by Lily Cahill
Liam fell silent. Was Ava made for him? He hadn't really thought of being fated that way. He felt a physical ache without her. He missed the smell of her hair and the feel of her body snuggled up against his. It felt like the week they'd spent together had made more of an impact on him than all the years he'd lived without her. He couldn't stand the feeling of sleeping alone now. The space of the bed and the coolness of the sheets felt empty--like there was something missing, and he knew exactly what it was. He just couldn't believe that Ava could leave such a big hole in his life after such a short period of time.
"I'm happy for you," Liam said at last. That much was true.
"Thanks." Everett turned in and opened a door to the bar. The place was fairly busy. It was a narrow space with a long bar and a row of taps behind the counter that was almost as long as the bar itself. They found two stools next to each other and each ordered a pint.
"So what are you doing here? What has brought Liam the Wild out of the woods, or wherever you were, and drug you back to the metropolis that you hated so much?"
Liam took a big gulp of his beer, the subtle floral flavor making him close his eyes in appreciation and let his tongue linger on the hint of bitterness after he'd swallowed. He missed good beer. He tried not to go into town often, and when he did, the only beer they had was generic light beer. He'd have to add craft beer to the list of things that he hadn't realized he was missing out on.
Liam took a breath and puffed out his cheeks, then let it all out.
"I'm fated."
"Yeah. I know. We're all fated. Don't tell me you were one of those idiots that didn't believe it was true."
"No, I mean. I know who my mate is. I found her." He swirled the beer around in his glass. "Well, actually, she found me, I guess."
"That's great!" Everett clapped Liam on the back. "Another round," he called out to the bartender as he lifted his glass to Liam.
"Is it?" Liam didn't lift his glass to Everett, just stared down into the amber liquid. "Doesn't it ever worry you, the way you see some people fall apart when they lose their mate? Take Marcus Sinclair's father. Not only is he a drunk, he got kicked out of the Brotherhood. He has no mate and no community. His whole life ruined. And then there was Robert Phelps who killed himself when his mate died. Is it worth all of that?"
"What's the alternative? To live alone in the woods and pretend no one else exists?"
"It's worked for me so far."
"Has it? You're here, aren't you? Your clouds turned out to be clearer atmosphere after all."
"What?" They'd only had a couple of beers, but Everett wasn't making any sense.
"'It is better to have your head in the clouds, and know where you are ... than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them, and think that you are in paradise,'" Everett quoted with disdain. "That's what you said to me before you left. Because you're a condescending douche. Looks like what you thought was paradise wasn't really paradise after all."
"I'm not ready to concede that yet."
"People aren't meant to live in the woods alone. Not even bear people. You wouldn't be here if you didn't know that. 'There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.'"
Liam bristled. "You hated it when I quote Thoreau and now you're full of them to spit at me?"
Everett shrugged, but his hand was tight around his pint of beer. "Thoreau was an idiot who got fresh-baked cookies delivered to his backyard tent by his mommy. Hiding in the woods doesn't give your life more value or happiness than living in the city. It's what's inside you. And when you have someone who brings out the best of what's inside you, you hold onto that with all your might."
"When did you get to be so fucking smart?"
Everett laughed. "I've always been so fucking smart, you were just too impressed with yourself to notice."
Liam chugged the last sip of his beer and started in on a new one. He knew there were no answers at the bottom of the glass, but he was happy to be drinking with his brother, and felt more at home than he had in a long time.
#
After a few more pints, Liam was feeling rowdy and restless. His head was swimming with thoughts of Ava. The beer had clouded his mind, but all the fuzzy thoughts and images were of Ava. His mate. The pit in his stomach that appeared when he'd left her was growing. The beer was expanding it and making him wish he had a cell phone to call her. He was falling back into city life without even trying. All of the modern conveniences that had always been available to him were so much more at the ready now. He was glad he didn't have her phone number, unsure of what he wanted to say to her. He hadn't made any decisions, but the desire to talk to her was overwhelming.
He could feel the hair on his leg prickling, wanting to grow, expand over his entire leg, and turn into fur. They'd left the bar and were teetering through the streets, smiling and laughing as Everett put Liam in a headlock and roughed up his hair. Liam retaliated by pushing Everett into a building.
If Liam wasn't mistaken, they were headed toward the office building of their company, Bowen Enterprises.
"Where are you taking me? You're not trying to talk me into coming back to Bowen are you?"
"No, never again. I don't want to rely on someone who might just decide to disappear for two years. We're going to the greenhouse."
So Everett felt it, too. The need to shift. On the top floor of Bowen Enterprises there was a greenhouse. A completely private place that Everett had manufactured to replicate nature. It wasn't the same thing as running around in the woods, but it was better than nothing. It spanned the entire floor of the building. Liam wondered how a bee colony would fare in the greenhouse.
Everett was barely out of the elevator doors before he had morphed himself into bear form and was loping down the center aisle. Liam followed, running after Everett. It felt good to stretch his legs.
The greenhouse smelled lush and tropical. Not exactly like the woods, but definitely a fresh, natural scent that intoxicated Liam.
Liam cut through a line of lemon trees and ran into Everett, T-boning him in the side. Everett went flying, but when Liam tried to finish the tackle, Everett put his paws in the air, and deflected Liam. With an extra second of advantage, Everett bolted again. He was speeding down a row of tomato plants and slipped on fallen fruit. Skidding to the side, Liam attacked again, this time landing on Everett. The two rolled around, not caring that they were being covered in tomato pulp.
They wrestled and ran until they were completely spent. Everett was the first to shift back, holding up his hands in surrender.
He was smiling wide and breathing hard. His hair was a complete mess and his clothes were strewn with dirt and vegetables.
"You win, you win."
Liam shifted back too and clapped Everett on the back.
"It's been too long since I had a romp like that," Everett said, running his hands through his hair, trying to put it back in some order.
Liam didn't respond, but he agreed. He had miles to roam in the woods, but no one to roam with. Liam was slowly realizing he wanted a bit of everything--the woods, his former life, his brother at his side. And there was one thing he knew for sure: The greenhouse wasn't the woods, but the woods didn't have Everett or Catalina or Ava.
Chapter Eleven
Liam
Liam tightened his bow tie in the mirror. His fingers easily remembered the movement he hadn't done in so long. Everett had invited Liam to the quarterly B3 Gala. Billionaire bear shifters from around the country would come in just for this event, and with Everett's company--or technically, Everett and Liam's company--growing rapidly, Everett couldn't miss it.
"Are you sure I can just show up to this?" Liam asked Everett, feeling a little uneasy about seeing all of the bear shifters in the Brotherhood. "I'm not even sure if I'm still in the Brotherhood."
"Once a brother, always a brother," Everett said, clamping Liam on the back. Liam ran his hands over his beard
, rubbing his face. Looking at Everett was like looking into a mirror. Other than the facial hair, they were identical. It felt reassuring somehow to know that a counterpart existed in the world. It struck Liam then, that maybe that's how shifters felt about their mates. Not everyone was lucky enough to have a twin, maybe they were all searching for that reassurance. He imagined what Ava might be doing right now, and wished that she was on his arm going to this gala. He had no doubt that she would look breathtaking all dolled up. If she could make hiking clothes look as sexy as she did, there was no telling how hot she would be in an evening gown.
Liam regarded Everett. Was he really still a brother? He laughed at old memories. "That's good," he said, "because I am never going through that initiation process again."
Everett joined him in the laugh. "I have no desire to vomit up ghost peppers or shave my whole body, ever again."
"Man, we looked so stupid with no hair. I went through a major dry spell after that."
"I didn't shift for a month. I looked so ridiculous and patchy, I just couldn't do it. Although I do kind of like the way my dick looks when everything is cleaned up down there."
"Oh lord, too much information. No one needs to know that."
"What?" Everett asked, feigning innocence and smiling into the mirror that they were sharing. "Catalina likes it too."
Just then Catie walked into the room. "What do I like?"
"You don't want to know," Liam said.
#
The event was all glitz and glam, just like Liam remembered. A lot had happened since he'd left, and most of the people he had known were coupled up. There were new faces, too.
The gala was held inside of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The museum was massive, but the gala had been confined to a courtyard where a server had to climb a ladder to start off a six foot champagne fountain. There was a buffet of fine foods and a section of impressionist art that spanned four rooms of the museum. People walked around, observing the paintings in between conversations. Liam heard bits of business talk. Real estate acquisitions, mergers, and deals in the making. This was a big part of the Brotherhood, creating empires with the support of other bear shifters. He gravitated toward the string quartet playing in the courtyard and overheard the word synergy. His stomach churned with memories of small talk and schmoozing.
It was true that Everett had done the bulk of the business dealings and he had stayed mostly in the lab, creating alternative energy solutions. They worked on the science of it together, but Liam liked working with his hands doing the actual building of the unit--solar power panels that stored energy. They made them smaller and smaller until they had a prototype for a roof tile. After Liam left, Everett had perfected the tile, making it look like roof tile and not just a tiny solar panel. He'd also created a way for the tiles to network together and function as one unit. Liam had followed the progress the best he could from the woods. He checked the news at the library when he went into town, but there was never as much coverage as he wanted.
"Hey there, stranger." A girl he'd dated briefly before he'd left this life had strolled over to him, a huge diamond on her finger.
"Alana." He pecked her on both cheeks, not forgetting formal manners completely. "You're married?"
"Yeah. I met Nolan right after you split town." She waved at her husband across the room. Liam knew him. He was a doctor, the head of surgery for Mass General.
"Do you live in Boston now?"
"Yep. With our two little rugrats."
It seemed like every second that went by Liam learned of a new event, and the longer he felt like he'd been gone. Like it had been a decade rather than two years. How could so much have happened without him?
"Two?"
"You bear shifters are very fertile." She reached out and touched Liam's arm. She'd been a sweet girl. They'd dated for a while because she was so easy to be around and Liam liked knowing that she wasn't his mate. He liked being committed to someone that he knew wasn't going to be his forever. She was glowing now, she had a look of inner peace that differentiated her now from how she'd been with him. "How have you been? I was worried about you when you left. It really tore Everett up."
"I'm good. Really. I needed to just get away. Something about being a bear in a city just didn't sit right with me."
"I'm sorry you couldn't talk to me about it. Nolan gets like that sometimes, too. I think it helps to be able to talk to someone about it."
Liam nodded. It hadn't helped him. He had Everett, but Everett wasn't built the same way he was. He didn't resent city life like Liam did, and he always told him to just go for a run or get out of the city for the weekend. Whenever Liam got too restless, Everett would remind him that they had too much built and too much left to do to leave New York. It'd made Liam feel trapped here.
"Why did you stay with me for so long?" Alana asked, suddenly changing the topic. He was afraid she was going to ask why he had left her, without closure, just breaking up one day and leaving town the next. He thought she'd want closure.
He looked at her, confused.
"Now that I know how it all works, I just don't get it. You knew we weren't right for each other but you stayed with me. Why?"
"I wasn't ready." Liam said.
It was the truth, and the past-tense of it was true, too. He felt as though something clicked into place as he said the words. Something shifted inside of him and he knew that now he was ready. Before he'd felt like he couldn't escape his fate. He was worried that he was still trapped, just in a different way than he had been in the city. But now. He didn't feel trapped by his fate, he felt ready for it. Ready to embrace being with Ava and everything that came with it.
Chapter Twelve
Ava
Ava had her hiking bag packed and was preparing to head back out into the woods. She had included a first aid kit, four dehydrated meals, three liters of water, and a mini bottle of champagne. She wasn't going to go back out into the woods as unprepared as she had been the fist time. She'd love to impress Liam with her wilderness preparedness and then pull out the champagne. It seemed like the perfect compromise.
Butterflies zoomed around in her stomach. Butterflies so big that they felt more like birds. Ava held her hand over her mouth as a bout of nausea overcame her. She rushed into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet, barely making it in time. Was she that nervous? Was this a crazy idea? It was a crazy idea, of course. Ava knew that. She had no idea if Liam felt what she was feeling, and even if he was, would he make a good boyfriend? She was certain that he wouldn't be, but she couldn't resist the draw back to the woods. To at least get to see him again. To feel him again. She had felt so cold since she came back to the city, every night bundling up in her blankets and trying to curl them around herself, but she kept waking with them strewn everywhere. She'd dream of laying in the woods with Liam, but him being just out of reach of her body. She'd shiver and shake herself awake, gather up her covers and curl back in, but it was like her body was going through withdrawals. It just did not want to sleep without Liam's warmth radiating beside her.
She rinsed her mouth out at the sink and started putting toothpaste on her brush, when she felt another wave of nausea hit her. She bent back down over the toilet and let herself retch. She checked her watch. Her sister was going to be here any minute to give her a ride back to the hiking trail where she'd veered off path. Emma had insisted that if Ava was going back out into the woods that she needed to know where she was going and when she would be back this time. She had nearly lost her mind with worry and had even filed a missing person's report. Emma wasn't a fan of this plan to go back into the woods and spend time with a mountain man who in Emma's words held her hostage for five days. Which was absolutely not true. Ava didn't know what she would have done if it hadn't been for Liam. She would have had to crawl through the woods for miles, try to find a car that was willing to take on a hitchhiker and not kill her. Who knows if her ankle would have healed if she'd been forced to push herself that fa
r.
"Hello?" Emma called out into Ava's home.
"In here," Ava called before retching into the toilet again.
Distantly, Ava was aware of the bathroom door opening and a gasp. "Oh my God, are you okay?" Emma asked, kneeling down to rub Ava's back.
"I don't know." She wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper, chucked it into the bowl, and flushed. She sat back and leaned her head against the wall. "I thought it was nerves, but now I think I might be coming down with a stomach bug."
Emma held the back of her hand to Ava's forehead.
"You're not hot." She pulled her hand away. "Is it just your stomach? Is everything else okay?"
"I've been kind of cold and I haven't been sleeping well."
"Maybe it's the flu. Let's get you in bed."
"No, no. I can just take some aspirin and we can go."
"Go? There's no way in hell I'm letting you go traipse through the woods with a flu. I was barely okay with this plan before you were sick. Come on." She reached out her hand and pulled Ava up to her feet. "I'll put you in bed and get you some ginger ale. We can watch a movie and I'll make you some soup or something."
"You don't have to do that," Ava said, but she didn't fight her sister, letting her lead her to the bed.
"Maybe it's a sign." Emma said, pulling Ava's sheets up and tucking her in.
"I don't believe in signs." She called out after her sister, who had already left the room.
When Emma came back in, she had a cup of water and four tablets of vitamin C and two aspirin.
"I hate taking pills with water," Ava whined, sticking a pill far back in her mouth so they'd wash down right away without her having to taste them at all.
"Well, you don't have any ginger ale and the orange juice expired on the fifth."
"It's the fifth today. I'm sure it's fine. Can you please bring me some juice." Ava put the water and pills down on her nightstand and slunk back into her bed, batting her eyes at her sister.