Sublime Forgiveness (Sublime Series Book 3)

by Charlene Zapata

  I never thought I would say this but I’m forever grateful for running. It’s something new that we’ve added into our routine. It just happened one night out of the blue. Maggie called me up and asked if I wanted to run with her. How could I refuse an opportunity to spend alone time with her when that’s all I ever want. However, I did not expect it to kick my ass as hard as it did. Who knew running was hard?

  Tonight marks our fifth run together and I’ve started getting into a good rhythm with her. Sadly, her endurance out does mine every time. After we hit the four-mile mark, I have to slow down to catch my breath.

  “You’re definitely getting better. You went twice as far before needing a break. I’m proud of you.”

  I look up to see if she’s joking but she’s completely serious. My eyes start to wander away from her face unintentionally. I can’t help scanning her body when she’s standing just a couple feet away. She has on tight, black yoga pants, and a sweatshirt that she’s currently stripping from her body, giving me a full view of her toned abs. Her hair is up in a ponytail, just begging for her slick neck to be licked. Sweat is dripping from her face so she wipes it away with the clothing she just took off. Thank goodness she has a tank top on underneath because I can’t contain my attraction to her much longer. As it is, I have to look away before my desire becomes crystal clear to both of us. I have had many, many thoughts about what it would be like to be with her. I need to change my thought process fast or I might just attack her right now in the middle of nowhere.

  “Do you mind if we walk back?” I ask hoping she cuts me some slack.

  “Not at all. Everything alright?”

  “Yeah. I just wanted to talk. I can’t do that very well when I’m struggling to get oxygen into my lungs. Running and talking just don’t go hand in hand for me.” She giggles quietly at my remark.

  “You’ll get there. I don’t mind walking. It’s a nice night out for a stroll in the…well, it’s not exactly a park but the empty field next to the railroad tracks is nice too.”

  “So, what do you want to talk about?” I ask as my breathing starts to return to normal.

  “Oh, no. You go first. You’re the one who wanted to slow down and take our time getting back. At this rate, it’s going to be midnight before we reach your car.”

  “Haha. Funny. Always something sassy to say.”

  “You like it and you know it.”

  “I do indeed. Seriously, I can’t think of anything.”

  “Of course not. Hmmm…what should we talk about.” I can see the wheels turning and notice the moment she has a topic in mind. But her face turns serious causing me to get a little nervous.

  “Just spit it out, Maggie. What do you want to know?”

  “Just don’t get upset with me, okay?”

  “Never. You can ask me anything, I promise. I was just teasing you before.”

  “You don’t talk about your dad much and I totally get it. I was just wondering if you would share what happened the night you lost him. The only thing you’ve told me is that he had a heart attack.”

  “I wasn’t expecting that to be what popped into your head. Why do you want to know?”

  “If it’s too painful, I totally understand. It’s just that I don’t know anyone else that has lost a parent and I’m curious, I guess. Does that sound totally morbid?”

  “No. I think I get it. Do you mind telling me about your dad? Maybe not tonight, but someday?”

  “Sure. It might be nice having someone to talk to about it.”

  “Are you sure you want to hear this?” I can’t believe I’m even considering this. I haven’t talked about that day with anyone. Ever.

  “I’m positive.”

  I take a deep breath before considering where to start. It’s been so long since I’ve even allowed myself to think about one of the worst days of my life. It takes me a few minutes before I feel ready. Maggie is so patient. She doesn’t rush me or ask why I haven’t started talking. She just gives me the time I need.

  “I was such a troubled kid. I thought my life was going to be pointless after high school so I partied, drank, stole and got into fights whenever possible. I was such a huge disappointment to my parents. The last time I was sent to juvy, my dad grounded me for three months. He even took my bedroom door off so I couldn’t get away with sneaking out.”

  “He sounds like he was a very smart man.”

  “He was. After staying out of trouble for so long, he started to trust me again. He enrolled me in driver’s ed so I could get my license. He even gave me a spare key to his truck so I could drive it when I finished. I had a hard time sticking with anything so when I finished the class I wanted nothing more than to show my father my accomplishment. I waited so long for him to come pick me up. When he never showed, I walked home. Joey finally called to tell me they were all at the hospital. Apparently, my dad had gone to my mother’s restaurant after work to share a cup of coffee with her on her break. Joey was with him because dad had just picked him up from a friend’s house. He had a heart attack the minute he sat down at the table. They called an ambulance but it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital.”

  “Vincent, I’m so sorry.”

  “The hardest part is knowing I wasn’t there. I didn’t even get to say good-bye. All I wanted to do was prove to him that I could finish something. That I could do something positive in my life. I’m so angry at myself for letting him down on a daily basis. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for the terrible son that I was.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure that your father loved you and saw the potential you had even before you knew what you were capable of achieving. It sounds to me like he loved you unconditionally. Even when you were messing up. I doubt he would want you living your life with regret and anger toward yourself. You were just a teenager, Vince. Besides, look at the man you’ve become. He would be so proud.”

  “I think he would be proud. But he isn’t here to see it. That’s the part that kills me. Why couldn’t I have been better then?”

  “I’ve said this before and I will say it again. I think everything happens for a reason. Let me put it to you this way, do you think that your father would have done anything for you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think he would have sacrificed everything to save you?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s exactly what he did. You losing him is what made you change for the better. It’s what gave you the drive you needed to become the man you are. Don’t let that go to waste because you feel guilty. It’s time to let go and forgive yourself.”

  Maggie reaches up and wipes a tear away from my face. And then another and another. I didn’t even realize I was crying until I felt her soft caress on my hot skin. I reach up and place my hand on top of hers to hold it in place. I don’t know how long we stand locked in that position before she finally pulls my hand down to her side. She doesn’t let go. She holds on tight, leading me back to my car.

  I thought I was supposed to be her savior not the other way around. How in the hell does she do that? How can she start by asking a simple question and turn it into a life changing moment for me? I can’t believe I cried in front of her. I guess I should be embarrassed but I’m not. I think it’s because she never makes me feel judged. She just accepts me exactly the way I am.

  I might just be falling in love with this girl. Who am I kidding? I’m already in love with her. I think I have been from the first day I laid eyes on her. Now if I could just get her to see it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maggie’s birthday party has finally arrived. Her and Amanda are in the bathroom getting ready while Tommy and I finish up the final touches before the guests arrive. This is the only party we have ever had at our house. I don’t have any desire to go anywhere near my past lifestyle. But for Maggie, I would do anything.

  Our flirting has become down right unbearable. After our run the other night, I have finally decided to t
ake things to the next level. I’m willing to take the risk that she doesn’t want the same things because I can’t keep going on like this. My feelings have only gotten stronger over the past several weeks. There’s no point in denying it anymore. I know she feels it too. It’s getting harder and harder to be in the same room together without touching her. Kissing her. Loving her.

  Everyone should be arriving soon so I head back to my room to get changed. Women take forever. I’m done in less than five minutes. Although, Tommy is more like a girl and takes hours to primp. He met Amanda for the first time tonight and I thought I saw something between them. That’s all I need, the two of them to start dating. But Tommy is such a ladies’ man, it’s highly unlikely they would end up together.

  Just as I close my bedroom door behind me, I see Maggie come out of the bathroom. I can’t breathe. She literally just took my breath away. She’s wearing a tight black dress with a low cut front and high heels. I know Amanda helped her get ready because this isn’t anything she would wear on her own. Right now, I don’t give a damn who dressed her.

  “You look unbelievable.” I take a few steps toward her. I get as close as possible without touching her because I know that if I feel her body under my fingertips, I’ll lose all control.

  “Magnolia, you are so beautiful.”

  Now I’m asking her with my eyes for permission to close the distance between us, to finally move past friendship. Before I have the chance to get an answer, Amanda comes busting out of the bathroom. I could seriously murder that girl. At least Maggie seems just as disappointed as I am. They head out to the living room to raid the food and beer. I overheard Amanda begging Maggie to drink with her tonight. I’ve never heard her talk about alcohol so I can only assume she’s never been drunk before. This could be a very entertaining night.

  I try to stay out of the way and give Maggie her space. I know she doesn’t get to see most of these people outside of school, so I want to let her have as much fun as possible. Even if that means I might be dealing with a little vomit later tonight.

  Right after midnight, once everyone has left, Maggie and Amanda turn up the music and dance all around the living room. After a few songs, she starts to sway back and forth. She looks like she might fall over. I quickly walk up behind her, supporting her waist with my arms. She leans back into my shoulder, moving with the music. I can’t even describe how good this feels. I wish this moment didn’t have to end. Unfortunately, she’s pretty drunk. I would never take advantage of her in this state of mind. Once the song ends, I lead her down the hallway to my room so she can sleep in my bed tonight. I’ll find somewhere to crash.

  Drunk Maggie has other plans. She begs me to stay with her. And if she didn’t look so adorable hanging off my bed, pleading with me to stay, I might have had enough will power to say no. But really, how could I ever refuse her. I climb into bed next to her after striping away my shirt and jeans. She quickly turns her body toward mine and lays her head on my chest.

  I take several calming breaths and think about anything and everything that will keep me from getting too aroused. I start to rub her side softly while I soak up everything about this moment. She smells like a field of flowers. It kind of reminds me of the creek. Funny how I never thought about that before tonight. Maybe it’s because this is the closest we’ve ever been. The most intimate. Maggie takes a deep breath and just when I think she’s about to pass out, she starts talking.

  “This has been the best night of my life. Thank you so much for throwing me this party. Can we go to the creek tomorrow? Please?”

  “Of course, anything you want.”

  “Thanks Vincent. You mean so much to me. I hope you know that.”

  Relief floods my body that she’s finally admitting that I matter. That we mean more to each other. I just hope she remembers speaking the words tomorrow when she wakes up. Because ready or not, it’s time.

  *****

  Waking up with Maggie in my arms is better than Turkey on Thanksgiving day, better than presents on Christmas morning and better than just about everything else in the world. I could kick myself for falling asleep and missing most of the night. She looks so adorable with her mouth slightly open, snoring so softly that if I wasn’t right next to her, I wouldn’t be able to hear it.

  For some crazy reason, I get the idea to make her breakfast. I can’t cook. Like not even a little. But what the hell? I’ll give it a try. I mean, how hard can eggs and biscuits be anyway. I leave a glass of water and some aspirin with a note for her. I look back at the beautiful girl lying in my bed one more time before closing the bedroom door.

  I wish we could stay in bed all day but I have no idea if she even remembers last night. I thought it was best to let her wake up alone. I have to run to the store anyway. Since Tommy and I never cook real food, I have nothing to offer the girls for breakfast. I pick up eggs, pancake mix, bacon, and biscuits. I grab a container of orange juice and some milk and head back to the house. I might have overbought but I have no idea what I’m doing. After putting everything on the counter, I hear the shower turn on. I hope that’s Maggie because I honestly can’t wait to see her.

  The first thing I do is open the canister of biscuits. I put those in the oven and then crack some eggs in a bowl. I’ve watched my mom do it a million times and always thought it looked easy enough. After I dig out all the shells, I stir in some salt and pepper and pour the mixture into a pan. Then I decide to start the pancakes but I think I added too much water. They aren’t usually this runny when mom makes them. Something is starting to smell really bad and that’s when I remember the eggs. Dammit. Well, those are ruined. I dump them in the trash and decide to move on to the bacon. I know that’s easy. You just open the package and put it in the skillet.

  About a minute later, Maggie walks into the kitchen. I must look like a complete idiot. I have to give her credit; she only laughs a little before offering to help. The next thing I know, I’m the one sitting down while she’s making me breakfast. She says she doesn’t mind but that only makes me feel a tiny bit better. Tommy and Amanda join us when everything is finished.

  After cleaning up the kitchen with Tommy, Maggie asks if we can head out to the creek. I wasn’t sure about leaving Amanda here with Tommy but Maggie seems perfectly fine with the idea. If she’s not worried, then I guess I’m not either.

  Right before we leave, we share a moment. A tiny fragment of time where I almost kiss her. But I don’t want to do it here. Not with an audience. I want privacy with zero chance of being interrupted. So I grab her hand instead and pull her outside to the truck.

  The drive to the creek is quiet. No music and no talking. I’m so wrapped up in my own head. I have no idea what to do or how to tell her everything that is in my heart. Every time I look over at her, I see peacefulness covering her features. She seems truly happy in this moment and that makes me happy. Once we get to the field and park, I help her out of the truck. She smiles at me and I could swear that something has changed. It feels like she’s seeing me in a whole new light.

  We take our time walking to the creek. Once we break free of the trees, we settle on two huge rocks sitting side by side. I don’t want to rush anything or plan how this is going to happen. I just want it to come naturally. We talk for a long time while soaking up the sun. After sharing some more about our fathers, we both fall silent for awhile. Winter is right around the corner and I can’t wait to see her reaction to the snow covered ground and iced over creek.

  It’s about time to head back to town. I’m sure Maggie is starving by now. That’s usually the reason we have to leave when we do. I get down from my rock and reach over for her hand. But instead of pulling her along to walk back, I stop. This is it. This is our moment in time. I can feel it.

  “Maggie, I need to ask you something. I need for you to be honest with me. Can you do that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you think that friends can have more without ruining the friendship? Because I don’t kn
ow how much longer I can be around you without kissing you. But I don’t want to lose what we already have together. You mean so much to me. I can’t picture my life without you in it. So if you think we can’t have more, tell me before I kiss you.”

  I watch her eyes closely, examining every flicker, trying to figure out her answer. She opens her mouth slightly and the words I’ve been waiting to hear for so long are finally uttered from her beautiful mouth.

  “Kiss me.”

  I still pause. I want to give her time to process this, to make sure she wants this. That she wants me. When I start to feel more confident, I slowly pull her closer to my body, inching my way into her space, closing the gap between our bodies. I wrap my one arm tightly around her waist, conforming our bodies into one. My other hand slides up her neck before I reach around the back of her head, locking my fingers in her hair. There is no room between us. No air to breathe except each others. I can almost taste her sweetness.

  I’ve waited so long for this to happen. For her to be ready. I can’t control myself any longer. As much as I wanted our first kiss to be slow and sweet, my passion for her overrides that desire. My mouth crashes down onto hers. I feel her hands around my neck, pulling me even closer. Her response only fuels my want for her, my need for her. The reality of the moment is so much better than any fantasy I’ve had over the past few months. Her skin is so soft under my rough hands, her lips mold to mine perfectly, the heat from this kiss could start a fire. Once the intensity starts to ease just slightly, my kisses become softer, more deliberate. I start at her lips, then move to her neck and end nipping at her ear. That doesn’t last long because the minute she moans out in pleasure, my mouth comes back down on hers hard.

  After what feels like mere seconds to me, things start to calm down between us. Our breathing returns to normal, our kisses become gentle as we start to explore each others mouths in a more intimate way. I open my eyes so I can watch this stunning girl kissing me. I love her. I absolutely, without a doubt in my mind, love her. I won’t say it now. I know her too well. She needs things to go slow. She’s never had anything like this before. In all reality, neither have I.