by J. H. Croix
At a glance, I saw her shoulders shaking with her laugh. I shrugged. “Liam’s doing.”
Chapter 8
Harper
“What?!” Daisy exclaimed, her brown eyes wide.
I nodded and endeavored to keep from laughing. Olivia and Daisy were my closest friends. Olivia tended toward being more serious, and until she met Liam, she had lived and breathed her work as an orthopedic surgeon. Daisy had also gone into medicine, however she was a researcher. Of the three of us, Daisy was definitely the clown. At the moment, she was goggling at me because I’d just told her I’d decided I planned to break my years long drought of no sex with Alex. Daisy wasn’t easy to surprise, so I was savoring the moment.
She opened her mouth to say something and then left it hanging open.
I grinned. “Wow. It’s more fun to surprise you than I thought. I’ll have to try a little harder to make it happen.”
Daisy snapped her mouth shut and gave her head a shake, her blonde hair swinging back and forth. “Oh hon. It’s gonna be years before you top this.” She held a finger up and paused to take a gulp of coffee.
We were meeting at Desert Isle Coffee, a favorite hangout of ours. Up until my recent move, I rarely made it over, but now I lived on the same side of town. Desert Isle was named as such because it was a respite from the typical cool, damp days of Seattle. It was always warm and dry and had amazing coffee. After Alex had left this morning, I’d called up Daisy and Olivia. I needed some girl time. Olivia had been busy, but Daisy was here. Daisy was like a ray of sun—in looks and personality. With her blonde locks, wide brown eyes and curvy figure, she was plain gorgeous. She was also funny as hell and direct to the point of ridiculous sometimes.
Daisy set her coffee down and angled her head to the side. “Let me get this right: you’re making a play for Alex Gordon and it’s just for sex. Did I hear you correctly?” Daisy said, her eyes still wide with disbelief.
I nodded and ignored the little skip in my heartbeat. It seemed like every event was conspiring to make me more reckless. For most of the last four years, sex had been the furthest thing from my mind. I’d honestly wondered if I’d ever want to have sex again. I knew precisely what I wanted now, or perhaps I should say who. Alex.
I was still a little grumpy about his whole not rushing thing, but I’d already discovered it didn’t take much from me to knock through his manufactured control. I was determined he’d stop worrying about it. I figured he might be the ideal man for what I had in mind—a fling of nothing but sex. It was quite convenient that his presence alone was enough to make me wet and panting. I also trusted him completely, which was saying something.
For a while, I hadn’t believed I’d ever trust any man enough with my body. I wasn’t so far gone inside that I didn’t believe any man could be trusted. I watched Olivia fall in love with Liam and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he cherished her and was madly in love and lust with her. My parents had a good marriage, and I knew my dad would never hurt my mom. I even had male friends I trusted. Yet, I’d believed I couldn’t let down my guard enough to want someone again. I’d thought getting raped had broken something inside me. Ever since that day a few weeks back when I ran into Alex in the park, I’d realized maybe it didn’t have to stay that way. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t noticed him this way before because he was eye candy and a soccer star to boot, but I hadn’t. Although we’d barely spent any time alone together, so maybe it was as simple as that.
Daisy cleared her throat, alerting me to the fact I’d wandered off in my mind. I looked back at her. “That’s the plan,” I said firmly. Whenever I thought about it, a tiny voice nudged me inside. I wasn’t so sure what Alex thought of just a fling. That voice also wasn’t so sure this was a good idea for my heart. I didn’t care to think about that right now. My body was mine again, and I intended not to miss out on something I’d wondered if I’d ever enjoy again.
Daisy eyed me thoughtfully. “Look, I think it’s great you’re interested in any guy, okay? I just don’t know if a ‘nothing but sex’ fling is the way to go about this. I’m also not sure what Alex might think of that. Have you talked to him about this?”
Daisy was ever practical when it came to matters like this. She’d been on a self-declared mission to find the love of her life the last year or so and was open to the point of hilarity about it. I’d gently pointed out perhaps she should relax and let life happen, but that wasn’t really Daisy’s personality. I was slightly taken aback she thought there needed to be advance discussion with Alex.
“I mean, he knows I want him if that’s what you mean,” I offered with a shrug.
“Well, there’s wanting someone and then there’s what you’re proposing, which is basically using him for sex. He might be all about that, but I don’t know. Alex is, well, he’s not really a player.”
I swallowed the last of my coffee and considered her point. Alex played his cards so close to his chest when it came to personal matters, I didn’t have much to go on to suss out what he might think. He eschewed the media attention that came with being an international sports star and had never been linked publicly with anyone that I knew. This was in contrast to some of his teammates from the Seattle Stars and his former team in England. If I listened to what my heart tried to whisper, it made me question myself, so I kept ignoring it. Those whispers said Alex didn’t do much lightly. Those whispers made my heart race and anxiety bloom in my chest. Just getting to the point where I could enjoy the feeling of desire again was so huge, it was too much to think beyond that. I didn’t want to miss out on this, so I swatted those whispers away.
“Maybe he’s not, but I don’t see why that should stop me,” I finally said.
Daisy’s perceptive gaze coasted over me. After a beat, she asked, “Something happen to trigger this?”
Annoyed, I rolled my eyes. “Why can’t it just be that maybe I’m finally getting past what happened? You’ve never said it, but I’m sure you’ve wondered if I really ever would.”
Because she was that kind of friend, Daisy didn’t back down and let me derail her. “Hey, I’m thrilled for you. I really am. I never wondered if it made sense that you didn’t date. Honestly, it did. I think everyone can find what they want however it works for them. It certainly doesn’t mean sex and relationships are the key. If there’s one thing I’ve wanted for you, it’s for you to call the shots about this. You seem to be doing that right now. But I’ve got a feeling there’s something behind all this and it’s not just how hot Alex is. Trust me, I think the guy’s worth drooling over, but he doesn’t do a thing for me. I just think…”
I cut her off. “Fine. Maybe something did trigger this, but I think it’s a good thing. I saw Joe. Three times actually.” I crossed my arms and all but glared at her.
Daisy’s eyes flashed, and she leaned her elbows on the table. “You saw Joe Schmidt?”
“Yeah. I did. He must live near the park by my place because I saw him running there twice now and once in his car on the street. Before you go flipping out, there’s nothing to do about him existing. I can’t keep living my life trying to avoid him. I’m not happy I saw him. At all. But it’s weird because seeing him and not falling apart again tells me I’m okay. Maybe that triggered something, but I don’t know if it matters. I like Alex, and you just said it yourself—he’s worth drooling over, so I might as well enjoy him while I can.” My heart kicked up a notch saying this aloud.
Daisy was quiet, her gaze searching my face. For a flash, I recalled the look on her face the day I’d been raped. I’d called her and Olivia from the police station. Olivia hadn’t gotten my message until later because she’d been taking an exam. Daisy had raced to the police station after rolling out of bed. She’d stuck to me like glue for weeks afterwards. Between her and Olivia, I’d barely had a moment alone. She was a loyal, caring and ferociously protective friend. I crossed and uncrossed my legs, restless under her appraisal.
Daisy leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Hon, I’
m all for you enjoying whoever you want. Just be careful. Don’t hurt yourself in the process. You’re not really a fling person.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and flipped a sugar packet in circles between my fingers. I’d never had a fling in my life. Before the awfulness of getting raped, I’d had a whopping total of two semi-serious relationships, both of which lasted roughly two years. Each had ended in a similar fashion, mostly a slow fade and ending on friendly terms. The more recent of the two, Ross Palmer, had occupied my sophomore and junior years in college. He’d reached out after the whole mess with Joe exploded in the news. He’d been nothing but supportive through it all. If there’d been any chance for a spark to return between us, it would’ve, yet it hadn’t. We still stayed in touch sporadically. He lived in Seattle with his latest girlfriend. I tried to recall if I’d even considered a fling before my life fell apart. I hadn’t, so I should probably be wondering what the hell I was thinking. I didn’t want to though. I wanted to run at this and tumble into it because I hadn’t thought I’d ever experience desire again. Most certainly not the scalding hot desire I felt for Alex.
I looked to Daisy and wondered what I’d been hoping to hear from her. I had wanted to talk, if anything because I had enough sense to know I might need someone to ground me. Daisy wasn’t calling me crazy, yet she was planting questions, and I wasn’t too thrilled with that. “I’m not the same person I was before. I never will be,” I finally said.
Daisy smiled softly, her eyes warm. “Of course not, but even though you’re different, there’s a part of you that’s the same. I’m just not sure that Harper is a fling type. I’d have said you were a nester. I’d say the same about Alex too. He’s just got that vibe.”
“A nester?”
“Yeah, you nest into relationships and make them cozy.” She shrugged and waved a hand. “That’s not what you want right now. I’m backing off because you know what? If you want a sex fling with Alex Gordon, who am I to tell you not to go for it? God knows, plenty of women will be jealous. He’s got that whole hard-to-get vibe down to a science. Even worse, he’s not even trying. It’s just the way he is.” She grinned and reached over to squeeze my hand. “Just know if you need me, I’m here.”
***
That evening, I almost jumped when my phone buzzed on the table. Stanley was seated at my feet with his giant head resting on one of them. I leaned forward and snagged my phone off the coffee table to see Alex’s name on the banner.
Walking to your place now. See you in a bit.
I grinned and then laughed aloud at myself. I was downright giddy over seeing Alex again. Maybe I was crazy, but I didn’t particularly care just now. Stanley lifted his head, his solemn blue gaze assessing me. “Okay, Stanley, you had your walk, so now you can nap while I go out to dinner,” I informed him.
I didn’t care whether or not he knew precisely what I was saying. I talked to him anyway. My father had gotten Stanley for me from a rescue program in the months after Joe raped me. Stanley had been my rock of solace in the loneliest, darkest time of my life. After a moment, he nudged my calf with his nose.
“Oh right!” I jumped up, suddenly realizing if Alex was on his way, I needed to be downstairs to meet him. I grabbed my purse off the table and a jacket by the door. Stanley padded to the door and looked up expectantly. “Be good,” I said, quickly leaning over to drop a kiss on the top of his dappled gray head. I knew he’d most likely sleep straight through until morning. Once he’d had his evening walk, that’s what he did.
After locking the door behind me, I jogged down the stairs, realizing as I reached the bottom that I hadn’t walked anywhere morning or night when it was close to dark in years. I likely wouldn’t have now, yet Alex would be with me, so the question of fear didn’t even cross my mind. I saw him approaching and walked outside to meet him. Waiting on the bottom step, my pulse kicked up a notch just watching him walk toward me. He was a near perfect specimen of pure masculine strength. He was on the tall side, his form muscled and sleek. His shoulders flexed with the swing of his arms. He stopped in front of me, his eyes level with mine from where I stood a step above the sidewalk.
It was early evening and the sun was setting. The light was smudgy and gray, and the sky streaked with pink in the distance over Puget Sound. Alex looked to me, his brown eyes dark and unfathomable. In a flash, the air around us felt heated. His mere presence made me hot inside and out. That recklessness rose within, and I wanted to grab onto him and drag him upstairs. But I held back. I was bound and determined tonight wouldn’t end with him putting the brakes on anything, yet I knew if I was too demanding, he’d hold the line.
“Shall we?”
The low timbre of his voice sent a shiver over my skin. My belly clenched and heat slid through my veins. I couldn’t seem to form a word, but I managed a nod and stepped down to the sidewalk. Without a word, we began walking. We were meeting at a restaurant roughly a fifteen minute walk away. I’m not sure who reached for whose hand, but somewhere along the way, I found my hand clasped in Alex’s. His hand dwarfed mine—his grip strong and warm as he held my hand lightly. My attention narrowed to that point of contact, savoring it. My mind wandered to what his hands felt like on my skin.
By the time we reached the restaurant and Alex ushered me inside, I was hot and bothered to the point of ridiculous. I wasn’t sure what the occasion was, although I’d come to learn Liam liked to eat. A lot. He liked Olivia with him all the time, so he tended to round up friends for no reason other than dinner together. We were meeting at a place I’d never been tonight—an Italian restaurant that was one of the latest new favorites in Seattle. The entryway was crowded. Alex ignored everyone and guided me through with his hand on the curve of my back. He leaned down. “Liam texted they were already here,” he said, his gruff voice sending a jolt of need through me.
Goosebumps rose on my skin at the feel of his breath feathering against my neck when he spoke. I had to remind myself we were in public and melting on sight might be embarrassing. I managed to nod and kept walking. Alex winked at the hostess when we reached the small stand where she stood. That’s all it took for her to abandon whatever she was doing and smile at him. “What can I do for you?” she asked, actually batting her lashes at him.
“We’re meeting a party here. Liam Reed.”
I saw the recognition in the hostess’s eyes the moment she connected Alex to Liam. They were both well known in and around Seattle since they’d been signed by the aggressive management for the Seattle Stars. Seattle aimed for international attention with their soccer team, and Liam, Alex and their other British teammates were part of that push. “Oh yes, Mr. Gordon. Right this way,” she said with a beaming smile.
Her eyes never flicked my way. If Alex was affected in the slightest by her, it didn’t show. If anything, he looked more bored while she chattered brightly at him as she led us across the restaurant to a large round table tucked into a corner at the back of the restaurant. Liam and Olivia sat together with Liam’s arm thrown across her shoulders as he laughed at something Tristan Wells said. Tristan was the fourth soccer player recruited from Britain. Of them, I’d seen him the least since Olivia had started dating Liam and I’d been brought into the orbit of their world. While Liam and Ethan were the fun-loving flirts, Alex and Tristan were more somber. Tristan had black locks that were almost always rumpled and hazel eyes. As would be expected given most of his life was dedicated to playing soccer at an elite level, he was in incredible condition. I’d gotten to know him a little and learned he was finishing up his coursework for medical school. How he managed that while he played professional sports was beyond me.
Olivia glanced up. “Oh hey! You’re both here. Sit,” she said, patting the chair beside her.
I rounded the table and slipped into the seat, suddenly aware that I’d been so zoned out over Alex I forgot we were in public. Alex sat down beside me without a word. This wasn’t unusual. In fact, his tendency to be quiet was
probably why I hadn’t talked to him much before the last few weeks. Liam leaned forward. “Glad you made it, mate,” he said with a wink and an easy grin.
Alex smiled slightly. “You knew I’d make it,” he replied in greeting.
“Right you are,” Liam said with a shrug. His bright blue eyes landed on me. “And the lovely Harper. How are you?”
For the thousandth time, I could do nothing other than laugh at his greeting. Liam was an unabashed flirt. If he wasn’t so ridiculously in love with Olivia, someone who didn’t know him might wonder. He insisted on calling me lovely, I think, because he knew it bothered me a little. With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “I’m fine, Liam. You?”
“Right as rain,” he replied with a wink before turning to Alex again. “Okay mate, bets on how much we’ll win our next game by.”
Alex shrugged and chuckled softly. “Pass.”
Liam rolled his eyes and promptly swung to Tristan. “You were right.”
Tristan smiled slightly, but stayed quiet.
“Right about what?” I asked.
Olivia caught my eyes with a smile and a slow shake of her head. “Tristan said Alex wouldn’t bother guessing. No one will bet with Liam, so he’ll be pestering me next.” She paused to take a sip of wine and tuck a loose curl behind her ear.
Liam grinned and reached for the very curl she’d just pushed out of the way. He pulled it out and let it go where it bounced against her cheek. She flushed and rolled her eyes. With her dark curls, ivory skin and green eyes, Olivia was the lovely one. Until Liam, I’d occasionally wondered if she’d ever focus on anything other than work. It was good to see her with Liam. Beyond the fact she actually had a life outside of work now, they were silly happy together. With their dog Bentley, they were their own unit now. My thoughts spun to my earlier conversation with Daisy. I knew why she questioned me and the whole fling idea, but thinking beyond that made me uncomfortable inside. I worried if I started wishing for more, that itself would get in the way.