by Tara Sue Me
“I should get a kite for the kids,” he said. His face broke into a grin. “Can’t you see Elizabeth running through the yard, Henry toddling along behind her?”
“Yes, but I’ll have to stand on the sidelines and cheer everyone on. It’s doubtful my kite-flying abilities have improved over the years.”
We started walking again, holding hands and enjoying the peacefulness of the surroundings. There were a few seagulls out and we laughed as they fought over pieces of bread. Farther down the beach, the family that had been flying the kite had stopped and the two kids were building a sand castle.
“I like Delaware,” he said. “And I’ve been thinking we should invest in more real estate.”
“Oh?” We owned our share of real estate, I thought. Though, as he’d told me once before, real estate, especially land, was always a good investment because it was a limited resource.
“Tax rate would be great here. We should definitely look into buying in Delaware.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, I think Wilmington.”
“I guess.” We’d been married for over seven years, but sometimes he still had the ability to shock me speechless. I thought a bit more. “Yes, I like that idea.”
“Why don’t you look online to see what you can find?” He pointed up the shore toward the dunes. “Let’s go sit.”
We made our way away from the water and shared a brief laugh at the clumsy way I sat down. I told Nathaniel it was his fault. After all, he’d been the one to pick out the skirt with no panties.
“I’d hate to flash the entire beach,” I said, once I’d sat down without incident.
“True. There are children present.”
Which only made me think about what we could do if there weren’t children present. Though that might not be a bad thing. I bet having sand in your private parts was uncomfortable.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“I’m weighing the pros and cons of beach sex.”
“Oh? And what do you think?”
“I’m guessing it wouldn’t be fun to have sand up in your parts. Because, owww. And what a pain to have to clean.”
He laughed. “Yes, that fact is overlooked when they film movies, isn’t it? I’m willing to bet it’s actually really uncomfortable, but everyone thinks it’s so romantic because of the ocean or something.”
“Reminds me of how I thought going a month before our wedding without sex was romantic.”
“Yes, the only thing worse would have been to be abstinent and covered in wet sand.”
“Good thing we went to Switzerland.”
He chuckled and pulled me to him so my back was against his chest. I sighed. It was one of those precious moments where everything felt right. The beach, being with him, wearing his collar, and held in his arms.
“I don’t ever want to leave this moment in time,” I said.
He hugged me closer. “It is rather perfect, isn’t it?”
“Makes me remember the last time it was warm enough for us to have a family picnic on the beach. Remember taking Apollo and how crazy he went?” One of his favorite things to do was chase seagulls. The last time we took him, there was one who played a game of chicken with him. Allowing him to get close, but then flying away at the last second. Apollo would look at him in disbelief and then bark at him.
I felt him nod behind me. “Poor guy, he just wanted a seagull snack. He’s getting old, though. We probably shouldn’t let him be so wild.”
I didn’t like thinking about Apollo getting old. He’d been part of our lives for so long, I just always pictured him with us. “Nah, he’s a trouper; he’ll be fine. Running along the beach and playing in the sand probably keep him young.” I twisted in his arms. “You’re serious about me looking for property, right?”
“Absolutely.” The wind pushed my hair in my face when I turned, and he brushed it away. “Just think, summers here and at the estate, winters in Switzerland, and New York City when we need to meet our yearly quota of smog.”
“I like the sound of the beach and the slopes, but I know I couldn’t be away from the city for too long. It becomes part of you after a while.” I didn’t mind complaining about New York’s many issues, but no matter how often I did, the truth was the city would always be an important part of my life.
“The city’s a part of me, too,” Nathaniel said. “But the truth is, home is wherever you are.”
I cupped the side of his face with my palm, my fingers brushing the familiar contours there. “Wherever we are.”
He leaned forward to kiss me and for the next few minutes, home was found in his lips against mine, my arms around him, and the beating of our hearts.
Chapter Twelve
I woke up alone the next morning. Surprised, I rolled over to look at the clock and found it was only a little past six. He hadn’t said anything about being up and out of the room that early, though he had said he’d be in meetings most of the day. I was a bit disappointed I hadn’t seen him before he left for work.
I stretched under the covers, still sore and achy from the activities of the last few days. He’d been so demanding lately. It really wasn’t like him. I could still see him though, the essence of who he was and how he felt for me, even when he was being unmovable in his dominance.
But maybe it was like him. Maybe that was where his request to play more frequently had come from. I knew he wanted ideas by the time we left so I needed to get busy.
But I knew I couldn’t start coming up with ideas until I first came to terms with how I felt about it. While it was true I loved his dominant nature, how often did I want to submit to it?
I wasn’t sure.
And how often was more often? We’d always agreed that a twenty-four/seven relationship wasn’t for us. But if he wanted to extend our monthly time, was that where it was headed?
Tired of thinking about it, I pushed the blankets to the side and got out of bed. Maybe a hot shower would help ease my mind as well as my body.
But there was a note waiting for me in the bathroom.
Abigail,
You looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you up. I’ll be in meetings most of the day today, so you’ll be on your own until I get back to the room around six.
I want you to spend some time thinking about what we talked about yesterday. Write in your journal what you’re thinking. Jot down your ideas. We can discuss them later.
You can order room service for lunch or go out. If you go out on your own, text me to let me know where you’re going and when you get back. You’re falling behind on your workouts, so you need to fit one in before I get back this evening.
Nathaniel
I sighed and decided I’d start on my journal and thoughts after the shower.
Hours later, I had half a dozen notebook pages filled but no clear answer. I simply didn’t know how I felt. Part of me was turned on by the thought of extending my collared time, but another part of me thought maybe what we did was enough. What would be the point in doing more? How would we fit it in with all our other responsibilities?
Because it was what Nathaniel wanted.
But that alone wasn’t enough to justify a fundamental change in our marriage. It had to happen because we both wanted it. And would I have ever brought up playing more often if he hadn’t?
My head spun while I thought over the different scenarios and outcomes until I finally slammed the notebook shut and slapped my pen on top of it.
“Enough!” I said to nobody. “You’ve spent enough time on this for one morning. Let it rest.”
Determined to have a peaceful lunch not thinking about how and why and if we should modify our relationship, I slipped on the outfit Nathaniel had laid out for me for the day and decided to eat lunch outside somewhere. I picked up my phone to text him, but didn’t.
I’d send him a text when I made it to where I was going. I slipped the phone into my pocket, picked up the paperback I had been reading, and headed to the elevators.
It was eerily quiet. Apparently, everyone had meetings or somewhere to be. It almost felt as if I was the only person in the hotel. I saw no housekeeping carts, no conference attendees, no hotel employees. I stopped in front of the elevators, almost expecting Nathaniel to grab me for another scene like the one we’d had days earlier. But I told myself that was silly. He didn’t even know I’d left the room; there was no way he’d have planned a scene with that much uncertainty in it.
With fresh resolve, I held my head up and stepped into the waiting elevator. For the next hour or so, I was going to be Abby West. Maybe I’d go shopping or see if there was a park nearby. I briefly thought about calling Julie, but it was a weekday and she’d be working.
I almost missed it as I stepped out of the elevator and rounded the bar on my way to the exit. But it was a sound I normally heard when our family was outside playing, or Elizabeth had done something silly, or Henry giggled at Apollo’s tail. Or any of the tiny little things in a day that could make a man laugh. In fact, the last time I heard it was the day he told me I had no idea what he was planning to do to me the next day.
I hesitated only a minute before turning around and walking back to the bar. I stood as hidden as possible and craned my head to look around the cutout woodwork that marked the outline of the bar.
Sitting on a stool, looking carefree and happy and altogether so free it hit me in the pit of my stomach, was Nathaniel. And on the stool beside him was Charlene, looking as smug as the cat who’d just feasted on the world’s largest canary.
I wanted to turn and walk away, but my feet wouldn’t move. Charlene leaned close to Nathaniel and said something I couldn’t hear. She didn’t touch him, but to be honest, she didn’t have to. Her body language alone was enough to convey every thought she had. And Nathaniel appeared to welcome it.
Jealousy is a strange character. You can never predict when he’ll show up or what it’ll be over. It didn’t even have to make sense. I knew Nathaniel would never cheat on me. But as I watched him with her, the idea wouldn’t leave my mind: what if he only wanted to expand our collared time so he could have more control over me and, as a result, grant himself more freedom to spend time with women like Charlene?
You know him better, I told myself.
Maybe you only think you know him, I replied. After all, his note said he’d be in meetings all day, not that he’d take a break and entertain a known bitch in the hotel bar.
I whipped out my cell phone. Heading to lunch, Master. Not sure where I’m going. Can you get away and come with me?
From my position hiding near the bar, I watched as he took his phone out of his pocket and read my text. He typed something and my own phone vibrated.
Afraid not, Abigail. In too many meetings.
“In too many meetings, my ass,” I mumbled under my breath. Okay. Will let you know when I get back. I glanced up to see what he was doing, but both he and Charlene had left.
I waited for a few minutes thinking they might return, but the only person who came by was a hotel employee who wanted to know if she could bring me anything. I didn’t think it’d go over too well to ask if she could track down my husband, so I asked her if there was a place she could recommend for lunch.
The café she suggested was a short walk from the hotel, and since it wasn’t too hot, I took my time getting there. I tried to take in my surroundings, but my mind was too frazzled by what I’d just witnessed. Once I arrived at the café, I found a seat outside at a small wooden table and didn’t even try to read my novel.
I grabbed the notebook and pen I always carried in my purse and made a list of what I knew.
1. Nathaniel had grown a lot more sexually demanding lately.
2. He wanted to extend the time I wore his collar. (Still didn’t know what this meant.)
3. I liked it when he was demanding.
4. I didn’t like the feeling that something was going on I knew nothing about.
5. Something (I believed) was going on.
6. He had lunch or a date or a meeting with Charlene.
7. He sometimes got snippy when I brought up the blog.
8. Before we came to the conference, he had been working a lot of late nights.
I tapped my pen against the table. I was missing something. Somewhere there were dots that needed to be connected, but I couldn’t see where they were to start.
I wrote another list of things I knew.
1. Nathaniel wouldn’t cheat.
That pretty much summed up everything; I didn’t see a point in writing anything else. I sat back in my chair and looked at the two lists. Knowing that Nathaniel would never cheat meant his date or whatever with Charlene probably didn’t have anything to do with his need for dominance. Which meant I had two issues to deal with: his request for more play and Charlene.
The waitress came by and I placed my order for a salad with grilled chicken and water with lemon. She left, but I didn’t feel like going back to my lists, and the paperback, filled with other people’s romantic lives, suddenly didn’t look so appealing.
The vibration of my cell phone saved me from having to pick. I jerked it off the table and answered without looking at who had called. I was certain it was Nathaniel.
“Hello?” I said, fully expecting to hear his low and sultry voice.
“Hey, girl!” Felicia said.
I exhaled. “Oh, hey.”
“Sorry. I’m not who you’re expecting. I can hang up and call back later if you’re in the middle of something.”
I closed my eyes and reminded myself Felicia was my dearest and oldest friend. She was also eight months pregnant with her and Jackson’s fourth child. At her last doctor’s visit, they’d told her that her blood pressure was too high and she would have to spend the rest of her pregnancy on bed rest. As the mother of three, including high-energy twins, she’d once shared with me how she felt torn between doing what she knew was best for her unborn child and doing what she wanted for her other children. Jackson did his best to make sure she got the amount of rest she required, but they did not have a submissive/Dom relationship.
Roll all that together and you had a tightly wound ball of pregnancy hormones, mamma guilt, and stir-crazy just ready to explode.
“I thought you were Nathaniel,” I explained. “But I’m glad it’s you. I’ve been wondering how you’re doing.”
“I’m as big as a whale and getting bigger by the second. Jackson only lets me up to pee. He’d buy a bedpan if he didn’t think I’d beat him over the head with it.”
I had no doubt she’d do just that. Never say Jackson wasn’t a smart man.
“I’d say he’s only doing what he should be doing,” I said. “But you know that already. So instead I promise when we get back home, I’m coming to your house and we’re going to watch girlie movies. I’ll do your toenails and we’ll talk trash about our husbands.”
“I’m up for movies and trash talk, but there is no way in hell I’m letting you near my nails.”
“You’re never going to let me live down the fact that I mixed up top coat and base coat that one time, are you?”
“Not if I can help it.” She laughed. “What have you been up to? How’s Delaware?”
“Going okay. Miss you guys and the kids. But I’m meeting some nice people.” I twirled the straw in my water. Felicia hadn’t always been supportive of my submissive life. She wasn’t someone I could talk to about Nathaniel’s request.
“Nathaniel in meetings a lot?”
I hesitated, trying to decide how to reply and finally said, “He is today.”
“O-kay,” she said. “You don’t want to talk about it. We’ll change the subject. Linda’s going to pick up all the ki
ds this afternoon and keep them until tomorrow. I don’t know what I’ll do with a quiet house.”
“Think about Linda with all five of our kids.”
“She’s a brave woman. Last Thanksgiving about did me in.”
We both laughed, remembering. Jackson had been pretend flying one twin while the other one, along with Elizabeth, decided to “help” with dinner. Felicia had been with me in the other room and by the time anyone figured out what the kids were up to, the potatoes and stuffing, along with Linda’s signature crème brûlée, had been salted and sugared and peppered.
My salad arrived and for the next twenty minutes, Felicia and I chatted and laughed about anything and everything. I couldn’t remember the last time it had just been the two of us talking. Before we hung up, I promised again to come visit as soon as we got home.
I was smiling after we said good-bye. Jackson had come into the bedroom with a snack and Felicia wasted no time getting off the phone. They were so good together. I’d wondered at first if they had gotten married too quickly, but hearing and seeing them so many years later, it was obvious they’d made the right decision.
I looked down at the list I’d made and frowned. For once, writing hadn’t helped me clear my head. Sighing, I waved the waitress over to take my plate away and bring the check. I had to fit in a workout before Nathaniel made it to the room, but I wanted to go for a run and I had to let my food settle first.
I sent Nathaniel a text. Finished lunch. Going to go for walk before I run a mile or two.
His reply was almost instant. Be careful.
You too, I couldn’t help but say back. He didn’t text anything else.
For about an hour, I walked around the neighborhood where the restaurant was and did a little bit of shopping. As it got to be two o’clock, I hailed a cab so I could get ready for my run. But more important, so I could prepare mentally for Nathaniel.
* * *
“What would you like to eat?” Nathaniel asked me five hours later, while we sat at an upscale steakhouse.