“Lucky for you,” I countered, nudging him with my elbow.
His voice lost any trace of humor, his body stringing tight with unspoken tension. I felt his lips brush across my neck and I shivered from the contact. In a low, promising voice he whispered, “Lucky for me.”
“Can I sit with you, Reagan?” Page asked in a tiny squeak. She stood over us, clutching her small backpack like a stuffed animal.
“Absolutely,” I rushed out, scooting away from Hendrix so she could squeeze in between us.
I wrapped my arm around Page’s petite shoulders and cuddled into her. She was shaking with fear or cold or both, and I hated that we had to sit in the dark for her sake. The rain picked up in intensity, pelting the roof and sliding down walls or holes where time and nature had taken over. The wind shook the already ramshackle building, chilling the air around us.
Haley moved next to me and settled in close. Her body heat, plus a mixture of Page and Hendrix helped stave off the worst of the bite in the air. All this closeness was almost comforting, except for the super storm outside and the Zombie opera taking place over the hill.
As if to accentuate my fears another loud howling resounded through the rain. This time the screeching sounded further away, but it was impossible to tell if that was the original shrieker or an answering call.
“We’ve got a screamer,” Nelson sighed, bringing out a chuckle from Vaughan and Hendrix.
I was ninety-nine percent sure that was a reference to something perverted.
“We should eat dinner before we lose the light completely,” I suggested.
“What is for dinner tonight?” Harrison sounded like he was dreading the answer.
Haley opened her pack and Nelson did as well. Somehow they’d been partnered as food service. They were in charge of scouting and storing. Not the hardest job in the world, but any time spent alone with Nelson freaked Haley out. Not that he wasn’t a nice guy, but she was in the same place as me- just because we were stuck together, didn’t mean we had to stick together.
Not that we had very many opportunities to talk about what was happening in Babes in Zombieland. The boys were always around, or we were holding watch while they did their boy things and vice versa. And in the very, very few moments when there were seconds to dish, Page always seemed to be nearby or involved in the conversation. We loved Page to death; we just didn’t want to have to perform Miranda rights on her before mentioning her brothers. And since the child adored and worshipped every single one of them, our discussion of why we wanted to keep them at a distance at all costs probably wouldn’t go over very well with her.
Our deep discussions about boys thus far had been reduced to eye rolls and repressed laughter. In our old life these kinds of abrupt developments would have required all night eighties movie marathons, fingernail polish and our combined weight in chocolate. In our new and not at all improved life we stared at each other waiting for the evolutionary gene of mind reading to be implanted.
So far there was still a missing link….
I’m sure scientists everywhere were happy for that report.
“I’ve been saving these for a special occasion,” Haley warned us. “This is officially a special occasion.” I could hear the smile in her voice.
She passed out a square box with the top open and I reached in it to find…. cheese and crackers! And not just any run-of-the-mill cheap cardboard cracker and artificial cheese, but the kind where the crackers were those sticks and you dipped them into the delicious, neon cheese spread. I was actually surprised the cheese wasn’t glowing in the dark.
“I haven’t had one of these since I was a little kid!” I cheered. “This is the best dinner ever. Thanks Hales!”
“You’re welcome.” She nudged me with her shoulder.
“What is it?” Page asked as she took hers and passed the box along.
From the other direction came beef jerky and protein bars. We each carried our own water, but now that we were without a vehicle our water supply had dwindled immensely. Plus, it was hard to lug around bottles and bottles of water. They were heavy. Mostly we refilled in random places; there seemed to be enough abandoned gas stations and supermarkets that we could pick through the leftovers and find something to drink.
Although some places had suffered at the hands of looters, the majority of businesses, towns and neighborhoods had simply been abandoned. It was like the people just disappeared, or had gotten an invitation to a Feeder-free town while I was conveniently left off the guest list.
“Page, for real?” Haley asked her. “This is like the greatest snack of all time. Of course, you’ve had this.”
“I’ve never even seen this before,” Page admitted. Through the fading light I watched her peel back the plastic slowly, only jostling the cracker sticks a little. Smart girl. Pulled those things back too fast and crackers would fly everywhere; everybody knew that.
“It’s delicious,” I nudged her. “You’ll love it.”
“How have you never had one of these before, Page?” Haley sounded genuinely shocked. “You were the perfect age before the infection. I mean, this is like…. bliss. Like perfection. The only thing I’m missing now is a Capri Sun and Bubble Tape.”
“Are you speaking English?” Page asked with a fair amount of attitude.
I snorted a laugh, “Were your parents like hippies? What’s going on? Why the aversion to junk food?”
A weird silence settled over the group and I suddenly wanted to retract the entire last thirty seconds and everything I said. The Parkers’ history was still majority mystery. The most I had learned so far had been with Vaughan today in the river. But I’d never thought much of it, since neither Haley nor I had been exactly forthcoming with details of our previous life. It was an unfathomable existence at this point and we’d lost too many loved ones to want to dredge up those memories. Still, it wasn’t like it was a forbidden topic. We just avoided as much pain as we could.
Somehow asking the Parkers about their past felt extremely prohibited, like I’d gone way too far past the “no trespassing” sign.
“My mom couldn’t have junk food,” Page finally confessed. A whoosh of breath left the Parker brothers en masse and I felt, more than saw, them settle into a resigned kind of memory-induced silence.
Neither Haley nor I knew what to say, so we sat quietly too. Eventually somebody would talk again, or we’d fall asleep. Either way….
“Not that she was opposed to them,” King spoke up and his soft voice was bracing through the thick tension. “She just couldn’t have them. So we all gave them up too. You know, like in support.”
“She begged us not to,” Harrison continued. “She was actually kind of mad about it. Since she couldn’t eat anything unhealthy, she felt like somebody should.”
“Remember how she’d send us to the store with a list and some kind of junk food would always be on there, like chocolate or ice cream or something. She thought we somehow wouldn’t notice,” Nelson carried on the story with amused sadness, but sadness so deep tears pricked at the corners of my eyes and I didn’t even know what happened yet.
“When Vaughan and I came home for Thanksgiving break, she’d ordered ten pies without anyone knowing. She was ready to shove them down our throats if she had to.” Hendrix laughed at the memory, but nobody joined in.
A sniffle came from Page and she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands. I tucked her in closer, trying to comfort her in any way that I could. Hendrix reached for her too, pulling her against his solid body. I moved with her by consequence and found my head leaning against his shoulder. I hadn’t meant to actually cuddle up next to him, but now that I was here, and now that his hand had tangled in the ends of my hair and he was rubbing my back like he was consoling me, I couldn’t find the will power to move anymore.
“Your mom was sick before the infection?” I found the courage to ask.
“Grade four brain tumor,” Vaughan explained in a voice rough and thick with ac
hing. “By the time the infection broke out, she didn’t have much time left anyway.”
Shocked silence fell between Haley and I; neither of us could figure out how to respond to that. It was hard to imagine the world we used to live in, where people didn’t just die every day and modern medicine fought for people’s quality of life. It was hard to imagine suffering slowly while you watched someone you love die over time, instead of immediately and in front of your eyes.
And this was two years ago- they were so much younger. Page would have only been six, Harrison and King, fifteen and thirteen. Even the older ones, still only in college, still trying to figure out what to do with their lives, with themselves. My heart ached overwhelming for them their trauma.
And the pain didn’t stop, because Hendrix continued.
“She was sick for a while. Even though her doctor found the tumor relatively early, it was very aggressive. Treatment didn’t work, and there was no alternative medicine strong enough to make it disappear completely. For a while we thought they had gotten it, that she was fine, but then it reappeared bigger and stronger than ever.”
“How hard for your family,” Haley whispered.
“It was,” Nelson agreed. “But it was good too. I mean, it wasn’t all bad. Before the tumor, my dad was in the Army and was gone a lot. He was constantly traveling and would be gone on assignment for months at a time. When Mom was diagnosed, he took early retirement so he could stay home with us, with her. Because mom was sick, we were able to spend a lot more time with our dad than we would have if she’d been perfectly healthy. It brought us all closer together. Family became the most important thing to us, and we learned to value things that most people take for granted. Or did take for granted, before the whole Zombie thing.”
“Looking back now,” Vaughan said pensively, “Mom’s brain tumor probably saved our lives. Dad stayed home and taught us everything we know about survival.”
“I thought you said your dad was a guitar teacher?” I asked, confused.
“Sure,” Vaughan laughed a little. “Retired Army Ranger that taught guitar lessons in his spare time.”
Well, at least that solved that mystery. I could check secret government school for Zombie assassins off my list of how the Parker brothers got so good at what they do. They were more normal than I’d assumed; maybe a bit tragic, but normal.
“Do you remember when dad tried to teach Page how to tie a proper knot?” Harrison asked on a laugh and the other brothers joined in.
“I don’t remember that!” Page protested.
“That’s because you were like three, Pagey,” Vaughan explained adding more community laughter. I even found myself smiling at the unfamiliar memory.
“When did she pass?” I asked out of sympathy.
And suddenly we were back to that oppressive silence again. Nobody said anything, didn’t even make a sound, except for Page who had started to cry and shake next to me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“The day we left,” Hendrix whispered like a confession, his voice rough with pain and grief. He cleared his throat and continued with more courage than I had seen while fighting hordes of Zombies. “We were the only ones left in our suburb and we could see them coming. It was still early on in the infection. They weren’t as mobile as they are now, not as agile and quick. They were still slow from their disease and easy to kill, but there were hundreds of them. We had no choice but to leave, to flee. If we wanted to stay alive, if we wanted to stay together, we had to go then or never. But my mom wasn’t healthy enough to move. She had maybe a week left in good circumstances, maybe two. But without any medical attention, she was fading fast. And she was barely coherent, in and out of consciousness, weak and bed ridden. We couldn’t save her, even if had brought her with us.” He paused and let out a weary breath, his chest trembled underneath me and I lifted my head, desperate to give him space. His hand stayed on my lower back, urging me closer to him, like he needed my closeness, my touch, like maybe I was comforting him after all. In a barely audible voice, he grated out, “My dad stayed, to fight them off as best as he could. But, we said goodbye to both our parents that day.”
I felt all the air leave my lungs in a whoosh of sympathetic guilt and borrowed grief. I couldn’t imagine the kind of remorse they were living with. All Vaughan’s love-is-all-we-have speeches came rushing back to me and I suddenly understood the depth of these brothers’ love and how much they had sacrificed and given up to survive, to make sure they all stayed alive.
Hendrix mistook my silence though and harshly explained, “We had to leave, Reagan. We had to think about-”
“I understand,” I quickly reassured him before he could say his reasons: Harrison, King, and Page. They wouldn’t have survived if they had stayed. None of them would have.
And without the Parker brothers would Haley and I have made it much further than that department store in middle Missouri either?
The decision to leave their parents was the hardest thing they would ever have to do, and they did it out of love and protection for their siblings. They were quite possibly the bravest, most incredible men I’d ever met. And without Zombies I would never have known them.
As we sat, huddled together in this rotting, rundown building, I knew I was surrounded by the most intense love I’d ever known. And it might not have even been focused on me, but the depth of emotion they felt for each other was both heartbreaking and life-changing. I wanted that kind of love someday. I wanted to know the intimate complexity of those feelings and the ferocity of something so all encompassing. I wanted to know love in this world of decay. Maybe not today, but someday.
I leaned into Hendrix, pressing my forehead against his temple. He inclined back, his hand tightening around my waist. “I think that is the most courageous thing I’ve ever heard,” I whispered so only he would hear. Maybe the rest of the room should have heard my sentiment, too; maybe I should have given those words to everyone. They probably all needed to hear them. But they were only for Hendrix. He seemed to need them the most right now and I wanted to give them freely to him, genuinely. My lips brushed against his earlobe and I pressed a kiss to the curve of his jaw. “Don’t ever feel bad for what you did. You saved lives; you saved people you love- people I now love. And you saved me.”
He turned his head so that our foreheads rested against each other. We didn’t say anymore, didn’t even open our eyes. We just stayed like that, breathing each other’s air and sinking into the moment. Page was nestled in Hendrix’s lap and after a while her even breathing mingled with others. Still, Hendrix and I stayed pressed against each other.
Eventually, my head fell to his shoulder again and I stayed wrapped in his warmth and strength. He placed a sweet kiss on the top of my head and whispered that I should sleep. Vaughan and Nelson would take the first watch and he would wake me when it was my turn.
I closed my eyes, but couldn’t find sleep. And not because of the circumstances of our bed tonight. My mind kept running over everything Hendrix, Vaughan and their family had been through and I stopped wondering what made them so capable to survive this world. With their parents’ sacrifice, they had no choice but to stick together and come out alive. To do anything else would dishonor their parents’ memories.
They didn’t have to say that for me to understand.
It’s how I would have felt, how I did feel after my parents died needlessly at the hands, or rather mouths, of Feeders. All of these deaths were excessive and unfair. There was a world once upon a time in which Zombies only existed in movies and comic books. But there had also been a world once when scarlet fever and the common cold could easily kill.
Mankind was born with an innate instinct to improve, to investigate and to fix. We came up with vaccines, the internet and cheese graters. Surely someone was out there working on a cure for Zombie-ism even now. It wasn’t in our nature to hide, to cower in fear.
This was temporary.
This had to be t
emporary.
I didn’t trust humanity, but I believed in it. I believed that life would get easier again, that it would get better. That crumbling farm houses and fear would not last in my life, that they were only temporary. I would find a way to fight this, to make a comfortable life for myself and survive it all.
After tonight, I was bound and determined to bring the Parker brothers with me. Because like Haley and me, they deserved peace as much as anyone else.
And at the end of the long, weary day, that was all we wanted. Not a pretty house, or stable government, hell, even above daily hot showers and three healthy consistent meals, I wanted peace. Above everything else I wanted peace in my life and in all the lives of those I cared about.
But tonight was not going to be the night I got it.
The shrieking Zombie had returned.
I jolted to upright, even though I hadn’t been sleeping, when the ear-piercing screaming started up again right on the other side of the door. Hendrix’s hand ripped out from behind me as he reached for his second gun. I felt his eyes turn to me, even in the darkness as he waited for me to put my stunned brain back together and pick up my own weapon.
Page stayed asleep in his lap.
“What the holy hell?” Haley whispered as she quietly slid the magazine into her gun as well.
Another shrill scream sounded from a different direction and I noticed for the first time that the rain had finally stopped. The filthy window was finally lit up with the bright moonlight that peeked from behind the heavy cloud cover.
I squinted while staring at that window. Even through the layers of thick dust and dirt I could see figures lining up on a hillside. Slow, purposeful steps made it clear that they were threatening us, wanting us to drown in insecurity and fear.
Not going to happen.
My mind screamed at the idea of them organizing. Still, they stood so thoughtfully, as if observing the now-occupied farm and whether we were worthy to attack, or if they’d just wait for us to walk out in the morning and pick us off one by one.
They lined the hill in various states of decay and death. The smell of their rotting bodies wafted into our barn and permeated the air. Everyone was awake now, even Page. The window muddy enough that the figures appeared like black smudges in a line along the horizon.
Love and Decay (Season 1): Episodes 1-6 Page 15