heels. It had been slightly better since we were in the US. Football in Britain, well pretty much anywhere else in the world, was revered. Players were dogged by the local media back there. I’d managed to avoid the attention then and hoped to keep doing so now.
Whatever showed on my face nudged Liam to straighten in his chair, his eyes narrowing. I shackled the fury inside and looked at Olivia. “What the hell? Who is he?” I demanded.
Olivia’s eyes widened before her expression softened. “Alex, she’s fine. It was four years ago. It won’t do her a bit of good for you to get all riled up over this.” She glanced to Liam. “You didn’t tell him?” she asked him.
Liam’s watchful gaze caught mine before swinging to Olivia. “No. It’s not like we talk much about your friends. Not to mention it’s a bloody shitty topic. It’s awful what happened,” he replied before looking back to me. “It pisses me off too, mate, but ease up.”
I could tell he was trying to suss out what was up with me. I’d be pissed to hear about any woman getting hurt in any way. But this was Harper. In a matter of weeks, my curiosity about her had gone from simply that to far more. I was relieved with Liam’s next comment.
“I told you, luv. Alex would protect the whole wide world if he could. He’s a beast like that. Remember how I told you he was worried about you when we started dating? Hearing one of your friends got raped is like that times a million,” Liam said.
About now, he’d usually grin, but this wasn’t funny. Nothing about rape was funny. I ran a hand through my hair and took a long drag off my beer. I bloody well didn’t like being this furious without a target. My mind spun back to the day I’d encountered Harper in the park, the very day she’d first kissed me a bit later. I couldn’t help but wonder if the man we’d seen had been the very man who raped her.
Looking to Olivia, I asked, “What happened to the guy?”
Her gaze darkened and her mouth tightened, anger and resignation evident on her face. “Well, see, he was a track star too. He attended a different university, but it was right here in Seattle. Harper doesn’t hide what happened if anyone happens to ask, but she’s never talked much about the details since right after it happened. I know more from the papers than I know from her. I don’t think it will help you to get angry about something you can’t do anything about.”
“Tell me what happened,” I said, trying to keep the anger out of my tone. I wasn’t angry with Olivia, but bloody hell I needed to know what happened to the guy.
Her eyes flicked to Liam.
“Luv, just tell him what you know. If you don’t, Alex will track the details down on his own, so you might as well save him the trouble,” Liam said.
Bloody right he was. As it stood, I’d be on the guy’s scent as soon as I could.
Olivia took a gulp of wine and eyed me. “You’re a good man, Alex Gordon,” she said softly.
I took another long drag off my beer and circled my hand in the air. “Right, right. Carry on and tell me what happened to the bastard.”
“He was arrested and charged, but he got a good attorney and fought like hell. In the end, the charges were pleaded down. I’d have to look up the details on that. He served two months in jail and was released. He didn’t even have to register as a sex offender.” She shook her head furiously at that, her eyes bright with tears. “Harper’s one of my best friends. What he did was horrible, and in the end, it was hardly a speed bump for him. He got kicked off the team, but he still got to graduate.”
“Where is he now?” I asked, my focus like a laser on the present.
Olivia gulped in air and let it out in a heavy sigh. “He works at some finance place in Seattle. I try to keep tabs on him. Since he doesn’t have to register as a sex offender, I don’t know where he lives, and he does a pretty good job of keeping his online profile to a minimum.”
“Who is he?”
Liam stayed quiet, but I could tell he sensed my fury.
“His name is Joe Schmidt,” Olivia said, her worried gaze scanning my face. “Promise me you won’t try to do anything. There’s nothing to do. He was charged and convicted on whatever dumb charges they agreed on. The whole investigation ruined Harper’s life for a while. She was miserable, and it was just awful. She’s moved on. I mean, I wondered if she’d ever run outside again and now she’s running with you. That’s why I’m happy about that, but I get why you’re pissed. Trust me, every time I think about it, I want to scream. But let Harper stay moved on. Please.”
Olivia’s gentle words penetrated the fury coiling inside. I closed my eyes and took a slow breath, I hadn’t realized I was clenching a fist. I eased my grip and leaned back in my chair, opening my eyes to find two concerned gazes on me. “Right. I know you’re right,” I said, directing my words to Olivia. “Doesn’t change the fact it bloody sucks. It’s bollocks the guy spent only two months in jail. How bad…” I forced myself to stop with the questions. I’d save them for another time, or find the answers myself.
Olivia reached over and squeezed my hand. “You see Harper as she is now. She’s strong and healthy and fine. She’s really, really fine. There’s only one other thing I’d wish for her.”
“What’s that?” I asked, my question reflexive.
“I want her to find someone. She hasn’t even gone on a date since it happened. She’s so awesome, but I don’t know if she even thinks about it.” Olivia glanced between us. “I mean, right? She’s pretty and smart and funny and…”
Liam reached over and caught Olivia’s hand in his, lifting it for a kiss. “Of course she is. But I think you’re going to have to let this ball stay in Harper’s court.”
Meanwhile, I sat there stunned, my mind spinning over the revelations and wondering just what to think about what happened between Harper and me.
Chapter 6
Harper
I jogged down the stairs to the front door of my building with Stanley at my side. It was a small thing, but I loved how the stairs curved along the wall. It always felt as if I was spinning slowly down a slide and out the front door. I had a little buzz of joy inside, knowing I was about to walk out and meet Alex for another run. After he’d invited me to run with him in the mornings, I’d quickly fallen into a pattern of meeting him daily. Unbeknownst to him, his offer had given me a small gift. I used to run outside all the time, hours upon hours every week. In a blink, I lost the joy of it after an early morning run in that time where the light hadn’t quite washed away the darkness. Crossing paths with Joe at that in between time had ripped my joy away. Joe who seemed to live somewhere nearby. Joe whose mere presence should’ve permanently scared me away from returning to the park.
I hated knowing he was near, but I felt safe with Alex and I’d missed running so. Alex had stirred deep waters in me. He made me think I could steal back what had been stolen from me. It wasn’t just the fact he made me so hot I forgot I’d once thought I’d never want to have sex again. He made me think maybe I could banish the hold Joe had on me. The fact I was running outside at all was a small miracle. I’d never stopped running, but I’d relegated myself to a treadmill. Even though the mechanics were close enough, I’d dearly missed the joy and invigoration of the fresh early morning air and watching the sunrise.
I reached the entryway and glanced to Stanley. His blue eyes met mine, and he nudged my hand with h
is nose. Stanley loved running too. It was safe to say he adored Alex and had come to expect our morning runs now. He pressed his nose to one of the small windowpanes along the side of the door. A glance outside told me Alex wasn’t here yet. I was looking down at my watch when Stanley let out a soft woof. Just as I wondered what he was reacting to, Alex strolled into view.
My breath hitched and my belly clenched. Damn. He was so ridiculously handsome. With his apartment east of mine, the sun was rising behind him, glinting off his dark brown hair. He walked with an easiness, emanating strength and masculine grace. Every inch of him was muscled and mouth-watering. It had been over a week since he’d practically left me in a puddle by my door. Too long. I was determined to push him past his ridiculous edge of control, but I’d yet to finagle an opportunity. Today was Saturday though, and I knew we’d be in the same place tonight. Olivia had invited me to dinner with her and Liam and said she needed some girl back up since Liam’s friends would be there.
That little buzz of joy propelled me through the door and down the steps with Stanley padding along at my side. Alex stopped at the foot of the stairs just as I reached the bottom step. His brown eyes met mine, the intensity of his gaze giving me pause. His eyes swept over me, sending a jolt through me. When he met my gaze again, I was confused. He felt coiled tight and had lines of tension bracketing his face. Even in rest, he was an intense man, but at the moment, I was taken aback. My first instinct was to want to comfort him and before I realized it, I’d reached out and slid my hand down his arm.
“Are you okay?” I asked when he didn’t say anything for a moment.
He gave his head a small shake when Stanley stepped to his side and nudged his hand. Alex stroked Stanley, his hand sliding in a path along the center of Stanley’s back. He’d quickly come to know what Stanley loved and commenced to idly scratch between Stanley’s shoulders. Alex looked back up at me. “I’m fine. You?”
Whatever tension he’d been holding eased. His eyes softened as he looked at me. I took a breath and the knot of tension I hadn’t noticed dissolved. “Ready to run,” I replied.
He held my gaze for a few more beats, his eyes searching. For what, I didn’t know. “Okay then. Let’s go.” He glanced to Stanley. “Ready Stanley?”
Stanley simply nudged Alex’s leg with his gray head. At that, we started jogging. It worked out that the distance from my apartment to the park was just enough to warm us up. By the time we jogged through the park entrance, we were ready to pick up the pace. We didn’t talk much while we ran, which suited me fine. Alex’s pace was strong and steady. Aside from the layers of reasons why I enjoyed running with him, he was nearly perfect as a running partner for me. He could easily hold pace and his stamina was excellent. Given that he was a professional soccer player, this wasn’t surprising, but nevertheless I appreciated it.
We ran through the wooded portion of the park and down to a pathway that offered a view of Puget Sound. Gulls called and a salty breeze gusted off the water. The old runner’s high that I loved rose inside, something I’d never quite felt when I ran on a treadmill. Whether it was a myth or not, I loved the rush of adrenaline and the soft exhilaration I felt when I ran through the cool morning air. It had rained during the night, so the air was earthy and felt as if it had been washed clean by the rain. Sun glittered on the damp leaves and grass.
Stanley ran on one side of me with Alex on the other, his footfalls steady and even. I felt strong this morning as we crested a small rise and turned a corner on the path. I was looking out toward the water when I sensed Alex go tense. I glanced to his face to see those tight lines again, his eyes dark. I followed his gaze to see Joe Schmidt, my personal hell, running in the distance. That sick feeling of dread coiled in my gut, but I pushed back against it. It had been four years since Joe raped me. He’d done a measly two months in jail, and I’d moved on as best I could. I was determined not to let his presence ruin what I’d found again. I swallowed against the fear and kept running. I felt half-sick and ready to vomit, but if I was ever going to get past this awful feeling, I could do it with Stanley and Alex.
Alex slowed his pace and glanced to me. “Let’s take a different route today.”
I didn’t know how, but in a flash I realized he knew I’d been raped and that Joe was the man responsible. I stopped abruptly, a wild feeling coursing through me—fear mixed with dread mixed with adrenaline mixed with a dose of recklessness.
“Why?”
Joe was still a good distance away, but his stride kept moving in our direction. Alex met my gaze, his own expression a mix of anger and frustration. “Because,” he bit out.
“Who told you?” I asked.
Alex’s eyes widened. He rested a hand on his hip, his breath coming in heaves. “Harper… Bloody hell. Can we talk about this later?”
Neither one of us was saying aloud what we were talking about, but it was clear. “We can talk later, but we’re not taking a different route.”
My tone was mulish, and most of me thought I was crazy. Completely off my rocker, in fact. You don’t have to get comfy with seeing Joe. He raped you. Getting past it doesn’t mean getting okay around him. That voice was insistent and quite rational. Yet, I was in a strange place right now. I didn’t want to bend my life into contortions to avoid Joe. I’d been doing that for four years. I perversely wanted him to know I didn’t give a damn and I wasn’t afraid. I had nothing to lose because he’d already smashed my life to smithereens once. He couldn’t do it again. Plus, I had Alex with me. I knew I was safe with him.
Alex leaned his head back to stare at the sky before lasering me with his dark gaze again. “Unless you want me to beat him senseless right now, we’d best take another route,” he said flatly.
I had no idea how Alex pieced together who Joe was, but I knew without a doubt that if I insisted we cross paths with Joe, Alex would probably do just as he said. As it was, his fists were clenched and his face dark with anger. Alex, who was almost always calm, who felt like a rock of safety to me, felt dangerous right now. Not dangerous to me, but most definitely dangerous to Joe. Much as a part of me wouldn’t mind seeing Joe get his ass kicked, that wasn’t what I wanted right now. I looked back at Alex, a rush of emotion welling inside of me. I fought to keep from crying and couldn’t say if they were good tears or bad tears. Maybe both. I finally nodded in assent and started running again, following Alex’s lead as he turned up another path.
I could feel the coiled energy coming off of Alex in waves as we ran and didn’t quite know what to do about any of it. The facts of my rape were no secret to anyone who knew me, or anyone who happened to be in Seattle at the time of the rape. It was all over the news because I’d been a track star at University of Washington, and Joe had been one at another nearby university. Looking back, I occasionally wondered how I’d had the courage to report the rape. In hindsight, I think it was because I’d been raised to believe things worked out how they should. People did bad things, you told the police, and they made it right. Little did I know it was never that simple when it came to rape.
Joe had jogged by me in the semi-darkness that morning. I’d recognized him because he was one of a number of runners who frequented the university grounds. Another pass by him and the rest was a jumble of awful in my memory. What was sharp was how I felt afterwards—shattered inside and out.
I had no sense of how much time passed before I climbed to my feet and numbly walked to the police station. Thus began months of hell. To this day, I recognized I should feel lucky to have seen any legal consequences at all. I was sadly unable to avoid reading about the recent spate of news stories about college sexual assault and the usual weak response from universities. I hadn’t known at the time that it was smart to have gone to the city police first. I only went there because it was closer, no other reason. There was DNA and physical evidence of his assault. Even with all of that, the prosecutor had offered a plea deal because Joe had an aggressive defense attorney who subm
itted reams upon reams of court filings to slow the proceedings down, and Joe argued it was consensual—as if leaving someone badly bruised and battered was consensual. Joe managed to graduate before the plea deal was finalized.
After those grueling, awful months, I’d wanted nothing more than to forget everything that happened. It had taken me four years to get to where I was now, a place where I mostly felt at peace. My mind spun over how Alex might’ve sorted out this part of my past. It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it secret. No, that was impossible. It’s just it would’ve been nice not to be seen as a victim in Alex’s eyes. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. Most certainly not that of the first man who’d made me feel alive inside in years, made me think maybe, just maybe, I could take back something I’d thought lost.
We ran through the forest, the sunlight falling through the trees in shafts. Within another few moments, we were back on the sidewalk and jogging to the steps of my apartment building. Alex came to a stop and rested his hands on his hips. He looked over at me, his dark gaze searching my face. In the weeks since we’d been running together, this was the time when he usually said goodbye and waited until I let myself in the door. He always waited until the door closed behind me. Right now, I didn’t want him to leave. Which was crazy. I didn’t want to talk about Joe or any of the mess I imagined Alex thought we needed to talk about. No, rather I felt driven and reckless. I wanted all of this with Alex to stay pure, not to be sullied by an event four years ago that had been like a wrecking ball in my life. It felt as if that wrecking ball was swinging its way into my future, and I didn’t like it.
I didn’t know why, but with Alex, my body took over, rather insistently in fact. Intellectually, I thought I should be so rattled at seeing Joe again that the last thing on my mind would be anything even remotely resembling sex. But Joe was long gone in my mind. Alex stood before me. His t-shirt was damp from his sweat and clung to his muscled chest. Heat coiled low in my belly, and I wanted nothing but him.