by Lily Cahill
Just like that, her face shuttered closed. "I can't think about that right now. I can't deal with that on top of the rest of it."
"Okay," he said, trying to keep disappointment from his voice. The engagement ring he'd never gotten around to giving her weighed heavy in his pocket. "Will you still come to the meeting with me tomorrow?"
"I guess I have to," she said, blinking rapidly in a way that made him think she was fighting tears. "If I want any shot at continuing my life's work."
He winced. It wasn't his fault that she had come to B3's attention, but the fact that he had contacted the council made him feel like a piece of shit. "Come on. Let's go home."
She looked away. "Maybe I should stay at a hotel."
Something tore inside him at the thought that she wanted to get away from him. He wanted to hold her tight and never let go.
When he managed to speak, his voice was hoarse. "Please. Stay with me. I won't touch you, I won't ...." He lifted his hands helplessly. "I have a guest room. You don't have to see me for the rest of the night."
Her eyes were screwed closed, but tears still leaked out. "All right," she said. "I'll stay in your guest room. But please, Caleb, leave me alone."
She wept silently in the car the whole way back to his apartment.
#
Caleb barely slept. He knew Kam needed some space to think, but he could barely stop himself from going to her and begging for her to accept his proposal.
For some reason, he had always thought that life would be easy once he'd met his mate. How wrong he had been. Kam was brilliant and challenging and opinionated--she would never be easy. But he wouldn't want her any other way.
Somewhere in the dark part of the night, he acknowledged that he'd been a fool to think that Kam would happily trade her career for him. The secrecy surrounding B3 had never bothered him, but now he could see how the Brotherhood's obsession with privacy could destroy its members.
He gave up on sleep and went to his home gym, lifting weights until he was dripping with sweat. While he worked out, he formulated a plan. He had created a successful business; he knew how to leverage his assets and work to a viable compromise. He he would just have to convince the council to see things the way he wanted.
He wanted Kam to have everything she had ever dreamed of. Once she had it, he hoped she would choose to make him part of her future.
He headed to the kitchen, ready for a big breakfast. Scheming always gave him an appetite. When he heard the shower in the guest room start up, he doubled the portion of bacon and eggs.
When Kam came out of the guest room, her hair was still wet and she was wearing the same simple suit she had worn to their first meeting. He really was head-over-heels for her, because the dull skirt made him feel affectionately nostalgic. "Good morning, Professor," he said, setting an omelet in front of her.
"I'm not hungry," she said.
"There's mushrooms in there. And brie cheese," he replied. In the last week, he had learned her preferences. She could not resist a soft, creamy cheese.
Sure enough, she licked her lips and glanced at the omelet hungrily. He turned back to the stove and flipped his own omelet, letting her decide if she was going to eat or not. "I've been thinking about this meeting," he said. "We need to show B3 that replacing you and Alex on the Yursui dig is a bad idea. You're already embedded in the project, you should see it through."
He didn't look over his shoulder, but he heard her sit at the counter and, a moment later, the click of her fork against the porcelain of the plate. "Even if we never get to share our findings with the world?"
"Maybe there's a way around that. If we control the information, we can choose the way it's spun. Until I showed you my bear side yesterday, you completely believed that the Yursui had to be hallucinating when they claimed to shift into bears. Why not keep that narrative?"
"You want me to publish incomplete findings?"
"They wouldn't be incomplete," he said patiently. "If we can determine that there actually was mold contamination in the corn mash the Yursui used in their ceremonies, you'll be providing a new picture of tribal life in the area. We still don't have any proof that they were actually able to transform into bears, or that they are related to modern-day shifters."
"What about Alex?"
That was the part he still hadn't figured out. "If we can convince B3 to let you both stay on the project, and publish your findings without mentioning shifters, then we don't need to worry about Alex. She doesn't need to know."
"I wouldn't feel right, keeping something like that from her." Kam said, eating another bite of her omelet.
"Think of it like this. If I told you something in confidence--something about my past, something that doesn't affect your work with Alex--would you tell her?"
It took her a long time to respond. "No, I suppose not."
He set his own plate down across from her. "Kam, I know this is a lot to take in. But I have to say, it feels really good to be honest with you."
She finally looked up from her plate and met his eye. "I don't know if I can handle this, Caleb. It's not just the dig, but all the rest of it. The shifting, your insistence that we are fated to be together ... I can't wrap my head around it."
It hurt to hear her say it, but he couldn't fault her. "Just give me some time to show you what it can be like between us. You don't have to think about shifting, or fate, or marrying me. Just ... don't leave me unless you really think we can't make it work between us."
There was a tentative truce in her eyes. "You won't bring it up again?"
He was willing to wait. "I won't. Not until you're ready."
"Okay," she said, a small smile finally crossing her lips. "I should finish getting ready. What time do we need to leave?"
"The meeting isn't until this afternoon, so we have plenty of time. I still need to shower."
She bit her lip, her eyes tracking down his body. He was wearing athletic shorts and a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off, and her eyes lingered on his arms.
He thought about asking her to join him in the shower, but he thought it might be too much, too soon. Instead, he asked, "Will you kiss me good morning?"
She scowled. At least she was thinking about it. "I haven't stopped wanting you, Kam," he said softly. "I never will."
"Okay," she said finally. There was a pretty blush in her cheeks. He wondered if she had spent the night as he had--yearning, hungry, lonely. He wanted to make love to her, worship her body until she admitted that she felt what he did. But if a kiss was all she would grant him at the moment, he would take it.
He walked around the kitchen island, never losing eye contact with her. She lifted her face to him, and he brushed back her hair. For a moment, he just looked at her. Now that he had told her the truth, it was as if a veil over his eyes had disappeared. She was so beautiful, with her eyes wide and lips parted. If he could manage to work out a way to spend the rest of his life looking at this face, he would count himself a lucky man.
He ran a thumb over her lips, gratified when she inhaled a sharp breath. She wanted him, too, even if she wasn't ready to admit it. With infinitesimal patience, he leaned down and laid his lips over hers.
Every time he kissed her, it was better than the last. He was careful not to push her, even though his body demanded that he crush her against him. When her mouth opened under his, he took the invitation to deepen the kiss. His control was slipping, but he couldn't resist her sweet mouth. He tried to pour all his love and desire and dedication into the kiss, telling her everything he wanted with the pressure of his lips.
When he broke the kiss, he laid his forehead against hers in an attempt to catch his breath. "I'm on your side, Kam. Wherever that side may be."
With the last of his self-control, he left her in the kitchen alone.
Chapter Eighteen
Kamilah
Kam kept crossing and uncrossing her legs, folding and unfolding her hands. When she had been in Seattle the last time for a m
eeting, she'd been nervous, but it was nothing compared to this. Her whole world had been rocked on its moorings, and everything felt terribly unreal.
Even Caleb. Caleb was a bear shifter? She wouldn't have believed it was possible if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. But as shocking as that was, his ability to shape-shift wasn't the most unbelievable part.
How was it possible that a man like him could want to be with her permanently? She had been so certain that she knew what he wanted from her--hot sex and an easy distraction while he was looking over the dig. But now, he was talking about fate, about their future, and he seemed utterly certain that they would spend the rest of their lives together.
In all the upheaval of the past twelve hours, one thing stood out like a beacon. He had asked her to marry him. And in that moment, before her logical brain kicked in, her heart had screamed yes.
It was still screaming yes as he drove them to a warehouse on the outskirts of Seattle. The warehouse probably belonged to B3, or one of the billionaire bear shifters that made up the secret society's ranks. She shook her head, amazed at her own thoughts. Bear shifters, secret societies. It was all so bizarre.
She had to admit that, on some level, the idea of a community of bear shifters piqued her intellectual interest. She itched to ask Caleb all the questions in her mind about how the trait was passed, how large the society was, how the group was organized. Why bears? Were there other types of shifters in the world? Were they all billionaires?
She wished Alex was here. She would know the right questions to ask, the best way to proceed. But if she did what Caleb asked--keep his tremendous secret--there would always be a distance between her and Alex that she would never be able to bridge.
How was she supposed to choose between the man she loved and her best friend?
"Don't be nervous," Caleb said, covering her anxious hands with one of his. "We're in this together, okay?"
She nodded mutely. She wanted to believe him, but he was in a terrible position too. If the B3 council tried to replace her on the dig, he would have to break with the organization if he wanted to continue InTech's funding. From what he had told her, one didn't walk away from B3 without consequences. Could she really ask him to risk his company and alienate the rest of his kind?
"Are you sure we're in the right place?" she said when he parked. The warehouse seemed deserted.
"This is where I was told to go," he said, though he looked equally confused. "My contact said he would call me ... ah, here he is," he said as his phone rang.
Caleb answered the call and, after a few quick exchanges, led her into the warehouse. The door was unlocked, but that didn't mean there was no security. Two enormous grizzly bears were waiting just inside the door.
Instantly, Caleb transformed. The bears proceeded to sniff each other suspiciously, growling and snorting in some communication she couldn't penetrate. More questions exploded in her mind--did they have a language? How much of the man remained when the bear was in charge, and vice versa?--but she forced herself to focus.
One of the bears made as if to sniff her, and Caleb growled defensively. She didn't know how she could tell him apart from the other grizzlies, but she could--something about the way he moved. He stood in front of her, his body a muscular wall protecting her from the other bears.
That seemed to be enough for the other bears to trust her. As one, they transformed into men. "Right this way, Mr. Ingram," one of them said, gesturing them farther into the warehouse.
Caleb transformed as well. He took Kam's hand tightly in his, and she was grateful for the support. What would they find beyond the curtain at the end of the hall?
To her surprise, the room where they were led was completely normal. Other than the high ceilings and concrete floor, it looked similar to the conference room at InTech where she had presented to Caleb and Mr. Mancini. A large table was set up in the center of the room, and men sat around it.
Men wearing carved wooden bear masks.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice," one said. He had a South American accent that was muffled by his mask.
"Is all of this necessary, Pablo?" Caleb asked. He seemed nervous, wary.
"You know the rules," Pablo said. "No one knows who serves on the council, not even the council itself."
Caleb nodded and squeezed Kam's hand. "Gentlemen, thank you for coming on such short notice. I'm Caleb Ingram, and this is Dr. Kamilah Hutchinson. She's the co-head of the Yursui research project. And my mate."
A bolt of shock shot through Kam at the last words, but she kept her professional smile in place. If you didn't consider the bear masks, it was just like any other presentation. If she had to prove herself to these men in order to continue the work that mattered to her, so be it.
She dropped Caleb's hand. And began the lecture of her lifetime.
#
She talked for an hour. She didn't have her computer or her notes, but she didn't need them--all the information was in her head.
She tried hard to stay articulate and clinical, but it was difficult to keep the passion and emotion from her voice. This project was her baby, her first chance to make a name for herself. Is she was going to lose it, she wanted to make sure it was in good hands.
Finally, she ran out of things to tell them. Somehow, she had gotten used to speaking to a room full of men in bear masks. They were all turned attentively toward her as she said, "Whether or not the Yursui could actually transform into bears is immaterial. They lived and died on this land for generations. They had whole, full lives, and shifting into bears was only one part of it."
A chuckle went around the table. Kam looked at Caleb, confused, and saw that his face was soft and rueful. Of course. He spent the vast majority of his time as a man. Being a bear was only a small part of him ... and yet it defined him.
Kam wondered what it was like for these men, carrying a marvelous secret their entire lives. What did their silence win them? And what did it lose them?
"My partner and I, Dr. Alex Winter, have put every ounce of our time and effort into this project for the last two years. Our mission has been to expose this fascinating culture to the world, as I have to you. And I'm asking you gentlemen--don't you think the world deserves to know about the Yursui?"
"We appreciate your work, Dr. Hutchinson," said a man whose bear mask was carved with symbols around the ears. Kam had been studying the symbols, but she couldn't place them. "You've been thorough and persuasive."
"However," said a man with symbols around the eyes of his mask, "you must understand that we have to be very careful. The world can never know that shifters exist."
"While your passion is admirable," said a third, "perhaps it would be best if we shut down the dig entirely."
"No," Kam said quickly. "Even if you don't want non-shifters on the project, you should still continue the dig."
The man wearing the mask with symbols around the eyes leaned forward. "You would give up your research?"
"If that's what it takes to make sure this culture comes to light," Kam said. "Knowledge is valuable in and of itself. I would rather someone else have the chance to learn about the Yursui than see their culture disappear."
The council murmured amongst themselves. Finally, a man wearing a mask with symbols around the nose leaned forward. "Tell us about your research partner. Dr. Winter."
"Dr. Winter is a respected archaeologist. She did her undergrad at Yale and got her doctorate from Stanford. She is an expert in GIS survey technology with a background in--"
"I don't want her résumé," said the same man. "Tell me what sort of person she is."
Kam took a moment to adjust. "She's ... funny. And loyal. She can be bossy, sometimes, or stubborn. But she always keeps her head on her shoulders. She's the person I would count on in a crisis."
"Not your mate?" said the man with symbols around his eyes.
Kam looked at Caleb. He had remained quiet throughout the presentation, but she could feel his presence
like a pillar of support at her back. "Caleb and I have only known each other a short time. But I've known Alex for years."
"Kam is also loyal," Caleb said. If her words had hurt him, he wasn't showing it. "She chooses the people in her life very carefully. She's my mate, and that makes you inclined to trust her. I assure you that you can also rely on the people she trusts."
"It would be easier if she wasn't your mate," said the man with symbols around his ears. "Then we could simply find a way to replace her."
"Hang on," Kam said. "I am a professional with a lifetime of experience under my belt and impeccable credentials. Whether or not I'm Caleb's mate shouldn't even be a factor."
"Ah, but it is," said a fourth man, who had been silent until now. His mask had symbols around the crown of his head. "A shifter's mate can be trusted to protect her bear, and by extension the rest of us. If it were simply a matter of being qualified for the job, you and Dr. Winter would pass with flying colors. But as the matter stands, we can't allow an unaffiliated person to know so much about us."
"She doesn't have to know." Even as she said it, Kam's heart sank. She couldn't imagine lying to Alex about something so huge, but also couldn't she see any other way for them to continue to work on the Yursui site. "I won't tell her anything about modern-day shifters, or the possibility that they might be related to the Yursui. We won't publish anything that you don't approve of. I swear to you, I will keep your secrets."
She wished she could see the men's faces. The masks were all so impassive. But she could see Caleb's face, and he was looking at her with a mixture of pride and sympathy.
"All right," said the fourth man finally. "We'll keep the situation as it is, for now. But if either of you exposes B3 to Dr. Winter, we'll put an end to the project."
Kam let out a breath. It wasn't perfect, but at least she and Alex were still running the dig.
As soon as the council made their decision, Caleb thanked them and hustled her out the door. "We should get those bones to the DNA lab. I'll be the contact person, so you don't have to hide it from Alex."