by Nicki Elson
“Not a problem. Just promise you won’t make me act amazed every time it can correctly point to its nose. And could you please, please, please get it to master its L’s at an early age? I’m so over Aunt Wyssa.” Doug chuckled, but Karin crinkled her eyes, already a protective mom before the child was even conceived. “But that’s all for the future. What about now? Tell me about life in Michigan.”
They updated each other on their lives, slipping in jabs at their middle sister whenever possible, and Lyssa felt herself truly relax for the first time since leaving Chicago that morning. After a while, she lifted the joint and tilted her head toward Karin. “I know what they say about pot and sperm count, so I get why he’s out. But what about you? You’re not pregnant yet, so what would be the harm in taking one teensy puff?”
Karin shook her head and said through the beginning of a yawn, “Not taking any chances.” She finished the yawn and continued, “I’m sorry, but I’m so tired from the drive. Would it be terrible if I went to bed already?”
“I’ll walk you in.” Doug stood and held his hands out to help his wife up.
“You coming back?” Lyssa asked him.
“Eh, I’m kinda beat, too,” he said. “Getting old sucks.”
“Apparently so.” Lyssa leaned her back against the gazebo wall as they departed. She rolled the joint in her fingers for a few moments, contemplating lighting it, but it had lost its charm. It was no fun being a renegade by herself. She tossed the contraband into the baggie and returned it to her pocket, making her way back into the sprawling, one-story house where she went to the kitchen to give her mom a goodnight kiss on the cheek. On her way through the family room, she mumbled a goodnight to her dad, who may or may not have heard her.
During the Christmas holidays, Jessica and her family took over the basement, and Doug and Lyssa were given rooms at the end of a hall. Their bedrooms had a full bathroom between them, so it was like having their own wing. When she stashed the pot in the zippered compartment at the bottom of her suitcase, her fingers bumped against the package from Hayden. He’d slipped it to her the last time they were in the office together, telling her it was for whenever she needed “a little pick-me-up.”
“I need,” she said aloud to herself, at first flicking open only a corner of the wrapping paper and then tearing into it. Her mouth quirked into a smile when she recognized the familiar Duracell black and gold. She threw her hand to her mouth to muffle an unstoppable guffaw when she peeled away the rest of the paper to reveal a battery charger, complete with four rechargeable batteries—pre-charged and ready to use, according to the package. Her shoulders shook for a solid minute. Even from hundreds of miles away, he could make her laugh. And for that night, the laugh was all the pick-me-up she needed.
Chapter 13
AS USUAL, CHRISTMAS DAY was a blur of scrambling to get everyone bathed and dressed early enough to commandeer a vacant pew at church, then rushing to put brunch on the table with everything at the right temperature, followed by a frenzy of ripping into wrappings, building complex Lego sets, and figuring out new electronics until it was time for ham sandwiches, eggnog, and cookies, and eventually, Christmas movies in the dark with the flicker and scent of Penny Bates’s wintergreen candles coaxing everyone into groggy serenity. For Lyssa, this single day every year was what made dealing with all of the Bates family eccentricities and slights worth it.
The next day, after sleeping in, the whole gang gathered and went into town to browse a few boutiques and have lunch. While finishing their sandwiches, Penny and Jessica started talking about the antiques mall outside of town. Lyssa had been there on a previous visit, and to her, it was nothing but a bunch of old crap in a warehouse. She swore she’d never go again unless she brought a flask filled with flavored vodka so she could make a drinking game out of every time her mother or sister said charming, vintage, or character.
“I’d love to see it,” Karin said before Lyssa thought to warn the newbie.
Jessica’s face brightened, and she turned to Sam, who said, “Hun, you know I only committed to shopping for a couple of hours. I’ve fulfilled my quota.”
“Perfect,” Jess said. “You can take the kids back to the house with you.”
“But I was planning to watch the game with your dad and brother.” Grandma and Grandpa’s house wasn’t as kid-friendly as Casa Jessica and required some level of adult supervision at all moments.
Jessica gave him the look, and Sam pressed his lips together. Lyssa guessed he was debating whether or not this was a worthy battle.
“Actually, I’d kind of like to go see some antiques.”
Lyssa’s neck made a snapping noise as she whipped her face around toward the voice that had sounded too much like Doug’s. A guy who looked exactly like her brother sat there smiling, but the Doug she knew would never have uttered such foul words. Her attention shifted back to Sam. The stink of betrayal crinkled the skin around his eyes. With Doug intending to tag along on the excursion, would Sam also forego the game to watch the kids while his wife antiqued?
Not on Lyssa’s watch. No way would she let Sam give in—not when there was a way to save herself, too. “I’ll go back with Dad and Sam to watch the kids till you ladies get back.” She flicked her eyes toward Doug on the word ladies. Moving her attention to Sarah in the booster chair, she pointed, “But I’m not taking that one.”
“Works for me,” Jessica said. “As long as we can take the Tahoe in case we buy something bulky.”
Everyone agreed to the plan, so they moved Gabby’s car seat to Lyssa’s parents’ hybrid hatchback. Sam offered Lyssa the passenger seat, but she refused, saying he needed the leg room. Too late, she discovered that her four-year-old niece’s contraption took up a good chunk of the back seat, leaving only enough room for Ben and Jason to nestle on either side.
Lyssa stared at the packed car and murmured, “I literally don’t fit in.”
She saw her dad’s eyes lock on her through the rearview mirror. He grunted before opening his door and moving to the back of the car, where he opened the hatch. He gestured with one hand for Lyssa to climb in. “Let’s go. Kickoff’s in twenty minutes.”
Back at the house, Sam and Mr. Bates settled in front of the TV with a cooler of beer and a huge bowl of popcorn. Lyssa and the kids played a game of Apples to Apples in the kitchen. After Jason won, Lyssa told them to get their coats on. She snatched a bottle from the guys’ cooler before leading her petite posse out to the gazebo.
The kids called it “the fort” and went immediately to the basket of outdoor toys, pulling out helmets and a bouncing ball. Lyssa noticed a faux steering wheel had been mounted to the inside paneling since she’d been out there on Christmas Eve. After securing his Vikings helmet, Ben went to the wheel and piloted the fort. The seven-year-old’s head was just high enough to see out the thermoplastic window in front of him.
“Where are you taking us?” Lyssa asked.
“Nebular galaxy.”
“Is it scary?”
“Sort of.”
“Will it take long to get there?”
“Not really.”
She looked to Jason, who was helping his half-sister attach several flag football belts around her waist. Leave it to Gabby to turn sporting equipment into a hula skirt. “I got you guys something,” Lyssa announced.
“Really?” Gabby moved to Lyssa’s knees at super-human speed.
“Yep. Come over here, fellas. Have a seat.”
The kids sat along the bench beside her as she produced a pack of candy cigarettes. If her brother was going to abandon her, it was time to begin the indoctrination of the next generation. Pulling a slender cylinder of gum from the box and holding it between two fingers, she said, “This, my diminutive darlings, is a gateway candy.”
“Looks like a cigarette,” Jason said.
“Yep. Looks like cigarette, tastes like gum. But here’s the best part.” She clamped it between her lips and blew, sending a sugary puff into the air.<
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“Wow,” Gabby murmured.
Lyssa passed a piece of gum to each of the kids, and soon, simulated smoke billowed around the gazebo. The only adult in the structure leaned against the wall, holding her cigarette like a real one, occasionally bringing it to her mouth and taking a faux drag. The experience was made sweeter by picturing what her older sister’s face would look like if she could see her babies now. She wasn’t sure whether Jess would be more mortified by her kids pretending to smoke or their proximity to sugar.
“Aw,” Gabby whined. “Mine’s all out.” Her pudgy cheeks ballooned around her cigarette as she blew, but it was dried up.
“That’s okay,” Lyssa told her. “Plenty more where that came from.” She handed her another. “Now you can unwrap the first one and chew it.” The boys unwrapped theirs, too, and held out their hands for another. “Excellent. I should have you up to a pack a day by tomorrow. Let’s not tell your mom about this, okay?”
Gabby nodded. “My mom told Grandma you can’t have kids because you’re too fun.”
“No,” Ben said. “She said it’s because Aunt Lyssa is too busy having fun instead of getting serious about her life.”
“Is it true?” Gabby asked, tilting her head and examining Lyssa’s face.
“People can have fun and be serious, too,” Lyssa said.
“Then why can’t you have kids?” the little girl pursued.
Lyssa considered explaining that if she ever did manage to reproduce with the love of her life, her children would probably turn out something like the creepy battery-operated doll Sarah had unwrapped the day before.
“She needs a husband first,” Jason said. “Like my mom. She had to wait until she got another husband before having another baby.”
“Usually there’s a husband first, but there doesn’t have to be,” said Ben.
Lyssa smiled at how adult her nephew sounded whenever he strung more than two or three words together.
“How can they do that?” Gabby asked.
“You’re too young to understand,” Ben told her.
“And how exactly do you know any of this stuff? Did your mom tell you?” Lyssa asked, finding it difficult to believe Jessica would approach the talk with a seven-year-old.
“No. Joey R at school did.”
Gabby turned back to Lyssa. “Why don’t you do the thing Joey R said and have a baby without a husband?”
Lyssa took a sip of beer, buying a moment to ponder how to answer her niece’s question. “Having a baby is a big responsibility. It’s hard for a single mom or dad to manage all alone, so for now, I don’t plan on having any kids unless I get married.”
“When will you get married?” Gabby asked.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath, sugar plum. Marriage might not be in your auntie Lyssa’s future.”
The corners of Gabby’s mouth drooped. “Don’t you want to be happy?”
“I am happy. Look.” Lyssa stretched her mouth into a grin until her cheeks hurt, but her niece narrowed her eyes skeptically, so she turned to the boys. “Ben, Jason, don’t I look happy? And not just when I’m doing this crazy clown smile.”
The boys had lost interest in the conversation and moved back to the toy bin, puffing on their cigarettes as they rifled through it.
“Fellas?” Lyssa said, realizing she might be too anxious for their answer.
Ben clenched his gum between his teeth as he pulled out a football. “When I’m older, if nobody else wants to, I’ll marry ya.” Typical male—he’d only been half listening.
“A very kind and generous offer, Benny,” Lyssa said. “But I’m pretty sure that’d be illegal in this country.” Before she finished saying it, a car engine purred up the driveway at the side of the house.
The return of the antiquing crew didn’t register with Lyssa until she heard boots crunching along the path to the patio. “There’s my babies!” Jessica called as soon as she came into view.
Lyssa shoved her hand forward, wiggling her fingers. “The gum. The gum!” she hissed. “Give it to me quick.” All three kids dropped their wrapped ciggies into her hand, and then Gabby leaned over and let the wad she’d been chewing plop down to join them. The boys followed suit. Lyssa didn’t have a chance to as much as shudder before the gazebo door opened. She clenched her hand into a tight fist and grimaced as the gum squished against her fingers.
“What’s wrong with you?” Jessica asked, giving her a sour look.
“Nothing. How was the market?”
Gabby ran over to hug her mom’s legs, and Jessica ran her fingers through her daughter’s locks as she answered, “I don’t recommend you ever try it with Doug. He was bored after about two minutes and kept whining to leave.”
Lyssa tried to keep her victorious smile internal. He wasn’t totally gone yet.
“But on the way back we stopped at the grocery store and picked up a half-price gingerbread house—naked! So we get to decorate it!”
“All right!” the kids cheered.
Lyssa smiled. It was nice to see her sister so uncharacteristically playful.
“Your grandma and I decided on the way back that we’d have one more night of Christmas. So after supper, she’s going to make hot cocoa, and we’ll decorate the gingerbread house and watch Elf. Come, let’s get washed up, and then you can help set the table—with the Christmas plates again.”
Another round of cheers ensued as the kids filed out of the gazebo and into the house, led by Jessica. Lyssa lagged a few yards behind the parade. She was the rebel in the family, the cynic, the anti-Stepford daughter—and she had the saliva-encrusted blob in her fist to prove it—but she’d be damned if the thought of hot chocolate, gingerbread houses, and Bob Newhart as Papa Elf didn’t make her all warm and fuzzy inside.
Later that evening, Jessica supervised the gingerbread decorating while the other adults stood around the large kitchen chatting and imbibing in the rum-laden eggnog Doug had bought while the ladies had browsed decorative candies.
“You have a fun afternoon?” Lyssa asked her brother, not even trying to hide her smugness.
“Why did you let me go there?” he asked. “I thought you were my wingman.”
Karin approached from behind her husband. “Don’t worry, you’re not invited next time.”
“Oh no, however will I get over it?” he teased, wrapping an arm around his wife’s waist and rubbing the tip of his nose against hers. Turning back to his sister, he said, “But seriously, don’t ever let me lose my head like that again.”
“I’ve got your back.” She clinked her stout glass of nog against his.
“No more candy, Ben!” Gabby scolded from across the kitchen, cutting through all other conversation.
“It’s okay, honey,” Jess said. “It’s second Christmas, so he can have a couple more gumdrops. They’re small.”
“But Aunt Lyssa gave us gobs of gateway candy in the fort,” Gabby explained.
Doug raised a questioning eyebrow at his youngest sister, but Lyssa’s attention was drawn from him when Jessica turned around in her chair, asking, “Gateway candy?”
“Oh, it’s a cute candy shop in my neighborhood,” Lyssa lied, giving an airy swish with her free hand. “I just gave them a few sticks of gum. Sugar-free. I hope that’s okay.” She slid her eyes to Gabby and opened them wide for a second, attempting a subtle warning—when was she going to learn she wasn’t any good at that?
“You’re not encouraging my daughter to keep secrets from her mother, are you?” Jessica asked, shedding all hints of playfulness.
Lyssa opened her mouth, at first to defend herself but then decided to be an adult. “I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you before giving them candy. And since I’m coming clean, I should also let you know that once Benny’s of age, he and I are going to run off and elope.”
Now it was Jessica opening her mouth and pausing. Instead of continuing the inane conversation, she exhaled and shook her head, turning her focus back to the gingerbread house.
>
The evening progressed, and with eggnog coating her insides, Lyssa looked around at her family while they watched the movie. Doug snuggled against his adoring wife on the oversized easy chair while Jessica and Sam lounged on the floor with their children nestled around them. Her parents sat close on the sofa with her dad’s arm slung over Penny’s shoulder. Lyssa hadn’t been lying to Gabby earlier when she’d said she was happy, but times like this made it difficult to not wonder if she could be even happier with a husband and children someday.
Mentally shaking herself, she realized she already had the best of both worlds. She had family all around her. Despite their differences, she knew they loved her, and she loved them. Plus, she had her friends and coworkers to fulfill her need to be appreciated and accepted. And of course, she had Vibrizzio to take care of needs not fulfilled by others. She also had the benefit of being single and not having to deal with the day-to-day irritations that came with marriage and children. Everything was perfect the way it was.
After the movie ended, she puttered down the hallway with Doug and Karin, saying good night as they walked hand-in-hand into their room while she went into hers. Alone. As she pulled back the covers, she noticed a stray piece of wrapping from Hayden’s gift sticking out from under her pillow. She sat on the mattress and held the paper to her nose, inhaling. Closing her eyes, she lay back and breathed in again. Eggnog sloshed into her brain. The wrapping only smelled like paper, but she tried to detect a whiff of Hayden’s cologne, of him.
She thought of his sure hands on her as he’d spun her around the dance floor at the museum. She pictured his smile and replayed his smooth voice telling her she looked pretty in a dress. The memory of his mouth on hers rushed at her. He was such a good kisser. Amazing, really…
In the next second, she was off the bed, crumpling the scrap of paper and dropping it to the floor as she went to her case of toiletries and retrieved her vibrator. She hadn’t been sure she’d partake while staying at her parents’ house, but three days without was a longer span than she’d gone in a while, and she wasn’t trying to be a hero. She needed this. If it ended up being a marathon session, she’d have Hayden’s gift to keep the party going.