by Lily Cahill
He brushed himself off, determined to find answers, and left the beach behind.
#
Liam rapped on the wooden door of the two story Tudor in front of him. He hadn't called, not knowing how Emma would react to him just showing up here. But he would get her to talk to him. He had to. This was his only hope for getting insight into Ava's history.
He knew he had the right address when the woman opened the door. She and Ava had the same nose and the same blond hair with streaks of white that shined when it caught the light just right. Emma's hair was shorter, cut into a bob, but the color was unmistakable. She didn't have Ava's sultry eyes or pouty, full lips.
"Hi, are you Emma?"
Emma squinted her eyes at him and then covered her mouth with her hand.
"You're Liam, aren't you?"
"You know who I am? So Ava's mentioned me. She's talked to you about me?" Liam's back straightened and he felt a rush of frenzied confidence rush though him. He felt like his stomach was in his chest, rising in hope that Ava thought about him.
Emma looked away from Liam, her eyes darting around like she was worried about getting caught.
"Please," Liam said. He felt a moistness in his eyes that he tried to blink away. He felt his last hope slipping away from him. "I care about Ava. I know she's had a history, but I'm not like that." He realized he didn't actually know if he was like her exes or not. If she'd had boys pick up and leave in the middle of the night, never to be heard from again, than he was exactly like that. "The truth is, I don't know why she doesn't trust me. But I know we have something."
Emma squinted up at Liam, making eye contact with him for the first time since he got so excitable about her knowing who he was.
"I can't explain it." How was he going to talk this woman into betraying her sister? It's not like he could just tell Emma that he and Ava were fated. Oh, by the way, she's my soulmate, so this is really important. He would sound like a complete lunatic and just end up proving Ava right. "But, I know Ava and I should be more than just a fling."
Emma was ringing her hands now, but she still hadn't slammed the door in his face.
"I know," he said, lowering his voice. Emma's eyes popped open, waiting for him to finish his sentence. He took a deep breath and blew it out. He wasn't planning on this. "I know about the baby."
It hung in the air between them for just a second before Emma opened the door wider, letting him in. Those were the magic words.
"I'm sorry. I feel like this is my fault." She hustled him through the house. She led Liam to the kitchen, pulling out a chair for him and sitting down at the kitchen table. Liam noticed the family portraits on the wall. Emma and a man with a receding hairline and two blond kids standing proudly together. Those same cute little kids, playing in the snow, with flakes sprinkled in their hair. The kids again in school portraits, the girl missing a front tooth, the boy with a cowlick making a piece of his hair stand straight up.
"I gave her these rules to follow." Emma rubbed her face, pressing hard on the bridge of her nose. "I just want to protect her, but I couldn't imagine not knowing, not being a part of my kid's life."
"What rules?" Liam asked.
"These stupid rules when she broke up with her last boyfriend." She scratched her index finger over her eyebrow. "I mean, they weren't stupid. They were good guidelines for Ava. But there's an exception to every rule, right? Like if you accidentally get pregnant with a man who doesn't fit into the box you've constructed. Or if the box you constructed was all wrong?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Do you want some tea?" Emma got up before he answered and started filling a tea kettle. "I feel like I'm giving away national security information." She flicked on the burner.
"Ava won't talk to me." He realized after he said it, that the comment didn't help his case. If Ava was talking to him, then Emma talking to him wouldn't be a betrayal.
Emma rapped her fingers on the kitchen counter.
"I've tried to get her to trust me. I've been there every day. I don't know what else to do. I can't fix what's broken if I don't know what's broken."
"I know," Emma said. She'd pulled down two mugs and was finally standing still again. "She told me that you've been resilient. She talks about you every day."
"She does?"
"Yeah."
"What does she say?"
"That her house has never looked better." Emma gave a half smile. "I know my sister. And the way she talks about you, the way she can't stop talking about you. It's different than how she's been about guys in the past. She wants to fix everyone. She doesn't realize that people won't change unless they want to."
"'There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it, and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.'" Liam heard the quote in Everett's voice in his mind.
"Exactly. Well said."
"I can't take credit for it. It's Henry David Thoreau."
"An educated man." Emma nodded her head in approval. "So what's wrong with you, Liam? What about you needs to be fixed?"
Liam exhaled a huff of air, feeling his hair flutter from the gust. "I think she's already fixed it."
The tea kettle started to scream and Emma pulled it off the stove, pouring hot water into the mugs.
"I moved to a cabin in the woods two years ago and haven't looked back since. I didn't really want to be a part of the world anymore. But then I met Ava and she shook something loose inside of me. She made me realize, without even trying, that I was running away from life. From the good and the bad. I was too afraid of getting hurt to ever let myself get too invested. But I don't want that anymore. I want Ava. I want to understand what she's been through. And I want to be a part of my baby's life."
"I can't believe I'm doing this." Emma's lips puckered and she rolled her eyes as she shook her head. Resigned, she gave in and told Liam all about Ava's dating history and all the reasons she wouldn't let herself trust Liam. "First there was Paolo ...."
Chapter Sixteen
Ava
"How is anyone supposed to choose between all these options?" Ava and Emma were walking through Buy Buy Baby, and the choices of pacifiers alone was overwhelming.
"These were my favorite." Emma started throwing items into the cart, barely looking at what she was buying.
"I don't know what I would do without you."
Emma scrunched up her nose.
"What?" Ava asked.
"It's hard to do this alone."
"Yeah, I didn't exactly plan on doing it alone." She rubbed Emma's arm. "And I'm not alone. I have you."
"Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to let Liam in."
Ava froze, the cart stopping in the middle of the aisle. "You're the one who created the rules. Liam breaks just about every rule. He has no job. He left all his friends when he decided to be a recluse. He doesn't respect me!" Ava felt her neck getting red.
"It seems like he's trying. He's been at your house every day. You said so yourself."
"Exactly, which is what I asked him not to do. If he respected me, he would respect that I asked him to leave me alone. And just the other day, he was at my house, unwelcome, pushing me to talk to him, and when I finally did acknowledge him, he bolted." Her thighs quivered thinking about him getting so close to her that she thought she was going to lose control. And then he'd left. Apparently unaffected by being so close to her. He didn't feel any of that sexual tension that was making Ava think that she was going crazy.
"What do you mean, he bolted?"
"He ran, like his pants were on fire, off my porch. If that doesn't say red flag, I don't know what does. As far as I can tell, he is erratic and unpredictable."
"Maybe he had a good reason."
Ava balled her hands into fists.
"Why are you suddenly sticking up for him?" Emma had never even met Liam. Ava felt angry and confused. How could her sister be flipping sides. Who was she supposed to trust. Emma was her emotional guide, the p
erson who told her when she was making a mistake, but for once Ava thought she was making the decision that Emma would approve of. It wasn't like it was easy. Her body was telling her to be with Liam. Every night she flailed and her blankets twisted off of her dreaming of Liam's body not quite touching hers. Nothing had changed about Liam or their situation. He was still an unemployed recluse that Ava barely knew.
"This is different, you know. He's going to be a father."
Ava bit her lower lip, chewing on it and feeling lost. All she wanted to do now was go home and stop thinking about Liam.
#
Ava pushed her hands into the pockets of her sundress, her totes of baby supplies slung over her shoulder. Emma had offered to give her a ride home, but Ava just wanted to be alone. She wanted to walk and think and not try to figure out what she was supposed to do with this mess.
As she walked past a playground, she saw a man pick up his child and toss her playfully into the air. The little girl giggled in delight as her father caught her and blew raspberries on her stomach. Ava absentmindedly put her hand on her stomach as she watched families all playing in the spring sunshine.
"Ava?"
Ava turned to a man in a suit who was addressing her on the sidewalk.
She squinted as she craned her neck out at him, even though he was standing right in front her.
"Josh?" She couldn't believe her eyes. Her drunk of an ex-boyfriend was standing in front of her looking more put together than she had ever seen him. His eyes were clear and even his shoes were shined.
"It's so good to see you!" Josh's voice was full of warmth as he pulled her into a hug. Not one of those half-body hugs you gave awkwardly to acquaintances, but a full body hug complete with a back rub.
"I can't believe I'm just running into you like this."
"Small world," she said. She couldn't believe this was the same Josh she'd dated. When she'd left him, he was too drunk to even remember she'd moved out. He called her wondering where all her stuff was and she'd had to relive the whole breakup over again.
"Can I buy you a coffee?" Josh said, hitching his thumb over his shoulder and pointing down the street.
"Sure, why not." He looked so good. His skin had changed from a sallow yellow to healthy, peachy glow. What could have finally made him change? Ava felt a pang of regret that she couldn't have been the impetus for him, because obviously something had.
"Dirty chai still your drink?" Josh asked, holding open a door into a dimly lit shop with exposed brick walls. The scream of a milk steamer rang though the narrow space.
"Yeah, I can't believe you remembered that."
"You always said I had a mind for remembering things."
When you were sober, Ava thought to herself. When he was sober, Josh could recite back sports statistics, economic outlooks, and random facts that would get lost in anyone else's brain. His mind was a carefully organized warehouse where nothing was ever lost.
"When I was sober, that is," Josh said, like he was reading her mind.
She smiled and shook her head. Who was this guy who was so okay talking about drinking. He used to be so defensive about "his problem." He used to put air quotes around it every time Ava brought it up, mocking her like she was blowing things out of proportion.
They sat at a hightop table outside, away from the noise of the little cafe.
"I still can't believe I just ran into you like this." Josh took a sip of his drink, all the while just smiling at her. "I have been wanting to call you for so long."
"Call me?" Ava squirmed in her seat. She hated rejecting people, and she suddenly felt uncomfortable about where this was going.
"Yeah, I've been wanting to say thank you for a really long time." He looked down at his cup and picked at the lid with his fingernail. "I was a real asshole when we were together. And I've never thanked you."
"Thanked me for what?"
"For believing in me." He looked up at her. "And leaving me." He huffed, and his mouth curled up at the edge. "You leaving was a real low point in my life. It's what made me realize that I had an actual problem, not just a 'problem.'" He put the word in air quotes. It was eerie to watch him do it now that his hair was washed and his face shaven. It felt like backwards deja vu. "I felt like there was nothing left in my life to lose and I hated that feeling--that everything that had been worth keeping was gone. And so I went to rehab and tried to rebuild. And after rehab I went back to school and now I'm a lawyer. And I owe it all to you."
Ava's mouth hung open. All that had happened since she'd left Josh?
"That's what I was trying to get you to do all along."
"I know. I really don't think I would have done it if it wasn't for the fact that you had such unrelenting faith in me. I sure as hell didn't think I could do it. And every time law school got really hard, when I was craving a drink and pulling an all-nighter and feeling like an incompetent imposter, I thought of you. You telling me that I was the smartest guy you knew and that I could do anything. I relied on your persistent confidence in me until I had confidence of my own."
"Wow." Ava couldn't think of anything to say. She was utterly speechless. Her instincts had been right. All that wasted potential that she believed Josh had, he really did have. And he lived up to it. She reached over the table and put her hand on Josh's.
"I'm really happy for you." She leaned back in her chair and just stared at Josh--looking at the realization of what she'd always hoped he'd become.
She had been right about him all along. He'd just had to figure it out for himself.
Chapter Seventeen
Liam
With Ava's history of deadbeat suitors, Liam would have created a list of rules for her to follow, too. There was Paolo, a Nicaraguan, new the to country who knew no one and spoke broken English. He crashed with Ava for four months as he "acclimated" to the States. He walked around Ava's place naked all the time, even when Emma came over, and never seemed to leave for job interviews even though he said all he did all day was submit applications. There was David who seemed like such a nice guy but grew up in a bad neighborhood. Ava took him in like a stray puppy. His friends were all creeps and Ava had put up with it, believing David was different. He ended up getting busted for armed robbery and they broke up when he went to prison. Then there was Josh, the drunk. And finally Luca, who was able to satisfy the rest of the checklist but was a complete jerk to Ava. Ava put up with it because he told Ava that he loved her. That he couldn't live without her. And she believed him, until she walked in on him fucking someone else and realized that in all their time together he never really listened to her. He would complain and cry on her shoulder and vent, but he never listened. He treated Ava like a dumping ground for all of his negative feelings. He was the one Emma hated the most. She practically spat as she told Liam about Luca.
After Emma's house, Liam had gone to the library and put his research skills to use. He found out every detail of Ava's life that he could muster. He was determined to prove to her that she could trust her instincts. That she could trust him. And then, when his case was iron clad, he went back to Ava's house and waited. He waited on her front step, watching the sun move across the sky as morning turned to afternoon.
Liam stretched out and threw an arm over his head, letting the sun lull him practically to sleep before he heard Ava's wedge heels clack up the path. He scrambled to his feet. He wasn't going to let Ava in the house this time. He had to talk to her, properly, not just sulk around her porch and wait for her to be ready to talk to him. He blocked her path up the steps, putting his body between her and the door.
"It's been a long day, Liam. I just want to go inside and take a nap."
"I can't let you do that."
Ava threw her head back to the sky. "Liam! I'm exhausted and confused and I just want some peace and quiet."
"Just talk to me for a minute."
Ava shifted the bag on her shoulder and stuck her hip out, impatience written all over her body.
"I
know you think you can't trust yourself--trust your instincts about me. And I want to show you that you can."
He held a leather bound book out to her.
"What is this?"
"It's proof." Liam waited for her to open the book. "We had something in the woods. An instant attraction that neither one of us could control. I know you feel this too." Liam's fist was balled in front of his stomach. He swallowed hard before going on. "And I know you think that you can ignore it. That you should ignore it, but I'm begging you not to."
Ava was flipping through the pages of the book now, looking up at Liam and then back down to the pages, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"You had a hunch about the honey bee population, and you were right." He'd pasted an article she'd had published in a science journal on the first page of the book. "You prevented a teen from committing suicide at summer camp. You know what camp counselors were like at my summer camp? They were too busy fooling around behind the cabins to notice anything happening with the kids, but not you. You notice things that no one else sees."
There had been an article in the local paper about her. Camp Counselor Saves Life. The attendance at the camp the next year doubled.
"How did you?" Ava trailed off. Liam didn't want to tell her how much time he'd spent at the library or how he'd convinced Emma to talk to him.
"It doesn't matter." He walked toward her, and she didn't step away from him. "I know about your ex-boyfriends, and I don't want you to fix me." Ava looked up to him then, her eyes shining and wet. He wanted to pull her into his arms then, not wait for her to answer him, but he resisted. He needed her to want him.