After a few games playing teams, guys against girls, I convince Maggie to play me one on one. Asher and Heather happen to be awful at pool so they don’t mind sitting out for a while. My timing couldn’t have been better because all of Asher’s friends show up just as I start to rack up the balls. Asher seems tipsy, not quite drunk but a good buzz going on so he’ll be easily distracted.
“Watch out, she’s a shark Vince. She will wipe the table with you.” Asher yells across the room.
“I highly doubt that. Who do you think taught her how to play?” I give him a cocky smile before turning my full attention back to Maggie. I give her a playful wink while brushing past her shoulder. I can’t believe the reaction my body is having to her proximity. One tiny touch and sparks are flying. Have I mentioned how much I missed her?
For the next thirty minutes I have her full attention. Asher is completely distracted by his friends; a fact I take full advantage of. I intentionally walk around her every time I take a shot regardless of where the queue ball stops. Softly grazing her body at each pass. We’re about halfway through our game when I get a little more brazen. I whisper “nice shot” right in her ear, leaning over just enough that my whole body presses lightly against hers.
“You do know my boyfriend is standing right over there.” She takes a step back while pointing her finger in Asher’s direction.
“I’ve been thinking about that. A lot. I don’t think he’s really your boyfriend.”
“What are you talking about? Are you delusional?”
“I think he wants to be but for whatever reason you haven’t let him in. Not really. I know you. Better than you think. I’ve watched the two of you together. I’ve never even seen you kiss each other. Throw in the fact that he is being so nice to me and what you really have is a great friendship.”
As each word leaves my mouth, my body moves closer and closer to hers until I’m right beside her again. I lean into her silky neck, then lift my lips to her ears.
“Magnolia. Don’t fight this. I know you miss me. Please, forgive me.”
For just a second, I can see her contemplating my pleas, but then something snaps in her. She throws the pool stick down on the table and marches over to Asher. Shit. What did I just do? She pushes her body in between his legs, then before I can blink, her mouth is on his. I can tell she caught him completely off guard because his hands don’t wrap immediately around her body. But it doesn’t take him long to catch up. Her hands are aggressively tangled in his pretty boy golden locks, kissing him forcefully. I can’t see anything beyond their kiss. If you didn’t know better, you would think they’re mad about each other. Maybe they are and I’ve been the one lying to myself.
Heather comes up behind the two love birds, breaking up the make-out session with some comment I can’t quite hear. Maggie turns to look at me but I feel numb. I have no idea what expression is on my face. When she turns back to Asher, I see anger on his face instead of satisfaction. He pushes her away just enough to give him room to stand up then he storms out of the bar. I’m so confused right now. Are they together or not? Maggie quickly rushes outside after him. What in the hell just happened?
Heather is standing next to the little round table where Asher and Maggie just had their tongues shoved down each others throat. I head over to her, asking if she wants me to walk her home. She doesn’t hear me at first, so I ask again.
“Oh. Yeah. Sure.”
“You ready? Because my whole night is shot.”
“Yeah. We can leave now.”
Once we’re outside, Heather tries to talk to me.
“Hey, I’m really sorry you had to see that. I don’t know what got into her tonight. I’m sure you know that isn’t like her to behave so shamelessly.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it.”
I know she’s just trying to be nice but I’m quietly struggling with my rage. The jealous part of me wants to storm into her apartment and demand an explanation all while pummeling Asher in the face. Multiple times. I stop on the other side of the parking lot, right before we reach the girls building.
“I better stop here. If I get any closer, I won’t be able to control what happens next.”
“I understand. Just so you know, I’m sure Maggie feels awful about what she did.”
“I’m sure she does. But the question is, does she feel bad for what she did to me or him?”
“Both. I mean, probably both of you. I don’t know anymore, Vincent. Just give her some time to figure this out. Please be patient because I know how she feels about you. She’s just hurt.”
“Now that makes two of us.” I turn and walk away, not wanting to hear one more person tell me how she feels about me. It’s starting to really piss me off.
I get back to the dorm and decide to call Tommy. I need to talk to someone, a person that has my back for a change. Being surrounded by her posse all time is getting to me. I need my friend.
“Hello?”
“Hey, man. You busy?”
“Not really. What’s up?”
“You would not believe what she did to me tonight! I’m so fucking pissed off that I can’t see straight. She kissed that motherfucker right in front of my face!” I’m screaming into the phone so loud, that the guy from across the hall comes over to check on me. I just slam the door in his face and continue with my rant. At least my roommate is out for the night, so I don’t have to worry about him.
“Dude, calm down. What are you talking about?”
“That Asher kid. She stuck her tongue down his throat while he put his hands all over her ass!”
“Oh shit. Look, you need to calm the fuck down. You kind of sound like young, teenage Vince ready to obliterate the guy.”
“I want to beat the shit out of him so bad.” I look down at my shaking hands, clenching them into fists while picturing his pretty boy face getting all bloody from my hands.
“I know you do. But do you really think it was his fault? From everything you’ve told me about the guy, he seems like he’s been trying to help you, not hurt you.”
“What do you want from me? Sure, he’s a nice guy but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to murder him for putting his hands on what’s mine.”
“I get it. You’re pissed. But you can’t change what happened tonight so try and figure out how to deal. You still have to see them in class on Monday. You’ve got to get under control before then.”
“Maybe I should just come back home. She barely speaks to me as it is, she avoids me at every turn. Now this. She did it to piss me off. I pushed her to a place she didn’t want to go, so this is her way of paying me back. Her way of hurting me.”
“Don’t leave just because she did something wrong. Don’t let this past year and a half go to waste. You’ve worked so hard to be there. I’m really proud of you, man. Don’t give it up just because she did something stupid.”
“What the fuck ever. I’m so over being here. I’m tired of trying for something that isn’t there.”
“I know you don’t believe that. And neither do I. I saw Asher and Maggie together. They don’t match. They’re not meant for each other. Not the way the two of you are. You just fit.”
“Just stop already! I’m tired of everyone telling me how much we belong together! You’re not listening! She doesn’t want me!” I’m screaming again. I know it isn’t his fault. He’s just trying to help. After a few calming breaths, I’m able to speak again. Tommy remained silent after my rant. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s not your fault and I know that.”
“I would rather you scream at me than Maggie or Asher. So if that what makes you feel better, have at it.”
“Thanks, man. But I think I’m all screamed out for now. I’m going to go for a run, then call it a night.”
“I’m here if you feel like yelling some more.”
“Thanks. Later.”
“Bye.”
I throw on some old sweat pants, a couple of layers of sweatshirts
and my running shoes. After Maggie left, I continued to go on our runs. It helped clear my head. I know its freezing outside and the possibility of falling on my ass from all the snow and ice are very high, but I still go. I need to think. To decide if staying is the right choice.
After forty-five minutes, I can no longer feel my feet. I’ve never been so happy to see my tiny dorm room as I am now. I strip everything off because it’s frozen from the bitterly cold wind. I decide to slip on a fresh pair of sweats and a t-shirt and huddle under the covers until sleep finally finds me.
The next few days go by but nothing’s changed. I still have no clue what I’m going to do. I’m trying to get past the hurt of seeing Maggie be intimate with Asher but all I can think about is how many times have they kissed like that? Was that the first time or the tenth? I skip class on Monday morning because my rage is still at an eight or nine. I need to calm the fuck down before I see either of their faces again. At least Asher has some common sense because I haven’t seen his face around here since Friday night. He’s been avoiding me as much as possible. I’ve only seen him once when he was quickly walking past my dorm room. I was studying and my roommate had left the door open. But he didn’t linger.
After avoiding things for as long as I could, I decide I better get to class on Wednesday. Even though the subject matter is fairly easy to me, I still need to be present. After taking my seat, Asher walks in a minute later. He doesn’t look at me or say a single word. Good boy. Stay away from the beast because you don’t know what I’m capable of. Just after the lecture begins, Maggie rushes into the room. It isn’t like her to be late. I wonder if she was here Monday.
I can feel her eyes on me the entire class. I don’t give her the satisfaction of returning her gaze. I’m sure she’s wondering if I’m still pissed. Well, she’s about to find out. Asher packs his things and leaves as soon as class ends, not bothering to wait for Maggie.
“Your boyfriend isn’t sticking around to walk you to class?” There is a bitter tone to my voice.
“He isn’t my boyfriend. But you already knew that.”
“Did I? Because I didn’t think you would shove your tongue in some random guy’s mouth but I guess I could be wrong.” I’m glad she finally admitted they aren’t together but it didn’t make me feel any better. Not after seeing them kiss.
“That isn’t fair and you know it. You have no right to be angry at me. You broke up with me, remember?”
“Actually, I didn’t. If you recall, I wanted to try a long distance relationship.”
“And I said no. That’s when you ended things. I’m not going to stand here arguing with you in the middle of class.”
“Since you refuse to talk to me any other time, this will have to work. I can’t believe you did that to me. Seeing you all over Asher like some cheap floozy was so degrading.”
That does it. That pushes her over the edge. She walks the few short steps it takes to reach me, giving her just enough room to slap my face without touching any other part of me. It stings but doesn’t affect me the way the hurt in her eyes does. What have I done? Before I can say another word, she turns around and leaves. Great. Just fucking great. How do I fix this? I’m such an idiot. She’s right about everything. I hurt her by pushing her away, not expecting her to have moved on with her life and now I’ve pushed her away again because she did move on. Maybe this was all a huge mistake.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
It’s taken me two weeks to build up the nerve to speak to Maggie again. Every time I see her, she avoids me, refusing to even look at me. I can’t wait any longer. It’s now or never. If she can’t forgive me, then maybe friendship is all we can have. I do want her in my life in whatever way possible. That hasn’t changed. Even if that means she ends up with Asher. As much as that would kill me, if it makes her happy, then I’ll let her go.
Heather gave me a heads-up that she would be out of town all weekend. It’s Friday night, I’ve paced my miniature dorm room so many times, I think the concrete floor is starting to concave under my feet. I take a deep breath and head to her apartment.
She opens the door quickly after I knock loudly, shocked to see me standing in her doorway. It takes some persuading for her to let me in the door, but she eventually caves.
“Can we sit down?”
“No.”
“So stubborn. Fine. Do you want to start?”
“Start with what? You’re the one who wants to talk. You haven’t even so much as looked at me in almost two weeks. Why now?”
“I needed time to cool down. To clear my head. I’m sorry about what I said about you and Asher. I was hurt and angry and really didn’t have any right to be. How could I expect you to be waiting for me after all this time? I guess I just hoped that I meant as much to you as you mean to me.”
“Stop right there, Slick. You don’t get to say that I mean more to you than you do to me. I’m not the one who ended things.”
At least she’s using my nickname. That has to be a good sign.
“You think I wanted to end this…us? I didn’t. I agonized over my decision for days, changing my mind a thousand times. I wanted to hold onto you so badly but I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. When you started talking about staying in Milford, I just couldn’t let you do that.”
“It wasn’t your choice to make!”
“Please, just let me finish.” I explain everything that happened after she left. How I fought to get back to her. All the sacrifices I’ve made over the past two years.
“What do you want me to say? Thanks for doing all of this? It’s a little late, Vince. Why did it take me leaving for you to realize you were capable of accomplishing all of this?”
She has a very valid point. There’s a lot from my past that I still haven’t forgiven myself for. All the partying, drinking and disobeying my father. The amount of disrespect I showed both my parents still haunts me. I guess I didn’t think I deserved better than what I had in Milford. I thought I was destined to remain in the tiny town I’d spent my whole life in, cleaning up the mess I caused by being a little punk.
“I don’t know. I never really had anyone believe in me the way you did. Maggie, I made a mistake. I never should have pushed you away. We should have worked it out together. I know that now. You make me want to be a better person, a better man.”
“You hurt me. You broke my trust. How can I ever get that back?”
“Please, just let me try. Give me another chance. I’m begging you. I love you. I have never stopped loving you.”
“Don’t. Just please don’t. I can’t take it. All this time I thought you didn’t want me. I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That I wasn’t enough. All the self-doubt that my mother tried to instill in me, all the times she degraded me, called me names, I never believed it until you said you needed distance. Do you have any idea what you did to me by turning me away? Making me think she was right all this time?”
“Oh no. Maggie, God…I’m so sorry. I had no idea that’s what you would think. I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you as far away from that woman as possible.”
“Don’t you see, none of that mattered. All I wanted was to be with you. We would have worked everything else out. But you bailed on us.”
“I’m here now. I want to be with you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Please, please forgive me.”
Her eyes finally begin to show some amount of compassion. Her resolve to be angry slowly slipping away. She’s letting her guard down. I move over to her, standing right in front of this beautiful woman who has my heart. I stroke her bottom lip slowly with my thumb, just as I’ve done a thousand times before in what feels like an entirely different lifetime. She doesn’t push me away, so I take it a step further. I lean down, my mouth touching hers tenderly. I do this a few times before I move down her neck. Kissing her soft skin, relishing in the feel of her body next to mine.
Suddenly, she grabs my face, pulling my lips back to hers. Sh
e gives me a small, tender kiss before the passion takes over. She becomes forceful, taking what she wants. Her aggression turns me on like nothing else. She pushes me against the wall, letting all her pent up feelings out in the way she touches me. The way her mouth moves over mine. Her hands are everywhere. Grabbing and pulling at my clothes. I help her pull my shirt over my head quickly before reaching for hers. It’s on the floor in a matter of seconds.
Holy hell, I’ve never felt this much hunger, this much deprivation for one person. The craving for her body, her touch, her kiss, are all intensified in this moment. I can’t contain my need for her any longer. I push her into the hallway, caressing her body before I wrap my hands around her thighs, lifting her up off the ground until I feel her legs wrap securely around my waist. I push her against the wall, pressing into her as my mouth crashes back down on hers over and over again. I’m about to move us into her bedroom when I feel her starting to resist.
“Stop. Please, just stop.” We’re both heaving breaths in and out, trying to get back to a normal pace.
“Maggie, what’s wrong? I thought you wanted this?”
“I can’t. I just don’t think I can do this again.”
“Please don’t say that. I need you. You are my everything.”
“Let go of me. Now.” I place her back on the ground, searching her eyes for what she’s feeling. “Please go.”
I find my resolve when I see the torment in her eyes. She wants this, but she can’t figure out how to move forward. Oh, Maggie. What have I done to you.
“No. I will not let you do this. We belong together. I love you and you love me.”
“I can’t! I’m so messed up. Can’t you see that? She ruined me! She stole my trust, my unconditional love, making it nearly impossible for me to love someone else like that. But I did. With you. And then you wrecked me!”
She pushes me away forcefully, grabbing her shirt and keys before I can say anything else. She just needs time. Time to heal her wounded her heart. I know she still loves me. I could feel it in the way she kissed me. The way she held on to me for dear life just moments ago. I never realized the depth of damage caused by her mother until tonight. I vow to show Maggie the love she’s always deserved.
Sublime Forgiveness (Sublime Series Book 3) Page 18