by Jenn Hype
Making myself useful always took precedence over feeling comfortable, so I never hesitated in making myself at home when I went places. It was rare that I felt like a guest instead of a host, even when I was surrounded by strangers. Being helpful, going out of my way to make others feel at ease, it was just instinct for me. Back home it wasn’t a trait anyone blinked an eye at, because everyone was that way. They were nosey busy-bodies who knew no boundaries. We were southerners, after all. But in New York? Hospitality was akin to having the plague. Brady’s house was the first time since moving to be closer to Michelle that I’d felt even a little bit like I could do this; uproot my life and start over somewhere.
“Hey there, sparky,” Michelle said when she saw me enter the house. I narrowed my eyes at her. If they started calling me that, I was going to start throwing punches.
Brady looked up and studied me, like he was checking to see if I were actually on fire. I rolled my eyes.
“I’m just running to the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
While I sat on the cold ceramic toilet seat with my dress bunched around my waist and my bladder emptying one tinkle at a time, I lost myself in thought. Which is why I didn’t hear someone barge into the bathroom until the door slammed shut.
“Dammit, Blake! Lock the damn door next time!” Liam yelled. I imagined him standing on the other side with his hands still over his eyes.
“It’s not like I was diddling myself in here, weirdo. You didn’t see anything,” I yelled back as I flushed. He muttered something I couldn’t make out before his heavy footsteps trailed down the hallway.
I turned on the faucet to wash my hands just as the door was thrown open again.
“Jesus! Does anyone knock around here?!”
I expected to see Liam looking back at me, but it was CJ whose eyes I found in the mirror.
“What did Liam see?” He growled through gritted teeth.
I rolled my eyes. “Nothing. I was popping a squat. All the goods were covered.”
CJ let out a long breath. “Good. He can keep his eyeballs then.”
I fought not to laugh when I turned around to find him pouting. Or maybe it was more like brooding, but to me, it looked like a pout. Snaking my still wet hands around his neck, I twirled the hair on his nape and stuck my bottom lip out.
“Does somebody not like sharing?” I asked in a baby voice.
CJ leveled me with a look so full of heat, if I hadn’t been holding on to him, I would have melted onto the floor.
“No, I don’t like sharing. Especially when it comes to you.”
Suddenly, our position seemed a little too intimate. It had felt so natural to press myself up against him. Since the dinner at Rose’s, we’d laughed, talked and spent a lot of time together. Snuggling and some hand holding had even happened here and there, but it hadn’t escalated. I knew it was me that was holding back. CJ was changing too quickly for me to trust it was real. I needed to know I was getting to see the real him before I could put myself out there again. And I needed to know where I stood. Yet I was afraid to ask. For some reason, CJ lowering his walls actually made me a lot more insecure.
Probably because the risk of rejection was almost certain when those walls were up. I knew what I was going to get when I antagonized him. The uncertainty did crazy things to my self-esteem. It allowed me to entertain the possibility of something more. Gave me hope that if he let me in, he wouldn’t just push me right back out when things got hard. The risk of heartbreak was too real. I’d grown attached to him so easily and so quickly. Running from the difficult parts of life wasn’t me, yet there I was, fighting my feelings. Instead of just letting myself enjoy the moment, I was caught up in putting up walls, the very thing I’d always given so many other people crap about. I felt like a hypocrite. To preach that life was too short to push away the good for fear of the bad when I had no idea what I was talking about. I got it, now.
The feel of CJ’s erection pressed against my belly drowned out all thoughts of doubt and uncertainty. He was so hard and big, even through the thick denim of his jeans, and I was so tired of fighting to resist him. It was inevitable, my falling for CJ. Prolonging the fall wouldn’t keep it from happening. The only thing I could do is jump, take that leap of faith. When his head dipped and I found myself in the midst of the sweetest, most affectionate kiss of my life, I knew I was ready. Ready for him and the unknown future and the possibility of walking away with a broken heart that would undoubtedly be worth every second spent in his arms.
His lips were soft and gentle. He made no move to deepen the kiss, seeming content to nibble on my lips and take his sweet time teasing the hell out of me.
I was not so patient.
He’d initiated the kiss, and that was enough of a first move for me, so I didn’t hesitate to kick the heat up a notch. I rolled my hips, grinding his erection against me, but he was too tall and I couldn’t get him where I wanted him. So I hopped up on the bathroom counter, pulling my mouth from his just long enough to get settled, then wrapped my legs around him and yanked him back to me. He growled against my mouth and all control I’d had for the last few seconds was ripped away.
Using his grip on my hair he tugged back, tilting my head up and setting out to destroy me with his tongue - and he so succeeded. I was ruined forever. No man could possibly follow a kiss like this one without coming off like a complete amateur. If I wasn’t aching for him in places located much further south than my mouth, I could have kissed him like that for hours.
“CJ,” I whimpered when he started trailing kisses down my jaw and neck. When he kept going, I almost cried out with glee. Yanking the top of my dress down, he latched onto my nipple the second the cold air hit my exposed skin. Goosebumps spread down my arms and legs, an involuntary shiver snaking up my spine.
Grabbing the hem of my dress, he yanked up, pulling it out from my under my butt and over my head. I sat there in nothing but lacy pink boyshorts while CJ took his time looking his fill. I worked out hard and I knew my body was nothing to be ashamed of, but the way CJ looked at me… I’d never felt so sexy in all my life. I could tell he was trying to get control of himself. His chest heaving up and down, his fists clenching and unclenching. It registered that we still hadn’t locked the bathroom door, but I couldn’t have cared less in that moment.
I wanted to tear off his clothes and study him like he was me, but he dove for me before I had the chance to make a move. One hard tug was all it took for him to rid me of my panties, and before I could register what he was planning, his mouth was on me. There. One swipe of his tongue and I lost all control of my senses.
Without pulling his mouth off of me, he pulled me toward the edge of the counter, tossing my legs over his shoulders. I may have screamed out an, “Oh, hell yes!” when one of his long fingers disappeared inside of me. That his hand quickly darted up to cover my mouth was proof enough that I was being loud, but I couldn’t help it. My own hands latched onto the back of his head, shamelessly pressing his face into me while I ground my hips. He was probably suffocating, but until he tapped out or signaled that he needed air, I didn’t bother myself with worrying.
I finally toppled over the edge into the sweet bliss of an award-winning orgasm when he added a second finger. My head fell back, my eyes squeezed closed and I cried into his palm, though it was probably still loud enough to be heard if anyone were nearby.
It wasn’t until all the aftershocks had stopped and I was nothing but a limp noodle that CJ unlatched his mouth. I expected a little awkwardness, because, ya know, random bathroom oral in someone else’s house. Instead, CJ opened the cabinet beneath me and pulled out a clean washrag, then with tender care, he cleaned between my legs. We were both silent as I dressed and he washed his face.
I wanted to repay the favor, but I knew people would be looking for us. We’d have to resume later. I went to say as much, but he was already pulling open the bathroom door. He looked back at me briefly, nodded and walked out. I took a m
inute to compose myself, trying to make sense of his abrupt departure. I mean… I didn’t even get a chance to give him a high five for that kick ass orgasm.
Dealing with the possibilities as to why CJ’s leaving felt so much like rejection wasn’t something I was in the mood for, so I focused on taming my hair and doing the best I could to make myself not look like I’d just had a man’s head between my thighs. Once I felt steady on my legs again, I made my way back outside and immediately scanned the chairs for CJ. Except he wasn’t anywhere in sight. I started to turn back to the house, thinking I probably walked right past him somehow, but Malcolm called out and stopped me.
To his credit, he didn’t comment on my disheveled appearance, but I wasn’t crazy about the pitiful look he was giving me.
“If you’re looking for CJ, he just left. Said he had an emergency come up and had to take off.”
Bullshit.
Fucking coward was running, and like hell was I going to let him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CJ
“Even so, I must admire your skill. You are so gracefully insane.”
- Anne Sexton
Blake didn’t respond to my text message, and I debated whether or not I should go back to Brady’s house and toss her over my shoulder and haul her away. While I debated, I paced back and forth in my living room and stared at my phone, waiting for it to ding with a new message. Every step I took caused the zipper of my jeans to rub against my dick. I was tempted to just take my fucking pants off, but keeping it tucked inside the confines of my pants was aiding in my self-control. What little I had left, anyway.
Just when I was on the verge of giving in and snatching my car keys so I could go drag Blake back here, she came bursting through my door.
“Fucking jerk!” She yelled before shoving me. I was caught so unaware that I actually stumbled back a few steps.
“What the hell, Blake? What is your problem?”
Her fury morphed into something unreadable. Like a mixture of disbelief, humor and pure rage. It was scary as shit, and I knew my annoyed shout had only escalated whatever the hell was going on with her.
“What is my problem? Are you fucking serious right now?!”
“Alright, just calm down and we can-“
Blake scoffed. “You can’t tell a woman to calm down when she’s upset! Have you ever even had a girlfriend?”
She slapped a hand over her mouth, her eyes going comically wide. I thought about letting her off the hook, but she’d just stormed into my apartment and went berserk, then referred to herself as my girlfriend. How in the hell was I supposed to just skate right past that without giving her shit?
“It shouldn’t surprise me that you’ve already given yourself the title of being my girlfriend. After all the ways you’ve inserted yourself into my life, you’d think I’d be used to it by now.”
Annoyance replaced the horror in her eyes. “You left me there. After you… you… that!”
My lips twitched. “After I what, Blake? Say it.”
She crossed her arms and glared at me. I debated teasing her more, but we had bigger things to deal with.
“There a reason you’re so angry with me?”
“Are you kidding me right now? You left without a word. Not even a measly kiss goodbye! Hell, you text Malcolm to say you’d had to take off!”
“I text you first.”
Blake stopped short, and it dawned on me why she was so angry.
“You didn’t read my text,” I said, rather than asked, then watched as she pulled it out of her back pocket. I could recite the message from memory, since I’d been staring at it for twenty minutes, waiting for her to respond.
Couldn’t face our friends in my…condition. Think of an excuse and get your sexy ass to my place ASAP.
She paled visibly and gulped before looking up at me with embarrassment. “I-I’m sorry. I was so upset, I didn’t even think to check my phone.”
I started to go to her, because surprisingly, I wasn’t bothered at all that she’d freaked out. Hell, if anything, my ego was a little inflated. But then her remorse shifted back to anger, and I was the one stopping short.
“But that doesn’t explain your behavior afterward. You didn’t say a word. Didn’t touch me. You just…left.”
God, I am such a dick.
I was such a different person with Blake. Tender, compassionate, thoughtful and a whole bunch of other words that would most likely wind up with me having my man card revoked if I admitted them out loud, but it was the truth. She brought out a different side of me, one I’d never known existed. The pain and vulnerability in her eyes gutted me. I’d never been an outright prick, but I didn’t go around censoring myself and worrying about everyone’s feelings all the time. Even with my mom and sisters, it was different. I didn’t want to hurt them, but I didn’t feel an overwhelming need to comfort them and make everything better when someone else did, either. Sure, I’d threatened more than one guy and even made good on one of those threats, but that was the extent of my nurturing.
The idea of someone hurting Blake didn’t just make me want to throw some punches, it made me murderous. Knowing I was the one causing her pain? I felt like the lowest form of life.
She let me close the distance between us, and when my hand cupped her cheek, she closed her eyes and leaned into it. Even upset, she trusted me, sought comfort in me. And I was screwing everything up.
I waited for her to open her eyes again before speaking. What I planned to say was important and I needed her to know I meant it.
“I’m not good at this, Blake.” Understatement of the century. “I had a couple girlfriends in high school, but nothing serious. I’ve never had to worry about saying or doing the wrong thing where women were concerned, because I never cared about them enough to keep them around. You’re different. I’m different with you.”
She turned her head and kissed the palm of my hand, but waited patiently for me to gather my thoughts. I was honestly terrified of saying the wrong thing. That probably should have felt emasculating, but it didn’t. Blake was more important than my pride.
“It took every ounce of strength I had not to take you right there in that bathroom, but you deserve more than that. I knew if I tried to speak or let myself touch you, even innocently, my control would snap. I was hanging on by a thread. I’m sorry that I handled it wrong. I never should have let things go as far as they did back there, but I can’t help myself where you’re concerned.”
Blake sniffed. “Still shouldn’t have left like that.”
I pressed my forehead to hers. “I’m sorry. Never again. Okay?”
Leaning up onto the tips of her toes, Blake kissed me softly. I took that to mean I was forgiven.
Spearing my fingers through her hair, I tilted her head and deepened the kiss. She opened for me immediately and I groaned appreciatively. My hands slid down her sides, around her hips to cup her ass. Blake jumped up, wrapping her legs around me, grinding her hot center over my persistent erection.
My need for her was fierce, but I forced myself not to give in to the frantic ache to be inside her. I wanted to take my time, explore every inch of her body.
I knew Blake was fighting the same struggle. Even as I walked us to my bedroom, she continued rolling her hips, seeking relief.
“Patience, baby,” I whispered, smiling against her lips when she whimpered.
The walk to my bedroom felt miles long. Granted, I was navigating blindly, unwilling to peel my mouth away from Blake’s neck, and her constant grinding was making walking a little difficult. Finally my shins hit the edge of my mattress and I lowered her to the bed. Immediately she reached for the hem of my shirt, tugging it up slightly.
“I want to see you,” she whispered softly.
I gripped the back of my shirt over my head, yanking it off with one quick tug and tossed it aside. Delicate fingers immediately traced the large scar just below my ribcage. The tender, almost reverent way Blake touched my mottled
skin felt like she were reaching right into my chest cavity and gripping my heart inside her tiny palm. So effortlessly, Blake was demolishing all of my meticulously constructed walls. Walls that had been impenetrable at one time. Walls that now, thanks to Blake, stood on shaky foundation and threatened to crumble any second.
Her lips replaced her fingertips, sliding softly over every jagged edge of my disfigured torso.
My breath caught in my throat. Every swipe of her lips sent more blood rushing to my dick. I couldn’t take it anymore.
Gripping her waist, I slid her up the bed until her head hit the pillow. Too impatient to remove the offending fabric, I latched onto a nipple through her the fabric of her dress. Blake cried out when I bit down, pushing her breast farther into my mouth. I broke away just long enough to yank the top of her dress down, moaning when my tongue flicked the hard bud.
Her greedy hands yanked on my hair, tugging me toward the other breast. I chuckled but obeyed. My laughter died off when she lifted her legs and wrapped them around my waist, pulling my dick right to the center of her heat. I was trying like hell to go slow, but when her heels dug into my ass, pushing me up harder against her, going slow felt like the dumbest fucking idea I’d ever had.
“You’re killing me, Blake,” I growled.
“I don’t want to kill you,” she growled right back. “I want to fuck you.”
Her hand was making quick work of my zipper. I reached down to help her when my boxers snagged on my painfully hard erection. Blake gasped when it sprung free.