by Amit Nangia
He turned the conversation to me. “You’re smarter than her, I am sure. All you need to do is to follow my lead and make some dough, so that you can take the rest of your life easy. Certain people out there have more money than they should have and we will just take their burden off. Sounds like a good job to you?”
I hesitated. “Well, it sounds…”
And Silky slammed her glass down on the table. “Terrible!” she yelled at Thakur. There she goes again!
“It sounds terrible. I don’t know why I ever listened to you. I won’t take part in your awful plan, you understand? You may sweet talk this guy into it, but you can go ahead without me, because I won’t…”
She stumbled to her feet and staggered out of the room. Thakur raised his eyebrows at me, “Poor girl, it’s her loneliness talking. She’ll be fine in no time.” Yeah, right! I was right here to help her forget the loneliness. Agar tu thoda late aaya hota chutiye.
I tried to talk to him to get something more out of him. But he kept changing the subject; his sentences kept getting shorter and shorter. Like a policewala interrogates a criminal without saying too much himself. And finally, he turned to me, half-snarling, and asked me to drop it. “I am a policewala. Awwal darje ka kameena hoon. You won’t get anything out of me till I want to tell you. So forget it! I’ll tell you whatever you need to know, when you need to know it.”
I’d thought he was such a calm, pleasant guy, and now he looked like some sort of venomous, mean-tempered animal. I need a place to sleep, some food and daru. If I don’t like what he wants me to do, I will say no later. Simple! Muft ka hotel de raha hai, sath me chhokri aur daru, apne ko kya?
He pushed his chair back and stood up, but not before tapping me on my chest with, “I’ll tell you something else, too. I am not kidding about you sleeping in the basement. That’s where you sleep and you make no play for the girl. Got it?”
I nodded, smiling. The delay in opening the door and our appearance must have triggered suspicion. He has had his eyes on her, and from what I saw, she had better taste. Moreover, he wouldn’t want me and Silky ganging up.
I walked him out to his car. We shook hands, asking me not to worry about a thing, and to just take it easy. He wrote his name and number on a piece of paper and handed it over to me, just in case.
I came back in and made myself a drink. That kind of eased me down a little. So I made the second. And another one after that. With all the drinking, my body relaxed, and mind clouded. I walked over to the side table and picked up the iPad again. I swiped on the screen for more pictures of the boy, wondering why they were there and why Silky had made me come here. And suddenly I could put it all together. Suddenly I stopped wondering. Suddenly I knew why. I didn’t know the how and when of it, but I knew what it was all about.
I dropped the iPad on instinct, as though it had caught fire all at once. I think my holding these gadgets was jinxed. Why do I fucking keep dropping them! I turned back to see if Silky had seen, and there she was! Just coming out of the bedroom. She was dressed in a satin robe, barely covering her body. Why the formality of wearing anything at all? She sat down and reached for the bottle, smiling at me teasingly.
“Well, Tiwari?” she said. “Well, well, my blushing boy?”
“Well what, Silky? Well what, my angry young babe?”
“You really don’t know?” She poured herself a big chunk of alcohol. “You are standing in the middle of shit and you still can’t smell anything?”
I shrugged as she gulped down her drink in one go, and reached for the bottle. How much alcohol can she drink in one go? She was blaming her Mercedes for nothing; not even an aeroplane could have drunk more than her.
“Sure, you know. Thakur is right; you are a smart man. And that scar along your jawline…” I saw her pupils dilate. She shook her head, as if taking control. “This house, a crooked ex-cop and those pictures, and…and you an ex-convict… Anybody could add that up.”
“I get it, Silky. Thakur wants me to be part of a kidnaping job.” I looked at her for some sign, but she kept that smile on her face and her glass filled with the golden liquid.
“He obviously knows about my past and thinks that I will be able to pull this job off. But I wonder how you got pulled into it.”
“I’ve got nothing to do with that filthy man. There’s nothing between us, and there will never be. Ever!”
“Oh! I wonder why he asked me to stay away from you.” Maal to yeh hai, not just Thakur, but anyone in their right minds would want to take my place right now. Moreover, she was getting worked up, and I love women when they are angry. They are something else when their passion and aggression floodgates open together.
“And you are going to obey him?” She looked angry more than aroused. Oh yes, the perfect combination. Just the way I liked it.
“Right! So just open your ears and listen to me carefully. Thakur has been looking for a fool, Tiwari. A first-grade-hundred-percent-scapegoat kind of fool, you understand? He needs someone who would have the nerves to do a task as and when he is asked to, but not use his brain at all. Does that description ring any bells?”
Oh yes, and he thought leaving me with you would numb the precious little brain he presumes I have.
I smiled, “I get what you are saying, my dear,” I waited for a reaction but none came, “but there is more to me than Thakur can ever see. Main jitna zameen ke upar hun, usse double neeche hun.” She looked at me down there, and oh, was I turned on! “Oh, and did I tell you that you look all the more stunning when you are angry?”
“Kitni ladkiyon pe same dialogue mara hai? Even Romeo would have puked at that one. Be innovative, Tiwari!”
“Okay!” I said sliding my finger up her arm, “I thought you were going to tell me something. You make a big noise about something, and then you don’t say a word.” She bent ever so slightly, giving me a good view of her cleavage. My monster wanted to be free now.
“I have nothing more to tell you. And if Thakur had gauged you half as bright as you claim to be, Thakur wouldn’t have asked you to stay. He’s not too sharp himself and he won’t play with anyone who is.”
“That’s brilliant! We make a good pair, dumb and dumber?”
She looked at me in the eye, “Forget about me. I don’t count in all this. Save your ass for now.”
“Really! You don’t count? To mujhe kyun fasaya? You picked me up today; you brought me here to meet Thakur. You do all that, and then, after I’m half-way in, you…”
“It’s confusing, isn’t it? Well, let’s just say that I’m crazy and irrational. Okay? Or we might say that occasionally – mind you, just occasionally – I feel sympathetic for you.” She took a swig straight from the bottle, and the drink trickled down her chin. I could have enjoyed a drink, off her neck. But she broke my spell. “Get out, Tiwari! This little game plan has been cooking for months, and if you leave, it’ll go on cooking until it boils away into nothingness.”
“Well,” I said. “I guess…” and then something happened inside my head, and I left the sentence unfinished.
She didn’t seem to have noticed. She hurried into the bedroom, and came back with a shiny red purse. She took out a small roll of currency, and stripped off a few notes to squeeze into my hand.
“I would have asked you to stay tonight, Tiwari.” Her hand roved to my waist and below it, feeling the heat through her eyes. “If it wasn’t for Thakur, I would definitely have.” So there is something! “I don’t want him talking you into this mess. At any cost.”
My angle of thinking told me a woman in heat could not lie without being caught. And Thakur looked crooked to begin with. Maybe she was right. “I know. I’d better go now.” I turned to go.
“Take this bottle with you. You look lonely, and a bottle can be good company on such a night.”
I looked at her, knowing not what this woman was made of. Not that many had been able to answer that anyway. She asked abruptly, “Do you have a place to stay for the night, Tiwa
ri?” I waved her off with a shallow smile. Asking me to leave and tempting me to stay…at the same time! I was not going to make the move here.
She stood on tiptoe and kissed me, holding on to me a tad bit longer, her head against my chest. She made a mighty nice armful, all warmness and fullness and sweet-smelling softness. I brushed her thick black hair with my lips, and she sighed and shivered. As if scared to give in to temptation, she moved out of my arms.
“What about you? What will you tell Thakur?”
“Nothing happens to me. I have learnt to handle Thakur pretty well. You just go on.”
She turned on the porch light for me so I could find my way. Just as I turned around and waved, the lights went off. Everything was dark, and she and the house were gone. As though they had never existed.
Silky had given about a thousand rupees to me. I had around seven hundred of my own. It’s as good as having nothing. Gareebi me aata geela rey. Chal hoja rangeeela rey.
I couldn’t have travelled to any other place with that money; nor managed a decent place to stay. I saw a bench on the footpath and rested my butt on it; the same that Mirza had called ugly. Did Silky think the same? I drank the remains of the bottle that Silky had given me before I slipped downward on the bench.
I didn’t see how I could go on living like this: knocking people around, sleeping on park benches, bumming rides to places, and reaching nowhere. Probably, it was time to make some money that lasted me longer. Probably Silky didn’t want a third share in the money. Probably Thakur was right.
I wasn’t so sure. Rampyari tickled my skin slightly and I readjusted my posture to give her space. I’d always had trouble making decisions, and this was a particularly hard one.
I wondered where exactly in my life had my shit gone sideways, and why. It was hard to say. Was it my father who had driven Bade Saab’s car all his life and died doing that, or my mother who thought it to be her destiny to work in other people’s houses? Or just my refusal to do any of it and move up? It hadn’t been a couple of momentous decisions that had determined the course of my life. It was rather all those little decisions along the way, most of which I didn’t even realize at the time were decisions: the bits of coincidence and circumstance, good luck and bad, the steady, slow accretion of rock and soil and sediment.
I needed a volcanic eruption now; I needed to make a move. Bahar duniya meri aag pe pani dal rahi thi, idhar Silky.
I woke up with a hangover. What else did I expect after last night’s bottles-up! I got up and strolled towards the market, pacing back and forth in front of the store windows, arguing with myself, fumbling with that little bit of money I had in my pockets. I was wondering how she would react if I went back. More or less, I didn’t want to force her to go ahead with something she was against. But wasn’t she already in a pretty bad spot? She couldn’t go on like that, any more than I could. And it would be good to see her again. So I could just stop by for a visit, couldn’t I?
With the to-go-or-not-to-go tussle in my mind, I walked towards a market and entered a liquor shop. There was a big curved-necked whiskey bottle inside. Though it looked mighty fancy, the price was not as much. I figured it would make a nice present for her unending thirst for alcohol, and also my reason to drop by and say hello.
I got there early in the afternoon. She’d only been up a couple of hours, so she hadn’t had too much to drink, yet. Maybe just a few Patiala pegs, perhaps just enough to put her in a good mood.
As she opened the door to my soft knocking, her face broke into a smile. “Oh, Tiwari! You foolish, silly, sweetheart…” She threw her arms around me, laughing, “What in the world are you doing here baby?” Did she just baby me? I have never seen a woman like her.
“Well, I just couldn’t keep away from you. And I thought I’d bring you a little present.” I walked in after her.
She smiled at the bottle and pushed me into a chair, seating herself down on my lap.
“I’m glad you came back, Tiwari,” she whispered. “I wish you hadn’t, I prayed you don’t. But I’m glad you did.” There she goes again! As if she is PMSing every single breath.
“I’m glad, too. I didn’t mean to, but it just seemed like I had to. After I met you and…and everything, I just couldn’t go away with the unfinished business we started…”
“Oh yes…,” she shivered in my arms and kissed me.
Before I knew what was happening, I had picked her up in my arms and she was pulling my shirt off. A topless man with perfect abs is surely a delight to hold. She was holding on to me, as if for life, and could not pull the shirt off. Her eyes suddenly popped open and she ran a fingertip on my waist with her right hand.
“You have a rose tattooed on your waist! Oh god, I was right. You are no ordinary man…you are going to be my key.” I shut her up with a kiss because I had restrained for too long already. The next I knew, she made me topple onto the bed, on top of her. Then she was kissing me, and oh, sweet heaven, her mouth made me forget everything but sensation. She nipped, slid her lips on mine, licked hungrily at me and I couldn’t hold myself back. I drew her entire body up tightly against mine, so I could deepen the kiss.
I moved lower, dropping kisses below her jaw, to the softness of her neck, and finally, the tender spot at the base of her ear. She squirmed gently against me, pressing her silk-clad body even closer.
“I am so glad you found me on the street,” she whispered as I placed a kiss at the base of her throat.
“I was alone that night. But you came and stood up for me. I was so alone, Tiwari.”
So she’d invited a stranger in bed with her because she didn’t want to be alone! The realization shocked me back into reality, and I pulled away. It was not for Thakur’s plan; a woman in heat couldn’t lie, remember? She sighed in disappointment, reaching for me again. Giving my head a few hard shakes, I struggled to slow my ragged breathing, to control my body’s reaction to her embrace.
This time when she reached for me, I didn’t pull away. Ab thee Tiwari ki baari. Following her down onto the bed, I found her mouth again and kissed her, sensing her complete lack of inhibition as she caught my tongue in a slow dance with her own. Her hands lazily moved across my shoulders, trying to push my shirt off.
She was pulling at my shirt with desperation, but was unable to take it off.
“Let me,” I gently brushed her hands aside to undo a few buttons. Unwilling to waste time with them all, I just yanked the shirt off from over my head.
Her small hands were cool, pale and as soft as the rest of her. They roamed over the flatness of my chest with a touch as light and fleeting as the brush of a feather. After my experiences with women who just lay in the bed, I liked the way she demanded, twisted and writhed; I found myself completely overwhelmed.
Her skin was smoother than her silk gown. When I moved my palm beneath her gown to caress her soft, bare belly, I was startled at the vibrant warmth. Her flesh was hot, trembling.
She moaned, “I want your hands all over me.”
“Here?” I whispered against her neck, moving my palms until they rested right below her bra.
I slid a finger up, scraping the pebble-hard nipple. “Here?”
“Yes. Please, yes.”
That’s all I wanted to hear…the want. I got up enough to push the gown up. She helped me, wriggling and pulling the fabric over her head, across the mass of curls on the pillow. I watched her move, every wriggle, unable to look away.
Reaching for the clasp of the bra, which strained to hold her breasts, I skilfully undid it with my left hand. I was unable to withhold a smile of male satisfaction as I watched her breasts fall free, into my palms.
She moaned when I slid my hands over them, catching her nipples between my fingers.
Unable to wait, I lowered my head, replacing fingers with lips as I sucked her. This time she hissed. Her hips bucked in reaction. “You like that,” I whispered. She didn’t reply, merely arched up into me.
“More,” she whis
pered, reaching down to the waistband of my trousers. I followed her lead, undoing the trousers, letting her push them from my hips. She made a sigh of disappointment when I had to stand up to quickly remove the last of my clothes.
Seeing the taut nipples and the restless shifting of her thighs, I could see she wanted me. Lowering my hand to her leg, I smiled when she arched her hips, silently inviting me to touch her higher. And I did.
“I want to do so much with you,” I muttered hoarsely as I bent to catch her mouth in another deep kiss. She moved beneath me, parting her legs, wrapping her dimpled softness around me until I was positioned at the entrance to her body. Needing no further cajoling, I slid into her, slowly, liking her tightness and her heat, until I couldn’t tell whether I was feeling her body or my own.
Opening my eyes next to her in bed brought back the memory of the heated session. It was dark outside now; we must have slept more than a couple of hours. We went to a small restro-bar for dinner, ordered some snacks and drinks, and then…talked.
At first she said that there was bound to be another way and we’d find it. But she was drinking while she was talking, so it wasn’t long before the good mood was gone.
“Tiwari, Tiwari, we have to find some other way.”
“Maybe I could,” I said. “I mean, maybe if I could get some kind of a job…”
“Don’t talk like a jerk! What kind of job could you get? A labourer or construction worker? Or better, a waiter in this bar?”
Ouch! This woman had no control over her tongue and that would take her to hell someday. “If that is the way you feel about me, I’d better go from here.”
“Well, why the hell don’t you? I have been telling you that ever since,” she yelled. “Do it and stop talking about it!”
She staggered towards the restroom, slamming the door behind her. I also got up and went out to the back gate and lit a cigarette. A couple of minutes later, Thakur’s car turned into the lane in the rear of the bar. He came to a quick stop and leaned out; I nodded in acknowledgement.