by Kim Miller
Well then Nick and I looked at each other and we both hated that idea and by then I was feeling the bruises on my ribs and I was hoping he had some bruises too. But Nick can’t hit like Bundy used to and I know that for sure.
In my old school I would get into fights and get warnings and no matter how quickly us kids made up those warnings would stay and when there is enough warnings I would get suspended. Here they do things differently but I’ve never heard of them putting two boys into the same group for something like this.
And the more I write about this thing the more I get worked up coz what Nick did is so black and white wrong, but I know that if I try to talk about how wrong it was I will get something like, ‘It might not be so black and white, you know.’ We get that around here. ‘Things are not always so black and white.’
Why don’t I see it? I just have to add in a few shades of grey and Nick is not so much of a zit-head. As if.
It’s a bit funny considering that on live-ins they keep showing black and white DVDs of boys in trouble, like that one about ‘Lord of the Flies’ where they were so tribal they started killing each other. I dunno where they get those DVDs. Maybe there’s a black and white warehouse somewhere up behind the Shack.
What would they know about black and white anyway? That’s what I want to know. I am so revved up and it’s all Nick’s fault for what he did in tracking my front wheel which is black and white against the rules. Nick needs to see a little black and blue, that’s what he needs. Now I am waiting for Mr O’Neill to tell us what is going to happen.
I remain your obedient servant.
We learned in English that people used to end letters like that but did they mean it in person? Not.
Clem.
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 26
DNA
Dear Gram
Jacko set up Mr Williams something brilliant and he was stand-up funny. Mr Williams was doing yada-yada-yada stuff, he is such a yadaholic, and he said, ‘A tower subtends an angle of fifteen degrees at a distance of two hundred metres,’ and it’s trigonometry. But the numbers don’t sit straight with me. Trigonometry is about measuring triangles. I get the word but I can’t get the numbers.
And anyway Mr Williams was trying to get me to get it right and there were other boys who weren’t getting either it but Mr Williams is mostly chilled about that. Not like teachers I had in normal school.
And then Jacko said, ‘Mr Williams, you shouldn’t be too tough on these boys because they are all members of the DNA, which is the National Dyslexics Association.’
Mr Williams looked up puzzled and I could tell he didn’t quite get it but Jacko and I sat there laughing fit to bust ourselves.
Then Jacko said, ‘The DNA, sir. Putting the sex back in dyslexia.’
That really got me going and by then Mr Williams had got it and he laughed like crazy but some of the other kids sat there saying, ‘What?’
Nothing yet from Mr O’Neill about Nick and me, but I am patient and the bruises are coloured up.
Love from Colourful Clem. Ha ha, I am still laughing about the DNA joke.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 28
LIKE TRIGONOMETRY
Dear Gram
Mr O’Neill got Nick and me together in his office and we were looking at each other sideways and that was it for us. And he said, ‘OK guys, we’re off to do some stuff.’ And you know what we did? He took us to the high ropes course.
When we got to the ropes Mr O’Neill said we had to choose who was going to belay the other first. And that was tough for me coz I wanted to belay Nick and then just let him drop. Mr O’Neill said we could take whatever time it took to make our decision and he just stood there with us near the rope ladder but neither of us spoke.
And I remembered that the silence is not my friend and so I decided to make the decision for us.
‘I will belay Nick first,’ I said, and I was final with that.
Mr O’Neill said to Nick, ‘What do you think of that suggestion?’
‘What if he drops me on purpose?’
‘If you have a different suggestion we can hear them both and you two can decide between them.’
Nick said to me, Are you thinking about dropping me?’
‘I was thinking that at first,’ I said, ‘but I will belay you properly.’ Nick thought about that. ‘OK,’ he said.
Mr O’Neill sent Nick up into the ropes and said, ‘Today you will jump off deliberately and Clem will hold you.’
We both looked at him and at each other. And then Nick jumped. I held him easy, but it was full-on weird when I had to trust Nick to hold me.
Mr O’Neill said, ‘OK guys, this time you will be up there together on different tracks. I want to see some speed and we are going to do a rope race.’ I had never heard of a rope race.
Mr O’Neill had this trick of handling two belay ropes at once and we started running. Nick can get along those ropes faster than I can, but I wasn’t about to let him bruise me in a fight and then outrun me in a race. He won every time and I wasn’t OK with that but I figured I would get him later with something.
You can’t run the ropes for too long because the rope starts to ache your feet and we finished up and headed back. Mr O’Neill said he would see us on Monday and each of us will tell the story about our fight from our own angle. It’s a bit like trigonometry, which I am not the best at.
Love from Clem.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 29
TAGGIN’ THE SCREAMIN’ DEMON
Dear Gram
Saturday morning I was up early to get to Ted’s bike shop. Dad was dragging the chain full-on and we got to the shop and it wasn’t even opened yet, but I was hot to trot. Mr Carter dropped Violet at the shop and she looked amazing and she was wearing the bracelet.
I said, ‘Haven’t you taken that off yet?’ and she whispered to me she even wears it in the shower and I went off to Mars on that and got redder and redder. Dad said to me, ‘Are you OK?’ And Violet just grinned coz she knew what I was thinking. It’s not easy being a kinesthetic, but there was definitely a big dose of visual in me when she said that I tell you. Sometimes when she hugs me it’s as if I’m about to explode off the planet, but it’s better not to think too much of that when I’m standing in front of a bike shop with Dad.
Ted came and opened up and Dad said my birthday was coming up and we just wanted to see what he had in there. Those bikes are fully serious and there was nothing like mine there which is a bit old and is not tricked out or anything. Dad said for Violet and me to look around while he talked with Ted.
I was in the zone with all those bikes. There were rear shockers everywhere and hydraulic disc brakes and XTR shifters and carbon fibre handlebars, and I was like, ‘Where do I look next?’ And I tried to think of how long until my birthday.
Dad and Ted had talked about money and Ted told me, ‘The bikes in this section would fit into that range,’ and I hadn’t even looked at the price tags but when I did it was more than I could think about even on ‘Deal or No Deal’. We were standing near a Bianchi like the Rev has, and that was a shocker to me I can tell you. Dad is being red hot with money for this bike.
Violet and I looked all through that section again and I picked out a bike that was a hot purple colour coz of Violet and it is called a Screamin’ Demon which is the most fantastic name. And the bike has fantastic Rock Shocks and hydraulic disc brakes and XTR RapidFires and twenty-seven gears and a madaz lightweight frame that came straight from outer space. But that price tag shocked me and I thought OK of Dad about that.
Ted said he would tag the bike and put it out the back for me and he got me to write my name on the tag. I nearly can’t believe I have to wait till my birthday to get onto that Screamin’ Demon.
Mr Carter met us at the smoothie bar with me buzzing and grinning and I couldn’t hardly stand still. I wanted to pay for the smoothies and hoped that I had enough pocket money even if I didn’t get to take Violet to the movies. And Dad and Mr Carter let me pay even though
it took most of my money.
And that is when Mr Carter said he hoped the boys at the school were doing OK since the funeral for Hamish and I went really quiet when he said that. Then he said he was sorry that I had lost a friend who kept me on my toes when we were racing. I was thinking for a bit and I told him, ‘Thank you.’
Then he said something seriously full-on. He said he hoped that there was another boy at the school who could give me as much competition as Hamish did and keep me running hard on that new bike. And I said, ‘I hope so, too.’ And so it was suddenly serious talk at the smoothie bar.
All that good stuff on Saturday and Mr O’Neill is going to sort out Nick and me on Monday morning. It’s like the universe is giving me a reality check.
Love from Clem.
MONDAY, AUGUST 31
NICK AND ME AND DEFINITE DANGER
Dear Gram
Things are getting thick and fast around here. Mr O’Neill saw Nick and me today. We were looking sideways between us again and we didn’t know what Mr O’Neill was going to do but we just sat down in his office.
Mr O’Neill said that he was going to make this as simple as possible but no simpler. He told us that the answer to our fight was somewhere in us and we could share that answer between us if we were tough enough. And that was a straight-up shock because Nick had already tracked my front wheel and given me bruises and beat me on the rope races and it was not fair that we should have to see who was the toughest with me being so skinny and already with bruises.
And that is what I said straight up to Mr O’Neill and he accepted that and then he asked Nick, ‘What do you think about what Clem has just said?’ And Nick was smiling a bit and said he didn’t mind what Mr O’Neill suggested. And I could see that there were more bruises coming up but I wasn’t going to back down I can tell you.
So Mr O’Neill said to Nick, ‘Would you like to go first at meeting the challenge that I will set for both of you?’ and Nick said, ‘OK.’ And I was thinking that Mr O’Neill would set more stuff like on the ropes but no way. What he did was beyond anything.
Mr O’Neill said, ‘Nick, you are a tough kind of kid. Are you tough enough to tell Clem truthfully why you don’t like it when someone says, “Nick off” to you like he did?’ And Nick just sat there and went blank in his eyes and his face went white and I’ve never seen anyone go like that ever. And Mr O’Neill sat and waited and I sat and stared coz Nick was going someplace in his head that I don’t know of and his eyes were like stones and I swear he couldn’t even see out of them.
Then Nick started to cry and that is seriously hard for anyone around here, but especially for someone as tough as Nick. He just sat in that chair and didn’t move except those tears coming from his eyes and it kept on going for ages. Then Mr O’Neill said to him, ‘Nick, can you meet the challenge or is it too tough for you?’ And that is when Nick started to look out of his eyes again and I was pleased about that even if Nick is so toxic.
And Nick said, ‘I will tell him,’ and Mr O’Neill said, ‘Nick, I’m glad you can accept the challenge. Is there anything I can do to help you?’ And Nick said ‘No.’ Then he started to talk.
He talked about his father who has picked on him and bashed him all his life. His father hits him with beer bottles or BBQ tongs or whatever is in his hand at the time and says to him, ‘Nick off,’ and laughs as if he has cracked a joke, but he hasn’t really. And he said that his father has done that for his whole life and now Nick is taller and bigger than his father, but he still keeps doing it coz he knows Nick is scared of him as if he is still a little kid.
And that is the story of Nick and why he gets so toxic when anyone says that to him. And that is why he was so agroholic on me that day. All because of his father. And Nick looked at me as he said every word and that is full-on hard to do I reckon and I respect him for that straight-up.
And then Mr O’Neill asked me if there was any response I wanted to make to Nick. So I told Nick I was sorry for calling him that name when I knew it would set him off, but I was angry at him tracking my wheel at the top of the gully. I would not set him off like that again now that I knew about his dad. And I said that I was sorry his dad was like that because dads should stick to their sons and not treat them like crap. And then I said that I respected him for telling me the story when it made him cry in front of me.
Then Mr O’Neill said, ‘Nick, do you accept Clem’s response?’ And Nick said, ‘Thanks Clem,’ which is not anything like I was expecting when we started this session.
Then Mr O’Neill said to me, ‘Clem, I’ve got a challenge for you too if you’re tough enough.’ Suddenly I got nervous coz I had seen how tough it had been for Nick but I knew I was in the right and I said, ‘OK.’
Mr O’Neill said, ‘Clem, can you tell Nick truthfully why you have worked at it over many years to make life so hard for your dad?’ And I was high-level shocked about what he just said coz it was my dad that made life hard for me.
I just sat there and things went through my mind like the times he yelled me out and said it was my fault that my mum died, and how he was like a motorbike with no room for a passenger. And it was not fair what Mr O’Neill had said about me making life hard for him. And I didn’t know what was worse, having all that running inside me all my life or Mr O’Neill being so unfair, and I could feel my eyes heating up inside.
I was about to tell Nick that Mr O’Neill got it wrong but I remembered that Dad said he worried I might be doing drugs and about, ‘What if it was Clem instead of Hamish?’ I was getting hyperdrive but my mouth would not give me any words and it was like Clem the Clam was back but his engine was roaring. And then I looked at Mr O’Neill and was about to tell him he had it wrong but this was the test of toughness and Nick had taken it up and now it was my turn.
Mr O’Neill said, ‘Clem, can you meet the challenge or is it too tough for you?’ And I thought this was a bad time to give up and I remembered how Nick had those eyes like stones and I wondered if that is what I was like to him. And I said, ‘I will tell him.’
Mr O’Neill said, ‘Clem, I’m glad you can accept the challenge. Is there anything I can do to help you?’ And I said, ‘No.’
So I told Nick that my mum had died as I was being born and it was like someone came along to Dad and took away his wife who he loved like crazy and dropped this baby there instead. And Dad had to be both dad and mum, which was impossible for anyone.
I told him how I grew up hurting and angry and Dad copped all my crap and I started making trouble at school and they had to call Dad in from work so he would take more notice of me. And I told Nick of how being suspended from school was the greatest buzz and Dad didn’t know what to do about it.
Then Dad got a job that took him away a lot so he could leave me with my gram. But Gram got sick and died and it was like the world came to an end. Dad had to have me home all the time.
I figured out that I could really stir Dad up by getting into trouble with the police. That was something he never knew how to handle and life became harder and harder for both of us. It was like winning a major battle in a war that would never end.
And I told Nick that even though I blamed my dad for not sticking to me and for being like a motorbike without room for a passenger, he was really worried about me all the time but I wouldn’t ever let him show it and now that I was at this school I was only just starting to see that my dad wanted all that time to stick with me but I wouldn’t let him.
I turned my anger on everybody since I was a little kid, but Dad had taken most of it. And that day on the track I turned my anger on Nick.
It turns out Mr O’Neill was right about me after all. I hated what he said in the beginning but by the time I had said all that to Nick I was feeling a bit different about Mr O’Neill.
Mr O’Neill said, ‘Nick, is there any response you would like to make to what Clem has just said?’ And Nick said that he didn’t know all that and was sorry about my mum dying. But when I said about all the
ways I tried to make life hard for my dad, well that made him think about his dad. And he reckoned it must have been hard for me to admit that all those things were my fault and he respected me for that.
Then Mr O’Neill said, ‘You guys are very tough to accept those challenges and I respect you both for how you handled them.’ Nick and I just looked at each other.
He told us that when something important like this happens he has the duty to tell the other teachers, but they will not say anything about it to embarrass us, and we should observe the normal group rule of confidentiality and not say anything to anyone of what the other person said.
He asked us how we were feeling about what we had said and we both said, ‘OK,’ but I know I said some stuff that took me by surprise and I was still in shock a bit. And Mr O’Neill told Nick and me that if we wanted to meet again he would be happy to give us some time, but if we wanted to talk anything through in private then he suggested we see the Rev.
Then he said, ‘Is there anything that you would like to do now? You might feel a bit over-loaded to go back to class.’ We said we didn’t know. And that is when he suggested we go with him to check the sheep, who are a bit stupid for me, and the calf who I like, and we checked the chooks for eggs. We didn’t talk much.
When we got back it was lunchtime and noisy but we were quiet. Everyone always wants to know what happened when someone gets scarfed up by the teachers. But Nick and I were pretty chilled, which sounds better than it really was, and we didn’t say anything.
This is the busiest day of my whole life and the only day that I ever told the proper truth and I am a bit normalised about that now but I am still in shock about it having happened and about what I said to Nick.
Clem.
STILL MONDAY, STILL WRITING