The Impossible Story of Olive In Love

by Tonya Alexandra

  ‘I’m saying the right things?’ He is smiling. ‘Great.’

  ‘You’re not that great. I still don’t know what to do about my irrevocable disposition.’

  Jordan opens the door and I wriggle back over the gearbox onto Felix’s lap.

  ‘Let people in, Olive, let people help,’ he replies.

  Jordan chucks me a stick of gum. ‘Yeah and help us back. You can start by handing over ten bucks for the fuel.’

  CHAPTER

  36

  We don’t go home. We go to Tamara’s work.

  Janelle told Jordan that Tom is at Tamara’s parents’ beach house. And Jordan wants this settled.

  So now we’re at the travel agency, with Felix waiting in the car. I’m nervous but excited. Maybe I can find him! Maybe all is not lost.

  After perusing the name tags of the various girls, Jordan sits on the chair in front of Tamara’s desk. Tamara is all business with a touch of resentment. It’s obvious Jordan doesn’t have the cash for a big spend. She’ll make zero commission on her.

  ‘How can I help you?’

  We went through the strategy before we came in, direct and to the point is the angle, but Jordan veers. Her eyes roam the brochures stacked along the wall behind Tamara. ‘I want to travel somewhere …’

  Tamara gives her a smile that does nothing to hide her annoyance. ‘Anywhere in mind?’

  ‘Somewhere … interesting?’

  There’s that smile again. ‘Interesting. Let’s see.’ She looks behind her at the brochures too. ‘UK and Ireland? South America? Morocco?’

  ‘Ireland sounds good,’ Jordan says, grinning. ‘Plenty of magic in that part of the world I hear.’ So Felix told her the whole shebang.

  I flick her ear.

  ‘Ow!’ She shoots a dirty look my way.

  ‘I hear the Blarney kissing stone is cool, if you’re interested in that kind of thing,’ Tamara says, taking down the brochure. Tamara staples her business card to the front. She remains standing, she can’t get rid of Jordan fast enough. ‘We’ve got some great deals on round the world tickets for under 21s at the moment.’

  ‘Good. Good.’ Jordan looks down at the business card. ‘You’re Tamara Roberts? Do you know a friend of mine, Tom Anderson?’

  Smooth. I totally underestimated the girl.

  ‘Yes, I know Tommy.’ Tamara sits. ‘How do you know him?’

  ‘He used to date a friend of mine.’

  Tamara’s mouth widens in surprise. ‘Do you mean Olive?’

  So she knows my name. Wow. Still, I’m insulted by the way she pronounces the ‘O’ like she’s regurgitating it into a toilet bowl.

  ‘Yeah, Olive and I go way back.’

  Tamara shakes her head with this condescending squint to her eyes. ‘She did some real damage to Tommy. I probably shouldn’t be talking to you.’

  ‘What do you mean? He dumped her,’ Jordan replies in my defence.

  ‘Well whatever she did, it messed him up good and proper. I had to do major damage control.’ She flicks her hair over her shoulder. ‘He’s staying in my parents’ beach house in Omina, until he can get his head straight.’

  Omina, yes!

  ‘He’s okay though?’ Jordan asks without me needing to prod her.

  ‘He’s fine. He’ll get over it.’ She points a finger at Jordan. ‘Just tell your friend to stay away from him—if she cares for him, at all.’

  A few months ago I would have mocked Tamara with her stupid flippy hair and perfect teeth. For her overprotective mother-hen act over a guy who isn’t even hers, but I see it more clearly now. Tom is her family. He’s been there for her more than her parents have. A part of me feels ashamed; Tamara treats Tom better than I have, regardless of whether they’re together or not. I wish I was that loyal.

  We leave the store, me grinding my teeth.

  ‘Okay,’ I say when we get in the car. ‘Drop me home. I need to pack.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ Felix asks.

  ‘I’m going to get Tom back,’ I say. I need to find him and prove to him how devoted I can be. ‘Do you want to come Jordan? Omina is tiny, we can bus it up the coast. We’ll find him on the beach easy.’

  ‘No,’ Jordan says.

  ‘Train?’ I suggest. ‘I guess it would be easier.’

  ‘No. I don’t think you should go,’ Jordan says like she’s my mother.

  ‘Like hell I’m not going,’ I tell her. ‘What’s with you? You’re the one who wanted to track him down.’

  ‘I thought if you knew he was okay you could get some closure,’ she says. ‘But you heard her, the guy needs some space.’

  ‘She doesn’t know what he needs,’ I snap. (Okay, maybe she does, but that doesn’t help my argument.) ‘That’s why they broke up. And you—know even less than she does.’

  Jordan doesn’t say anything more, she just presses her lips together.

  Felix and I chat between the two of us and I’m totally ignoring her, because I can’t believe she is trying to tell me what to do. We’ve been real friends for less than an hour!

  Jordan doesn’t drop me home, even though I ask, instead she parks the car back at Felix’s house.

  ‘We’re going to walk,’ she tells me.

  ‘I guess we are,’ I say, wishing Felix could see me giving him ‘this girl is crazy’ eyes.

  I hug him goodbye and am surprised when he hugs Jordan too. They have bonded over nut case Olive going MIA. I guess I should be happy.

  Jordan and I walk the streets in silence. I suppose she’s angry with me, which is pretty sad so soon into our real friendship, but then Jordan mutters out of the corner of her mouth, ‘Are you still here?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘How am I supposed to talk to you in public without looking deranged?’

  I laugh softly. She’s not angry after all. ‘Just like that. You’re good at it. Perhaps you could have a career as a ventriloquist.’

  She shoves me with her elbow, but she’s smiling.

  ‘I can’t believe this is happening,’ she says.

  And I know exactly what she means. The two of us walking together like we did for years, only there is nothing between us now. Nothing but true friendship.

  ‘You could have told me earlier,’ she says.

  ‘I wanted to but Dad didn’t want us to tell anyone. It’s kind of important you keep your big mouth shut about me, okay?’ I say. ‘No telling your mum that you were right all this time.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. I’ve spoken to Rose. She’s nice, your sister.’

  ‘She is.’

  ‘Nicer than you.’

  Here we go.

  Jordan smiles. ‘But we’re a better match.’

  I smile too. ‘Totally.’ After a moment, I use the courage that’s forming around my steadily warming heart to say, ‘I missed you, Jordan.’

  She reaches out and we entwine our pinkies, just like we did when we were small. ‘Me too,’ she says. ‘I’m glad you’re not a figment of my imagination.’

  As we turn into our street Jordan says, ‘Rose told me what happened with Tom—and it sounds awful, it really does—but maybe it happened for a reason, you know? Maybe you’re not supposed to be together.’

  ‘But he can see me,’ I tell her weakly. ‘The gypsy said …’ I stop there. I know it sounds ridiculous. Especially if she’s been talking to Felix.

  But Jordan doesn’t laugh. ‘Rose said your dad couldn’t see anyone apart from your mum after you were born—that the same thing could happen to Tom.’

  ‘To anyone who falls in love with me.’ I kick the street sign we’re walking by. ‘I’m condemned to a life of lonely.’

  Jordan watches the street sign rattle. ‘Unless you choose Felix,’ she says.

  I groan. ‘Not you too.’

  ‘Come on. The boy is completely adorable. And it doesn’t matter if he can’t see anyone else, he already doesn’t.’

  ‘Yes, it’s very practical Jordan. But I’m not attracted to Felix,’
I point out.

  ‘Who cares? You love him right?’ she says.

  ‘Yeah, but it’s different.’

  Jordan has obviously never been in proper love. If she had she’d never suggest what I have with Felix compares with the glorious love Tom and I had.

  ‘You can’t be fussy Olive. You need to find someone who accepts you. Someone who isn’t trying to fit you into a “normal” box.’ She walks me to the front door of my house, she doesn’t realise I need to use the back door. ‘That’s Felix.’

  ‘But. But. He can’t see me.’

  Jordan thrusts her hip out and gives me an impatient look. ‘You know you’re not the only one who feels invisible right?’

  I scoff. ‘Oh yeah, I forgot about the conga line of invisible folk out there sashaying behind me.’

  ‘No. Seriously. Listen to me. It’s way worse being seen and overlooked. Someone choosing to ignore you—that hurts like hell. At least you can justify it to yourself. For me, when someone doesn’t invite me to a party or if a guy chooses someone else, it’s because they don’t like me.’

  Cac, she’s right. That must be hideous.

  ‘But you’re awesome. Anyone who doesn’t love you must be mental.’

  Jordan laughs. ‘Yeah, you figure that out after a while. But it takes some time. There are years of self-doubt until you learn that being yourself draws other awesome people to you. I’m just getting there.’

  I grab Jordan and hug her. ‘I’ve loved you always, always, always.’

  She steps back, grabbing my elbows. ‘I’m not telling you this for some pity party. I want you to know that everyone is dealing with stuff, not just you. And if you can find someone who understands you, that’s way better than being seen.’

  I’m still not sure I agree with her. But I get it. I’ve possibly overlooked how difficult norms have it.

  I’ve even possibly overplayed how important it is to be seen.

  Suddenly, Rose flings the door open. ‘Jordan. Have you got her? Olive? Are you—?’

  I put my arms around her. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘I’m just glad you’re home.’ She looks over at Jordan. ‘Thank you.’

  Jordan shrugs. ‘It was mostly Felix.’

  ‘God love him,’ Rose says.

  ‘Isn’t he the greatest?’ Jordan says, looking pointedly in my direction. ‘Nicest guy I’ve met in ages.’

  I’m getting sick of this tirade. ‘Then you haven’t been out much,’ I quip.

  Jordan frowns and I remember that I’m trying to be a better person. A better friend. ‘But maybe I can help you with that.’

  ‘Will you at least think about what I said before you run off to see Tom?’ Jordan says as she backs down the steps. ‘Send him a message and ask to talk when he gets back. You don’t want to seem too desperate.’

  We’re way beyond that, I think. But maybe Jordan is right. Maybe I do need to wait.

  Inside the house, Rose begins madly tapping on her phone and wriggling into her nurse’s uniform. ‘Sorry Olive. I hate to run but I promised I’d cover a shift for Anne.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ I say, slumping onto the couch.

  She starts talking into the phone while she does up her shoes, the phone pressed between her cheek and shoulder as she does up her laces.

  ‘Dad, she’s back.’

  She told Dad?

  ‘Yes. Yes. No, she seems fine. I will. Bye.’

  She slips the phone into her bag.

  ‘You told Dad?’

  ‘I was worried.’

  I vow to try harder, to be better to all of them: Rose, Dad, Felix, Jordan. It’s nice to have a fourth to add to the list since I’ve lost Tom.

  ‘He says to say hi.’

  ‘That’s it?’

  Rose stands hesitating at the door, she looks flustered and guilty. She needs to go. ‘Please don’t leave while I’m out. Not to find Tom. I want to talk to you. Can you wait for me?’

  ‘Sure,’ I say, waving her out. ‘Go. You’ll be late.’

  She gives me a tormented smile then rushes out.

  I sit there and pick fluff balls off the couch. It’s not much of a homecoming. The silence roars.

  * * *

  Rose is still not home by midnight so I crawl off to bed. I don’t wake until lunchtime the next day. I must be emotionally exhausted. When I stumble out of my room Rose is getting ready to leave for work once more.

  ‘Work again?’

  ‘I’m sorry, it’s not a long one.’

  ‘Well.’ I shrug. ‘I’m still here—just like you asked me to be.’

  ‘I know. I could hear you snoring.’ She grins as she picks up her bag. ‘Let’s talk tonight. I need to go.’

  ‘Go, then,’ I say. It comes out meaner than I intend it to. I do feel sorry for her, she has wicked black circles under her eyes. ‘And stop volunteering for shifts!’ I yell after her as she shuts the door.

  Alone again.

  I make tea and toast and beat out two Wynona columns and email them to my editor. I soak some washing in the laundry tub and hang it out to dry, then give the cat his worming tablet. It’s all very glamorous, this ‘not normal’ life that I lead.

  I wonder what Jordan is up to? It’s a school day, she only has a month or so of high school left. She must be busting to be free of the institution. I check the time on my phone, school’s out. But she’s probably at her waitressing job. I wonder what Felix is up to?

  Felix.

  I’ve been trying not to think of him since Jordan put him in my head that way. It doesn’t seem right.

  I’m not sure why. I do love him. He does make me laugh. He is clever and kind and yes, he is attractive. I’ve always enjoyed sleeping with him. His smell, his presence, it’s always been comforting. I do miss him. I do look forward to seeing him. I do want to be with him.

  I want to be with him?

  I want to be with him.

  What is wrong with me? Have I been missing it this whole time?

  Is Felix my true love?

  My grin is a reflex.

  Maybe. He. Is.

  CHAPTER

  37

  I know Felix has an evening lecture so I wait till it gets dark and jump on a bus. Commuters are jammed into outgoing buses, not travelling into the city like I am, so there are plenty of free seats. I just hope someone gets out at the university stop. I hate it when I have to walk blocks back to my stop. There are a few nerdy looking guys at the front with backpacks, so it’s looking good.

  My stomach is churning as we turn into City Road, it’s not far now. I wonder how Felix will react. Will he pick me up and spin me around in circles? Give me my Forrest Gump moment? ‘Finally!’ he’ll say. ‘I’ve been dreaming of this forever.’

  Mmm. Maybe not—he is blind—he’d probably trip over.

  My heart is racing. Pumping faster and harder than I can ever recall. I’m scared, but excited too. Maybe we do have a future. Maybe this is destiny. Maybe the whole point of being with Tom was to make me realise that I am supposed to be with Felix.

  Felix can see me at a deep emotional level, it’s beyond visual. Visual seeing seems superficial when you compare the two, really.

  My smile grows wider. Tom was right after all. There is something between me and Felix. Looking back, Felix was jealous of Tom at the beach, and when I called Tom Adonis. Maybe I need a more complimentary name for Felix? Let me think. He’s cute but not Tom cute. Maybe I’ll go with something more cerebral. Einstein is way too common. Felix is more unique than that. What he’s got is a beautiful mind, like that movie about John Nash, Nobel Laureate in Economics. Johnny Nash—I like it—it’s got the cool ring of Johnny Cash.

  We’re at the campus stop. Nobody has pressed the button. Screw it. I press it myself and the driver slows and opens the door. The driver is in a bad mood. I jump clear onto the pavement and hear him yell back at the passengers. ‘Don’t buzz unless you’re getting out!’ Talk about cranky.

  I remind myself n
ot to judge. He’s probably had a bad day. That’s Tom’s effect on me. He’s made me a better person in loads of ways. My heart stings to think of him. What’s he doing now?

  For a brief moment I wonder if I should have taken that train up the coast. Tom’s especially gorgeous when he’s all solemn and brooding. I love to soothe his wounded soul. But stop. I can’t be thinking of him anymore. It’s over. He doesn’t want me. We’re doomed. He’s done.

  I stride down a sandstone portico toward the psychology area. I know this place well. I’ve been to loads of classes here, stalked around after Felix too. I probably would have seen Tom if I’d come a few semesters ago. I wouldn’t have missed that cute boy.

  Felix! I remind myself as I slip through the revolving glass door. I need to concentrate on Felix. The naturalness of us being together. How excited he’s going to be when I tell him. I wonder what it will be like to kiss him. Will he keep his sunglasses on?

  I pad across the lobby toward the lecture theatre. He always chooses night classes so he can go to the uni bar after. A blind guy at a bar, why does that sound like the beginning of a joke?

  I hesitate at the big heavy double doors. Closed. I take a gamble and push. It’s warm and dark inside, the lecturer is pacing the brightly lit stage, and a photograph of Gregor Mendel is projected behind him. I’ve taken this class. Bio psychology, genetic inheritance. I’m always trying to figure out how to explain my condition. No luck here of course, but it was interesting.

  I peruse the crowd and spot Felix sitting in the front row. Total geek. Wallace is sitting next to him, her auburn hair falling over a denim jacket. Cac. I forgot about her. Oh well. I’m sure Felix will be able to get rid of her. She’s pretty, she’ll find another guy soon enough.

  I squat in front of Felix, taking my time to really look at him. He’s in dark jeans and a collared shirt, red trainers. He’s wearing his sunglasses, his head tipped to the stage. I never noticed how obvious his bones are through his skin; the clavicle at his chest, the protrusion of his cheekbones forcing his glasses high on his face. It’s quite distinctive. He could be nobility, a mad tsar. I could love a mad tsar.