What if, once they knew Ryan was out of danger, they decided to take up Testimony against her here and now? After all, she had compounded her sin. She had betrayed Madeleine on top of everything else. Even Ryan’s safety wouldn’t be enough to alleviate that.
Stop thinking of yourself. There are bigger things at stake here than Silencing you.
She shrank into a corner of the couch, thankful beyond words when Michael stood and captured everyone’s attention. He braced himself with one hand on the back of the nearest couch, and cleared his throat. “Mark, Elizabeth, Owen. Melchizedek. The first thing I want to say is that we’ve discovered the cause of Ryan’s illness.”
Elizabeth cried out. “Oh, thank the Lord! Thank the Lord!” Clutching her husband, she looked at Michael. “What was it, Michael? The gastroenteritis that Madeleine suspected?”
Mark patted her back, his own gaze riveted on Dr. Archer. “Will he pull through?” he asked urgently.
“Yes, he’ll pull through. We got it in time.”
“Got it in time?” Mark repeated. “You make it sound like cancer. It’s not, is it? He’s only four!”
“No, not cancer. It was a—an allergy. We just discovered it last night, pumped out his system, and put him on an alternate treatment. He’s responding as well as can be expected right now, but he should show signs of improvement within days.”
Julia frowned. Why was he making up stories?
Michael glanced at Derrick and Melchizedek, and it was obvious that respect for the Shepherd of his soul fought with duty. “I’d like to talk to the family privately but I know how close you are. Please keep what we say in this room confidential.”
Derrick looked uncertainly from the doctor to Julia and nodded. He moved to stand behind Julia’s couch.
Was he staking out ownership? Or just offering support? Either way, she could do without it. Julia eyed a chair against the wall with sudden longing, but she didn’t dare move and draw attention to herself.
Her dad moved restlessly at the delay. “Michael, is there something wrong? Something about my grandson’s condition that only the family should know? And where is Madeleine?”
Michael shook his head. “Ryan will be fine. He has round-the-clock care.” He closed his eyes for a moment, and his lips moved in prayer. When he looked at Mark, his face was full of pain. “Now, about Madeleine.”
Owen took a step forward, his fists clenched. “What about her? Why wasn’t she in Ryan’s room this morning? Is she all right?”
“She’s fine. But she—she—” He paused. “She’s going to need your support over the next several weeks.”
“Of course she is. She’s been through hell lately. Why would you think we wouldn’t give—”
“What I’m trying to say is that she—well, she isn’t herself right now.” His fingers made parallel dents in the vinyl covering of the back of the couch. “We have evidence that she may be suffering from a disorder. Of the mind. And in the grip of that disorder she may have behaved in a way that wasn’t normal.”
Owen stared at the doctor incredulously. “What are you saying?”
“We have reason to believe that she may have been, ah, adding something to Ryan’s medication in um, the mistaken belief that she was helping him, but in reality…” Michael stopped in the face of Owen’s and the McNeills’ identical expressions of horror and hostility.
“What?” Elizabeth snapped. “Are you saying Madeleine was causing Ryan’s illness? Our Madeleine? Are you crazy?”
“No, Elizabeth, I’m not. The police are involved.”
Owen seemed to understand what Michael meant several beats ahead of Julia’s parents. Julia stared out the window. She couldn’t bear to look at her brother-in-law’s face.
“The police? Why? There hasn’t been any crime committed here. I want to see my wife. Maybe she can make more sense than you are, Michael.”
Dr. Archer gathered his resources. “I’m afraid that’s not possible, Owen. You see, she’s been arrested on a charge of attempted murder.”
Everyone shouted at once. Julia got up and went to the window, wishing herself anywhere but here. Dimly, in the pandemonium, she was aware that Derrick hovered in the background, uncertain of his welcome should he attempt to speak to her. She leaned her forehead against the glass, longing for Ross, longing to be told she’d done the right thing.
After long moments, the noise died down and she realized Melchizedek had taken control of the situation. “Michael, this is untenable. What are we going to tell the church? That our Elder’s wife has been arrested on grounds so unbelievable I can hardly bring myself to name them? Impossible!”
“I will not let you vilify my wife!” Owen cried. “This is a horrible mistake, brought on by a misdiagnosis on your part!”
“Owen, please calm down,” Melchizedek said in the voice he used to condemn the flesh and the Devil. “We need to put the church ahead of our own emotion and horror.”
Owen looked like a stranger to Julia. His shirt was wrinkled, his face bathed in sweat, and his eyes…She swallowed. His eyes were alight with condemnation of Michael Archer and fiery defense of his wife.
“All right.” Owen controlled himself after a moment. “I’m listening.”
“Michael, please tell us exactly what has happened,” Melchizedek ordered.
“We believe Madeleine has been suffering from a disorder known as Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy,” Michael began, eyeing Owen and Elizabeth as if he feared they’d leap for his throat. “People who suffer from this disorder harm their children in order to—to—well, to increase others’ opinion of them. A woman might do it to appear as a selfless and caring mother during her child’s repeated visits to the hospital.”
“My Madeleine is a selfless and caring mother!” Elizabeth hissed. Her eyes were narrowed to slits.
“We all know that,” Owen said. “Go on, please, Michael.”
“She has certainly been successful,” Michael said. “But Ryan has paid the price. If not for the discovery of her disorder, Madeleine would surely have killed him. Last night she tried to tamper with the cardiac drip, after weakening his system over a period of years with isopropyl alcohol.” His voice trailed away with unutterable disillusionment and weariness.
Melchizedek spoke over the babble of angry voices. “Folks, please! We must not let this discourage us. Remember, these are only accusations. Nothing has been proven.”
Julia blinked. Nothing proven? Hadn’t he heard what Michael had just said?
“The truth will set us free,” Melchizedek declared. “We must be strong in the Spirit, and encourage our sister Madeleine to do the same. And in the meantime, we will hold fast to her shining example. She is our Elder’s wife. We must protect her reputation as best we can, and in doing so protect the Elect from the arrows and slings of the wicked. We won’t speak of this to anyone. We’ll tell our brothers and sisters that she had a breakdown from stress and has gone somewhere quiet to recuperate. The joy of knowing Ryan has at last been diagnosed correctly was too much for her.” He gave Dr. Archer a cutting glance. “And if we hear anything else, we will know its source, and know that the Devil is behind it.”
Julia’s stomach revolted, and she dashed out the door.
Chapter Twenty-Four
By the time Julia reached the sanctuary of the stairs, she felt less like throwing up than punching a fist through the plate glass. With a shuddering sigh, she sank down on one of the steps and dropped her head on her crossed arms.
How could they? She had sacrificed everything she held dear—friends, family, future—to do what was right. She had helped to save Ryan’s life. And now they were sacrificing the truth for Madeleine. And for the church.
The only way Julia could continue to live in her world was if the people she loved believed the truth. Then she could live with her own actions, even if no one ever found out how Ross had used her. But no one was going to reveal the truth, or even believe it. They were going to cover up, to de
ny, to keep Madeleine’s example shiny and angelic, for the sake of how it would look.
“Julia?” She didn’t lift her head at the uncertain sound of Derrick’s footsteps. “Are you all right?”
“No.”
“Please. Let me help you.”
“I need to be alone right now.”
“Don’t worry,” he said, lowering himself onto the step beside her as if he hadn’t heard. He probably hadn’t. “Madeleine will be all right. Melchizedek is talking to Owen. They’re going to go over to the police station to get this straightened out. You’ll see. It’ll all work out in the end.”
“Derrick, please go away.”
Four floors above, a door slammed and someone descended a flight. The third floor door shut behind them, the sound booming eerily in the stairwell. Derrick didn’t move.
“I know this is a terrible time to ask, but have you given any more thought to my proposal? What is it now, six times?”
His attempt at humor echoed in the silence. Julia sighed. Would this nightmare never end? Other than running away to the top of Mount Ayres, when was she going to get the time to think things through? She would just have to go by her gut instincts. They, at least, were screaming loud and clear.
“Yes.” Her voice was flat.
“And?”
“No.”
“No? You’re not going to marry me?”
“No, I’m not. I’m sorry.” From somewhere she marshaled the strength to lift her head and look him in the eye as she said it.
His face sagged, and his gaze dropped to the painted concrete step between his feet. “I’m willing, you know. Even after…everything. The Shepherd tells us that any two people filled with the spirit of God can live together in harmony. I’m willing to step out on that promise.”
“You may be willing to settle for living together in harmony, my friend,” she said gently, “but I’m not. I want the real thing.”
“But I love you,” he protested. “I always have. Otherwise how could I keep asking you, even after everything that’s happened?”
Julia winced. “I believe you care, and I’m grateful for that. But I don’t think it will be enough. Because I don’t love you, you see.”
He was silent for a moment. “It’s him, isn’t it?” he asked, his tone low and rough.
“Maybe. I don’t know yet.” She paused, surprised at the bubble of anger that came welling up out of nowhere. “It isn’t a matter of you or him or anybody else. It’s me, and how I’m going to spend the rest of my life.”
“You’ll be Silenced,” he predicted gloomily.
“Not if I go Out.” She gave the thought words for the first time. The reality of speaking the forbidden aloud frightened her. But what choice did she have? “Not if I make my own life, without people laying down the law and telling me how to do it. And whom to marry.”
“Wha-a-a-t?” he said on an indrawn breath. “Go Out? Oh, Julia, you can’t do that. Even being Silenced is better than that. Promise me you won’t think about it anymore. You’d be committing suicide, spiritually. Losing your salvation. And for what? There’s nothing for you Outside. The Devil is just using this hard experience to get to you. Please, dear, accept God’s will and in time people will forget.”
“Accept God’s will, or Melchizedek’s?” she asked bitterly.
“They’re the same, Julia, you know that.”
“God doesn’t ask people to lie and cover up.”
“Julia!”
“Don’t Julia me. You don’t know all the facts.”
“Are you saying you believe your sister did this?”
“I saw her, Derrick. On the video. That’s pretty hard to argue with.”
He got to his feet. “And we all know video is a tool of the Devil, just like television and the Internet. I’m sorry you’re deceived, dear. I’ll pray for you.”
She closed her eyes. “You do that.” When she opened them again, she was alone in the echoing space. Alone with the betrayal of those she loved. Alone with an empty future that included neither friends nor family.
The light pouring through the windows splintered in the tears welling in her eyes, and she squeezed them shut against the brilliance and the pain.
Ross heard a woman crying softly as he mounted the stairs. It had taken a couple of hours to process Madeleine, whose immediate future was still up in the air. He felt drained and tired, so much so that all he could think of was finding his two girls and collapsing with them somewhere dark and quiet, and not coming out for a week.
He wondered when he’d begun thinking of Julia as his. He couldn’t remember. They’d grown together gradually, and then his own stupidity had torn them apart. Sometimes it hurt more to heal something with the truth than it did to perpetuate a lie.
But God had promised that the truth would set them free. And despite the emotional wrenches they’d both suffered lately, he believed that both he and Julia would receive the benefit of that promise.
He just had to be patient.
Which was why his immediate future included finding Julia and then going home to Kailey. He wasn’t going to think any further than that.
At the third floor, he turned the corner of the staircase and saw her, sitting on the top step.
“Hey,” he called softly, and took the remaining stairs two at a time. He sat beside her and gazed into her face, where the evidence of her crisis was plain in her stricken eyes and white, tear-streaked cheeks.
“Are you all right? How did it go up here? Did Michael break it to them?”
Julia sighed and folded into his arms. “Yes. They’re going to cover it all up and say Madeleine is away resting after breaking down from stress.”
“It’s what any group would do. Band together to protect one of their own.” He dipped his head to breathe in the scent of her unruly hair, drawing strength from her as he offered what comfort he could.
“But what about me?” she murmured into his T-shirt. “I’m one of their own, and they’re going to Silence me.”
“I don’t think you are, honey. Not anymore.”
She went still under his soothing touch. “It’s true, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. And think about the kids. At least for now, if Ryan and Hannah don’t have to know their mom is disturbed, then I’m all for it. Think how that’s going to damage Ryan even more than he is now.”
Too many damaged kids. Dear Lord, help me to help Kailey deal with her recovery, too…
“Will she get away with it?” Her question was soft, hesitant.
“I’m going to do my best to make sure she doesn’t. Between Michael and me and Harry Everett, we’ll lobby hard for a long treatment program rather than incarceration. Ninety days, to start. And regular monitoring when she gets out.”
The road to recovery was going to be hard for all of them.
She closed her eyes. “It’s not black and white, is it?” she asked softly. “It’s not a matter of crime and punishment. Even though I want it to be.”
He continued to stroke her back. “That’s one of the hardest things I had to learn in this job. When you’re dealing with people, you deal in compromises and half truths and injustice.”
“Even with people who do wrong?”
“Even with them. Look at your situation. The Elect think you’re the bad guy, when both of us know you were acting for the best.”
She’d been brought up to look at everything in terms of good and evil. But Ross knew from experience that seeing life in black and white, without the lens of the love of God, led to harsh judgments and even harsher punishment.
“I was acting for the best,” she agreed softly. “For a child I love.”
God knew he loved his daughter. Everything he’d done in his life since she was born had been motivated by love for her. But could he remember that Annie had done what she’d done thinking it was best for Kailey? Could he learn to forgive? He would need all the strength God could give him to look past the barrier of anger in his heart
and answer that question. He might doubt his own ability to do it. But he had no doubts whatsoever that enough help waited for him. All he had to do was ask.
That was the solution Julia was discovering, too, he had no doubt.
“So I have one more question.”
“What’s that?” Her voice was muffled in the front of his T-shirt.
“What kind of answer are you going to give old Derrick when all this is over?”
“I already gave it to him.”
“Yeah? And that was?” His arms tightened around her.
“No.”
“No, you won’t tell me?”
“No, I said no.”
The breath he had been holding fanned the hair over her ear. “So you’d rather take the punishment?”
“They can’t punish me if I’m not Elect, can they?”
He looked down into her eyes. “You’re sure you want to do that?”
She nodded, her eyes filling with the tears that hadn’t been far from the surface. “I’ve spent my whole life looking for approval from the Elect because I couldn’t get it from my parents. But looking for approval isn’t going to work anymore. Not now.”
“What will you do?”
She lifted her shoulders briefly in a shrug. “I don’t know yet. Take stock of my life. Decide if I’m going to stay here or not. I’m still Ryan and Hannah’s aunt. I don’t want to fall out of their lives right when they’re going to need me, whether I’m Elect or not.”
“These are big decisions, honey. They take time and a lot of thought. I think you’re doing the right thing.” He hugged her, a slow squeeze that brought comfort to them both. “But meantime, know what I need?”
“What?”
“I need to get out of this hospital. I need to be with Kailey. And you. Alone. Just the three of us. I think that’s a good start, don’t you?”
When she looked up, she was smiling through her tears.
“Sounds like heaven to me.”
Grounds to Believe Page 24