“You said you came across a wolf in March, correct?” Gavin asked.
“Just an hour or so before the blizzard began. I had been camping all weekend collecting samples. I was just about to break down my tent when a wolf ran into sight and not a second later, it took off.”
“Would you recognize it if you saw it again?”
Jaime's eyes sheepishly turned toward me. “Sophie was the one I saw.”
Every muscle in Gavin' jaw tightened. A purplish vein throbbed in Gavin's face as he looked from Jaime to me, clearly holding his tongue for the sake of peace.
“Yesterday I heard two of the rangers discussing the possibility of a wolf and dog cross-breed roaming the forest.” Jaime murmured, the tension diffusing. “We could potentially spin this in our favor. It could be a believable story if we can figure out a way to rig the evidence.”
“That's what I'm thinking.” Thomas nodded. “But this is going to take time and a lot of careful planning.”
“And watching our backs.” Gavin scanned each face in the dining room. “While Thomas and Jaime are working on this, the rest of us will stay out of the forest completely. No more hunting until we get the all-clear.”
“Agreed.” Thomas said. Everyone nodded somberly in affirmation.
“Though I would like to check out the sight where the body was found. The trail would be a week old, I may be able to pick up the scent of whoever attacked the ranger.” Gavin put a hand on his chin and rubbed pensively. “If I could just find a scent or tracks or something.”
“How are you going to pick up a scent trail this long after an attack? It’s impossible.” Jaime stated.
“Gavin’s the best hunter in our pack. If there is a trail, he’d find it.” I assured him.
“I don’t know how wise it would be to go out right now. Even in human form you’ll leave footprints. We don’t want to draw more attention, Gavin.” Thomas said.
“We don’t know who has done this. If there is even a small chance that I could pick up a scent, I need to go. Otherwise, we’re completely in the dark until the investigation gets going and by then, it might be too late.”
“Gavin, please listen to Thomas. I don’t want you going either. It’s dangerous.” Mom’s voice was tight and squeaky.
“I'll follow the creek to the north side and then backtrack south until I come to the area where the ranger was found. I'll return the same way so the only scent trail of mine will be far away from here and end at the creek. No one will be able to track me.”
“Please, be reasonable.” Mom pleaded.
The air was still again as Gavin deliberated the consequences and possible rewards for taking this risk. I glanced uneasily at Jaime. He entwined his fingers in mine and squeezed.
“I’m going.” Gavin rose from his chair. “Granddad and Daniel should be back from patrol any minute. As soon as I get the all clear from them, I’m going.”
“Honey, don’t!” Mom gasped. “Please! I have a really bad feeling about this. Just stay and we’ll think of something!”
Gavin walked over to Mom and cupped her face in his hands. “Mama, listen. The trail could already be cold but I have to try. If there is any chance that I can discover who is behind the attack, then I must go for all of our sake. I’ll be fine, I promise.”
“I’ll go instead.” Thomas countered.
Gavin laughed out loud and dropped his hands. “Thomas you know I adore you but you are not a hunter. My nose has always been five times better than yours. I don’t think you’d be successful.” Instead of looking ashamed or affronted at this declaration, Thomas just nodded in acquiescence. “Besides, you are my Second and therefore in charge while I’m gone.”
~The rapid pace of change~
Gavin spent several minutes discussing the patrol with Granddad and Daniel upon their return then left for his reconnaissance. Mom and Will settled at the dinning room table, each with a cup of tea in hand. Will proposed a stream of nominal topics to take Mom’s mind off her bad feeling. “It just doesn’t feel right Will. I’m telling you, something is wrong.” The conversation shifted gears as Will poured a heavy handed shot of whiskey for her.
“I’m going to leave now. Your family has a lot on their plate and I don’t think they need me hanging around making it more uncomfortable.” Jaime leaned in as if to kiss me and then thought better of it. His cheeks flushed and he stepped back quickly.
“You can kiss me Jaime. It’s okay.” My belly flipped in anticipation as I realized that I was finally free to live my life and be with him. No more fear or anxiety that we’d be discovered. I caught a glimpse of Daniel’s shadow out of the corner of my eye. Daring overtook me and I planted a long kiss on Jaime’s perfect bow-shaped lips. I felt lighter than I had in months.
Not long after Jaime left, I curled up on the couch next to Tristan. “He is pretty tough, I’ll give him that.” He said. “To come here and make demands of Gavin. That takes balls.”
I laid my head on his shoulder.
Tristan rested his cheek on my crown. “I’m glad you’re happy. But mostly I’m glad he turned out to be on our side because I really didn’t want to have to turn your boyfriend into a jigsaw puzzle.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed out loud. “I think Jaime is strong enough to take you on Titi. He would lose in the end but I bet that would be an interesting fight to witness.”
“Please! Have you seen these guns?” He pushed up a sleeve and flexed. “These babies are priceless.”
“Ugh! You are ridiculous!” I smacked him in the face with a couch pillow. “I’m ignoring you now.” I stated with mock disgust and grabbed the novel I’d been trudging through earlier in the week when I was imprisoned in my home. Tristan stretched out his lanky frame across the couch, feet across my lap, and fell asleep.
*
Kylin rushed in, a horrific look on his face. “Get outside now!” he yelled frantically to us before turning abruptly around and ran out to the front door. Tristan shot straight up and threw me one quick puzzled yet worried glance. We rushed through the living room, me following at his heels. As we passed through the kitchen the confused sound of several voices yelling and someone sobbing hit us like a slap in the face. Mom’s heartbreaking cried carried above all else.
My heart thumped against my rib cage. I could actually hear the blood rushing through my own ears, my pulse beating through every vein in my body. As my scared-witless heart was racing time began to slow down. I felt each footstep I took as if I were pounding into the floor with so much force that I might actually break the boards below. I came to the door just a fraction of a second behind my twin and saw over his shoulder the scene unraveling before us. My mom was crouched down, sobbing and rocking back and forth. In her arms she held the head and upper chest of Gavin who lay in crumpled heap on the barren ground as still as a bird frozen in the snow.
I barely noticed that Granddad, Ethan, and Will were yelling at each other about something. All I could see was Gavin. His face was quiet, peaceful. He looked as handsome as ever and yet there was something wrong. He didn’t look like the forceful leader I always knew him to be. He looked young. Like a man who suddenly looked very much like a boy. For the first time I noticed the huge stain of red across his left shoulder that streaked down his side and onto his stomach. In the patch of frosty grass beneath him spread a pool of more red. I forgot to breathe as this sunk in. My brother…. My BROTHER…. Our family…
Suddenly I realized that my lungs were screaming for air. As I sucked in a quick breath the freezing cold air the rest of the picture became clear. I watched as Will walked over to my mom and grabbed her by the arms to pull her off of Gavin. She screamed a gut-wrenching, guttural scream that shook me to my core. Will pulled her off Gavin and quickly turned my mom around so that her face was buried in his chest. As my mom cried and shook, he just held her, letting her release her anguish. Granddad and Daniel walked over to Gavin and picked up his body.
Is this it? I thought to mys
elf. Is this really it? Have we just lost one of our own? Gavin is my brother. Was. Was? I thought. Oh my god….. What the hell… Why is this happening?
My thought was broken by the feel of someone touching my hand. Tristan lightly placed his hand in mine. Tears were streaming down his face as he pulled my hand gently and said “Come on, Mom’s gone inside with Will.” I nodded once and let him lead me into the house. My body felt oddly heavy as I forced my feet to move, one in front of the other. But as heavy as my body felt, my insides were barren wastelands, frozen solid and unyielding. I was cognizant of my surroundings yet my mind felt completely hollow. I was a zombie. I walked through the house allowing Tristan to guide me because I wasn’t sure in that moment if I could have found my way through the kitchen door into the open living room if I were left to do it myself.
I mindlessly sat down in one of the open arm chairs and watched as my mom sat cradling herself, rocking back and forth, heaving sobs shaking her frame. Streaks of blood covered her arms and transferred to her shirt. Will rubbed the small of my mom’s back, in a futile attempt to comfort her. His face was hardened and unmoving. It carried an expression not unlike a statue. He stared into the space before him, seeing nothing. My eyes scanned the room finally landing on Lorelei who sat at the end of the couch. Tears streamed down her face in silvery rivulets flowing continuously without sound. Her face was bright red and splotchy. Each time she wiped away another tear her face reddened more from the force she was exerting on her skin.
I don’t know how long I sat there watching my family before I couldn’t take it anymore. I dazedly walked upstairs to my room and quietly shut the door behind me. I stood by the closed door for a moment taking in the emptiness. The only sound was my own breathing. Dizziness overtook me and I leaned against my bedroom door for support. My back slid down the door as I dropped to the floor. Gavin. I thought. The image of my mom cradling my bloody brother in her arm seared in my mind. I heard my mom’s cries again as she rocked him back and forth. My brother is dead. I thought to myself. As quickly as the dizziness hit so did the tears and nausea.
I broke. Before I knew what I was doing I was crying and shaking so hard I felt like I might physically break into pieces. I curled up and heaved the contents of my stomach onto the floor. Not that I cared. My brother, my Alpha was gone. Forever. I would never get to talk to him again, laugh at his jokes, or feel him wrap his fatherly arms around me in a bear hug strong enough that I would be lifted off of the ground. I wouldn’t see him smile that thousand-watt smile that instantly made even the dreariest days bright. I managed to crawl across the floor to my bed and slowly climbed onto it. Sobbing, I grabbed my quilt and wrapped it around myself. I lay in my bed crying for what must have been hours until my head ached with a pounding so fierce that I couldn’t even raise my head off the pillow. I stayed there until I fell asleep.
*
Now I take your hand and together we go, just you and me babe, into the blue… My phone went off sometime in my sleep and I was just conscious enough to make out the well-known tune that accompanied Jaime’s calls. I was still in that half-asleep state when I heard it go off again. I wasn’t fully awake enough to give it a second thought it so I just laid there drifting in and out of consciousness.
Images of Gavin from my childhood kept sneaking into my dreams. Memories of him playing tag with me and Tristan. Images of him chasing down an extra large stag pre-hunting season. Gavin running through the forest with such graceful speed and agility I would watch awestruck. Gavin promising to protect our family when Granddad passed on his role as Alpha to him.
One memory came back to me in my dreams with such clarity that I could almost reach out and touch it.
Gavin's eyes had just finished turning grey so he was given the adult responsibility of teaching me and Tristan the basics of the hunt. Tristan and I were still younglings, little blue-eyes and we had been giving him a hard time all night. We had spent hours rolling in the brambles and nipping at each other's tails more than actually hunting. While goofing around, I managed to slip down a small embankment and injured my leg.
I whined as I tried to stand up. My leg was aching dully and didn't want to work properly.
Gavin glanced at my leg and nudged my muzzle to force me up. I fell again before fully rising. He whined at me and motioned to Tristan to stay by my side.
He growled at us, a warning not to leave this spot for even a moment. Gavin wasn’t supposed to leave us even for a second. Tristan and I were both way too young to be out running that close to Kane by ourselves. We all knew how much trouble Gavin would be in if Mom found out. But I guess the need to get us home quickly overpowered Mom’s rule on that one. So Tristan and I lay back down in the brush and watched as Gavin took off at lightening fast speed toward town. I could make out where the town of Kane began through the trees because I could see a few twinkling lights. I couldn’t tell exactly where Gavin was headed. After what seemed like only minutes I heard Gavin’s paws scraping the dirt.
Gavin skidded to a stop in front of me, clothing dangling from between his teeth. He dropped the clothing and howled proudly. Quickly, he and Tristan ran off into the trees. I felt the warm rippling wave of shifting wash over me only to be interrupted by a seriously sharp crunch as my legs shifted into human form. I screamed one long piercing, human scream and doubled over in pain. Gavin was by my side in an instant. He grabbed a piece of clothing from the crumpled heap and shot into the woods. Soon enough he was back, this time in human form, wearing what looked like dark sweatpants.
“Hey, what happened?!” He nearly shouted.
“I d-d-don’t know. I think my leg is b-b-brok-ken.” I cried.
“Whoa. Sophie, listen to me. Don’t try to shift back because it might make it worse. You have to get dressed and I’ll get you out of here.” Gavin said urgently.
Through white-hot pain, somehow I managed to throw on a tee shirt and shorts in the dark without fully passing out. Gavin tried to comfort me as he picked me up, ever so gently. “Sophie it’s going to be okay. Shh… I’ve got you… it’s going to be okay.”
”I think I need to go to the hospital.” I gasped.
“I’ll try to move quickly without bouncing you around. The hospital isn’t far but I’ll be moving slow in human form. Do you think you can make it?”
I nodded again, the tears and snot pouring down my face. Gavin looked over to the trees to Tristan. He whistled our five-count call and nodded his head in the direction of town. We travelled gradually (and for me, painfully) through the trees to the town. I tried to not think about the searing pain in my leg because that only made it worse.
As the emergency room entrance grew closer, Tristan attempted to follow us inconspicuously; trotting along like a pet wolf-dog mix so as to not draw attention to us as we walked. I had the passing thought that Tristan looked kind of silly acting like a lap dog instead of the growing werewolf he was. If I hadn’t been in so much pain I might have actually laughed at the ridiculousness of Tristan as a pet.
Gavin carried me into the hospital while Tristan stayed outside, hiding in the shadows I assumed. Gavin stayed with me the whole night while they X-rayed my leg and eventually reset my fractured femur bone in a ridiculously large cast. I don’t remember much else about that night because the doctors gave me a ton of pain meds which all but knocked me out. What I do remember is my big brother, my Gavin, holding my hand while the doctors worked to reset my bone and promising me that he would do whatever it took to make me okay again.
*
Gavin is gone…. I thought to myself as I swiftly regained consciousness with this terribly sobering thought.
When I finally peeked out from under my blanket, the room was completely dark. A gurgling in my stomach along with the dark outside my window told me I’d been asleep for some time. As I rolled over I spotted the very dried pool of vomit on my floor. Gross. With my head still pounding from crying so much, I walked over to my bathroom and searched for a used towel and w
ashcloth. I dumped a little too much shampoo onto the damp cloth. I walked back into my room teetering a bit as I walked. Some ibuprofen would be good about now. I thought as I bent down and scrubbed up the vomit. Using the towel to dry my floor I felt satisfied that I hadn’t done any real damage to the wood. It’s not like I have super acid for stomach bile.
I walked back to my bathroom one last time and searched grudgingly through my medicine cabinet for some headache medicine. After popping a few in my mouth I tried drowning the pills, along with the dry lump that seemed to stick in my throat, with water. The lump wasn’t so easily killed.
My mom was sitting at the kitchen table with Will, each staring into their cups of coffee, when I descended a moment later. For a minute I wondered if I should intrude. Will answered my thought with a quick glance my direction and a “Hey Sophie. Your mom could use some more company.”
I sat down at the seat closest to her and put my hand in hers. She looked older; as if she had just aged about ten years in the last day. Her sad grey eyes were distant and vacant even though she was looking right at me. I wanted to say something but I couldn't. All use of language escaped me as I studied her face.
“Most everyone is still up. Kylin hasn’t left my side until just a bit ago. He is in the pantry getting something for me to eat. Thomas, Ethan, and Tristan have been outside all night building Gavin’s...” Her voice broke off mid-breath. I looked to Will for some clarification.
He sighed heavily. “Gavin’s pyre, honey. He’s to be burned before morning. They have been working to build it in that clearing near the creek. We’re going to gather around four a.m. I was going to wake you soon if you hadn’t come down.”
“Oh” was all I could manage to say. Gavin’s funeral pyre. I pulled out my cell phone from my jeans pocket. One a.m.
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