“Uh… what are you doing here?” I asked the man blocking the entrance to my house.
“Don’t be rude. Steven, would you like to come in?” Kevin asked.
I threw my hands in the air. “No, he would not. It’s late, and he has no reason being here- what are you doing here?”
He walked up to me, eyes widening when he got in my personal space. “Have you been drinking?”
“Good night.”
“Wait, wait. I just came by to check on you. After our argument, I want to make sure things are okay with us.”
“There is no ‘us,’ Steven. Oh my God, I can’t deal with you right now. Leave. We’re done.”
I stomped past him and into the house, Kevin closing the door behind me.
“Don’t be so nasty; he was just checking up on you.”
I slammed the bathroom door in Kevin’s face and disrobed. He opened the door and I continued undressing, ignoring him.
“Steven is a good guy. You spend so much time pushing good guys away, but drop your pants for your shitty ex after twenty minutes? You’re being stupid.”
I opened my mouth to curse him out; I was sick of him being in my business. But he slammed the door in my face before I had a chance to reply.
Kevin didn’t know what he was talking about. Who were the good guys? Steven? He was nice, but boring as hell. If being with a ‘good guy’ meant boredom, I’d be okay being alone. Being nice didn’t equate to being good. And what about Alejandro? Was he a good guy, too?
He pressured me for sex the entire time we were together, despite the fact I told him from the beginning that’s not what I was looking for. And he sucked at it. I was drunk, and he was still a bad lay. I’d hate to have him sober.
Well, at least he was honest. Most men thought I was joking when I told them I was celibate. Their attraction quickly waned when they found out I was serious.
I stepped in the shower, absentmindedly lathering myself. My skin still tingled from Wes’s touch. I frowned when I caught myself beginning to smile. What did I do?
Wes was the reason I’d sworn off men in the first place. I wish I could’ve blamed the alcohol, but I’d just be lying to myself. I knew Wes wasn’t one of the good ones; so why was I more infatuated with him than Steven? Maybe boring is just what I needed- a predictable man wouldn’t hurt me.
Despite my shame, confusion, and anger, I wouldn’t have done the night any differently. Well, maybe one thing: the alcohol. I bent over and vomited in the shower. I’d never been good at drinking.
Holy hell, it wasn’t a dream. I hit the snooze button on my alarm and groaned as I stretched my stiff body, my muscles still brooding over yesterday’s pounding. I slammed my head against my pillow, staring at the ceiling as I replayed the scene at the wedding.
If Wes hadn’t fucked things up, I could’ve had that every night. If he hadn’t made a bad decision, I’d spend my nights in bed with him instead of with my big pink vibrator. Having sex with him just reminded me of the life he took away from me.
And I still wanted that for my life. But no one I’d met so far compared to what Wes and I had when we were good. And I wasn’t going to give myself to anyone- in any way- until I knew we were right together.
I’d met so many wonderful men, but none compared to Wes. No one could compare to the great times we shared. I loved Wes. Being with him, I learned what crazy, intense, and earth-shattering love felt like. And I wasn’t settling for anything else. I’d experience again, someday. Until then, I was content spending nights with my gay best friend and my pink vibrator.
I sucked in my breath when I remembered my encounter with Steven. I didn’t mean to be so rude, but I was drunk and caught off guard. I didn’t want to end things on such a bad note. I had to call him to apologize for my behavior.
My alarm went off again and I finally got up to get dressed for work.
Work was the perfect distraction for me. I ran a daycare center, so my days were always busy. During naptime, I slipped out and left my two assistants in charge.
I called Steven, exhaling the breath I held in when he decided to answer.
“Hello?”
“Before I say anything else, I just want to apologize for last night. I’m not like that. I was drunk, and had a crazy night…”
“It’s okay. You’ve been acting a little out of it lately, so I get it. Everyone has their off days.”
“Thank you. I just didn’t want to end things on a bad note.”
“End things?”
I wished he could’ve seen me roll my eyes. “Yes, what we talked about previously still stands. I just wanted to say I’m sorry for snapping at you last night.”
“Keisha, let’s just take some time to think about that. We’re so good together.”
“See, that’s the thing: you and I aren’t together. I’ve told you many times that I’m not interested in a serious relationship. I love hanging out, but-”
“Okay, okay, I get it. We can slow things down. But just tell me we can still be friends. I don’t want to lose you from my life.”
“I don’t really do the ‘friends after breaking up’ thing.”
“Well, do it with me,” he pleaded. “I won’t accept your apology until you do.”
I sighed. “Okay,” I said, mainly because I wanted to get off the phone with him.
As soon as I hung up, my phone beeped. I looked down at a text message from an unknown number.
I can’t stop thinking about last night.
“Great,” I mumbled before replying.
How did you get my number?
Part of the reason I decided to have sex with Wes was because I knew I’d never have to see him again.
Took your phone from the table while you were out dancing. I figured it was important so I could tell you about the fundraiser.
I sucked in air between my teeth and locked my phone without replying. Fundraiser, be damned, I couldn’t reply to him until I collected myself.
“What’s wrong?” Amira, one of my assistants asked.
I shook my head. “Something I don’t need to waste energy thinking about.”
“I feel you girl,” she said before one of the children started screaming. She ran off to deal with it.
Although I knew I didn’t need to waste energy thinking about Wes, that was all I did for the rest of the day. Thankfully, I had enough willpower to not reply to his text message. I wasn’t opening the can of worms any more than I already had. By the time my shift ended, I was more exhausted from fighting off my thoughts than from chasing the kids around.
When I opened the front door to my home, it was dark inside. I glimpsed back out to the parking lot; Kevin’s car wasn’t there. He always told me when he was going out. I smiled. Maybe he finally had a date.
I saw a small flicker of light coming from the dining room area. Following the stream, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Steven.
I clutched my chest. “What are you doing in here?”
“Kevin let me in. I told him I wanted to make dinner for you, and he decided to give us some alone time.”
I dropped my purse on a chair and pinched the bridge of my nose; I was going to kill Kevin. Despite what he wanted, Steven and I were never going to be a thing.
“Now I know you say you want to be friends, and I respect that. No strings here. Just dinner for you after a long day.”
“Friends don’t have candlelit dinners with slow jams playing in the background, Steven,” I mumbled dryly.
He flipped the light switch on and blew out the candles. “Fixed. See? Easy. The music stays on though; I love it. Come.” He led me to a seat and placed a serving on my plate.
Dammit, he was lucky I was starving. And whatever he cooked smelled amazing.
“So I had an interesting day,” he said as he sat down across from me. “Some paperwork got filed incorrectly and it took us nearly four hours to fix it.”
I dropped my fork on my plate. What was this? He sounded like a husband of twe
nty years chatting over dinner. I opened my mouth to kick him out, but stuffed it with food instead. I ate as fast as I could, nodding at his rambling.
“Well, I guess it’s time to call it a night,” I said after we finished. “Thank you so much for dinner. I’ll call you next time I have free time to hang out.”
“What? No nightcap?” he asked as I shuffled him to the door.
“No. Friends… don’t hang out after eight,” I said, rolling my eyes at my stupid answer. But it was the first thing I could think of.
“Well, alright…”
“Thanks again,” I said, closing the door as soon as he passed the threshold.
I slammed my body on the couch once I was alone. Maybe being rude was the only way to get rid of him. My patience for him grew thinner by the day.
About an hour later, Kevin came home. I was still on the couch.
“What the fuck, Kevin?”
“I guess your night didn’t go well?” he said with a smirk, hanging his keys on the hook by the door.
“This shit isn’t funny. You’re doing too much; I need you to stay out of my love life!”
“And I need you to stay away from Wes. I’m just trying to help you get your mind off him.”
“Yes, we fucked at a wedding; so what? I’m never going to see him again. Even if I tried to forget about him, you keep bringing him up! I’m fine. Don’t ever do this again. I don’t want anyone in my house!”
He walked to me and pulled me in for a hug. “Alright; alright, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help. I just want to see you happy.”
I hugged him back. “I know. And thank you, but no thanks. Especially not with Steven. He’s becoming annoying.”
“Well, I guess it’s time for you to head back to match.com.”
“Maybe I’ll make you a profile, too…”
“Don’t go there,” he warned.
I laughed.
“Special delivery,” Amira said with a smile when I walked into the center the next morning.
I lifted my eyebrows, waiting for her to explain. She motioned for me to follow her, and on the table in the break room were the most gorgeous bouquet of red roses I’d ever seen.
“Why haven’t you told me about him?’ she asked.
I shrugged. “Nothing to tell, girl.”
“Whoever he is, he’s a keeper! Next happy hour, I expect to hear all about him,” she said before leaving.
I picked the card out of the arrangement, my throat dry as I wondered who sent them. Not that it mattered.
Beautiful flowers for a beautiful friend.
I crumbled up the card in my hand and dropped it in the waste basket. The flowers remained, however. They were too pretty to throw away. Time to bite the bullet and sever all ties with Steven. Obviously, he was incapable of being friends with me, and the longer I waited the more hurt he would be in the end. I pulled out my phone to text him.
Thanks for the flowers. We need to talk. Call me when you can.
My phone beeped seconds later. I gasped when I opened the new message, a rock hard dick popping up on my screen. I hid the phone like one of the kids accidentally saw it, then snuck another peek at Wes’s girth.
Underneath the picture was a caption: since you won’t respond to my texts, maybe this is what you need to see. All for you.
I deleted the picture and turned off my phone. I threw it in my purse and walked out onto the floor. The kids would be flooding in soon.
“Remember, we have two new openings starting next week. I left applications on your desk to fill the spots,” Amira said to me.
“Perfect,” I said, thankful for the distraction.
I busied myself all day, but during any spare seconds, images of Wes’s dick flashed in my mind. And not just his member, but what that member could do to me. Since our split, I’d only had sex a few times. I just didn’t want to open myself up to any man like that again. It had never been a big issue. I could finish myself off on my own and I’d be good.
But since I’d seen him at the wedding, sex was all I could think about.
My hormones were on fire, and my lack of sex over the past few years hit me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I could see Steven one more time…
“No,” I said to myself. If he was clingy now, he’d never leave my side if we had sex. I couldn’t do that.
When I left work, my mission was clear: straight to my vibrator.
As if my evening couldn’t get any worse, temptation waited for me when I got home. Wes sat on the steps leading to my front door, studying me as I approached. I glanced at my watch.
“So, you’re stalking me now? How did you find out where I live?”
He shrugged, not moving from his position on the step. “I have my ways. You didn’t respond to my texts; I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I folded my arms. “That’s not your job. Now leave.”
He smiled as he stood and walked to me. His large body towered over my petite frame, his heat warming my body in all the wrong places. My breath caught in my throat as he whispered in my ear.
“We should talk.”
My eyes watered, but I didn’t want him to see me cry. I’d cried for him years before, and I didn’t need to do it again.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I need you, Key.”
I snapped my eyes shut, but it didn’t prevent the tears from dripping down my cheeks. He smoothed his thumbs over my face, wiping away my tears.
“Look at me.”
I opened my eyes and peered into his. “I thought you loved me. I thought we had forever.”
“We still can.”
“I…I can’t. Not after what happened.”
I reached out for his chest, playing with the ring on the end of the chain he kept around his neck. My ring. The future that was stolen from me.
“What would it take for you to believe me? I would never betray you. You’re everything I want. More than I thought possible. How could I cheat on you?”
That’s what I’d spent the last few years trying to figure out. It didn’t make sense. “I saw what I saw. I can’t ignore that.”
“Do you still love me, too?”
“That’s not important.”
“That’s the most important thing to me. When you disappeared, I never thought I’d see you again. And now, I’m not going to let you go. Answer me.”
I gulped down the knot in my throat and stepped away. But he pulled me back to him. And I wanted to embrace him back. I wanted to get lost in the safety of his arms, like I used to. I wanted to get lost in his touch, like I used to. But I couldn’t forget the image of him betraying me.
“You should go,” I said shakily.
“I’m exactly where I need to be.” His head tucked closer to mine, our lips dangerously close.
I studied the deep lines in his bulging arms trying to avoid his lips. He had on a tank top and a pair of jeans and at that moment, I wanted him to use those arms to rip my clothes off.
An image of him slamming me onto the concrete and fucking me straight through the sidewalk overran my mind. I was so angry at him; why couldn’t I get those thoughts from my head?
He cupped my face, forcing our eyes to meet. My body froze as I tried to speak, tried to push him away. Getting away from him shouldn’t have been so hard, but my groin rumbled and my heart ached.
“I’m not trying to pretend that everything will go back to how it was. But what I do know is this: we’re meant to be together. And all the dreams and plans we discussed are still possible. I just need you to say yes to giving me another chance.”
He moved his hand from my face down the front of my body, his fingers grazing over my hard nipples poking out through my shirt. We were close enough for me to feel the movement in the crotch of his pants, and I wanted to be even closer.
“No one will ever be able to love you like I can; no one will lift you up as high as me. And no one will be able to fuck you better than I can. What we had
was paradise in every way. And after the wedding, I realized you need to feel me just as badly as I need to feel you. And you know it.”
Yeah. I knew it. But he didn’t need to know I knew it. Because it didn’t matter. I wasn’t in the business of making the same mistake twice.
“Leave me alone, Wes.”
I gathered enough strength to brush past him.
“Mirage.”
I turned around. “What?”
“Come to Mirage Nightclub tonight.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re stressed, and that’s your favorite way to blow off steam. I’ll be there.”
I scoffed as I went into my house and slammed my door shut. I was going to let off some steam, alright. I was going to have another glass of wine, finish myself off, and then go to bed. It was going to be a depressing night.
And I did go to bed. I just didn’t stay in bed. It was just after eleven as I looked over at the clock for the umpteenth time. I re-adjusted my pillows and blanket again, trying to get comfortable, but nothing worked.
I jumped out of bed and paced around the house. I stared at the clock, chewing on the inside of my cheek. If I got dressed quickly, I could be at Mirage by midnight. That would leave me about an hour and a half before they closed for the night. And it was just dancing, right?
I put on a tight red dress and combed my hair out, leaving before I had a chance to change my mind.
4
I was in the club, Long Island Iced Tea in my hand, before the clock struck twelve. Wes was no good for me- I was drinking more with him back in my life. I slammed it down and ordered another before heading out to the dance floor.
I hovered around the perimeter of the floor, eventually stopping by a wall. As I downed the rest of my drink, my hips swayed to the thumping reggae blasting from the speakers above.
A man asked me to dance, so I followed him to the middle of the crowd. The next song started and I wasn’t sure if I should’ve stayed with my dancing buddy, or go out to find Wes. It shouldn’t have been hard; he was probably the only white person in the crowd.
I decided against it. After all, I just came to the club to dance. I was doing just that, so I didn’t need to go out of my way to find him.
Private Affairs Page 3