Worth the Weight

by Mara Jacobs

  Annie’s head came back up, sputtering, and she immediately began moving her arms as Lizzie had told her. She began to move - jerking, awkward movements - but she was moving.

  “I’m swimming! Daddy, I’m swimming!”

  “I see, honey, I see. You’re doing great.” His voice was hoarse and choked-up. Lizzie found she could not speak at all. She looked at Annie’s face. The child’s blue eyes shone with excitement and accomplishment. Finn’s eyes. The thought made Lizzie’s gaze shift from the little blue eyes up to Finn’s larger, deeper eyes, which looked down at his daughter with a love so pure that Lizzie felt like an intruder.

  His eyes turned to her. She couldn’t read the emotion in them, but gave him a smile of understanding. He started to return the smile, then took a deep swallow and looked away, clearing his throat with a deep cough.

  It didn’t matter. Lizzie knew how he felt. If she felt this good about the kid swimming, she could only imagine what Annie’s father must be experiencing.

  He finally had Liz alone. Well, not really alone. The two other couples were right outside the sauna house at the picnic table enjoying an after-dinner beer. Annie and Stevie were in the camp, sacked-out, watching TV, totally pooped after a day of water play and a filling dinner of burgers, chips, potato salad and the cheesecake Gran had sent along. Happier than he had seen them both in a long time.

  But here, in the blistering sauna, he had Liz alone. Finally.

  Thoughts of her with Annie kept replaying in his mind. She’d been great with his daughter. He knew he would never have been able to be so unemotional with Annie, would have caved at her first whimper. But Liz had gotten his daughter to swim. More than that, she had gotten a shriek of excitement out of Annie that he wasn’t sure he’d ever heard coming from his daughter.

  He felt an odd constriction in his chest. It was as if there was some kind of lightening, an easing. He didn’t take too much time trying to figure it out, didn’t want to figure it out, really. He was just…happy. It was an unfamiliar feeling. When was the last time he’d been as happy as he was right now?

  Liz threw a bucket of water on the stove and the smooth rocks screamed and hissed as the steam rose.

  “Geez, you’re going to kill us.” He hung his head to try and breathe, and wondered if he’d seem like too much of a wuss if he moved down to the cooler, lower bench.

  “Pansy-ass,” she said, making up his mind for him. He stayed put on the top bench.

  She arched her back up, lifted her arms to the ceiling, raised her face and took in the steam. He watched as her breasts jutted forward. He sat on his hands to stop himself from reaching out for her.

  She was in her glory. Her skin, lightly tanned, was beaded with sweat. Her hair fell in wet masses down her back. Her lips were slightly parted. This would be what she’d look like when he had her beneath him. Sweaty, arching in obvious ecstasy. “You love this, don’t you?”

  “God, yes. The hotter the better. It does great things for your skin.”

  “Your skin is incredible already.”

  She breezed right over his compliment, as if not hearing it. Or maybe not believing it?

  “God, I miss saunas. I mean, they have them at the gym, but it’s just not the same. The ones there are electric. They don’t get as hot, you don’t get as sweaty or clean, and obviously there’s no lake to jump in to.”

  “Which I’m about ready for, by the way.”

  “You’re on.” She got up and climbed down from the top bench to the cement floor and turned around to wait for him. She caught him looking at her ass and her hands went to her behind, tugging at the bottom elastic of her suit.

  “Don’t cover up on my account, I like when your suit rides up.” She rolled her eyes at him and went out the door, Finn close on her heels. They slipped through the dressing room and out of the sauna building and ran the few steps to the dock. It felt so much better diving in quickly, not allowing your body to cool down from the sauna heat.

  He grabbed her hand, both of theirs slick with sweat, and ran to the end of the dock where they both jumped in. Their hands parting for Finn to do a cannonball and Liz to execute a perfect shallow dive.

  The cool of the water shocked him. He heard a little yelp from Liz and knew she was feeling the same pins and needles he was.

  She swam out a ways and he swam to reach her. When was the last time he’d been swimming? Years. He’d taught Stevie to swim when he was little, before Annie was old enough to know what was going on around her. As soon as she turned three, resentment would mar her cherubic face if Finn tried to teach Stevie things she wasn’t able to do. So he’d either try to sneak his time with Stevie, or Stevie would miss out.

  Not fair, he knew, but everything about the situation was unfair.

  He caught up to her and stood. The water was at her collarbone, mid-chest on him. They stood for a moment, just looking at each other. He thought of her in the water earlier, with Annie, how she’d goaded his daughter into trying something that scared her. How Liz had jumped off the dock and swam out to them at the first sign of being needed. How her inexperience with kids seemed to fall away around Stevie.

  How tempting her breasts looked swelling over the top of her swimsuit.

  He couldn’t stand it any longer. He placed his hands on her waist, pulled her close and bent his head, bringing his lips to hers. She didn’t pull away, or pretend anything other than the truth. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.

  Her lips burned on his. Her mouth could be scalding from the sauna, he figured, but knew it was more. She felt the same things he did, burned for him the way he burned for her. Always had.

  He heard a quiet sploosh of water breaking as she raised her arms out of the lake and wound them around his neck, pressing herself into him. Steam rose off both their bodies, the contrast of their hot skin in the cool water creating a billowing cloud that encompassed them.

  Her face, wet from her swim, shone in the moonlight. He nibbled her neck, following beads of water making their way down to her chest. A lone drop settled in the vee at her collarbone and he scooped it out with his tongue.

  She let out a soft sigh and pulled his mouth back to hers. She took control of the kiss now, and Finn reveled in the reversal. She tasted of their earlier burgers and peppermint. She swirled her tongue into his mouth, exploring him. Her lips pressed hard into his as if she was trying to crawl inside him.

  It mirrored how he felt. He wanted to be inside her, yearned to slip the bottom of her swimsuit off and take her right here in the lake. The water would make her skin as slick as Finn’s attentions were surely making her.

  Fearing he may actually do it, he said a silent thanks as they heard loud throat clearing and catcalls of “get a room” coming from the shore, bringing them both out of their lust-filled haze.

  “Oh, God,” Liz groaned and ducked her head to his shoulder. “I can’t believe I just did that in front of everybody.”

  He felt a pang of pity for Liz, but then his pride raised its ugly head and he wondered if she was embarrassed to be caught kissing by her friends, or to be caught kissing him? He lifted her chin and looked into her eyes, wide hazel pools, still shining with the flare of passion that he’d ignited. “Believe me, I don’t want an audience for what I want to do to you any more than you do.”

  He felt the tremor that went through her and his insecurity was put to rest. Nobody could fake that kind of response. She wanted him. Not some city slicker, business type. Finn could bring her to fever pitch in seconds. Let’s see some BMW-driving, Iphone-wielding dickwad try to illicit the sounds from her that he did.

  He smiled at her, gave her a quick peck on the top of her head and started swimming toward shore.

  He washed up in the lake, using the bar of soap and bottle of shampoo that perched at the end of the dock for just such a reason. Liz returned to the sauna for another round. He dressed and checked on Stevie and Annie. Exhausted from the day, Annie slept soundly. Finn took her out of her
chair and carried her to a bed that Alison directed him to, then put her wheelchair in the minivan to save himself the trip later. Stevie watched some movie on HBO that he probably shouldn’t, but Finn figured, what the hell, a couple of buildings exploding and car crashes aren’t going to scar him for life, so he left his son alone in cable heaven.

  He sat with the others at the picnic table. Alison handed him a beer. They were okay people, Liz’s friends.

  The Brandt guy seemed to be nervous and he realized that this was a relatively new thing - Brandt and Alison. The guy was certainly more into Alison than she was into him, and Finn felt a pang of pity for the guy. It sucked when you were on the wrong side of one-sided emotion. He had been there, with Liz, but felt certain that if asked, Liz would think that she’d been the one who cared the most in their past relationship. It was easier to let her think that. Maybe not for her, but definitely for him.

  He didn’t get a good read on Katie’s husband, Ron. He had gathered from Liz that they’d been married a long time, yet they didn’t seem to have that comfort level that long-time marrieds had. Katie’s eyes darted nervously to Ron as she spoke, as if gauging him for any reaction he may have. Ron seemed distracted, and looked at his watch often. Finn didn’t think much of it, he didn’t know them well, and after Liz left town, he probably wouldn’t see them much again. A nod in Wal-Mart, a hello at McDonald’s, that would be the extent of their interaction.

  Liz had obviously told Katie and Alison about Annie’s operation, and that was the direction of their conversation by the time Liz finally got out of the sauna, fingers pruned and face red and glistening. He didn’t take his eyes from her once as she made her way to the camp, taking refill orders and grabbing a beer for herself.

  The soft cotton of her oversized tee shirt hugged her body, still damp from sweat even after a douse in the lake and a shower. Her full breasts swayed as she walked, her hips seeming to have a rhythm of their own. He marveled at how natural she was. Curves and fullness, a sultriness that seemed instinctive.

  He watched through the picture window as she spoke with Stevie for a while, then came back out and pulled a plastic chaise lounge over near the table. Finn got up from the table to help her, then sat down in the chaise himself, reclined and pulled Liz down to sit between his legs, her back against his chest. He waited for her to accept their position, and when she easily did he was pleased. He pulled her hair out of the clip she had put it in, then realized she’d done so because it was still wet. Unable to do anything with women’s hair - and he had tried innumerable times with Annie - he handed the clip back to her to put her hair back up. She did, leaning back into him. His arms circled around her waist, settling on her thighs. She took his beer can and placed it with hers on the ground beside their chair, then rested her arms on top of his. She squirmed her ass a little, finding a more comfortable position, though much more uncomfortable for him. She let out a sigh of contentment and joined the conversation.

  “What are we talking about?” she asked. He hoped none of the others would remember that they’d been discussing his daughter and his lack of funds to help her.

  Katie and Alison shared a look, then Katie said, “Actually, we were just discussing Finn’s plans for Annie. About how to get the money for the operation.”

  “And what does Finn have to say about your prying?” She had a censure in her voice directed at her friends that he found admirable. She had to know that it killed him to have conversations about his failings as a father.

  Just like his Liz to come to his defense. She always thought of him as an underdog, and perhaps he was, but he sure as hell didn’t like feeling it now. “I was just telling them about the spaghetti dinner and pancake breakfast that the women at Gran’s church are sponsoring.”

  The group was silent, no one wanting to say what everyone was thinking. That those two events wouldn’t even pay for the charge of aspirin at the hospital, let alone an expensive operation.

  “You know, I’ve been thinking about that…” Liz said. “I think I could pull together some sort of fundraiser fairly quickly. My staff is at a slow period right now with only baseball in season and no elections this fall where we have a candidate. They could make most of the calls from Detroit, and I could do the local stuff here.”

  “What kind of fundraiser? Another spaghetti dinner? Something like that?” Brandt asked before Finn could.

  “No. Something bigger. Kat, throw me my tote bag, please.”

  He watched as Katie brought Liz’s tote bag over to the chair they shared. Liz plopped it on her lap and dug through it. She came up with a tablet like secretary’s use to take dictation. Actually, she came up with three. One, pristine and unused, got dumped back into the bag quickly. He could see that there was some kind of title written across the front of the tablet in red maker of the other two. He peered around her shoulder. One tablet was entitled “The Plan” and the other “Annie Aid”.

  She put The Plan tablet back in her bag and flipped through pages of the tablet marked Annie Aid. Finn had a sense of unease of what was in that tablet and how it may affect the rest of his – and his kids’ – lives.

  “I’ve spent the last few days making some quick calls, getting some ideas. Brainstorming with my mom. Making a few lists.”

  Alison laughed. “Lizzie, when aren’t you making lists?”

  Finn ignored Alison. He already knew Liz was a planner. He had been too, once upon a time. “What are you thinking of doing?” he asked.

  “Something that will draw the entire Copper Country. I did some quick math; the three county area is around 30,000 people. Say you can draw ten to fifteen percent of those to whatever event we plan. Charge thirty dollars per, that’s a hundred grand right there. Maybe make a weekend of it, a couple other events, and we could make a dent in the loan on the farm, maybe even pay it off and put some aside for upcoming medical expenses. I’m assuming there’ll be some physical therapy for Annie after the operation?” She turned her head to look at him behind her and froze when she saw the cold look in his eyes.

  He felt like he’d been punched in the gut. So many emotions rushed through him. His pride was seething, he felt emasculated that this woman could sweep into town and in a few weeks possibly accomplish something he’d been attempting for years. And why would Liz put herself out like this? She wasn’t trying to weasel her way into his life, was she? She had said no strings, and this seemed like a pretty damn big string that would bind them together.

  Then he thought of Annie, and tamped down his feelings of inadequacy and mistrust. Who cares how he got the money. This wouldn’t be so much like a hand-out if people were getting something in return for their money. It certainly beat the idea of accepting Liz’s money. The main thing was that Annie got the operation.

  She was flipping through pages and Finn could see over her shoulder that there were pages of notes and phone numbers, checklists, some color-coded. That she’d been able to do so much in the few days since he’d told her about Annie astounded him.

  No, nothing about Liz astounded him.

  He forced himself to swallow, and unclench his teeth. “That’s incredibly generous of you. You shouldn’t take up yours and your staff’s time and resources on my account. I’m…very grateful.”

  Lizzie sensed she was on thin ice here. How to accept Finn’s gratitude but not make him feel like a charity case. She didn’t want gratitude when she had him in the bedroom, she wanted him to take her with a fierceness and passion that she knew he possessed. She turned away from him, toward the others at the table. “You’re welcome. But really, it’s not that big of a deal. This is what I do. Plan events that my clients can attend and give back a little to the people who pay their salaries - the fans.”

  “Lizzie, it’s a great idea,” Katie said. “Surely you can get Petey to do something, help out?”

  “He’s going to be my first call. I just wanted to make sure it was okay with Finn before I got moving on it.” Again, Finn nodded his a
ssent, but remained silent.

  She read through some of her lists to the group and when Petey’s name came up again, Brandt asked, “Who’s Petey?”

  “Pete Ryan, he plays for...” Alison started to explain but an excited Brandt cut her off.

  “The Red Wings, I know. You guys know Pete Ryan?” Brandt watched as the three women and Ron all nodded yes. “I’ve never heard him called Petey before.”

  Alison laughed. “Brandt, in the Yoop, everyone ends up with an “ie” or a “y” at the end of their names if you live here long enough.”

  “How did you guys meet him?” The awe in Brandt’s voice spoke of his fan status.

  “He’s from Houghton, we graduated the same year. Lizzie dated him our junior year in high school.”

  Lizzie felt Finn tense behind her. “That was a thousand years ago, we’re just close friends now. He was my first client when I opened my own PR firm. He actually helped me get most of my original clients.”

  “And obviously you did great things for him, Lizard, if Brandt, a guy from Baltimore who doesn’t follow hockey, knows who Petey is,” Katie said.

  There was a lull in the conversation. Katie and Alison could see Lizzie was in planning mode so they kept quiet. She scribbled some more notes in her pad. Finn was silent. Brandt seemed to digest the fact that the woman he was dating knew someone famous. Ron looked at his watch. Ron finally broke the silence.

  “Come on, Katie, we need to go, I still have to go into the school tonight to pick up some papers.”

  They rose to leave and the others followed. “What kind of papers do you need from the school now, it’s the end of June?” Katie asked her husband.

  “I need the roster of the hockey team. I want to call the boys this week and make sure they’re working out.”

  “I better get the kids home, too,” Finn said. He gave her a look of regret that yet another evening together would end with them apart.