by Anna Hub
“I’m going to help you get through this.” I tried to sound confident but she stared at me as though she'd figured out what went wrong with Nick.
“You didn’t help Nick, did you?”
I swallowed, trying not to let her accusation cut too deep. “There's one important piece of information that will help keep you safe.”
She sobbed and it was difficult to look her in the eyes. “Listen carefully, Rachel. You can force yourself back through your shadow. From either world. If you ever find your life in danger, you can throw yourself at the ground, and if you have a shadow, it will swallow you.”
She wiped fallen tears away.
“When you return to the Origin, you have to leave the city. Then, when your shadow pulls you back here, you won’t be in the Valley.”
“If I can force myself through my shadow, why can’t I just go home now? Why didn’t I do that earlier, instead of running for my life?”
Because I need to show you to the villagers, I was disgusted with myself. “Because someone in the village will be able to tell you where to hide in the Origin.”
“But if I wanted to go home, I could do it now?”
“You could. But I think you should stay a while longer.”
Rachel’s nostrils flared and she gripped her hair tight until I thought she might rip the scruffy curls from her scalp. I moved closer and tried to wrap an arm around her shoulder but she shoved me away.
“Why didn’t you tell Nick?” she demanded.
Tara opened her eyes and saw Rachel glowering at me.
"Why?" Rachel pushed.
But how could I answer that question? I'd made a mistake. An unforgiveable mistake. And admitting that to Rachel wouldn't help.
Rachel turned to Tara. "Did you know about this? Do you know what she did?"
Tara sat up. "Calm down, Rachel." She glanced at me and I battled to hold myself together.
"She didn't tell Nick!" Rachel cried uncontrollably as Tara pulled her into her arms.
I couldn’t take it any longer. Tara called out to me as I walked away, but I didn’t have the strength to answer.
I found a place to hide away; another groove in the mountain side. I tucked myself into a corner and drew my knees to my chest. The position compressed my lungs, but I felt as though I’d never be able to take a full breath again. I couldn’t believe I’d been so stupid. There was no excuse for it. I’d known the distance travelled before your final passing wasn't permanent, unless you travelled in the Origin.
Nick was in hospital. For him, travelling in the Origin wasn’t an option. If I’d told him the truth, he might have at least known he needed to escape the hospital, as Tara did. Instead he would lie there, waiting for the next pass. And when it happened he would be dropped back in the Valley.
Hunters and whip cats would be all around him and he would have no one to help him get out. Everything we’d gone through was for nothing. All I had to do, was give him the information and he would have known what to do next. It was entirely my fault.
It had become clear that Tara and Matt were incapable of discussing the shadow portal. There was no way they could have passed the knowledge onto Nick. And Brayden’s role in the mission had been protection only. It was all on my shoulders. I clamped my hand over my mouth. There was no way to undo the mistake I’d made and it could be the difference between life and death for Nick. He was the first shadow I’d found. It had only been a few days since I met him, but it felt like so much longer. We’d been through so much and without him we probably wouldn’t have been able to get the others out alive. Somehow it made my debt to him that much greater.
--*--
Hours passed before I found the courage to return to the camp. Matt had returned with Ethel and she was busy mixing herbs for Tara. She stopped to look at me as I walked in.
Her eyes hovered but they seemed disengaged, as though she was seeing something no one else could. I dropped my gaze and sat down quietly, waiting for the group to continue their conversation. But I could feel Rachel's eyes on me. Her anger burning right through me as I tried to come to terms with Nick's loss. The guilt was bad enough without her hateful stare. But there was nothing I could do. I knew this job wouldn't be easy, and I'd chosen it anyway.
“The news spread through the village," Ethel spoke up and I was glad for the distraction. "We knew the rebel group tried to drive you away from the village and when the sentries reported your entry to the Valley of the Hunters, I didn’t think I’d see any of you again.”
Matt swiped his hair back into a fresh ponytail. “We didn’t have much choice. The deal was made and Selena planned her mission. If we didn’t go with her that could have been the end of everything.”
Tara flinched as Ethel probed her ankle. “There wasn’t time to talk to you about it. We had to make a choice, and we knew she stood a better chance of survival with us than without.”
Ethel met Tara's gaze. “I never would have asked you to go there.”
“You gave me a job to do and I agreed,” she replied.
I straightened, trying desperately to decipher their conversation.
Ethel's lips tightened. “I appreciate your loyalty but I can’t tell you why I asked you to do those things for me. And I can’t promise you an explanation in the future either.”
“You don’t have to. I want things to change too and if our objectives overlap, we might as well help each other.”
Matt agreed. “Now we have something to bargain with. We’ve seen the way Brayden works and there’s no denying he would be a useful ally. The villagers can’t possibly refuse to have him live outside the village, it just isn’t enforceable.”
Ethel sighed. “I wouldn’t count on that. But if they do, I’ll have something new to work with.”
The healer laid the herbs over the fire to smoulder before she served them for Tara. The sentry soon forgot the pain of her ankle. She leaned back with a peaceful expression on her face before she closed her eyes.
Ethel looked at me again. “You took a big risk going back in there. You’re lucky your mission was successful.”
“I’m not sure if successful is the right word.”
“Well, you're all alive. And you've collected the evidence you needed to prove Brayden is more than just a hunter.”
Rachel’s eyes burned into me. No doubt hearing this conversation made her feel like nothing more than a piece of evidence.
“I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, that a lot of people in the village won’t want to honour your deal. But if you can persuade them, what do you plan on asking for in return?”
I hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I just want to feel safe. I want to know people aren’t going to come after us.”
“The villagers won’t allow you to live with them,” Matt said. “Given that we went with you, they won’t let us back in either. I think it’s best we don’t even ask for that. It would only give them more reason to feel defensive.”
I nodded. “Like I said, I just want to feel safe. I don’t care where that is.”
Ethel clasped her hands together as she addressed Matt. “It's important that you keep some relationship with the villagers. Everything you’ve done is useless if you just walk away. You need to persuade them to form some kind of alliance with you.”
“Obviously if we’re going to remain in a small community, we’ll need help with food and supplies. I think the promise of shadow rescue, protection and training, should be enough to justify an alliance,” Matt replied.
Ethel seemed pleased with his suggestion. “I'll arrange a meeting for you in two days. It will give you time to sleep off your fatigue, and my herbs will help heal any injuries. You should do the best you can to keep your young friends with you until that time.”
Matt nodded but he looked grim. And I could already feel the anticipation of another trial creeping in my bones.
“Take this time to prepare your words. People are still in uproar about the hunter’s confrontat
ion with Joseph and Ben.”
“Can you see if he needs healing?” Matt motioned to Brayden as he slept. "He was in a bad way when we escaped the Valley."
She turned to Brayden. Her blue eyes settled on him for only a second when he jerked out of his slumber, his eyes instantly grey.
There was no evidence he'd just woken or that he had been so ill the day before. I stretched forward to distract him but Ethel pushed me back.
“Stay there,” she said in a hollow tone.
Brayden’s eyes remained grey but he did settle back into his place.
Eventually Ethel stood up. “I don’t think he needs anything from me.”
We all watched in anticipation but when Ethel turned away Brayden’s eyes settled. The healer announced she had to return to the village and Matt stood up to escort her. She turned back just once and looked straight at me. “Never bring him into the village.”
Chapter Nineteen
Ethel’s tone had scared me. She'd clearly gone out of her way to help us, but the way she looked at Brayden, confirmed that it had very little to do with him. After the things she said to me in the cave, I already knew there was something she wanted from me. It was to do with my Enhancement but I was no closer to finding out what it was.
My gut feeling told me she was genuine, but seeing the way the villagers responded to Brayden reminded me that I could never be too cautious. It seemed like everyone here had a purpose of their own. I needed to find out what they were before I helped any of them achieve it.
I looked at Brayden. He was asleep again and completely unaware of the controversy amongst the villagers. If I did tell him, I doubted he would care anyway but after our experiences in the Valley, I was coming to realise there was a lot more to his Instinct than I initially thought. It was naive for me to think it wouldn’t change anything. That life with him wouldn’t be different. Only now could I see how deeply it affected him—he was bound by rules. He couldn’t help anyone until they had proven themselves to him. He wouldn’t automatically trust people the way I did, but perhaps that was a good thing. This world wasn’t like the Origin. There were Enhancements that changed people and more reasons to be wary.
“I feel like I owe you an apology, Sel.” Matt mixed vegetables into a bowl of boiling water on the fire.
“Why?”
He lifted his head as he worked. “Before we went to the Valley, I told you I wanted to learn from Brayden. I knew he was a hunter. I’d already seen the grey in his eyes, and I thought I was prepared for the fact he wouldn’t protect us.”
I nodded.
“It was one thing to know it, but when it actually happened I was furious. I guess I expected to be able to protect Tara myself. But when the reptile came, he was the only one who knew what to do.”
“It’s okay, Matt. You don’t have to explain.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. The point is, by the end of that mission, everything changed. In that last fight, he saved all of us and without him, none of us would have made it back out." He paused. "What I’m trying to say is, I was wrong and now that I’ve seen what he’s capable of, I only feel stronger about protecting him from the villagers.”
I stared at the ground, feeling somewhat nervous. I knew I had to say something before we went any further. “I never expected an apology from you, Matt, but I do want an explanation.”
He frowned.
“From the very beginning, it’s been pretty clear you followed me for a reason. In the Valley I heard Tara say it wouldn’t benefit you or Ethel if you left Brayden and me behind.”
He checked to see if Tara was still asleep.
“Do you work for Ethel? Did she ask you to protect me?”
For a while he was silent. Then he sighed. “I can’t tell you everything you want to know, simply because I don’t know myself. But I’ll tell you what I can. Ethel’s work is her own. You heard what she said. She can’t explain the reasons she enlisted our help, even to us. We don’t work for her and we were under no obligation to fulfil her request.”
“But she did ask you to protect me?”
“Yes. She wanted us to keep you safe from rebels outside the village. When you left for the Valley, we didn’t have time to consult her, so we decided ourselves that we would come with you.”
“I want to know why.”
“Ethel’s curious about Brayden, but for some reason it's you she's more concerned with saving. For Tara and me, it was the opposite. Brayden is the one we wanted and getting close to him would have been impossible if it wasn’t for you. So, it seemed like a fair trade—protecting you, so we could observe him.”
I wondered if I should feel offended that they were using me to get to Brayden. But so much had happened since then. We’d become close enough that Matt felt he could tell me the truth, and in light of everything, it didn’t seem to matter.
“What did you want from Brayden?”
“We need to know what drives hunters, their weaknesses, and most importantly, how to kill them. For years, the villagers have lived in fear of their attack and for some reason, our requests to study them have always been denied by the elders. You'd think they’d be willing to invest in something that could ultimately save lives, especially given that our proposals endangered no lives but our own. Still, they refused time and again.”
“Why wouldn’t the elders want you to learn how to kill hunters?”
“There has to be more to it because it doesn’t make sense, right? We’ve had a frustrating few years trying to get approval for a study but it’s always turned down. Then you showed up with a hunter, and we decided to take the matter into our own hands.”
I nodded; although it left me with more questions, this was all the information I'd wanted from Matt in the beginning. “I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me this sooner.”
“We needed you to believe we truly wanted to help you. If you thought it was an attempt to reach Brayden, you probably would have denied our involvement.” Matt touched my arm. “It’s a lot to think about, isn’t it? For now, I think it’s best if you set all that aside, and figure out what you want from this. You’re the one that made this rescue mission happen, and you’re the one who should reap the rewards.”
--*--
After a couple of days resting, my body started to feel more normal. I still mourned Nick’s passing but I had every intention of returning to the Valley in search of him when the time was right.
Perhaps the mission had been completed for selfish reasons, but now I knew what I wanted to do with my life in the Shadowlands. I’d seen the struggle for survival firsthand, and I had to be involved in a more permanent rescue program. I hoped to eventually convince the villagers we needed more support and the next time we travelled there we wouldn't be so unprepared.
Brayden looked better each day but all he seemed to do was eat and sleep. It troubled me that sometimes his stomach still rejected his food, but he insisted he was fine. I only wished I knew more about his Instinct, but with each new experience, I learnt valuable information that would serve us for the future.
Brayden leaned in toward me. “I’ll head back to our shelter on the south of the mountains while you're in the village. Will you be leaving soon?”
I took a deep breath. “We’ll leave for the village around midday.”
“I should go then.” Brayden stood up and announced to the others that he would be heading home.
Matt held a hand out as he grinned. Brayden stared at it for a while before he eventually shook it then quickly snatched it back.
“You saved my life after all.” Tara smiled at him. “See you soon.” She grabbed his hand before he had chance to consider it.
He threw his pack over his shoulder; there was little in it but water and tools to make a fire. He hooked my bow over his shoulder and I knew he would have no problem finding food by himself.
“I’ll walk with you for a little way,” I spoke more to the others who nodded as I followed him around the bend
of the mountain.
“You’re nervous,” he said when we were out of sight.
There was no denying it. “Can you smell it?”
He rolled his eyes but continued walking. “I shouldn’t have told you about that.”
If he hadn’t told me, I wouldn’t have known to take Rachel into the pit with me and without her, I might not have been able to bring him back.
He stared at me for a moment. “You know, Nick’s a smart kid, he’ll figure it out.”
Again that tightening in my throat made it impossible for me to speak.
“It was going to happen eventually and he knows where to find us.”
“I should have told him about the pass and he wouldn’t have had to figure anything out.”
Brayden stopped walking and held my shoulder until I paused to look at him. “Sel, there was a lot going on in there. You can’t expect yourself to do everything perfectly without making any mistakes.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes. “What if that mistake is someone’s life?”
“If you hadn’t gone to the Valley at all, Nick would be in a worse position than he is now.”
I nodded.
“A selfless person did one selfish thing—accidently—it’s not the end of the world.” He paused and measured my expression. “If I could force you to let it go, I would.”
I nodded again and it made him laugh.
“He’s not dead, Selena. He’s in the Origin with his family.”
“For now.”
He pulled me into his chest and squeezed me tight. I flinched as he crushed a bruise on my chest. “A whip cat hit me there.”
He let me go and looked ahead as though preparing for a goodbye. But wasn't ready to be apart yet.
“Do you remember much from the Valley?” I continued walking before he could leave me behind.
“Not as one piece, but I remember fragments of things.”